Work Text:
Your name is Dave Strider and this day couldn’t possibly get any worse.
Woah, woah, woah. Let’s start from the beginning, alright?
Your name is Dave Strider. You are sixteen years old. Out of your small friend circle you are the certified coolkid™, the Texan ninja wannabe, the rude guy with the Stiller sunglasses. You know all of this to be a perfectly fabricated facade. See, being a coolkid is fucking exhausting. Sure, most of it is easy: looking nonchalant, sipping on AJ and generally not trying to give a fuck about anything ever. The girls love your unreachable persona, they swarm to you like moths to the light (this is a lie: Rose has only expressed her sentiments for you ironically to tease you ever since she found out she was your sister and Jade’s innocent internet crush has long since the game faded into nonexistence), and all the guys want to be you (Egbert certainly does not want to be you, he knows best of all what a terrifying job being a coolkid such as yourself actually entails). Yeah, okay, maybe your act has been falling apart. Maybe, just maybe, your friends have always been able to look right through it - but anyway now’s not the time to fret over this kind of stuff. Now is the time to get down to business.
You are running down a flight of stairs (this would be the perfect opportunity for some jokes but you’re way out of breath for that) when he catches up to you. As you meet, your two respective shitty swords clang together. You almost lose your balance, and steel yourself against the wall. That was close.
“Bro, c’mon,” you wheeze out, lamely. This is the third time today he has surprise-attacked you. You are tired.
His face reveals nothing. Really, nothing. You try to glance past his super ironic anime shades, but as usual you’re not able to make out his eyes. There’s no twitch to his mouth or anything. You're not even sure if the guy HAS a mouth. You think he must have one, right?? But the game mechanics of life confuse you sometimes.
When he strikes again, it’s inevitable. You block his attack and unceremoniously land on the floor. Satisfied with this (seeing you defeated on the ground seems to be his main goal whenever you two strife), he leaves.
“Jesus Christ,” you manage to mutter before leaning your head back on the floor, exhausted.
This is your secret to being a coolkid: you get beaten up by your brother figure slash ectobiologically generated dad every day. This is the price that a coolkid has to pay, a rite of passage so to say. Without it, you would not be this ultra cool sexy teenage boy. Or so you tell yourself.
You're not actually sure what this means.
See, you don't think he means to beat you up. You think he means to train you, as he always has been. And training always entailed getting kicked in the ass. Sure.
But you're sixteen now and maybe you're feeling a little rebellious and all but it does start to piss you off sometimes.
But of course your bro is still super cool and all. Yeah.
You sigh as you pull out your coolass iPhone 3GS to hit up your best bro on your preferred messaging client Pesterchum.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]
TG: dude just got my ass kicked af
TG: not even over anything in particular
TG: sometimes he tries to find some excuse yknow
TG: like yes little brother let me hold a sword to your throat over some silly copy of a game this is totally not an overreaction on my part or anything
TG: but you see theres not even anything going on
TG: its the middle of summer were both bored af but its also so hot you can barely breathe in this apartment
TG: who in their right mind uses these circumstances to sword fight
EB: maybe try to talk to him?
TG: well good afternoon to you too egbert but no it doesnt work like that
TG: you see theres this thing
TG: i dont think i can
EB: what do you mean?
TG: well have you ever tried to talk to your dad
EB: of course!
EB: what a weird thing to say…
TG: i mean besides the dumb notes he leaves around the house waiting for you to pick up
EB: …
TG: fucking thought so
TG: everyone in this universe is unaware of anything happening like ever istg
EB: i mean i knew i guess.
EB: i just dont like thinking about it too much.
TG: no shit
TG: well at least dadbert seems chill besides the occasional cake fiasco
TG: dont suppose he ever attacks you out of nowhere
EB: well sometimes he DOES like to push cake into my face..
TG: see
TG: anyways
TG: i really would like to chill now
TG: but i have this awful theory
EB: which is?
TG: so my theory is that
TG: everytime i am not
TG: a on the ground
TG: b asleep
TG: c takin a piss
TG: or d literally asleep
TG: he will come get me
TG: hes like a fucking computer discovering logic operations for the first time but i have no idea how to turn him off
TG: do you think our guardians are actual people or just grotesque impressions of human beings
EB: idk but you know all of this sounds kinda concerning!
