Chapter Text
Shen Jiu felt like he was floating somewhere far away as he watched Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge’s lips touch. The bright red robes they were dressed in, no, everything in the ceremony hurt his eyes.
The invited guests cheered and clapped. Shen Jiu emptily clapped, watching jealously as the newly-wedded couple smiled brightly at each other. Huh, he must’ve looked like that at one point.
His Lord Husband lifted the newly-wedded First Husband and carried him off into his chambers. Shen Jiu left as soon as possible after that, not bothering to stay and socialize. It wasn’t like anyone would think anything but ridicule for him at this point.
What a fool I must have looked like to them, so sure of myself and yet so easily replaced.
Shen Jiu stormed into his quarters. The halls were empty because everyone was still attending the wedding. Truly, it was a joyous day. The cruel tyrant of a Second Husband had been demoted, and there was now a righteous and beautiful man as the apple of the Lord’s eye. Beneath the hate and envy that he felt, there was an echoing numbness, and that scared him.
Shen Jiu carefully closed and locked the door behind him, the quiet click loud in the absolute silence. He sank down to the floor, clutching his face in his hands, and for a second he was back in the Qiu household. For one hysterical moment, he wished he was. It would’ve been nice going back to that time where his only worry was the beatings, and when he thought his beloved Qi-ge truly cared about him.
How cruel. Shen Jiu thought. He wanted to break things and harm Liu Qingge. Yue Qingyuan would never let him, this he knew deep down. He would punish him, and people would talk and laugh and point fingers.
Shen Jiu would do something similar. Yue Qingyuan would punish him again. Then it would repeat in an eternal cycle until the day one of them died.
Shen Jiu still wanted to do it. What he didn’t want was to be the villain of the story. The one that was defeated for the main character and the male lead’s happy ending. The evil character without a single redeeming trait, the one whose whole story was their torture of the protagonist.
To think that everything, the future I had dreamed, had all been just a stupid fantasy. A reflection of how I wanted things to be. Until the mirror shattered and I was forced to face cold, harsh reality. Am I really that foolish?
Shen Jiu knew deep down that he was indeed too dumb and loyal for his own good. He would continue chasing after Yue Qi’s affections until the end of time. If he came and apologized, Shen Jiu wouldn’t forgive him, but he would still follow him.
It would’ve been so much better if Shen Jiu and Yue Qi had never met. Perhaps Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t exist, then.
Shen Jiu felt the silent tears drip down his face then. He didn’t make a sound, a skill thankfully perfected. What an embarrassment I am, crying over something that quite a few Husbands or Wives would be happy about.
(but it was Yue Qi, Yue Qingyuan, the love of his life, getting married, despite having promised his forever to him. An oath that Shen Jiu had foolishly cherished and held close to his heart for a decade.)
Yue Qingyuan was probably inside Liu Qingge, while Shen Jiu wept alone. The familiar hate was suffocating, choking him. His throat constricted around nothing, the familiar spike of his Qi too overwhelming to fight.
It simply wasn’t fair. Shen Jiu had been so, so happy with his small and quickly finished wedding, his wedding night filled with affection instead of following tradition, and then the continuation of their ever-lasting fight for Yue Qingyuan’s position.
Now, Liu Qingge benefitted from Shen Jiu’s hard-earned title, his work to push Yue Qingyuan up the social ladder, probably even his effort to make Yue Qingyuan better in bed.
Shen Jiu’s body shook and trembled in the throes of Qi deviation, the furious emotions swirling around in his mind like a raging inferno. As calmly as he could, he crossed his legs and entered meditation. He had plenty of experience taking care of his own Qi deviations, why should this time be any different?
Carefully erasing any thoughts from his mind proved to be a tremendously difficult feat. He still managed to cycle his Qi, but it was a long and dreadful experience. Finally, his meridians cooled down. He stayed in meditation, it was more peaceful than coming out of it and facing his reality.
