Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I’ll leave Sakura to you, Togame!”

There are plenty of times when Sakura wants to argue against Umemiya’s stupid ideas; in fact, that is the case most of the time. While Sakura has come to begrudgingly accept Bofurin’s leader and his ideals, that doesn’t change the fact that he can be utterly unreasonable. Sakura firmly believes that he has a couple screws loose. He has learned to pick his battles, if only because arguing with Umemiya is like talking to a damn wall.

This situation is one of those occasions. Sakura looks from Umemiya’s unnecessarily big grin (doesn’t his face hurt from making that expression all the time) to Togame’s small nod and knows there’s no way Umemiya will give up this stupid plan after all. Sakura sinks his fist deeper into his pockets and sighs deep in his lungs.

“Why are you acting so sullen, Sakura?! You and Togame are already friends, so if anything this should be super easy for the two of you. Just keep on getting along! You can see this as a well-deserved break after all your hard work.”

Sakura twitches. The praise sits strangely at the pit of his stomach. He hasn’t gotten used yet to how easily the people at Bofurin will thank him for doing the one thing he’s good at; his muscles are stiff when he mumbles something that fails to be a sincere acknowledgement. The tell-tale heat rising up to his head says he’s blushing, too.

He scoffs inwardly and glances at Togame, who hasn’t said much of anything this entire time. Togame is already looking back at him, and he tilts his head in acknowledgement when their eyes meet. He doesn’t seem bothered by being paired up with Sakura—but then again, Sakura can never tell if he is ever bothered by anything, based on that vague expression of his.

Despite Togame's lack of protest, Sakura remains skeptical. When Umemiya announced that they would be partnering up with Shishitoren, Sakura assumed it was for the sake of training. Now that Togame and Tomiyama have both gotten their acts together, there's no doubting the power of their team. Encountering all kinds of fighters was a sure way of raising their skill level. For a moment, Sakura was actually excited.

That didn't last long. According to Umemiya, the objective is to broaden their “bonds.” In short, he wants to provide an environment where Bofurin's students were able to connect with others outside their own school, whatever that means. To that purpose, each of them would be paired up with a Shishitoren member for an indeterminate amount of time, and the pair is expected to meet up at least once a week. They're keeping it only to Furin's first years as a sort of “test drive” for now.

For some reason, Sakura ended up paired up with Togame. He can't say he minds it—Sakura isn't entirely uninterested in Togame, and it beats cozying up to some random guy.

That doesn't erase the feeling like he's being sent off on playdate, though.

“Sakura,” Togame calls, interrupting his thoughts. “I'll be in your care.”

“Isn't it usually the opposite? Not that I care about shit like that, but you're older than me. And you're also stronger,” Sakura states matter-of-factly. The implications catch up to him a second later, and he takes a step back, frowning. “Not that I want you to care for me—!”

“Ahhh, you're right. I'm technically your senpai, Sakura,” Togame agrees airily. “You've taught me a lot before, so I'll do my best to repay that.”

Sakura is speechless. He can't help but think that Togame has been overestimating their previous fight. Sakura didn't do much of anything aside from throwing his fists around and yelling.

Then again, to Sakura their brawl had been a long list of firsts. Wanting to know someone, having his name called like that, having fun from the bottom of his heart. The inexplicable desire to protect Togame when he was sent flying across the stage.

Maybe Togame sees as much significance in it as Sakura does, and not just thanks to Umemiya's interference with Choji right after. If that were the case then… it would be nice, he thinks. Sakura looks down at his feet.

“...I've told you, you don't owe me anything.”

Sakura stumbles a couple steps when Umemiya slaps him on the back twice. It was probably meant to be a friendly tap. Sakura glares at him.

“See? You two are doing great already! Why don't you go ahead and make plans for the week?” Umemiya smiles gently. “I can't wait to see how your friendship grows from this.”

“W-Wait, what the hell do you mean friends—!” Sakura stops himself. He stiffly looks away from Umemiya's retreating back to watch Togame, who blinks lazily at him. He grits his teeth before changing the subject: “What the hell is he expecting us to do…? Gimme a break.”

“In the meantime, why don't we go up to the roof?” Togame suggests.

It's abrupt enough that Sakura accepts without a fight. He feels a bit more at ease once they're away from the crowd. Quite a few people (from Bofurin and Shishitoren both) were staring at them, and though Sakura feels no malice or threat behind it, he can't get rid of the instinct that tells him being watched means impending danger. It's hard not to be on guard with so many people around.

“What are we here for?”

“Nothing in particular. I just like this place. Besides, when you're around people tend to stare at you. I think they're just curious, but you're bad with that kind of thing, right? So I thought you might be more at ease here, like last time.”

“How the hell did you notice all that?”

"Your shoulders. You always get suuuper tense when you're stressed, though it doesn't happen as easily as before."

Again, Sakura doesn't know what to say. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, but nothing comes out. It's bizarre that Togame would pay attention to something so irrelevant. Sakura fights against the urge to hunch into himself in hopes of hiding himself. He scratches at his chest, where his skin burns and tingles for some reason.

“Y-Your leader— Choji. I never got his contact information. Give it to me.”

In this situation, it would be more appropriate to ask for Togame's number, but Sakura already has it. Besides, if there are more emergencies in the future, it might be useful to be able to contact Shishitoren's top directly.

“Huh?” There's a long pause before Togame seems to process what he said. “Oh, sure.”

Sakura waits and waits, but Togame doesn't move. A minute passes in silence, the two of them staring at each other. A blush creeps up his cheeks.

“I don't know how to set it up,” Sakura admits. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and turns it in his hand, wondering what the hell he's supposed to do now. “Those bastards just took my phone last time…”

Togame chuckles, but before Sakura can ask what the fuck he's laughing at, he leans closer until their shoulders bump. He looks over, head tipped down to look at the phone screen, and his hair grazes Sakura's cheek.

Togame calmly taps at the screen, talking quietly as he explains it to Sakura, who doesn't hear a single word out of his mouth. He's distracted by the shivers running all throughout the right side of his body and debating whether to pull away or not.

Wait, this was the kind of shit Umemiya meant, right? Deepening their bond, getting used to someone new. If Sakura fails to produce satisfying results, maybe Umemiya will make him do something even more ridiculous next time. Determined, Sakura nods to himself and plants his feet into the ground, refusing to budge even when Togame looks up at him, his face too close for comfort.

“There, it's done.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“No problem. I'll bet Choji will be happy when I tell him you asked for his number.”

As Togame leans over the railing, he smiles privately. Sakura doesn't check, but he's sure of who is in his line of sight. He averts his eyes, something about the scene disturbing him. Like he's not meant to see it. A sense of isolation creeps under his skin, and Sakura has to clench his fist against the meaningless surge of emotion.

"Spar with me,” Sakura suggests. “I don't say this just to kiss your ass, you're seriously one of the strongest people I know. If I can, I wanna learn from you. You weren't serious enough last time."

Togame chuckles as if there's something funny in what Sakura said. He bares his teeth in warning, but Togame just raises his hands appeasingly.

“Sorry, that just reminded me of something,” he says without elaborating. “We'll fight next time. It's getting dark already, plus if anyone gets wind of this we'll draw an audience. I would like it if it was just the two of us, Sakura.”

“Yeah, sure.” Sakura pushes away from the railing. “We're done here then.”

"You're already going?"

The disappointed drag of his voice (it edges on what could be called a whine) makes Sakura stagger on a step. He doesn't know what to say to that, and it's not like he has anything else to talk about with Togame. It makes no sense to stay any longer. He nods stiffly.

As he heads for the exit, Togame doesn't move to stop him or voice any further protests. To add more confusion to the situation, Sakura feels his own pang of disappointment at that.

"See ya, Togame," he throws over his shoulder.

"Bye, Sakura."

His chest feels funny. Both light and heavy at the same time. For some reason, it's hard to breathe. Sakura manages to walk all the way to the mouth of the alleyway before he stops in his tracks. The back of his neck burns.

Sakura peeks over his shoulder, and finds that Togame is still in the same position on the roof. His eyes are undoubtedly drawn to Sakura. When their gazes meet, Togame lazily waves at him. It's hard to tell from this distance, but he seems to be smiling. Sakura barely nods before he jerks forward, unable to look at Togame any longer.

The pain in his chest doesn't let up for hours.

*

A whole week passes before Togame can make good on his promise to spar. It comes out of nowhere; he’s talking to his classmates when the phone rings. Sakura tries not to show his excitement when he sees the name of the screen, but if Suou’s annoying smile is anything to go by, he does a poor job of it. He marches out of the classroom as he takes the call.

“Sakura, are you free? The weather is nice today, it's perfect for a fight.”

Sakura perks up, ready to run right out, straight to Togame. He pauses and looks back at his classroom, where everyone is half-listening to his phone call for some unfathomable reason. He waves for them to go away, but instead of doing as instructed, he gets a few thumb-ups and hollers of encouragement. In his ear, Togame snorts. Sakura feels his ears burn.

“Right now? I gotta finish up some stuff here, but…”

“Sure, take your time,” Togame agrees easily. “I’ll wait for you, so there’s no problem.”

“I-I'll be there soon, so don't you dare move a muscle!”

Togame chuckles in answer; through the phone, it's a burst of static. It tingles deep in his ear. Sakura barks out a goodbye and barely gives Togame the chance to reply before firmly ending the call. He sharply turns on his classmates, and finds Suou smiling innocently at him.

“Since Sakura-kun is eager to see his friend, how about we work hard to finish earlier than usual?” 

“I’m not eager to see anyone!”

Regardless of his protests, Sakura is quickly dragged out of the school. True to their words, they patrol without lingering too much to chat with the locals. If asked, Suou gladly informs them that their class is in a hurry for Sakura’s sake. Nirei is practically plastered to Sakura’s side as he struggles to keep him from punching the smug smile off Suou’s annoying face.

He barely gets much done before he’s getting shoved away and told to just go already.

“Sakura-san, you haven’t met Togame-san this week yet, right?” Nirei interjects as soon as Sakura puts up a fight. “The week is almost over, if you don’t go already, you’ll be in trouble. There’s no saying what Hiragi-san or Umemiya-san will do in that case!”

Sakura groans. At the end, he’s forced to tell his vice captains to take care of things in his place before leaving in a huff. He’s not in the mood for another one of Umemiya’s lectures.

By the time Sakura arrives at the riverbank where they’re supposed to meet, he finds Togame sleeping on the grass with a hand on his stomach. Sakura drags his feet through the grass to announce his presence, but Togame doesn't even stir. He crouches next to him.

“Hey.”

No response. Sakura watches him for a moment. The rise and fall of his chest is steady, his breath escaping him through his slightly parted mouth. The wind kicks up, dragging a leaf across his face. Togame scrunches his nose, smacking his lips. He mumbles something intelligible before turning on his side and throwing an arm over his face. Sakura snorts.

“Your guard is wide open, Togame. Aren't we here to spar, dumbass?” He tugs a leaf out of his hair.

Togame shoots out to hold his wrist, eyes suddenly blinking open and alert. His grip falters when his face lights up in recognition, and Sakura scoffs.

“Why the hell are you only waking up now? If there was an enemy around, you'd be dead.”

Togame sits up while scratching the back of his neck. He lets out a huge yawn then turns to stare at Sakura, expression turning confused.

“But there's only you around. I would've woken up if it was someone else," he states. Realizing he's still holding onto Sakura, he drops his hand. “Ah, sorry.”

Sakura rubs at his wrist, unsure if he's more disconcerted by the way his skin burns where Togame was touching him, or by the impact of Togame’s casual words. To him, relaxing around others isn't just an uphill battle, it’s also a deliberate choice he makes every second he spends with them. It's like clenching a muscle he hasn’t trained, a constant strain which soon turns into an ache deep inside his bones.

When Togame lets his guard down, when he easily admits to being vulnerable around him… Irrationally, he's jealous. Why does it come so naturally to others, when it's all Sakura can do to hold his breath and brace for impact every time? As if he's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. He feels alienated, like there's something broken to him. Knowing the cracks are exposed for everyone to see, it makes him nauseous.