TG: no shit
EB: i’m serious!! maybe you can talk to someone about this?
You shut your phone off with a groan. Egbert’s not the smartest sometimes. The person you’re talking to about this is whole thing is him, of course! There aren’t many other options available. You’re sure you would sound like a complete lunatic to a normal person. You and your bro are not normal people. Besides being the coolest people on the planet, you have something else which makes you different from everyone else. Neither of you are related to anyone else, besides to each other and to your sister, of course. You know this. You’re not sure if your bro knows. He doesn’t talk to you, ever.
You sigh. Being a coolkid is so hard!
You get up and tiptoe upstairs back to your shared apartment. You’re not actually sure what tips him off, the noises or some omnipotent knowledge about your state at all times. The second option sounds ridiculous but at this point your whole life does sooo.. who knows!
Thanks to your super cool ninja skills you open the door without making any noises. You see him on the couch. His back is turned to you and apparently he’s watching some garbage on the TV. His sword is on the table besides the couch, ready to be taken if you need another strife. Your breath is suddenly very loud in your ears as you try not to hit the floor with your shoes too hard. Ugh, you could have taken them off before entering! But all is well because you’ve been trained for a long time and you know all the moves. You creep quietly past the kitchen space which is adjoined to the living room area. In the corner of your eye you notice the red light of a camera flashing quickly, like it’s trying to let you know it’s always watching. You wonder about the fact that you’re being filmed right now but this is apparently not being registered by your bro, as you step on something squeaky.
Oh for fuck’s sake.
You were too busy staring back at the camera and you let your act slip! Stupid, stupid mistake.
In your surprise you squeal unceremoniously and lose your footing. You fall down on the floor. When you look up, he is towering above you, sword to your neck, not moving.
“Hi, bro,” you get out weakly when your initial shock wears off. Neither of you are moving, moving with a sword to your neck would be pretty risky after all. You pretend to hear him breathing above you, as you await his next move. After some more seconds he withdraws his sword, looks at you some more and finally stands up straight. Seemingly satisfied he turns his back to you and sits down on the couch.
You don’t even care about the coolkid act anymore as you begin to crawl towards your room. This is definitely the lowest point of your life so far.
When you reach your bed after some embarrassingly long time, you get out your phone once more, ignoring Egbert’s concerned pleas, and message your sister.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: are you there rose
TG: roooose
TT: Sigh. Yes, unfortunately I am online, ready to receive whatever bullshit you will throw at me next. What do you need?
TG: no this is serious rose
TT: Oh?
TG: yes you need to convince me im not losing my mind
TT: Interesting. Elaborate?
TG: wait no this isnt any of your psychoanalytical bs this is actual life
TG: rose
TG: is your mom weird
TT: A funny question to ask about your own mother.
TG: shush
TG: i know our moms losing a couple of screws okay i know about the booze and the wizards and whatever else youve been telling me about for as long as we knew each other
TG: but has she been especially weird lately
TT: I assume these questions are actually about your own guardian?
TG: yes but just answer this one question i beg you
TG: you dont make talking to you very easy yknow
TT: Well, my mom has always had a quite unique character. Over the years I’ve tried to avoid her as much as possible, which is still the case. If anything is amiss, I may not notice immediately. But..
TT: I think there has been some sort of shift in her, since the game. I’m not sure if she remembers anything, she’s not Roxy after all.
TT: But one thing I have noticed is that she just won’t talk to me.
TT: It’s funny, when I was younger it was always me ignoring her attempts to talk to me. Now, no matter what I say, she just won’t answer me.
TT: She spends the whole day displaying the most hysterical behavior. Drinking, babbling to herself about some random gossip she’s picked up but, like I said, never to me. Vacuuming the house, always at times when it would most annoy me. Everything I’ve most resented about her when we were thirteen.
TT: She’s become a caricature of herself.
TG: i knew it
TG: i knew i wasnt going insane
TG: god do you think this is going on with eb and gg as well
TT: Probably.
TT: It is.. unsetting tho.
TG: tell me about it
TG: what are your theories
TT: Well...
TT: I do have a theory, but you might not like it very much.