Before he knew it, morning had come. Well, what counted as morning for Shen Jiu, who had always gotten out of bed before the sun had risen. Shen Jiu kept cycling his Qi, not bothering to come out and do his duties. The household would still be celebrating, and he did not want to face the festive, happy atmosphere.
His cultivation had improved somewhat. Shen Jiu didn’t care. He wondered what was going on in Yue Qingyuan’s room. Perhaps he and Liu Qingge were going for another round. Perhaps they were cuddling together, perhaps they were taking a bath together.
Those were, after all, things that Shen Jiu had done after he and Yue Qingyuan had dual cultivated.
Shen Jiu felt the little prickling feeling that first warned of a possible Qi deviation. He made sure that his flow of Qi was still going strong, already in a steady rhythm from the entire night spent cultivating. Any possible deviation would surely be squashed instantly. He was free to think whatever he wanted.
Liu Qingge would be everything that Shen Qingqiu never was. The perfect bride, the flawless war god. The one who was here to free the righteous Yue Qingyuan from the evil viper clinging to him and whispering evil into his ear.
He would be the one that people would remember and sing praises about.
Shen Jiu would be flung back into the shadows, his hard work forgotten, his face erased, his entire being sneered at. ‘Shen Qingqiu’ would go down in history as scum, the lowest of the low.
Perhaps Shen Jiu would’ve liked to talk to Yue Qingyuan about it, to be soothed and reassured by his husband. Now, there was no way in hell he would believe any lie that came out of that oath-breaker's mouth.
He could remember as clearly as if it happened yesterday the way that boy, once so foolish, proclaimed that he would only ever love and belong to Shen Jiu. Shen Jiu had been delighted that time, hadn’t he? Now the image overlapped with Yue Qingyuan’s red clad form and the kiss he had shared with Liu Qingge.
“Shizun?” The little beast, Luo Binghe, knocked on his door. “Lord Yue is here.”
“I see,” Shen Jiu said, glad that his voice was as normal as ever. “One moment.”
Swiftly striding over to his mirror, he changed into a new set of robes as quickly as possible. He decided to forgo the hair crown and complicated accessories. Thankfully, his hair only needed a small bit of brushing.
Finished, he went to go speak to Yue Qingyuan.
The Lord Husband was tense. Shen Jiu, beyond the simmering anger and resentment, was glad that he was so nervous. He wondered what his husband would feel if he dumped tea all over his face.
Luo Binghe was waiting by the doorway. Might as well make himself useful.
“Little beast,” Shen Jiu snapped. “Fetch us some tea.”
His disciple bowed and left hurriedly. He came back not long later with the tea set. Shen Jiu waved for him to leave before he began preparing it. Luo Binghe merely stepped behind the door. Shen Jiu could see his curls sticking out, but decided not to comment on it. When he peeked back, he made sure to meet his eyes, however. The little yelp he made was gratifying, in a way.
“I know this has been difficult for you,” Yue Qingyuan said.
No shit. Instead of clawing Yue Qingyuan’s eyes out, Shen Qingqiu poured his tea silently.
“I really didn’t plan to ever love anyone else,” Yue Qingyuan said, his ever–present guilt very clearly visible.
“And yet you did,” Shen Jiu said, more calmly than he felt.
“You don’t believe me.”
“Why would I? You clearly did. Should I count this as yet another betrayal?” Shen Jiu poured himself a cup of tea as well, distracting himself by taking a sip. The taste was wonderful, as always. He would know.
Yue Qingyuan hesitated to respond for a long moment. Shen Jiu waited to hear what he would say. He doubted that there was anything that could make him change his views. His lifetime partner had gone and married another man, after all, and there was apparently nothing he could do about it.
“Calling it a betrayal seems excessive. No other man of my station has less than half a dozen consorts. I gave you ten years.”
Shen Jiu paused, setting down his teacup with a sharp clack . He met Yue Qingyuan’s eyes, causing the larger man to flinch. “You promised me a lifetime.”
“I was young then,” Yue Qingyuan protested, causing a stab of pain straight through Shen Jiu’s core. “I didn’t understand the politics. I wish you... would try to see it from my perspective. There are opportunities we have missed because of this. My standing in court can only go so far, with the attitudes of the people there. A man’s spouses are a symbol of his power.”