He's angry, yes, but mostly he's ashamed. He should know better by now. After everything Umemiya, Kaji, Suou, all his classmates—after all they've done and said, here he is, going down the same path. 

“You shouldn't trust someone so easily,” he finds himself snapping. Sakura bites the inside of his cheek, all too aware that he's acting like a wounded animal, but unable to answer any other way.

Togame laughs lightly. Sakura snaps up with a curse on his tongue, face contorted in anger, but he freezes when there's a hand extended to him. Togame is on his feet, waiting for Sakura to follow suit.

“I don't think it's stupid to trust one of my friends,” Togame answers. “I know we haven't known each other long, but I trust what I've seen of you. Not like there's any reason to guard myself against you. Right?”

Out of habit, Sakura wants to deny it. Despite the lump in his throat, and the mortification running in his veins, Sakura takes Togame's hand. Without pause, Togame pulls him to his feet, only letting go when Sakura recovers his balance after the sudden pull. 

He may be lacking in a lot of areas, and he's nowhere close to Umemiya's level yet, but right now, this is as much as he can do. He nods, small and hesitant.

"R-Right. Yeah." He clears his throat. "I also consider you a friend, so it's… fine."

What is he even saying? Sakura looks to the side, regretting his lame phrasing, but Togame smiles like he has just won a prize. Sakura shuffles on his feet, unsure of what to do next, until Togame nudges him along so they're no longer standing on a slope. On steadier feet, Togame lowers his body into a stance Sakura would recognize anywhere.

“Show me what you've learned, Sakura.”

This, at least, is easy. A grin pulls sharply at his lips. Sakura spreads his feet to adjust his center of gravity and raises his fists. It’s just enough to not be knocked flat on his ass when Togame rams straight into him. As always, his speed is a beast on its own, and when applied to his heavy body, it takes everything out of Sakura not to wheeze. The pressure around his rib cage is enormous, but maybe his body has memorized the feeling of Togame’s attacks. He breathes slowly and carefully, then shifts his body to allow for a swift kick at Togame’s neck. 

Togame pulls back before the attack can connect. He seems impressed by Sakura’s move, and he has to snort to himself. It’s way too early to be congratulating him for anything.

This time, he attacks first with a low kick to the knee. Togame slams his palm on Sakura’s shin to deflect him, then readily delivers a punch to his stomach.

There’s no pause in between their movements. As always, the weight of Togame’s strikes are no joke. Despite the unrelenting rhythm of it, Sakura feels like he can properly keep up with Togame, and not just by keeping himself on the defensive. He lands quite a few blows in retaliation to the ones he receives, and he grins animalistically when he sees Togame stagger on his feet.

Sometimes, his ability to tune out everything but his opponent works against him. In fact, as Sakura winds up for a well-placed kick to Togame’s solar plexus, he fails to notice the spot where the ground is soft and muddy. Although he lands his blow, he can’t rebalance himself as he jumps back to put some distance between them to avoid Togame’s grabbing hands.

Sakura’s focus shatters as the ground falls beneath his feet. The slip up is small, just enough to make his movements falter, but it’s a big mistake when he’s fighting someone like Togame.

He doesn't recover fast enough. Next time Togame charges at him, Sakura falls on his back. Togame hovers over him, and a strange sense of deja vu overcomes him. There’s not enough purchase with the wet grass under him to perform a roll, so all Sakura can do is raise both arms defensively and squeeze his eyes shut. 

“Alright, that’s enough,” Togame announces brazenly.

Sakura blinks behind his raised arms. Togame is bent low on his waist, watching Sakura with a strange expression. He’s not moving, and the trace of the vicious energy he emanates when he’s fighting is completely gone. 

“....Huh?”

Togame dusts his pant legs and jacket, then nods to Sakura in approval for the fight. Sakura isn’t satisfied with that at all.

“Are—” he jumps to his feet and grabs Togame’s arm.

“You—” caught by surprise, Togame flops forward, unable to break the momentum.

Sakura firmly plants his face into the ground. Then, he sits on Togame’s back and sharply twists his arm behind him. “Fucking kidding me! Take this seriously, you chickenshit asshole!”

“Ow, that hurts, Sakura,” Togame mumbles. He taps Sakura’s ankle in defeat, but Sakura just pulls even harder, as far as it’ll go without dislocating his bone entirely. Togame winces.

“It’s supposed to fucking hurt! What was that at the end?! If we’re gonna fight, then properly punch me until I can’t get up anymore!”

“You wanted me to punch your lights out…?” Togame asks, confused.

“I wanted you to treat me like a proper opponent!” Sakura finally lets up, rolling to the side. He hangs his head low between his knees, flushed with exertion, anger and embarrassment all at once. “Ugh, this is humiliating. How beneath you do you think I am, huh?! I can take a few punches to the face, did you forget you tried to bash my head in with your sandals? Dammit!”

He kicks at a rock and watches it go flying and fall into the river. Sakura twists his head to the side when he feels Togame peering into him. After a moment, he hears a sigh and the grass shifting. Togame sits beside him, looking out at the river.

“Calm down, Sakura. It isn’t like that, really. I do think you’re stronger than most people I know, even myself. It’s just…”

“What?”

At the beat of silence, Sakura glances at him. Togame seems a little lost, eyes downcast. He also seems upset, for some reason. Then, he clenches his fists and sets his shoulders in determination.

“I don’t want to actually hurt you, I guess.”

“Getting hurt is normal when you fight, it’s not like I mind,” he grumbles. “I was looking forward to fighting you again, but there’s no point if you’re just gonna hold back on me.”

Togame shoots him an amused smile. “You really think I was holding back?”

He twitches, and the movement pulls at his ribs. Sakura rests a hand over his midsection, where the pain is becoming clearer as the adrenaline fades. Even through fabric, he can feel the skin is taut, swelling into bruises. If he focuses too much on it, his head swims with nausea.

Point taken.

“...Then what the hell is the problem? What’s so different from kicking the shit out of my ribs and punching me in the face? Or stomping, I guess. You like doing that sort of thing.”

“I just remembered your swollen face and suddenly I didn’t feel like doing it anymore.” Togame shrugs, sounding like he’s not even sure of it himself. “One of your eyes wouldn’t even open all the way, back then.”

“Well, yeah, but what that’s got to do—”

“I like your eyes, so when I think about accidentally damaging them, it’s hard to put my all into hurting your face.”

“You… like my eyes…?” Sakura echoes, stunned.

Togame hums and looks back at Sakura, tracking the movements of his eyes. He taps the underside of Sakura’s left eye and nods in satisfaction. “They’re like marbles.”

Once again, that strange feeling in his chest grows, inflating like a balloon. Sakura tries to parse out what it means—Togame’s words, his own reaction to it. Suddenly, he remembers Suou’s words: Sakura-kun is extra sensitive to people being openly affectionate.

Openly affectionate? Togame is? For who?

There’s no else here but them, and it’s Sakura who Togame is looking at as he smiles hard enough that his eyes squint. 

…Togame is affectionate towards Sakura.

Togame li…likes…him…

His body rattles like his skeleton is trying to vibrate out of his skin. Sakura opens and closes his mouth, releasing a noise like a whistling kettle. His teeth clack together, and his entire head is so hot his vision blurs in front of him.

“Sakura?” All of a sudden, Togame is a lot closer, peering at his face with a concerned expression. He touches Sakura’s forehead with the back of his hand, knuckles gently grazing his skin as he pushes his bangs away. “You’re all red…”

“I-I need…!”

“Hm?”

“I need to go! Right now!” Sakura shoots to his feet. Togame falls back onto his palms with the sudden movement, and he stares at Sakura in confusion. “I’m… sick. Yeah, I just got sick so I’m going home.”

“I’ll take you there—”

“No, I gotta go on my own! Don’t come after me!”

Sakura sprints before Togame can think of going after him. He runs all the way home as fast as his legs will take him, no matter how tired he is or how badly his body aches.

“There’s no way,” Sakura tells himself. “There’s just no way…”

*

“...kura-san. Sakura-san!”

“Wha?”

Sakura snaps to attention. He looks away from the crack in the wall he had been staring at and towards Nirei instead, who’s staring at him expectantly. 

“W-What is it?”

“Anzai-san says he saw a group of outsiders around the city today. It didn’t seem like they’re part of any teams, but the townspeople looked wary, so we were discussing if we should look into it.” He briefly looks at Anzai for confirmation. “Right?”

Anzai nods back. It’s only when the silence grows awkward that Sakura realizes they’re waiting for him to reply. Remembering he is supposed to be the grade captain, Sakura hurries to agree. “Oh, yeah. Let’s do that.”

“I believe we should ask around first before taking action; it would be bad to spark an unnecessary fight if there are other ways to solve the issue,” Suou muses. “What do you think, Sakura-kun?”

He’s still not entirely sure what they’re talking about. Sakura blinks stupidly. “Huh? I mean, sure.”

Suou’s usual smile grows strained, and Sakura thinks he sees his eyebrow twitch for a second. Hands folded behind his back, he bends at the waist, his posture so straight it looks like a doll being twisted into position. Creeped out, Sakura tips his chair back, balanced precariously to put more distance between him and Suou’s inquisitive gaze.

“Say, Sakura-kun… Did something happen?” He asks sweetly. “You seem awfully out of it today. Have you gotten sick again?”

“I’m not sick.”

Without missing a beat, he adds: “Is it something with Togame Jo, then?”

Sakura jumps to his feet. He points an accusing finger at Suou, willing himself not to shake as he does. “Why are you bringing up that guy out of nowhere?!”

“You were okay yesterday before you left, but you’re acting strange today. You met up with him sometime within that interval, so I can only imagine something happened when you saw him. Did you say something rude and upset him?”

Upset him? If anything, Togame was so happy his entire face lit up with it! All the smiles he had been directing at Sakura played back in his mind, one after another. He remembers Togame watching him leave from Ori’s rooftop. What the hell was he looking wistful for, dammit?! Sakura hunches his shoulders. 

“Drop it, okay?” He hisses. “Nothing happened.”

“It doesn’t sound like—”

“Nire-kun.”

Nirei takes a step towards him, but Suou puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Sakura is almost grateful for it, but the feeling is swallowed by the discomfort that being studied by Suou brings. He looks a tad more serious now, so he’s probably not mocking Sakura anymore, but it’s hard to tell with him.

“Let’s just go. I’m fine,” Sakura insists.

No one looks like they particularly believe him, but they don’t voice any complaints. 

He’s probably reading too much into it. Sakura has thought about it long and hard since yesterday, but he can’t come up with any other reasonable explanation. All Togame did was compliment his eyes and smile a little at him. People around here have a few screws loose, so getting compliments on his eyes isn’t all that uncommon lately. And sometimes, people say things without meaning much by it; Tsubaki often asks him on dates or comments on Sakura’s appearance, but it’s pretty clear that Tsubaki doesn’t have any real romantic interest in anyone other than Umemiya. Sakura isn’t so stupid he couldn’t see that.

He tries to think why Togame would fall for him, and can’t list even a single reason for it. Sakura was the one who interpreted a little attention wrong and jumped to conclusions all on his own. He even ran from Togame after that and hasn’t contacted him since.

When he thinks about it this way, it’s pretty pathetic.

By the end of the day, his mood has soured so bad, Nirei can’t stop anxiously glancing at him while everyone talks around Sakura but not to him. He wants to apologize, it’s not their fault in the first place. But his throat feels tight, and the words won’t come out. 

It’s fine. Next time he sees Togame, he’ll act normal, and pretend this all never happened.

Once he decides on that, it's a lot easier to put a lid on his own feelings. There's nothing to be upset about because nothing ever happened, not really.

As the days pass, Sakura feels clear-minded enough to call Togame first this time around. Also, he makes sure he's at home when he dials Togame's number.

(Sakura is tired of all the looks his classmates have been giving him since last time.)

