Chapter Text
“Uaaaa…aaahhh..hhhnnngh..”
With one hand holding her phone to her ear and the other nearly smashing the elevator button, Ichika listened to her best friend’s painful cries, feeling her own heart wrench in turn. Sniffs and constant sobbing were all she’d heard in the last ten minutes. She’d never heard Saki cry this hard in probably a decade.
“Sh.. she… aaaahhnnngh..”
“Saki..”
Ichika could only curse under her breath, her foot tapping an angry rhythm on the ceramic tile. She hated this, hated that she never noticed anything. Hated the fact that she couldn’t be there with Saki right now. Even a second faster was all she wished for. Her jaw clenched as she glared at the unresponsive elevator in front of her, all the while the painful cries from the phone continued to blast her ear.
Other than the condo’s automatic systems and the security guards outside, she hadn’t seen any staff on the way. Well, it’s 2 AM..
Fine, just five—five fucking floor, this is nothing. Ichika sighed and headed for the stairs. Racing up each flight, she felt her heart hammering in her chest. Damn, doing this at 26 compared to when she was 16 is a completely different feel.
Just three floors in, and she could already feel her back drenched in sweat. “Hah– I’m almost there, Saki..”
“Ich–hngh..chan.. Ich-chan..”
Hearing Saki say her name in such a manner was almost enough to trip Ichika over. If not for the railing, she would’ve fallen for real. The bright and cheerful tone of the usual Saki had vanished, replaced by gut-wrenching sobs that tore at the heart, as though she had been shattered into pieces. Ichika clutched the railing as the aching pain in her heart continued to swell; she could almost picture the state Saki was in right now.
Only one more floor to go.. and speaking of states, Ichika wasn’t in the best state either. After receiving the call in the middle of the night and hearing Saki’s voice, she’d nearly drifted her way here, trying her hardest not to break any traffic rules. All in her pajamas and sandals, save for the hoodie she found in the backseat of her car. Ichika had only brought her phone and the spare keycard Saki had given her. It was only for emergency reasons, so only she and Tsukasa were entrusted with it.
Ichika’s breathing became ragged and uneven as she approached the 5th floor. Just hearing Saki’s voice over the phone was enough to nearly break her. She couldn’t begin to fathom how much worse Saki was feeling.
She took a deep breath as she stood in front of Saki’s room. “I’m coming in, Saki,” Ichika said into the phone as she pulled out the spare keycard. Considering the situation, she figured there was probably no need to worry about any kind of formality. But for manners’ sake, she knocked twice before unlocking the door.
“Saki— ouch.” Upon entering, Ichika accidentally kicked on a box lying on the floor. She shined her phone screen around as a makeshift light source, navigating the room. It was terrible.. to say the least. Boxes cluttered around the entrance, more scattering inside the room, and clothes were strewn everywhere. But that was the least of her concerns right now. Making sure not to step on anything, Ichika carefully made her way to Saki’s bedroom.
As if to mentally prepare herself, Ichika took a deep breath. Her hand gripped the doorknob before she twisted it open. As the door cracked open, she immediately noticed the unusual cold temperature. But nothing could’ve prepared her for what she saw next.
She felt her heart sink, her knees almost giving out right there at the sight of Saki sitting in the corner of the king-size bed. Her body was shaking, all curled up with hands hugging her knees, making her look as small as ever. Her blonde hair, usually in twin tails, was now let down, all messy and disheveled. The loud cries had decreased to sobs and soft wails, probably exhausted from all the weeping.
Upon hearing the cries, not on the phone but right here, in front of her, was enough to shatter Ichika’s heart into pieces.
Ichika moved to the bed and extended her hand toward Saki, almost anxious that a touch might hurt her. When her hand touched Saki’s shoulder, her sobs paused for a beat. Saki slowly lifted her face from her knees and turned to face Ichika.
Saki’s pink eyes, puffy and glistening with tears, met hers. Her face was streaked with both remnants and fresh tears. And as if the sight of Ichika had shattered a floodgate within her, Saki let out another wave of agonizing cries.
“Aauuughhh.. Ich-cha..Aaannghhhh..!” Saki throws herself into Ichika’s embrace, holding on as if her life depends on it. Her fingers tightly clutches the fabric of Ichika’s collar.
Ichika tries to return the hug with equal force, but the strength Saki exerts is overwhelming. “Saki…”
Saki’s voice is choked with tears, her distress evident. “I can’t do this anymore..! She’s.. gon– hnghh..!” Ichika keeps the rubbing motion of her hand on Saki’s back as she listens. “She said she doesn’t want to let me go and what is the meaning of this..”
“I’m stupid.. I’m so stupid.. It’s not like I didn’t notice.. I chose to ignore it— I thought things would work out..” Saki’s face gradually slides down Ichika’s shoulder as she releases all her emotional turmoil.