Shen Jiu felt like laughing. There was really no way for him to win here, was there? “What does that matter? You’ve already said that you married Liu Qingge because you love him. Of course, court is a convenient excuse so that you don’t have to listen to what I think on the matter, or if I even agree or not.”
“A-Jiu, it’s true - I broke my promise. I’ve apologized before and I will keep on apologizing forever, if you wish me to. But there was more to it than that. It wasn’t just about feelings and it wasn’t just about court.”
“Ah,” Shen Jiu said, desperately calming down the raging whirlwind of emotion he was feeling with sheer spite. “So it was both. When this Second Husband ,” Yue Qingyuan flinched again at the pure rage carried in those words, “Was no longer enough for you, you seek out someone else that fulfills those two conditions.”
Yue Qingyuan fell silent for a minute. “Liu Qingge is a good man. Whatever the discord between us, it’s not actually his fault.”
Shen Jiu stared at him for a moment. Delicately, he picked up his teacup and threw it straight into his husband’s chest. The tea spilled all over the front of his robes. Yue Qingyuan looked startled for a moment.
“A’Jiu-”
“That’s right, it’s not his fault, because all of this is your fault. Your fault for promising a lifetime, your fault for marrying another man when you had the choice not to.” Shen Jiu made sure that each of his words hurt . To think that Yue Qingyuan had such audacity .
“A’Jiu, I’m serious. Don’t take this out on him, please.” Yue Qingyuan pleaded. Tea continued dripping onto the floor.
“Hah! Is this the only reason you came here? To tell me not to harass my replacement? ” Shen Jiu demanded. “Are you offering yourself up to have this ‘taken out on’ instead? I’ve had enough of you! Leave .”
Yue Qingyuan shook his head, looking stricken. “I didn’t mean it in that way.”
“Leave.”
Yue Qingyuan left, though not without a long, worried look back at him. Luo Binghe came out from behind the door. Shen Jiu perhaps would have had him punished, but for once he felt drained. Redirecting such a large amount of anger would’ve been pointless, anyway.
“Did Lord Yue really promise Shizun that he would never marry anyone else?” Luo Binghe asked, a little nervously.
“I don’t see how that is any of your business,” Shen Jiu snapped. Then he sighed, carding his fingers through his hair. “If anyone asks for me, tell them that I am busy. I will be finishing up any paperwork that is needed for the week.” Without waiting for a response, he got up and left to go into his office.
Drowning himself in work was as easy as breathing. Finishing all of the paperwork needed for the week was a little more difficult with his thoughts crowding in his mind, but he managed to get it done within half a day. Once he finished the last form, he stood up, pushed in his chair, and decided to head back to his room. Any unexpected work, Liu Qingge would have to handle. It’s not like he wouldn’t have received a proper noble’s education. If even Shen Qingqiu could figure out how to do it on his own, then surely the illustrious war god could.
Luo Binghe, surprisingly, was waiting outside his door. He looked like he was halfway to falling asleep, however. He jolted up as Shen Jiu walked by.
“Shizun?” Shen Jiu ignored him, closing the door of his room shut in his face. He changed his robes again, this time into ones more suited for traveling. Taking a few bags of coins out from a box under his bed, he checked to make sure that the rest was still there before pocketing the ones he had taken. He clipped Xiu Ya firmly to his side. Re-emerging showed Luo Binghe’s worried face.
“Little beast,” Shen Jiu said. “I will be going on a nighthunt, if anyone asks. Some of the towns a few li from here are having trouble with attacks.”
Luo Binghe looked startled, before he dropped into a bow. “Yes, Shizun.”
Shen Jiu scanned his form, before he nodded. Yue Qingyuan was still in his honeymoon phase with Liu Qingge, so it shouldn’t matter if he left for a week or two. Either way, it had already been made clear to him that he was already just a third, unnecessary wheel in their relationship.
It would be best for him to go, even if just for a little while.