“Sakura? Did you need something?” Togame says immediately upon taking the call. “If there’s any trouble, I can get the others—”

“What are you getting all anxious for, I haven’t even said anything. Aren’t you supposed to be the guy who always takes things easy? Don’t worry, we’re good.” Sakura snorts. He clears his throat and scratches his head, although Togame can't see him do it. “Rather, have you guys had any trouble lately? I could lend a hand if you want. For the pair up thing, I mean.”

“Nothing we can't handle on our own,” Togame answers in a pensive tone. “It's fine as long as we meet up regularly, right? We could just hang out normally.”

“Hang out…?”

“Yeah. Do you have anything you'd like to do? Any places you'd like to go?”

Sakura tries to think of something, but comes up blank. Aside from the stuff he does as part of Bofurin, the only place Sakura goes is to Kotoha's store for food. He hasn't thought of going anywhere else either.

Something similar happened in the past, didn't it? When Nirei asked if Sakura had any hobbies aside from fighting… 

Normal people usually have that, stuff that they're interested in, things they want to do. Sakura grits his teeth, shamefaced.

“Not really. We can just do whatever you want, I guess,” he replies tightly.

Togame seems unperturbed by the long time it takes Sakura to answer him. In fact, he takes a long pause of his own as he tries to come up with a suggestion, only the occasional sound of static indicating he's still on the line.

“I probably have some games lying around—”

“Hell no, we're not doing that!” Sakura interrupts.

“Are you bad at video games, Sakura?” 

“S-Shut up!”

He doesn't insist on the topic. After another beat (Sakura is starting to get used to all the extended silence Togame is prone to), he exclaims “Ah!” under his breath.

“Have you ever been to a bathhouse, Sakura?” He asks. “There's this one place in the neighborhood, I always go there. It's not too crowded, and the people there are a bunch of friendly old men. If it's a place like that, it should be fine for you. Oh, also, I like the shampoo there.”

“The shampoo?” Sakura echoes in amusement. “I don't care about that kind of thing. You didn't have to think that hard about it. Yeah, I'll go, if you want it so badly.”

“Sometimes Choji goes with me, but it's been a while since the last time,” he muses. From the tone of his voice, it's easy to tell that he's smiling. “I'm looking forward to it.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Sakura throws his phone aside and grins triumphantly. Good, that was a normal interaction . Something unpleasant stirs low in his gut, but Sakura ignores it. He's relieved, really. As long as he's just imagining things, then nothing has to change.

Feeling more confident, Sakura leaves the room feeling a lot lighter.

Whether due to Togame's chosen time or because this place doesn't see a lot of clients on a normal day, only three other men are in the men's bath when they come in. Sakura stiffly goes through the motions of scrubbing his body clean, wary of the group of strangers nearby.

Their gazes linger on Sakura for a moment, drawn to his eyes and hair, but they don't make any comments and the staring is brief. It's definitely not the worst Sakura has gotten from elderly people, considering his unusual appearance.

Although he had been prepared for a few dirty looks, Sakura is relieved nothing happens. Togame eyes him in question, but Sakura waves him away and settles into the warm water. Assured that Sakura is fine, Togame turns to talk a bit with the elder men. They seem to know each other already, if the familiar tone is anything to go by.

Togame returns to his side after a few minutes. Sakura eyes the other group.

“You get along well with them,” Sakura comments.

“I play shogi with them sometimes when I come here,” he explains. Togame sinks further into the water until only his head is exposed, letting out a content sigh. “I like this kind of atmosphere. It's like you can take all the time in the world…”

“You really hate being rushed, huh. I can't believe that's coming from the guy who moves like that when he fights,” Sakura jabs lightly. “How are you that fast with that big body? It makes no damn sense. What are you, a monster?”

It's pretty obvious just looking at him normally, but with no clothes in the way, the bulk of Togame's body is even more obvious. His shoulders are even broader than his baggy attires suggest, and his hand is seriously huge (something he knew from all the times he was punched or grabbed by them). What the hell does he eat to get a body like that…?

“Even if you say that, you're a beast yourself, Sakura. The ordinary person can't take that many hits directly to the head,” he says lightly, almost like he's reminiscing on a fond memory. “But you didn't even get a concussion.”

Sakura feels the twinge of wooden sandals sinking into the back of his head. He winces.

“That makes it sound like you were trying to kill me.”

“Maybe.”

“Are you really supposed to say something like that so casually?”

They look at each other in silence. Somehow, Togame's serene face is hilarious to him in this situation. Air escapes him like a deflating balloon; Sakura can't hold back his laughter. Soon, Togame joins him and they're both cackling madly for no reason at all. They probably look like lunatics, but Sakura finds he doesn't care.

He hears a distant click as he wheezes through the last of his giggles. It takes him a moment to realize that they're now the only ones in the bath. He was so distracted, Sakura didn't notice the old men were leaving until then.

“Rather than me being big, isn't Sakura the one who's too small?” Togame muses, almost like he's talking to himself.

“Haah?!”

“Well, you're still growing, so that makes sense,” he continues, unshaken in the face of Sakura's angry yell. He moves closer; because his arms are underwater, Sakura doesn't realize what he's doing until Togame wraps each hand around Sakura's waist. His fingers settle easily into the curve of it, from front to back. “See? Your waist is this small.”

Sakura flinches so hard he almost rams his head into the wall, only Togame's grip saving him from injury. He squirms and kicks wildly, splashing water everywhere. He can't seem to put enough strength into it, his body paralyzed by the warm palms pressed against his skin.

“W-Where are you touching me?! Let go!!” Sakura screams when fighting doesn't work.

Togame seems to obey at first, only to cup Sakura's cheeks instead. Sakura freezes, forgetting how to breathe altogether. He doesn't blink either. After a moment of studying Sakura's face, Togame chuckles.

“What? What are you laughing at?!”

“I was just thinking that your face is small as well. You're like a small, nimble cat, Sakura. It's cute.”

Even as he speaks, Togame's eyes flit all over his body, lingering here and there. Seeming to catch himself, he snaps his gaze up, but not before pausing briefly to look at his mouth.

Sakura has never felt this exposed. He's shaking so badly it's a wonder Togame hasn't commented on it yet. He kicks his earlier self who so confidently declared he misunderstood Togame's feelings. Exactly what part of his heated gaze and his gentle, stroking fingers says he's uninterested?! It's like his idiocy is being thrown right back at him with evidence he can't deny.

…He's taking a bath with someone who's in love with him. Or at least attracted to him.

Sakura wants to crawl into a hole.

“You're all red again…” Togame comments.

“T-The heat!” Sakura quickly jumps to explain. “The heat is getting to me!”

It's the perfect excuse. With this, Togame steps away and says they should leave the bath for today. Sakura follows him to the changing room, eyes glued to his own feet.

Sakura sinks into the nearest bench as soon as he has clothes on. Togame has gone off to buy them a drink, so he takes the chance to sink into his palms. In his heart, he's screaming as loud as he can. It's the most coherent sound he can make even in his own head.

He stays like that for a long time, unsure what to think, until he hears Togame's footsteps grow nearer. He raises his head in time to see the bottle of Ramune being offered to him; it's already been opened for him. Togame smiles gently.

Once Sakura takes the offered bottle, they sit together in companionable silence. Togame is relaxed, eyes barely open as he drinks his soda in slow sips. In comparison, Sakura is a bundle of nerves next to him, and he can barely taste the drink on his tongue.

“Did you like it here, Sakura?”

“Y-Yeah,” he scrambles for what to say. “It's… nice.”

Togame isn't deterred by his lackluster answer. “That's good. We can always come back again, if you want.”

Sakura can do little more than nod along, even though what he really wants to do is shake him by the shoulders and demand: Why the hell would you like me of all people?!

He can't bear to ask, so Sakura doesn't say anything at all.

*

When Sakura walks into the room, everyone's eyes snap up towards him. A dead silence stretches, putting Sakura on edge. He raises his fist just in case, but then a sudden pandemonium arises. His classmates shove at each other to get to him, all talking at the same time. Someone tries to pet his head. Sakura is petrified.

“We thought you were dying, Sakura!”

“Huh?!”

The crowd parts to let their vice captains through. The curve of Suou's smile is more pronounced than usual. Sakura can feel the lecture coming, even without a clue as to what he did wrong this time. 

“Everyone's anxious because you weren't seeing any of our messages, and you're late to boot. We assumed you got sick again. Please be more diligent about checking your phone, what if there was an emergency?”

“I'm not that frail, and I do check my phone!” Sakura protests. He shoves a hand inside his pocket; he hadn't felt it vibrate all morning so it's not like it's his fault. “I guess it escaped my mind… Huh? What the hell? It's not here.”

“What isn't?”

“My phone…”

“Did you lose it?!” Nirei interjects, looking panicked. “Maybe someone has picked it up already, should we go ask around?”

Suou sets a calming hand on his shoulder.

“Calm down, Nire-kun. He could've just left it at home, it happens. Right?”

His eyes turn to Sakura, who squints in thought. Now that he's thinking about it, he doesn't remember picking up his phone this morning. Most likely, it's still charging where he usually leaves it overnight. Sakura can't put his finger on it, but that doesn't seem right either. He tries to recall everything he did the previous day— 

He freezes.

“Shit, the bathhouse—!”

It had been inside his clothes when he went to the bathhouse, but Sakura had been in a hurry to get into his clothes and escape from the changing room. He didn't even check his belongings or take one last look inside the locker, he just bolted outside. His phone is probably still inside the locker.

“When I was with Togame yesterday…”

“With Togame-san…?” Nirei questions, snapping Sakura out of his reverie.

Looking into his friend's inquisitive face, Sakura can't bring himself to say. We were at the bathhouse together ; those words feel like an admission of guilt. He still remembers the size of Togame's fingers, wrapped around his waist. Sakura looks to the side, desperate to hide his burning face.

“It doesn't matter,” he grumbles. “We went somewhere yesterday and I left my phone behind. Dammit.”

“That's unusual,” Nirei muses. He opens his journal to puzzle at one of his entries. “I didn't peg Sakura-san as the forgetful type, but maybe I was wrong. I'll write it down just in case.”

“Don't bother Nire-kun, this is just a special occasion,” Suou interrupts. “You see, Sakura-kun has his head in the clouds lately. That's thanks to Togam—”

“Suou-san, I'm begging you, please don't say another word!”

Nirei jumps up and presses his hands to Suou's mouth, effectively covering it with the journal he's still holding. His pen is digging into Suou's cheek, but Suou doesn't look particularly bothered by it.

“What do you mean? I was just going to say that Sakura-kun has a little cr—”

“Do you want me to kill you?!”

Nirei yelps and flinches away from Sakura's sudden kick. Suou sticks close to Nirei, limiting Sakura's movement by basically using Nirei as a shield. To his dismay, Nirei seems to notice this as well, and shakily holds an arm in front of Suou to cover him. Sakura bares his teeth.

“Why the hell are you defending him, Nirei?!"

“I'm j-just trying to stop you guys from fighting…”

“Just because Nire-kun chose to support me over you, there's no need to be jealous, Sakura-kun. There's space in our hearts for you as well.”

“Suou-san!!”

He charges at Suou a few more times, but when it's clear that Nirei isn't stepping away from the fight, Sakura huffs at the two of them and gives up. Playing into one of Suou's provocations never feels good to begin with. He ignores the smug grin plastered on Suou's face.

Just as Sakura is about to sit down, a first-year from a different class lightly knocks on the already open door to get their attention.

“Sakura! I think there's someone looking for you.”

“What? Who the hell—”

“Apparently, Shishitoren's Togame Jo is here.” Sakura straightens up so fast, the chair closest to him clatters. Seeing his reaction, the guy hesitates for a moment, explaining, “I asked the others if I should send someone and they said you should go.”

He stiffly looks over at Suou. “Not a single word. Keep your damn mouth shut.”

Sakura marches out of the room, and though Suou does as he says for once, his giggles follow Sakura all the way down the hall.

Did… Did Togame realize Sakura noticed his feelings? That's the only thing he can think of. No matter how much he tries, his imagination only takes him so far. He can't say what Togame would do, if he already knows what's going on. One way or another, they'd both be forced to face the situation.