Ichika’s frown deepens, her own heart aching with Saki’s pain. She struggles to find the right words, feeling each syllable dissolve before it can reach her lips.
“I never grow up.. Why am I like this.. Always a crybaby.. I’m so worthless– that’s why they all left me, I’m a worthless piece of—”
“Saki!” That was all it took to ignite every nerve in her body as Ichika unintentionally raised her voice. The sudden outburst made Saki jolt in her arms, visibly startled.
“I’m sorry..” Ichika’s voice softened as she spoke, “I don’t mind if you let it all out, you can cry all you want, I’ll be here.. But never speak so negatively about yourself like that ever again, please..”
She’ll never tolerate hearing Saki talk like this. Seeing Saki in this deteriorating state of mind was already enough to make Ichika feel like her inside has been torn apart. Knowing that Saki harbored such thoughts was just all too much for her gut to take.
“I.. I don’t want to think anymore..”
“Okay.. that’s okay. You don’t have to think about anything, just lay down, okay? We can talk about it tomorrow.” Ichika reassured her.
It seems that Saki has already hit her limit. Her half-lidded eyes were devoids of tears. Looking both physically and mentally drained. As much as Ichika wouldn’t mind Saki drifting off on her shoulder, she’d much prefer to have her sleep on a more comfortable surface. Gently, she repositioned Saki onto the bed.
“I don’t want to be alone..”
“I promise, I’ll stay here as long as you like, Saki.”
Saki’s eyes widened briefly before Ichika noticed a slight curve forming on her lips. “Fufu– that’s so sappy, you’re gonna make me cry again..”
“Eh– please don’t..?” Ichika’s voice edged with panic. Did she mean that literally? But Saki had just laughed, hadn’t she?
“Thank you, Ich-chan.. Really, no one could ever top you when it comes to this.”
Ichika didn’t quite understand what Saki meant, but seeing a smile return to Saki’s face was enough to ease the tightness in her own chest. “Alright, if you say so,” she replied, her own lips curving into a smile in response.
Ichika was unsure as to how she does it, but she had been told before that she always seemed to know what to say to lift people’s spirits. And the way it was described to her made it sound as if she has some sort of innate ability. Regardless, she was grateful it proved useful in moments like these.
“Can I ask you something?” Saki’s voice broke the silence after a while. She gestured for Ichika to join her by the bed. “Do you think.. people just become sick of me or something..? Is that why they all left?”
Ichika could sense the genuine doubt in Saki’s voice. She really believed herself to be the source of the problem. Ichika can’t help it, if Saki truly doubted herself, then she would erase that doubt with the utmost truth herself.
“If that were true, then people would have probably become sick of me too, since I only have you.” Ichika paused, sensing Saki’s silence, then continued. “And... I want you to know that I’ll never leave you, Saki.”
“Ich–Ich-chan..” Saki’s voice was filled with awe, marveling at her words.
She quickly cleared her throat and said, “Okay.. can I ask you a little more? And I won’t ask again.”
Without thinking much, Ichika replied. “Feel free.”
“I’m not annoying?”
“Nope, not for me.”
“I’m not too needy or clingy?”
Ichika took a moment to consider her response, looking up at the ceiling. Her answer couldn’t be a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It didn’t feel fair to narrow it down that way. Although, if she were to think like that then, it would probably apply to the last question as well. So, this time, she wants to give an answer that would satisfy other possible questions of the same fashion as well.
Choosing her words carefully, she begins. “Hmm, I’m used to it. Besides that’s just a part of who you are. It’s what makes you, ‘you’. I don’t want you to think there’s something wrong with you for acting like that. And, I know how much you care about others, so… don’t go blaming yourself for everything, okay?”
“You’re so…” Saki’s voice began to tremble, “this is why— I love you so much ahhhh—!!”
Suddenly, Saki launched herself into Ichika again, pinning her down with renewed energy. Ichika, surprised by the strength, was caught off guard. Just as she thought Saki was already long depleted of her energy. In truth, it was Ichika who was no match for her. With her remaining strength, she wrapped her arms around Saki, reciprocating the embrace.
Ichika doesn’t know why but she wanted to try saying it back, just this once.
“Mmm, I.. love you too, Saki.”
The words finally escaped her lips.
But why did her chest ache so much?
Only when all words subsided before silence began to envelop the room, did Ichika feel a familiar feeling begin to resurface within her.
Just as she could contemplate more on that thought, Ichika was jolted out of the spiral as she felt Saki squeezed her impossibly tight, as though Ichika were her body pillow. She took a brief glance at Saki. The room was dark, obscuring Saki’s face, but Ichika surmised that she had most likely already fallen asleep.
“Don’t.. let.. go..”
And of course, she sleep talks.
“How can I ever let go of you…when you’re hugging me this tight..?”