TG: nah lay it on me
TT: Sburb, at its heart, is a game that deals very heavily with the concepts of Canon and Relevance.
TT: A lot of things are Canon. This includes the environment of the game, for example, the planets, Skaia and of course, the players. Most, but not all of these things, are Relevant as well.
TT: Sburb works with closed loops. An example would be the creation of the players, who come to life through the actions of themselves. All universes within Sburb have been created by someone, those who come from those universes will, if they manage to become Canon, create new universes and so on.
TT: Only through the creation of a new universe can the players prove themselves to be Relevant.
TG: okay i cant see how this correlates to our current situation tho
TT: There is another concept. Truth.
TT: My theory is…
TT: Well, since we’ve chosen our Earth as the Reward, and not the new Universe that we’ve created, we cannot possibly be True. Truth requires Canonicity. This cannot be a Canon Universe to Skaia since it isn’t a closed loop.
TT: If Earth never got destroyed we can’t be here in the first place.
TT: This timeline cannot be True, Canon or even Relevant.
TT: If anything it is a poorly-written fanfiction to the masterwork we’ve somehow escaped from.
TG: do you mean like a doomed timeline
TT: It is strikingly similar, yes. Doomed timelines are Canon though, they are all contained within Sburb and, most importantly, they are also True.
TT: If what I still remember from my Seer visions is true, even though those images are slowly but surely fading from me, we cannot be True ever again. We are isolated from Sburb.
TT: It’s like we are in a bubble, with no connection to the entirety of existence that is Sburb.
TG: hmm okay okay so how does this explain our guardians?
TT: Well, this part is mostly speculation… but what exactly would not being True involve? What would it mean for us?
TT: Think of the fanfiction analogy. If we were Canon, our characters would be interesting, diverse and complex. Instead they are… one-dimensional, shallow, repetitive and stripped to their basics.
TT: I’m sorry, Dave.
TT: This probably isn’t what you wanted to hear.
TT: But it’s not just our parents.
TT: It’s everyone.
TT: It’s us.
TT: It’s you.
You dumbly blink at your phone.
TG: me?
TT: Yes. And me. And John and Jade.
TT: We are all… fading.
TT: It’s a slow process but it began as soon as we came back.
TT: And there is nothing we can do.
TT: If it makes you feel any better, I do believe there should be an alternative timeline where we didn’t make this poor decision and got to be Canon and True in a new universe, on a new planet.
TT: I lovingly call it Earth C in my mind.
TG: but if im understanding what youre saying then not only is my bro going bonkers but also me?
TT: Yes.
TG: bs
TT: Dave, you’ve had three years to get over the coolkid act on the meteor. And you did! Look at you now.
Your head really hurts.
TG: this is really trippy
TT: Agreed.
TT: I think my Seer powers give me an advantage when it comes to talking about these things, but it’s been getting more difficult lately.
TT: Being erased from existence.
TG: whoah what why existence
TG: i thought you said we were just becoming Untrue or whatever
TT: Yes. But if Sburb is everything that exists and is True, then is being outside of it and being Untrue not kind of like.. not existing?
TT: I have to admit this part of the theory is a bit freestyled on my part.
TT: But that’s what I think is happening, at least.
TG: i need a heavy drink after this
TG: like except of drinking one bottle of aj i should drink two
TT: Hey.
TT: And I will search my mother’s booze hiding place and get drunk like a laughably bad copy of a True Rose would.
TG: cheers to that
You look up from your phone as the conversation dies, leaving you alone with your thoughts. They keep escaping you, slipping through your fingers like sand, like you’re on the edge of falling asleep. Whatever Rose has explained, whatever her theory is, you can’t grasp it anymore. When you look back to your phone, her words are a blur of purple and you cannot read them. You squint but nothing helps. You would take off your sunglasses to see a bit better but that would require dropping the coolkid act which is something you cannot, under any circumstance, allow.
So you sit back on your bed, resting from all the strifing you’ve had to endure today, and idly play with your camera. You love all your various interests, you really do. You don’t know what you would be without them, without this apartment, without your brother beating the shit out of you every single day.
(You will not remember any of this tomorrow, acting out the next day like the day before, and the next and the next and the next. You’re stuck here now.)