As soon as the thought of a love confession enters his mind, Sakura waves it all away and walks faster to meet Togame.

He is, as Sakura had been informed, crouched by the school gate. His back pressed to the wall and arms draped lazily over his knees, Togame is watching the clouds with vacant eyes. Occasionally, his posture slips, eyes sliding shut just before he snaps back to attention.

Sakura has been thinking this for a while, but when he isn't fighting, Togame is really just an airhead.

“What are you doing here?” Sakura asks.

“Oh, Sakura. Hold on.”

Togame unfolds his body, limb by limb. He stretches his arms high above his head, rolls his shoulders, then settles into his usual slouch. He does all this while moving as little as he can, like he's conserving his energy. Sakura watches with an odd sort of fascination.

“You forgot this,” he finally says. He takes something out of his pocket and presents it to Sakura. It takes him a moment to recognize his own phone.

“...Thanks. Wait, how did you find it?”

“You seemed distracted when you left yesterday, so I went to double check you didn't leave anything behind. Choji always forgets his things, so I guess it's something of a habit by now.”

Sakura numbly clenches his fist around his phone. “You noticed that…?”

“You were the one who said the heat got to you, so I assumed you were feeling dizzy,” Togame answers in confusion. “It'd be bad if you fainted, so I was keeping an eye on you. I was going to carry you if you got worse, but it looked like you could walk just fine so…”

“I wouldn't need you to carry me!” Sakura chokes out.

His turmoil must show on his face because Togame tilts his head, anxiously pressing his lips together.

“Did I do something bad?”

“N-No,” Sakura hurries to reassure him. He clears his throat, voice falling into a disgruntled whisper: “Thanks, for taking care of me.”

Togamd nods in acknowledgement.

“One more thing.”

He thrusts the bottle of Ramune he had been carrying into Sakura's hands. He pauses for a moment and, realizing that now Sakura has one object in each hand, he leans closer and drops an assortment of candy inside his uniform pocket. Sakura stares at him in confusion.

“The candy is from Choji, he insisted I give it to you when he heard I was coming over to Furin,” Togame explains. He opens his mouth, but doesn't say anything for a long moment. Togame scratches the back of his neck as he looks to the side. “You should come over to Shishitoren sometimes, Choji would probably like that.”

“He would?”

“Yeah. Everyone in Shishitoren has taken a liking to you, Sakura.”

Something about it feels off. Maybe it's the fact that Togame won't look at him, and his expression is inscrutable. Like someone with a secret.

His heart beats noisily in his ear. Sakura knows he shouldn't pry, not if Togame has no intention of sharing his thoughts with him, but his skin itches all over. He's restless. 

Sakura doesn't like the melancholy in Togame's eyes.

“What about you?”

Togame looks at him, lips parted. He's still for so long, Sakura is sure he won't get an answer. Then, Togame shrugs to himself, his features finally melting into the usual gentle curves of his sloped eyes and mouth.

“I'm no match for the others in Furin,” he muses, “but within Shishitoren, I'm definitely the one who likes Sakura the most.”

With the sun lighting up his cheerful face, Togame looks far softer than anything Sakura has seen on him. He hears the sound of his brain overheating, and he's unable to do anything with his body.

Sakura gets the vague sense that they exchange a few words, but none of it makes it through to him. He must somehow have answered Togame's farewell, because the next thing he knows he's standing on an empty sidewalk. 

Sakura takes a few steps to the side and smashes his head against the wall.

“Agh…!”

He clutches his throbbing skull as he doubles over. Sakura stares down at the wavering pavement and wonders when the hell is his heart going to stop being so damn loud.

Forget like or attraction, isn't this just straight up love?!

“SAKURAAAAA!! YOU AND TOGAME LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BECOME REALLY GOOD FRIENDS!”

Umemiya's voice rings out over the schoolyard. Sakura, horrified, stares dumbly up at the roof, where he can see his dumbass of a leader pressed up against the fence. Even from this distance, Sakura can tell that he's grinning. Umemiya cups his mouth and takes a deep breath, but before he can say anything else, someone (Hiragi?) grabs him in a chokehold and drags him away.

Maybe Sakura should go home for today. There's no way he can face Suou in this situation. In fact, he should leave the town altogether. Go somewhere very far away and never come close to Umemiya Hajime again. 

He entertains that thought for a long minute until his head cools down. It's true that talking to his classmates right now would be torture, especially if someone happened to see him talk to Togame. Even so, he can't just outright leave Furin at the beginning of the day when he's the grade captain.

Might as well give Umemiya a piece of his mind, instead.

Decided, Sakura marches up to the roof taking the stairs two at a time. He fumes all the way there, and he kicks the door open. Neither Umemiya nor Hiragi look surprised by his entrance, which irritates him further.

“What the hell is wrong with you…!” Sakura points an accusing finger at Umemiya. “Did you get dropped on your head as a child?!”

“Hmmm, I don’t think I was…”

“That’s not the problem here!” 

Sakura stalks forward, but before he can fully approach Umemiya, he barks out: “Hiragi, bring in the reinforcements!”

“Don’t call anyone else here, dammit!”

“It’ll be fine, really,” Umemiya promises vaguely.

Maybe looking forward to getting away from both of them, Hiragi leaves without a word. Sakura sees him pop three pills into his mouth at once. He almost feels bad for the guy.

Before Sakura can entertain that thought much longer, Umemiya tugs insistently at him to get Sakura to crouch next to him while Umemiya sprays water on his tomatoes. 

He lays a heavy but gentle hand on Sakura’s shoulder. “You look troubled.”

“It’s nothing,” he answers automatically. Sakura eyes Umemiya for a long moment, but it’s hard to discern anything from his smile alone. “Do we gotta keep doing this pair up thing? I don’t see what’s the point of it, me and Togame are already friends anyways…”

Umemiya hums thoughtfully.

“From where I’m standing, it still looks like the two of you have a lot to work on. You can just think of it as an excuse to see a friend, isn’t that fine?” When he sees Sakura is giving him a skeptical look, Umemiya chuckles. “Most people would be happy to just laze around with their friends.”

An unexpected bitterness rises in his throat. Sakura knows Umemiya well enough to say with confidence that there’s no malice in his words, and yet... All over again, he’s reminded of his thoughts from a few weeks ago: Sakura is the only idiot struggling with easy stuff that everyone else just takes in stride. They don’t need to think about why anyone would want to be around them, they simply hang out.

He lets the awkward silence stretch until it snaps with a single breath. Umemiya sighs.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” he says quietly, as if talking to himself. Then, apropos of nothing, he adds, “Sakura, does Togame like you?”

“Wha– Huh?!”

Sakura’s brain comes to a halt, then it starts back up with a stutter. Cold sweat gathers in his palm, and he gawks at Umemiya, unable to say a single word. He’s quiet long enough he can no longer rely on plausible deniability, or even shrug it off as a discussion about their friendship, rather than “anything else.” Something like panic grips his throat.

“There’s no way that’s true, idiot! What the hell are you saying?!” Sakura clenches his fists. “And even if he did…”

What good will it do? He can’t bring himself to say it. That’s the one question that has burned in the back of his mind in the past few weeks. Sakura doesn’t know what people usually look for in a relationship—has never paid attention to something that seems so far removed from him. Now that the possibility has presented itself, dread overcomes him. Even with his knowledge amounting to a total of zero, he can say with confidence that he’s nothing anyone would want in a partner.

Whatever Togame expects of him, there’s no chance Sakura will be able to deliver. The idea of  disappointing him ties his throat in knots.

His silence doesn’t go unnoticed. The smile drops from Umemiya’s face, and he watches Sakura with an opaque expression. He taps a finger on his leg pensively, but before he decide what to say, something robs him of his focus. There’s a distant noise coming from somewhere, a consistent clack clack which seems familiar to Sakura. Umemiya must recognize it, because as soon as he hears that noise, he perks up. The somber face he had been making melts away just like that.

“Hold that thought. The cavalry has arrived!”

Just as Sakura is about to protest that he doesn’t want someone else to get involved, the door opens, and his mouth falls shut when he sees the person who has just come in. Tsubaki scans the roof with an anxious excitement to him, until he spots Umemiya. He shouts out a happy greeting. Somehow, when Tsubaki realizes Sakura is with Umemiya, his excitement doubles and he rushes to the two of them.

“I didn’t know you were here too, Sakura!” He pats Sakura’s head, making a mess of his hair. Tsubaki looks between them and a pout shows on his lips. “Why are you two having a secret date up here in the middle of the day? You could’ve at least invited me…”

Sakura yells his protests, but Umemiya’s voice is clear as he informs, “Actually, we were talking about the fact that Togame likes Sakura.”

All the blood flows to his head, then falls to his extremities. Pending wildly between too hot and too cold, Sakura sways with vertigo. He stares at Umemiya, burning with mortification. 

“Ume, you’re scaring him,” Tsubaki chides, landing a light chop to the back of his head. “Go over there for a bit, let me handle this.”

Despite the sudden dismissal, Umemiya seems unfazed. He gives Tsubaki a thumbs up then bounds to the other side of the roof, tending to a different plot which hasn’t grown any vegetables yet. Sakura watches him go for a lack of something to do. He can’t answer Tsubaki's question.

“Sorry, Ume can be tactless sometimes, he really doesn’t mean anything bad by it,” he says gently as he folds the hem of his skirt to sit down. Tsubaki observes him with some trepidation, then cautiously asks, “Is what Ume said true?”

Questioned for a second time so soon, all the accumulated stress overflows. The mild panic grows and grows with nowhere to go, and his heart hammers in his chest. His organs feel as if they were put inside all wrong, and his skin stretches awkwardly over his brittle bones.

He forgets about the person in front of him. All Sakura can see is the barrage of doubt that has been welling up in his chest, now strong enough to choke him mercilessly. Sakura is used to being the odd one—with the strange eyes and strange hair and the disagreeable personality. He’s used to being dismissed and scorned at a single glance.

But what if the one being pointed at and scorned is Togame instead? All because he has feelings for Sakura? He can’t bear it. He just can’t bear to drag someone down with him.

“Sakura!”

Tsubaki’s hands clamp around Sakura’s cheek. The sting of it is just enough to snap Sakura out of it. He blinks, dazed, and clenches his jaw against the sting in his eyes. He wants to look away, hide his pathetic face, but Tsubaki keeps holding on. They look at each other for a long minute. Once he’s sure he has Sakura’s attention, Tsubaki lets go of Sakura with a smile.

“It doesn’t matter to me, I was just surprised, that’s all! Was that what you told me before?” He sing-songs. Sakura doesn’t immediately get it, but then his eyes widen in realization: that’s what Sakura said to Tsubaki when they first met. His mind clears, bit by bit. “I’m the last person who would judge either of you for something like that, so there’s no need to be so scared.” 

Although Tsubaki is gentle with his scolding, Sakura is properly chastised. There’s no one in Furin who would spread nasty gossip about either himself or Togame, least of all Tsubaki, who might as well be in the same boat. Sakura mumbles an apology, but Tsubaki quickly waves it away like it’s inconsequential. 

After a moment, Tsubaki nudges his shoulder, briefly throwing Sakura off balance. He glares, but the fight goes as fast as it comes when he sees the determined look Tsubaki is leveling him with. It reminds him of the fight in Keisei street. 

“I don’t mean to put you on the spot, but you do seem like you need someone to talk to. I think I understand what you’re going through more than anyone else.”

“...You do?”

“Well, yeah. Don’t you think love is a little scary sometimes?” Tsubaki answers with an airy laugh. “When you’re used to rejection, it’s hard to accept any affection. Maybe they’re just mocking you, or maybe you’re reading too much into it and then you’ll be the idiot for jumping to conclusions. After you’ve struggled for so long, after you’ve tried so hard… just when you gave up on the notion of anyone accepting you, someone shows up and actually loves you. Isn’t that too good to be true?”

He stares dumbly at Tsubaki, his lips parted. Tsubaki giggles at the face he's making.

