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Noel felt something shift from under his head. He groggily opened his eyes to TV credits. "Damn it, I fell asleep..." He muttered. He felt the something move again. He turned his head to find a sleeping Mischa.
Oh my gosh.
He was practically snuggling with Mischa.
His eyes widened and he moved as slowly as he could so he wouldn't wake up Mischa. Noel turned his head and made eye contact with Ricky, who had clearly noticed Noel and Mischa. He smirked as he drew a heart with his fingers directed at the two. Noel rolled his eyes at him. When's the wedding? Ricky signed. Noel snorted. Ricky loved to tease him, but he knew he meant it with love.
Constance got up to get the TV remote and turned off the TV. Mischa shifted around again, before lifting his head. He had a confused expression. "We both fell asleep during the movie." Noel told him, with a smile. "Oops." Mischa said, chuckling.
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty tired." Penny said. "I am too." Ocean agreed. "Yeah, we should probably go to sleep soon." Constance said. "Hey Constance? Can you tell your parents thank you for letting us have...what's the English word...group sleep time..?" Mischa said, trying to find the word. "Do you mean a sleepover?" Noel asked, laughing. "Yes. That." He said, smiling. "I will, don't worry!" Constance told Mischa.
"Well, I think I'm gonna go to sleep." Penny said with a yawn. "Good night everyone!" Everyone muttered their good nights while grabbing their blankets and pillows and getting comfortable. Noel got comfortable next to Mischa on the living room floor, and closed his eyes.
And he laid there.
And laid there.
But sleep never came.
He continued to try.
But then the thoughts started.
Suddenly his priorities shifted. Instead of trying to fall asleep, he now tried to distract himself.
He counted to 100. Thought about his favorite French movies. Fantasized about dating Mischa. He even went over the lyrics of some of the songs the choir was working on in his head.
But the thoughts were still there.
And the thoughts turned into scenarios.
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears away. This is pathetic.
He heard something move, and he opened his eyes to see Ocean shifting around to get comfy. "Ocean?" Noel whispered. He waited a little bit, but she didn't respond. The tears started to well up again.
But then he heard her say "What do you want?" She sounded annoyed. "...Can we go to the kitchen..please." Ocean seemed to realize something was wrong and immediately got up. He followed her to the kitchen, where she had pulled out two chairs at the table.
"Noel? Is something wrong?" Ocean asked, sitting down. He didn't respond. "You're scaring me, Noel." He sighed. Ocean knew something was up, so she gave him some time to gather his words.
He sat there for a while, but Ocean was patient. Finally, he gained the courage to speak.
"...Sometimes I cut myself." He said quietly. Ocean doesn't say anything. "I really try not to, but sometimes it just...sometimes things get to be too much. But sometimes...it's just worse. I've told Ricky about this, and he thinks I might have intrusive thoughts. Like...I'll be bored and my brain will be like 'Hey! You know what can cure your boredom? Playing Fruit Ninja on your thighs!'" Ocean can tell he's trying to play it off with a joke like that. "When I'm not at home overnight, or for a long period of time, those thoughts tend to be...worse. It's probably because I don't have the option to cut, because I'm not at home or something. And I start to tweak. That's why I'm awake."
"Noel...I'm so sorry. That sounds awful." Ocean said, entirely sincere. "It's fine." Noel said, again playing it off. "No, it really isn't. If you ever need anyone to talk to, even if it's..." Ocean checked her watch. "2:16 in the morning," She continued. "I am always here. You can call me in the middle of the night. Sure, I might be a little annoyed at first, but I understand it's hard, and that talking to someone really helps sometimes." "Thanks...that really means a lot to me." Noel said, having the urge to hug Ocean but deciding against it.
"Is there anything else you want to talk about? Besides your obvious crush on Mischa." Noel's face immediately shifted. "OCEAN." He whisper-shouted, on the verge of laughing. His face fell. "Um, I guess there's something else.." He said, quieter. "What is it?" Noel took a deep breath.
"Sometimes...I imagine myself in bad situations. Like, I'll be walking down the street, and my mind will be like 'What if a creepy man drove up to me in a car? Or a creepy guy touches me?' Or 'What if I tripped and broke my ankle?' Or 'What if someone beat me up at school for being gay?' Or..." Noel went silent for a second. "Or what if my friends all turned on me and hated me..."
"Oh Noel..." Ocean stood up and pulled Noel into a hug. He didn't push her away. They stood there for a minute, just embracing each other.
Ocean let go of Noel and grabbed his hands. "Please know that I don't care what you're going through. I could never hate you, no matter how many times I say I do or act like it. I will always be here for you." A tear ran down Noel's face. "Thank you...I love you." Ocean's face morphed into mock-disgust. "Not like that, idiot." Noel said, laughing.
"Do you want to try going to sleep?" Ocean asked. Noel didn't answer right away. "I can try." He said, not confident. "If you still can't fall asleep, we can come back to the kitchen and talk, or just sit." Ocean offered. He smiled. "Thanks."
Ocean grabbed Noel's hand and gave it a quick squeeze before the pair headed back into the living room.