“Did I get it right?”

Sakura presses his mouth into a tight line. There was a point in his life when he still believed the way others saw him was just a big misunderstanding, and once he explained himself, it would all fix itself. So he tried, over and over, to tell them: that his appearance was out of his control, that he didn't mean to scare them, that in truth he never really wanted to hurt anyone.

It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not my fault.

Nothing changed. If anything, their impression of him worsened even further every time he dared to speak. It didn’t take long for Sakura to realize it hurt far worse to talk and not be heard than to never speak up at all. He didn’t need to prove his innocence, all he needed was to be stronger than them.

People aren’t supposed to understand each other, he decided. Everyone is too different, too caught up in their own heads to bridge the distance between each other. Therefore, there's no one who could really empathize with him. His pain is his own; no one can bear it for him, no one can share it with him. 

As Sakura fights to remember that lesson, Tsubaki quietly waits for him, a smile on his lips, his long hair wavering in the warm breeze. He has felt this before a few times—with Umemiya, with Kaji, with Suou and Nirei, all his classmates. This steady unraveling, and the realization that the ground beneath his feet is made of solid stone, with nowhere to fall.

He never knew that not being unique could be such a freeing feeling.

The last of his resistance loosens, and though he trembles and the words escape him in pathetic stutters, he speaks all the same.

“He’s… always smiling at me. He’s always making this face, like he’s really having fun whenever we talk, even if we’re just sitting there in silence. It’s like…”

“Like you’re something precious?” Tsubaki guesses, as if he knows exactly what Sakura is talking about.

He nods. “No one has looked at me like that before.”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know,” Sakura mumbles.

“I suppose you could pretend you don’t know about it and go on as usual, but I think that would be hard for you, Sakura,” Tsubaki muses. “I’m sorry to say it, but you’re pretty transparent when it comes to romance.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you !”

His sudden yell draws Umemiya's attention, who peeks at them over the growing tomatoes. Tsubaki angles his body away to hide his own blush, and he desperately shushes Sakura.

“My point is!” He squeaks to change the subject. “If that’s not an option, then you’ll have to face it, eventually. You have to decide if you accept his feelings, and if you don’t, then you need to reject him properly. Otherwise, you’d be trampling on his sincere feelings for you. It’s a horrible thing to do.”

Accept his feelings… In the first place, is that even something Sakura should be considering? He's inexperienced, awkward, and he can barely accept it when his own friends want to take care of him. If Togame said something like I want to cherish you or something sappy like that, Sakura would be too terrified to respond in kind. Who the hell would want a troublesome partner like that? There's no way Sakura can live up to Togame's expectations. A relationship with him would be a waste of time.

Then, the best Sakura can do is reject—

He's interrupted by a flick to his forehead. Sakura clutches at the red spot, spluttering indignantly at Tsubaki, who doesn't even have the decency to look guilty.

“You’re thinking too much, geez! I can practically hear the gears turning inside your head, and I’m gonna bet it’s nothing good,” Tsubaki huffs. “You’re not supposed to be all rational about things like this, you just have to feel it in your heart.”

“My heart?” Sakura echoes skeptically.

“When you think of Togame, what do you see?”

He tips his head and narrows his eyes, picturing Togame in his head. Maybe because of their fights and that time at the bathhouse, the first thing that comes to mind is his bulky frame. Even though they're more evenly matched nowadays, Togame is far taller than he is, and when he's serious he gives off the aura of someone who could snap a person in two without much effort. 

But more than that, lately the way he sees Togame is how he acts on any ordinary day: his quiet, dragged words, his droopy eyes that make him look like he's always a little sleepy, his stupid habit of grabbing Tomiyama (and sometimes Sakura as well) by their jacket collar. His habit of staring quietly at the view or at Sakura, always with a smile on his face.

Sakura tries to combine those two contrasting images in his head. “...A friendly bear?”

Tsubaki looks lost for a moment, but he bursts into laughter soon after. He mumbles something that might be an agreement, but Sakura can't hear it through all the wheezing and giggling. Tsubaki wipes a tear from the corner of his eye (Sakura didn't say anything that funny, he grumbles) and sighs.

“Okay, okay, let’s try something else instead.” Tsubaki shuffles closer. He puts a hand under Sakura's chin, raising his head a bit. All of a sudden, they're sitting way too close. “I’m going to kiss you… if I said that, what would you think?”

Sakura hits his head on the fence in his hurry to step away from Tsubaki. He rubs the back of his head while glaring warily.

“Stop messing with me!”

“You didn’t need to jump so far away, now I’m a little hurt,” Tsubaki protests with a pout. He raises his eyebrows suggestively. “Well, what if Togame told you that?”

“W-Why would he—?!”

“If someone is in love with you, you can assume they’ll want to kiss you. If you can’t imagine yourself doing that, then you can forget about accepting his feelings. So, give it some caaareful thought. Can you picture it?”

I'm going to kiss you. Somehow, Sakura can't imagine those words coming out of Togame's mouth. He's not a forceful person; even more so lately, he always asks if Sakura is okay with doing this or that, even after Sakura has told him to stop asking. After everything that happened with Shishitoren, Togame is probably hyper aware of the way he treats others, making sure he never does anything too cruel.

He was acting like a lame bastard before, but actually, Togame is a gentle person. His chest feels heavier. If anything, Togame would phrase it as a question. And if Sakura said no, he'd probably stop, apologize, and never bring it up again. After everything, he still would smile softly at Sakura. That's just the kind of guy he is.

If he could proudly answer that it was fine, then Togame would… Sakura draws a blank. He has no idea what people do when they kiss, or what it feels like to be kissed. But if it was Togame doing it, then it wouldn't feel bad. Probably.

“Hey, you’ve been at it for a while, is your imagination that good? Geez, Sakura, you’re a naughty boy!”

“Shut up! It isn’t like that! It’s…”

An image of Togame standing close to him like Tsubaki did a few moments ago fills his head. He remembers the shape of his palm, how big they were around Sakura's waist. Out of nowhere, he thinks he would like Togame to hug him. 

Sakura wants it, that kind of affection. He wants so badly it aches. The idea of rejecting Togame, which had been so vivid in his mind before, dissipates. He wants it. Sakura buries his head in his knees and tries not to freak out all over again.

“There you go, you have your answer,” Tsubaki announces. “Keep following your heart just like that, and I’m sure it’ll be alright! Even if it isn’t, I’ll happily comfort you through your very first heartbreak.”

“What’s with that?” Sakura can't help but laugh. Despite the size of his realization, he feels lighter. It's a lot less scary than he initially thought. Maybe because he wasn't alone when it happened. Sakura cranes his neck to look back at Tsubaki. “T-Thank you.”

Tsubaki is blank-faced for a second. Then, all at once, his face goes red with a pleased flush, his face breaking into a bright grin. He squeals Sakura's name while patting his head. Sakura tries to pry himself away from the touch, but accepts his defeat after a while.

Tsubaki's eyes are a little wet, and he's sniffling in an attempt to keep the tears back. Sakura huffs and averts his eyes, accidentally meeting Umemiya's gaze instead. He's watching them, his expression gone soft; it feels like he can see right through Sakura. Feeling exposed, Sakura quickly stares up at the sky instead.

Tsubaki is still plastered to him, blabbering about outfits and dates and whatever the hell else. Sakura bumps their shoulders together and sighs.

Well, this kind of thing isn't so bad, every once in a while.

*

It happens the next weekend, when Sakura is doing nothing in particular in his dark room. Moonlight streams through the window without curtains; it reflects on the empty bottle of Ramune, making the marble inside look like a precious gem. He hadn’t known what to do with the bottle Togame had given him last time, and just throwing it away felt wrong. Since then, it occupies a spot next to his futon, always drawing Sakura’s eyes to it before he inevitably falls asleep.

Maybe it’s because of it that Sakura’s dreams are filled with images of warm spring days, and big fingers turned red from dipping inside a cooler filled with ice.

His phone lights up with a notification from the class group chat. Would it be okay to message Togame? As much as his feelings had somewhat settled after his talk with Tsubakino, acting on them is a different beast altogether. Just because Togame might feel some kind of affection towards Sakura, it doesn’t mean he’ll enjoy getting an invitation from someone like him.

While hesitating like that, another week goes by. Sakura is determined to be the one to extend an invitation to Togame this time, feeling like it’s unfair to leave all of it to Togame, who’s already going through all the trouble of coming up with ways of spending time with Sakura, who has no preferences whatsoever.

That being said, Sakura can’t help but feel like it would be weird for him to contact Togame out of the blue. Togame may even feel uncomfortable, then. Tomiyama once complained that Togame never replies to his texts, so maybe he really doesn’t like being messaged, which is an ever bigger problem.

Ugh.

Sakura takes a deep breath and mentally kicks himself for his weakening resolve. All he has to do is call Togame and be done with it—

A buzzing sound, followed by a generic ringtone. Sakura jumps into the air when his phone suddenly rings. He scrambles to take it, then almost drops it right back down seeing the name on the screen: Togame. His heart skips a beat without his permission.

“What?” His tone is rougher than intended. He’s about to apologize, but the words get stuck in his throat. Sakura groans in frustration, and only then a voice comes through the speaker.

“Ah, Sakura,” there’s a tinge of surprise to it, as if he hadn’t expected Sakura to answer. “Are you doing okay…?”

“Same as usual, I guess… I mean, did you just call me to ask that? What the hell.”

“Hmm, not really. Let’s see…” Togame murmurs.

The only thing he hears is the slight shuffle of clothes and the crackle of static. Togame hums, searching for the right words, and part of Sakura wants to raise his voice and ask why the hell he’s calling when he doesn’t even know what he wants to say. Most of all, though, the familiar slow pace unwinds the knot of stress in the pit of his stomach and his shoulders drop, bit by bit. Sakura patiently waits for Togame to speak again, letting the seconds drag by without making a sound.

“Sakura, where are you right now?”

“M-My place.” His voice wavers with confusion.

“Can I come over?”

“Huh?!”

“It’ll only be for a bit,” Togame explains hurriedly. “I know it’s sudden, and it’s already late, but…”

Sakura wonders if he’s imagining the desperation in his voice, the way his words grow smaller until they trail off into nothing. He doesn’t understand why this is so important to Togame, and it puts him on edge. Sakura tightens his grip around his phone.

“Even if you come over, there’s nothing to do here,” he argues.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I just need you to be there, so don’t worry about stuff like that, Sakura.”

He bangs his knee on the floor as he flinches. Sakura hisses under his breath, causing Togame to ask “Are you okay?” in a worried tone. His voice, delivered straight into Sakura’s ears and sounding even deeper than usual, doesn’t help the situation at all. Blood rushes to his face. Sakura scratches at his red cheeks.

“Fine,” he mumbles. “I’ll text you my address?”

“Thank you, Sakura. I’ll see you in a bit.”

The call comes to an end just like that, without Sakura even getting the chance to ask why he suddenly wanted to come to Sakura’s place. It’s possible that he just wants to get this week’s meetup out of the way, but that seems wrong. It wasn’t the impression he got from the way Togame spoke.

It’s different. Whatever the reason behind it, it’s different from other times, somehow.

After sending his address to Togame (who doesn’t reply to it, but the read check mark shows up on the screen) Sakura sits with his anxiety for long minutes. Then, he remembers Shishitoren’s territory is not so far from here, and Togame could arrive any minute soon. Staring at his bare legs, it’s clear he isn’t in any condition to receive a guest.

He feels a little queasy at the thought of seeing Togame while dressed in the white t-shirt and underwear combo he uses as pajamas.

He’s shoving one leg through his pants when he pauses, regarding the room at large. Of course, there’s nothing there. The only new addition is the empty bottle of Ramune, but everything else is the same as usual: the single futon, his Furin uniform hanging by the window, the vastness of the empty space that surrounds him.

Sakura didn’t think much about the state of his apartment before, but ever since Nirei, Suou and Kotoha were here, he started thinking that maybe his situation looks abnormal to others. Nirei in specific seems pained whenever the matter of Sakura’s living arrangement is brought up. 

He imagines Togame making a similar expression, imagines being the cause of it, and his throat tightens. The face Togame has lately is, with the stupid smile and the sometimes absentminded gaze, that’s what Sakura prefers. He doesn’t want to watch his expression fall; unreasonably, he wishes Togame could just smile like that forever.

Making a decision, Sakura finishes dressing up and pads to the entrance to tug on his shoes. He opens the door and sits down at the top of the stairs, eyes glued to his phone screen. In even less time than expected, his phone vibrates and Togame's name pops up. Sakura leans his face closer to the railing and a familiar figure appears in his field of vision. The sound of his geta clogs permeates the otherwise quiet evening.

Togame comes to a stop. He looks up from his phone, looking around as if unsure of himself. His uncertain gaze meets Sakura’s, and the confusion melts away. His eyes droop lower as he smiles, waving a hand in greeting.

Sakura takes the stairs two at a time. He buries his hands inside his pocket as he joins Togame, hoping his posture looks casual enough.

“You were waiting for me? You didn’t have to.”

“T-That’s not it! I’d rather we just talk here. My place is…” Sakura flounds as he realizes he never came up with a viable excuse not to invite Togame into his apartment. “Right now, it’s… I don’t want you to see it right now.”

Without a convincing lie to tell him, Sakura can only say part of the truth. His voice weakens at the very end as he wonders if Togame won’t take this the wrong way. Before that worry can fester, Togame nods.

“Alright. I dropped in without warning, so you didn’t have time to clean up and stuff like that, right?” He says, neatly providing an excuse for Sakura to hide behind. “Sorry, Sakura.”

“It’s not something you need to apologize for!”

Atchoo! The almost goofy sound catches him off guard. Sakura stares at Togame, who rubs his nose with a sheepish smile. The skin becomes red at the vigorous movement, and Sakura sees him burrow deeper into his team jacket as the wind blows.

“...Are you cold?”

“It’s a bit chilly tonight,” Togame agrees. “I just finished some Shishitoren business… The sweat is cooling on my skin, probably.”

‘Business’ he says… Looking closely, Togame’s knuckles are a bit red, but since the skin hasn’t broken and there’s no swelling or bruising, Sakura guesses it wasn’t a particularly tough fight. Shishitoren’s territory is full of pubs, and the first time they went there, Nirei said that it gets seedier at night. It makes sense then that there would be people picking fights with their team at this hour.

“Then you should go home already,” Sakura points out. “You’re gonna end up catching a cold.”

“I will, I will. I’m just taking a quick detour.”

It’s clear he won’t leave before he gets to talk to Sakura. He almost relents and invites Togame inside, but stops himself before the words can really come out. It’s selfish, but he doesn’t want Togame to look at him in shock or pity. Right now, Sakura just wants Togame to keep smiling at him like that, gentle and unhurried. He doesn’t want to give up the comfort that spreads down to his fingertips, warming him from inside out.

Instead, Sakura nods in invitation as he walks to the building wall. “C’mon.”

Togame follows without a word. When Sakura crouches down, he follows suit, and the two of them end up somewhat nestled under the staircase. This way, the wind is blocked from blowing directly at Togame: the stairs on his right side, and Sakura on his left. Well, there’s nothing he can do about his front, but at least this is an improvement from before.

Sakura shuffles to the side, thinking he can lend Togame some of his warmth, and their dangling hands brush. A shiver runs down his spine, and he stares at Togame disbelievingly.

“Shit, your hands are freezing!”

“Then you do something about it, Sakura.”

“Do something how…”

“Warm me up?”

While saying something Sakura couldn’t understand, Togame raises his hands and wraps them around Sakura’s cheeks. His skin is so cold, it draws shivers out of him as Togame moves, settling his palm into the curve of Sakura’s jaw.

It’s unbearable. Sakura can’t deal with it. Alarms go off in his mind, telling him to run from there.

He can’t move. He doesn’t want Togame to stop touching him.

The left side of his chest twinges. His entire body is on fire. Sakura doesn’t realize he’s squeezing his eyes shut until Togame chuckles, and he snaps them open to glare at him.

“Your face is bright red,” he comments.

“Shut up! Don’t look!”

Coincidentally, Togame is forced to turn his head as he sneezes again, though this one is quieter than the first. His cheeks are just as red as Sakura's, though for a very different reason. Sakura can’t help but feel bad for him. There’s not much he can do in this situation, he isn’t even wearing his school uniform to offer the jacket to Togame. He doesn’t have any tissues either.

With no alternatives left, Sakura clumsily extends a hand. As if reading his mind, Togame leans his face into his palm without a word. He moves his head side to side, rubbing the cold tip of his nose against Sakura’s skin. Bit by bit, the chill against his neck and hand dissipates, and their body heat mingles into one. While still moving his head in the same way, Togame raises his eyes, watching Sakura. 

What is he, a dog?

“W-Why are you being so clingy?!” Sakura yells once he becomes unable to take in that sight. “It’s embarrassing!”

“Sorry…”

“And stop apologizing!”

With his free hand, Sakura hits Togame on the head. Of course, he doesn’t put any strength into it, but Togame mutters “ow!” all the same.

Togame thanks him as he drops his hands and puts them in his pocket to preserve the warmth Sakura passed on to him. Ignoring the twinge of disappointment, Sakura looks straight ahead so he doesn’t have to see Togame’s face when they’re sitting so close to each other. 

“Why are you even here, huh? Is something wrong? If it’s a fight, I’ll buy it.”

Togame gives this some thought. Sakura can almost feel the way his chest rumbles as he hums. After a long pause, what comes out of his mouth is a short, simple response: “I just wanted to see you.”

Sakura blinks, craning his neck to look at him. It’s said so plainly, Sakura is sure he misunderstood somehow, but Togame doesn’t amend anything to his sentence. He just gazes at the starry sky with a satisfied smile on his face, then deliberately shuffles to the side so their shoulders bump. 

“See me…?” Sakura echoes.

“When we were done, I realized I was close to the overpass, and it got me thinking about Furin... Thinking about what you were up to. I was already on my way here without realizing before I remembered I didn’t know where you live. So… Not because Umemiya told us to, I just really really wanted to see you... Sakura.”

He adds his words one by one, letting them pile up carefully, until Sakura’s heart is pounding so loud it drowns out every other noise. He squeezes at his chest, afraid Togame can hear it too. He swallows with difficulty as the words continue to roll endlessly inside his brain.

Sakura isn’t good at making conversation; he doesn’t know how to talk to others, and he often gets overwhelmed and snaps without meaning to. He’s awkward, and he doesn’t have any interests other than fighting. He doesn’t have anything interesting to say.

Truth be told, Sakura is sure that being around him must be boring, that’s why he warned Togame there wouldn’t be anything to do if he came here.

Togame chose to come anyway. Even though it’s cold tonight, even though it’s late, even though he must be tired. Togame is here, at Sakura’s side, smiling like there’s no other place he’d rather be.

I just need you to be there.

I just really wanted to see you.

Sakura.

Has his own name ever sounded so soft before? Has it ever been said as if it’s something so important, so dear?

He doesn’t know. Sakura doesn’t know any of this. He remembers to breathe after a moment, and it comes out in a pant. Sakura tries to say something, but all the words get stuck in his throat.

With horror, Sakura realizes he’s close to tears. He shoves his face between his knees and clenches his teeth against the constant prickle in his eyes and at the tip of his nose. A warm hand settles at the nape of his neck. Gently, Togame comforts him in slow pats.

He doesn’t ridicule Sakura or ask Sakura what’s wrong. He just sits there, his big hand touching Sakura until he calms down.

Sakura doesn’t raise his head. He feels safer this way; whether Togame knows that or not, it’s not clear, but he doesn’t make Sakura move from his position either. When he speaks, he feels Togame shuffle a little closer, making sure he can hear every word Sakura says.

“Let’s go somewhere tomorrow.”

“Alright. Where do you want to go, Sakura?”

“Anywhere. Anywhere is fine.”

The pats pause for a moment. Togame chuckles.

“Okay.”

He accepts Sakura’s words without a fight. Sakura is sure that Togame will do his best to come up with a meeting place again, and although he still feels a little guilty for that, his heart loosens. He doesn’t care where he goes; really, even if they just stayed right here, it would be more than enough.

If Togame will come with him, then it’s enough.

*

“Sakura, you're wearing a yukata?”

Being greeted by Togame’s surprised expression right off the bat, Sakura crosses his arms defensively. If he had it his way, he would’ve worn his usual clothes, but somehow Tsubaki found out that he and Togame were going to a festival and Sakura was quickly dragged into playing dress up. Tsubaki seemed to have gotten it into his head that this was a “date,” so he dragged Sakura all the way to the old man’s place to pick an outfit for him. In the face of their combined excitement, Sakura wasn’t able to do much of anything other than stand there as they pulled his hair this and that way.

For the record, Sakura blames Suou for this. He has no proof, but he is certain that Suou leaked their plans on purpose.

Of course Togame would be wearing his usual clothes (though he has switched out his Shishitoren jacket for a dark red haori), they’re only here to help out at the festival stalls. Sakura tugs at his sleeve self-consciously.

“Does it look that weird? Someone at Furin really likes this type of stuff, like dressing up and shit. It’s stupid.”

“Ahh, Tsubakino, huh?” He tips his head, musing in recognition. “I think it suits you.”

Togame takes a lock of his slicked back hair and lightly plays with it between his thumb and index finger. He has a stupid look on his face, his smile a little goofy. It’s the look of someone who’s looking at a cute animal. Irritated by that thought, Sakura shoves Togame’s hand away, ignoring his own loud heartbeat as he turns on his heels.

“C’mon, we should get going.”

Togame falls into step with him, quietly leading Sakura down the stone path. There are not a lot of people around yet, but there’s a constant buzz all around the place as the stall owners chat with each other while setting up their booths. Paper lanterns sway in the wind, and the summer heat sets gently around him. Togame leads him past the lined up stalls, where several wooden boxes are stacked towards the back, waiting to be set up by their owners. 

“We just need to carry some stuff around for now,” Togame explains. “Ah, it’s best to take them one at a time to avoid an accident. Some of these have food inside, it’d be pretty bad if they fell.”

Sakura shrugs one shoulder and follows suit as Togame takes a box into his arms. Togame was right that they would probably have trouble carrying more, but with just one box, it’s not much of an effort. Togame walks slowly down the path, his sandals clacking on the stone. When they deliver the boxes to the respective stalls, the owner warmly thanks Togame, making small talk. They don’t address Sakura much aside from giving him curious looks, but that’s okay with him.

They continue like this for maybe half an hour, neither of them striking up a conversation as they work. Without realizing, Sakura has fallen into the rhythm of it, his mind blank. All he feels is the breeze on his cheeks as he idly listens to the chirps of insects in the trees behind where the festival is taking place.

“Togame,” Sakura calls. They’re lining up festival masks at one of the stalls while the owner is busy doing something else. 

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but your lifestyle is pretty leisurely? No, that’s not it. It’s not not it, you do take your sweet time doing everything—” He takes a glance at Togame as the words get jumbled in his mouth. Despite his lack of coherence, Togame is attentively listening to him, his head tipped to the side. “I mean it’s pretty peaceful. It’s nice, I think.”

“I always get the impression that you never stay still much, Sakura. To me, it looks like you’re trying to run somewhere? I don’t know what destination you're trying to reach, but…” He considers the mask in his hand, then turns to Sakura and puts it over his head. “It’s okay to just stop sometimes, y’know?”

He pulls at the elastic band to adjust the mask onto place, careful not to mess with Sakura's hair too much. His fingers are gentle on the back of his head. After a moment, Togame assesses his work and nods.

“This should complete your festival look.”

Sakura, who had been about to tear the mask off his head, pauses. That's technically a compliment, right? Togame did say the yukata suits him, so maybe he likes this kind of thing. Suddenly, Sakura is grateful that Tsubaki dressed him up after all.

He looks away, his focus called away from Togame when he realizes the owner is at the counter taking one last look at the decorations, but slyly watching them from the corner of her eyes. With one of the masks they were supposed to hang onto the rack on his head instead, Sakura can almost see the misunderstanding unraveling before his eyes. Sakura reaches for his wallet, but Togame stills him with a tap to the back of his hand.

“This boy is a little shy, so please don't stare at him too much,” he says lazily, to which the woman giggles for some reason. Togame points at the mask. “Can we have this?”

“Sure, sure, you two are doing us a favor anyways, I won't miss a single mask.” The owner waves a hand dismissively. She leans over the counter to look towards the entrance to the festival, her face wrinkling with irritation. “More importantly, Togame, that old man is trying to do everything himself, can you hurry up before he dislocates his hips?”

They check the direction she's pointing at, and just as she said, there's a small, wrinkly man wiping down the already clean counter. He isn't doing anything dangerous, but seeing him all alone reminds Sakura of the aunties back in Furin's territory, always doing stupid stuff like climbing on top of wobbly ladders all by themselves. It unnerves him.

He and Togame exchange a look and quickly finish with the masks.

“Okaay, leave it to me,” Togame says with a mock salute as they leave. Once they're out of earshot, he leans down and whispers conspiratorially. “Don't worry about her Sakura, she just likes to gossip. She's curious because she's never seen you around before.”

“Yeah, I got it, you don't need to explain every little thing—” Sakura quickly steps to the side as someone almost bumps into him. A group of laughing kids pass by, not even realizing they were about to run straight into Sakura. Now that he looks around, a bunch of stalls are open already, and people have started to fill up the street. 

“It's going to get more crowded from now on,” Togame warns him. “Hm?”

Sakura doesn't realize Togame is holding out a hand to him until a moment later.

“I'm not going to get lost walking down the street!” Sakura protests. 

Togame lowers his hand without a word. He looks a little disappointed. Sakura's stomach drops at the sight. Irritated, he hurriedly grabs Togame's sleeve and drags him to the old man's stall. 

“Ah, Sakura, slow down…”

“Shut up and just walk faster.”

He clenches his fist around Togame's sleeve. Sakura can't bring himself to look back, even when he hears Togame chuckle. The sound of it is warm, pouring down his throat like honey. Sakura picks up the pace almost into a run, so at least he has an excuse for why his cheeks are so damn warm.

It takes some convincing to get the old man to accept their help, but he looks relieved to sit down when Togame keeps insisting. He rubs his knees and watches over them, giving directions when they need it—which doesn't happen often. Togame seems familiar with how to talk to and deal with their customers.

Sakura, in comparison, just passes the candied apples once they're finished paying. In sum, all he needs to do is stand there while Togame handles 90% of the work. The unequal split bothers him, but as much as Sakura wants to offer to do more, he doesn't think he can match Togame's friendly, easy-going way of greeting the customers. If anything, he would probably scare them away.

“I have to say, if I knew having you two here would attract so many customers, I would've asked for your help earlier!” The old man laughs heartily as he takes the coins Togame has just passed. “Of course everyone would rather talk to handsome boys over some decrepit old man like me.”

Sakura raises an eyebrow, unsure of what he's talking about, but then two girls who just came by their stalls leave while giggling to each other. He had been so focused on not doing anything that would keep customers away, he hadn't realized until now that most of them were girls around their age. Sakura gives Togame a sidelong glance. Well, yeah, these days he looks a lot cooler than before, when he was making disturbing faces and beating up weak people. His new haircut is nice, too. He's tall, and any idiot can tell just by looking that he's strong, plus he has a good face and smiling eyes.

Of course other people would notice all that, if they've got a pair of working eyes. Sakura watches the pair of girls, still lingering nearby—he doesn't realize he's glaring until they flinch and hurry away.

It's not surprising all these girls are attracted to Togame.

Sakura hates it.

“Well, Sakura has a pretty face after all,” Togame says casually.

“Sakura-kun, is it? He sure has a unique appearance! You must be popular, yeah?”

The sudden compliments have him frozen to the spot. Sakura babbles: “Ah, no, not really—”

“Sakura can't handle attention well.”

“Shut up! Enough about me!”

Something pricks at the edge of his senses. He feels eyes on him, but unlike the curious stares of people figuring out if his hair and eyes are natural, there's malice in it. It raises goosebumps in the back of his neck. Sakura searches the crowd, and finds three guys huddled in a corner. They don't bother hiding the fact that they're watching Sakura; in fact, their glares intensify. It's such an obvious provocation, Sakura is inclined to ignore it out of sheer annoyance. He can tell from a single glance that these guys are expecting to win by numbers. He clicks his tongue.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing.”

Togame seems skeptical, but Sakura keeps his mouth shut regardless. In this big of a crowd, with fragile stalls all around, it's best to avoid direct confrontation after all. 

Their gazes don't leave him the entire time Sakura works at the stall.

“You two should go on and enjoy the festival, I've got it from here," the old man says with a tap to their shoulder. He pushes at their backs, encouraging them to leave.

Technically, Sakura is only here to assist Togame, so this isn't his call. Despite that, he fully expects Togame to hold his ground and stay for the rest of the festival. Instead, he nods his agreement while thanking the old man, handing the counter over to him. Caught by surprise, Sakura doesn't move from his spot even when Togame leaves the booth. Getting ahold of himself, Sakura hurries to follow. He glances at the old man over his shoulder.

“You sure about this?” 

“Yeah, I wasn't planning on working all night anyway. I'm just here volunteering this time around, since it was too late to get an actual part-time job.”

“We could've just done something else. Aren't there a bunch of festivals during this time of the year?” He frowns in confusion. “It always felt like that to me…”

“I really wanted to do this kind of thing with you today, so once I got the idea in my head, I didn't think about it too much…”

“What's with that?” Sakura mocks. Taking pity on Togame, who slouches as he scratches the back of his neck, he prompts, “So, what are we supposed to do now?”

Their conversation is momentarily broken by a group of kids running through the crowd. Sakura is alert enough to avoid it this time, but before he can even move, Togame steps to the side while holding onto Sakura’s wrist. His back is turned to the crowd, essentially protecting Sakura from the bustle with his bigger frame.

“T-Thanks.”

Togame nods. The chatter all around them is so loud, Sakura has to take a step forward, craning his neck to better hear Togame’s usually low tone as he speaks:

“I was planning on going through all the stalls but… We’re gonna miss out on the fireworks if we take too long, and I wanted to go to a better spot to watch them.”

“We can just split up, right?” Sakura suggests after thinking for a moment. “I’ll get the stuff from the stalls on the right, you take the left. We’ll go through everything a lot faster that way. We can sit down somewhere to eat when we’re done.”

He grins, feeling pretty confident in his own plan. However, he’s not met with the same enthusiasm from Togame, whose eyebrows droop lower.

“What? Why are you making that face?”

“I wanted to do it together…”

“What difference does it make? You were the one who said you wanted to finish quickly to see the fireworks!”

“Well, yeah, but isn’t this your first time coming to a festival, Sakura?”

“I guess.” Sakura tilts his head. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Togame takes one long breath, then expels it in a heavy sigh. He shakes his head a bit as he waves off the topic, “...Nevermind.”

Feeling wronged and unsure of what’s the big deal, Sakura crosses his arms and moves away to go through with his plan. There’s a tug to his sleeve, but when Sakura turns around, there’s nothing on his yukata. Instead, he sees Togame dragging his feet as he silently abides by Sakura’s suggestion.

For some reason, his figure looks a little sad. Sakura grits his teeth. He turns on his heel and plants his fist between Togame’s shoulder blades.

“You’re way too damn slow, so I’ll finish quickly and come find you,” he declares. “Got any complaints?”

“Nope,” Togame agrees brightly. “See you in a bit, Sakura.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Sakura waves him away like a misbehaving dog, but Togame just chuckles and walks to the nearest stall. Sakura isn’t sure what food they’re selling, but it smells like something fried and oily; his stomach rumbles at the thought of it. More for the sake of his empty stomach than his promise to Togame, Sakura hurries to do his part as well.

It’s just his luck that before he can even approach one of the stalls, the three guys from earlier make a semi circle around Sakura, glaring nastily at him. They must have been waiting for Togame to step away from him this entire time. Maybe they know Togame? They are in Shishitoren's territory, so that wouldn't be surprising.

“The hell do you want?” Sakura spits out, mourning the extra seconds between him and his food.

“That's all?” The guy in the middle gives him a skeptical once-over. “I almost feel bad picking a fight with you, man.”

“...Hah?”

“That bastard, Togame kicked us out of the team saying we were weak, but aren’t they all chummy with Furin lately? This weird kid doesn’t look like much either. Don’t fuck with me, seriously.”

“Isn’t black-and-white over there the reason Shishitoren got involved in some big scuffle recently? I heard a rumor like that.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me…”

“So, what? Togame kicks us out making a big show of how we're weak and shit, but then turns around to lick this kid's shoes? Talk about lame! How bad has Shishitoren sunken lately?!”

Sakura more or less understands the situation. The few times Sakura went to Ori after their scuffle with Shishitoren, the atmosphere was so relaxed, he was under the wrong impression that there weren’t any issues with the team despite Togame’s and Tomiyama’s past actions. Sakura believed such a naive outcome because Togame himself said everyone looked happier.

But that guy, he really sucks at talking about what’s troubling him—not that Sakura can say that about anyone. As it turns out, It looks like Togame has a lot to worry about after all.

As much as Sakura would like to buy a fight when it’s being brought right to him, this isn’t his issue. He can’t act however he wants in someone else’s territory either, no matter how friendly their relation with Shishitoren is.

Besides…

There are a lot of little kids around. And Togame would want to protect the festival, he thinks.

These guys aren’t going to leave him alone, though. Making a decision, Sakura runs as fast as he can. As he expected, the trio yells as they chase after Sakura, cursing at him. The commotion draws plenty of attention, but thankfully everyone is smart enough to step back and not get involved.

Sakura runs down the stone path, down into the woods behind the temple grounds. It’s dim, dense with trees everywhere, and not a single person is around to see or hear them. It's perfect.

He slides to a stop.

Caught by surprise, the guys who had been chasing him struggle to put on the brakes. They stumble forward, and Sakura takes advantage of the momentum to punch the guy in the middle with all his force. Something crunches under his fist. The guy opens his mouth to scream out in pain, but he’s out like a light before he can make a sound. The only thing they hear is the sick impact of his skull with the ground.

Stunned, the other two stare at Sakura in horror. Not waiting for them to recover, Sakura knocks out the guy to the left, leaving only one person standing. Seeing their feeble advantage in numbers dwindle in just a few seconds, the last guy grimaces as he pulls out a pocket knife. His hands shake in fury as he glares at Sakura.

Shit , Sakura thinks. His shoulders slump in disappointment. He hates validating Togame’s past actions, but he had a point. These guys aren’t just weak, they really are scumbags. 

The guy charges at him, yelling maniacally. Sakura tips his head to the side, the edge of the knife grazing his cheeks. Ignoring the sting of it, Sakura bends his spine back and gets on the palm of his hands, lifting his right leg to deliver a swift kick to the guy’s wrist. The fragile bones creak, and the knife falls with a clatter. Sakura quickly straightens up and, in one fluid motion, slams his foot into the guy’s stomach. 

He curls into himself, wheezing and coughing desperately. With one last blow to the back of the head, the last guy falls.

Sakura double checks none of them are getting up again then kicks the knife away, just to be sure.

“Sakura!”

He raises his head. Togame runs to him with an uncharacteristic panicked look on his face. He eyes the guys passed out at Sakura’s feet only for a split second, his attention solely focused on Sakura’s form. He presses his lips into a tight line.

“...You’re bleeding.”

As he whispers this, Togame raises a hand. Realizing he’s holding onto a skewer, he pauses, then passes it onto his other hand. While clumsily balancing all the food items he bought for them, Togame hovers over Sakura, not really touching him, as if afraid he’ll hurt Sakura if he does.

“...Pft.”

“Sakuraaa,” Togame says reproachfully as Sakura laughs. 

He covers his mouth to stop the chuckles from leaking out, though that doesn’t do anything about his shaking shoulders.

He hears a groan behind him. The light atmosphere pops, and an overwhelming pressure takes its place. Sakura doesn’t understand why Togame looks so murderous all of a sudden until he looks over his shoulder, realizing that the first guy he knocked out is dazedly trying to get to his feet.

“Gimme a moment, Sakura.”

Carefully, Togame passes all the food containers to Sakura one by one. Once they’re safely transferred without anything spilling, Togame shrugs off his haori and wraps it around Sakura’s shoulders. He glances at the garment in confusion, then realizes his yukata is a bit loose thanks to the earlier scuffle. Timidly, Sakura nods his head in thanks.

Only then, Togame turns and slams the bottom of his geta clogs against the skull of the guy who had been coming to his senses. Togame grinds the wooden teeth into the back of his head, making sure his face is firmly planted into the dirt. Feeling a phantom pain in his own head, Sakura can’t help but wince in reminiscence of just how bad that attack felt when it was used against him.

Togame raises his leg again but he doesn’t step back. Sakura frowns as Togame shakily exhales, his gaze dark as he stares down at the collapsed group below him.

“Togame,” he calls. “I doubt they’re gonna pick a fight with either of us any time soon, let’s just go.”

Their eyes meet. Togame’s are narrowed dangerously, reminding Sakura of the glare he had when they first fought. Sakura meets that gaze with a scowl of his own. Togame isn’t the kind of guy who beats up someone who’s already down. He knows that—he believes that.

As if responding to those thoughts, Togame lowers his foot and sighs.

“...Got it.”

Togame grabs his upper arm and leads Sakura away from the scene. Hunching his shoulders so the haori doesn’t slip off, Sakura can’t do much aside from letting himself get dragged away.

They sit side by side on the steps to the temple. Looking at the armful of food now propped on his lap, Sakura takes one of the skewered corn dogs and greedily takes a bite. Even though he couldn’t call what happened a fight, it still feels good to get something in his stomach right after it.

His eyebrow twists in discomfort when the chewing pulls at the cut on his cheek.

“Lemme see that.”

Placated by the food, Sakura obediently tips his head back so Togame can see the wound. He rubs the drops of blood with the sleeve of his sweater; it’s beginning to dry already, so it’s tacky and hard to wipe off. His cheek turns warm as they are continuously rubbed until they're clean. Togame softens his movements when he gets to the actual injury, patting at it gently.

Unable to bear the weight of Togame’s single-minded attention on him, blurts out the first thing that comes to mind: “Those guys, they used to be part of Shishitoren.”

Togame’s hand freezes, and he blinks at Sakura as if processing his words.

“This kinda stuff happens, sometimes,” he muses after a moment. “After the match with Furin, there were some guys who decided to leave the team. Apparently, one of them spread the rumor that I ‘lost to a Furin newbie’... It stirred up all kinds of trouble for us.”

“So basically some idiots think that’s reason enough to get revenge,” Sakura scoffs.

“Pretty much. Honestly, I don’t care if they come after me… It’s a given, or like it’s my responsibility? I’m to blame for things getting like this anyway, so I’ll just deal with it. Sorry you got dragged into my issues, Sakura.”

Sakura stares at the blood stains all over Togame’s sleeve. With the task of cleaning up Sakura’s wound done, he looks like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, so he rubs them over his knees, eyes downcast. 

Sakura hates it. Of course, there's the natural aversion to seeing someone he cares about being upset, but more than that, the implication that Togame doesn't want him to be involved with things like this sits heavily in his stomach.

He swallows the fragile part of himself who can't help but feel rejected.

“Why does it feel like you’re always apologizing to me lately? Stop it, it creeps me out,” Sakura hisses. He can see Togame mouthing ‘creep out…?’ in shock. “You weren’t the one who started a fight with me, so how the hell is this your fault? I only got this wound because I wanted him to come close so I could kick the knife away, so that’s on me.”

As he speaks, he slowly loses steam. Togame smiles sheepishly; he opens his mouth to reply, but from the way he snaps it shut not even a second later, he had been about to mutter another apology. As Sakura huffs, Togame chuckles.

“If we’re talking apologies, then I guess it’s my bad too, for worrying you.” Sakura scratches the back of his neck. “I didn’t know you’d freak out over it.”

“Of course I would.”

The speed of his reply blindsides Sakura. Before he can think better of it, he blurts out, “Why?”

“Isn’t the same for you? Like when you got angry at Choji…”

Choji? Oh, he means that time when Sakura tried to attack Tomiyama after he kicked Togame. His cheeks heat up, and he turns his face away.

“That’s not the same at all. I mean, it’s me we’re talking about.”

“What’s with that? I don’t know what made you think like that, but that’s a pretty bad self-evaluation, Sakura.”

“Don’t make fun of me!”

“I’m not. It’s the opposite. You’re strong. Not just in a fight, your mind and heart too…. You’re always growing and looking ahead. You’re kind, and you care for your friends. You’re always doing your best. Most of all, you’re the one who saved me. If you weren’t there, if it was one of the other first years, or maybe even Umemiya himself, I’m sure nothing would’ve changed. You weren’t trying to achieve anything, you didn’t have any second intentions. You just faced me honestly, with everything you had. Because of that, because of who you are, that’s the only reason I was able to face myself.” Togame peeks at him, a little shy. “If you were me, wouldn’t you want to protect someone like that? You’re special to me, Sakura.”

“Togame…”

BOOM! Sakura startles as the sky lights up. Fireworks fly into the sky, exploding into colorful sparkles. The sudden sound surprised him, but that’s not the only reason why his heart is racing. He’s never seen fireworks this close before—he would spot them in the distance sometimes and wonder about them, but Sakura didn’t get the chance to enjoy them like this. 

“It’s pretty.”

He glances at Togame to agree with him, but stops in his tracks when he realizes Togame isn’t looking at the fireworks at all. His gentle green eyes are fully turned on Sakura, flickering side to side as he tracks the flashes of light painted across his face.

As their gazes lock, Togame leans a little bit closer.

“Your eyes,” he explains. “They’re twinkling. I really like your eyes after all, Sakura.”

The surge of emotion is overwhelming. Sakura can’t breathe; the weight of Togame’s love for him chokes him, and he can’t escape it. If he allows it, it’s going to swallow him whole. It’s terrifying. Sakura doesn’t know what it’s like to accept that kind of happiness. He’s not sure if he’ll survive the moment it’s taken from him again.

He doesn’t want to lose Togame. The tip of his nose stings. He wants to run away.

Realizing there’s something wrong, Togame calls, “Sakura?” 

Sakura jumps a little. All at once, everything comes into focus: the sound of the fireworks, the chirp of the cicadas, the crinkle of plastic as he tightens his arms around the food containers he’s still carrying. Togame’s big hand around the sleeve of his borrowed haori, the fabric twisting between his anxious fingers. Togame opens and closes his mouth like a fish.

“What is it…?” He asks quietly.

Watching Togame, a strange sense of calm overcomes him. At times, Togame seems as nervous as Sakura is—to begin with, Togame isn’t good with words. He even admitted at one point that that was partly why Shishitoren got the way it was when Sakura first met them. Times like now are when Sakura really sees that awkwardness peek through, and the realization that he’s not the only one worrying about this and that eases his heart.

“How can you say stuff like that? Saying that you like m… my eyes. And all the other things you’ve been saying to me. You’re not embarrassed?”

“Uhm, if it was a yes or no question, then I guess yeah, it’s kinda embarrassing,” Togame admits with a sheepish smile on his face. “I’m not thinking about that, though. It doesn’t matter.”

“What does that mean?”

“Before, with Choji, a lot of things would’ve been better if I had just said something.”

Sakura is amused by how in line their thoughts are, though the faint smile drops off his lips less than a second later. It’s hard to smile when Togame’s face darkens, his fist clenching tightly. These days, it’s rare to see Togame like this, with his eyes clouded and distant. Sakura feels his chest squeeze, and an itch at the tip of his fingers that he can’t place.

“Not just at the very end,” Togame continues after a moment. “If I had told him that I was happy, that I was having fun, maybe Choji wouldn’t have felt so lonely. I don’t want something like that to happen again. More importantly, I don’t want you to feel the same way Choji did. So I decided that I’ll always tell you what I’m thinking. The good parts, the bad parts, even if it’s embarrassing or painful. I’ll tell you everything.”

“Aren’t you scared?”

His eyes widen. “I am,” he says, tinged with awe, as if surprised that Sakura understands how he feels. “I don’t wanna say the wrong thing, and I really wouldn’t be able to bear it if you ended up hating me because of it. But, y’know, you were the one who taught me I should face others no matter what happens. Besides, I made a promise with you. What do you think,” Togame tips his head, his posture open, inviting Sakura to look at him, “am I a little cooler now?”

Although Sakura's words that day had been a stumbling, uncertain mess, Togame treasures them more than Sakura ever thought he would. He’s always going on about it, wanting Sakura to have a good opinion of him, quietly seeking his approval. 

Sakura can’t help but think that part of Togame is unreasonably cute.

“You definitely are,” Sakura agrees.

Right then, Togame’s smile is so brilliant, Sakura’s entire body grows warm. His heart goes into overdrive, his mind goes blank. Everything he had been worrying about just a moment ago disappears. If he can make Togame so happy with just a few words, then it might be alright for him to have this. This person right in front of him, with his sweet voice and his easy affection—maybe Sakura is allowed to have him.

And if he isn’t, Sakura wants him all the same.

What, so it was that simple?

Sakura plants his palm on the step behind him as he leans forward, stretching his neck. With their height difference, it’s impossible to reach for Togame with just that, so he hangs halfway towards him, looking at him while chewing on his bottom lip. Almost as if pulled by a magnet, Togame gravitates to him. His lips part, and Sakura is drawn to the small movement. 

“Are you sure?” Togame whispers in the small space between their lips.

“Read the room, idiot.”

His responding chuckle tickles the corner of Sakura’s mouth, and just that imitation of a touch sends a shiver down his spine. Sakura squeezes his eyes shut, only realizing that he unconsciously turned his head away when Togame props his knuckles under his chin, gently pulling Sakura to him. He presses a brief peck to his lips, then a second, and a third.

Togame keeps going like this, showering Sakura with kisses, lingering a beat longer for each one. Sakura loosely places a trembling hand on the nape of Togame’s neck, unable to do much more than move his fingers up and down in a lousy caress. Despite the clumsiness of it, it seems to spur Togame on, because he latches an arm around Sakura’s waist and kisses him a little harder.

Sakura isn’t sure anymore if the fireworks have yet to end, or if that loud sound is just his own heart giving out. He holds his breath for so long, he’s dizzy with it. With half a mind, Sakura wonders if he’s going to die.

The rest of his consciousness, however, is nothing but mush. Togame smells good, his lips feel nice, his hands are warm, the skin beneath Sakura’s stroking fingers is hot enough to burn. His brain is filled with stupid, embarrassing things like that, and he starts to worry if he isn’t losing all sense of reason after all.

“Togame,” he calls desperately.

As he speaks, the hand beneath his chin grasps his jaw, tilts his head to the side, and then Togame swallows his name from Sakura’s parted lips. The wet slide of their mouths is a whole different level of pleasure, and he becomes vaguely aware of the messy sound of it.

Togame’s tongue caresses his bottom lip. Sakura can almost hear the moment his own brain shuts down.

As if reading his mind, Togame pulls away. He rubs the corner of Sakura's mouth to clean a stray drop of saliva. Sakura is sure he would be embarrassed by that if he still had the presence of mind for it. As it is, it’s all he can do to glare weakly at Togame, who smiles happily for reasons he can’t begin to understand.

“...Don’t look at me,” Sakura mumbles.

“Alright.”

One by one, Togame takes the food Sakura forgot he had been holding on to. He sets everything down one step above them, and once that little barrier is removed, Togame tugs at the collar of the haori and crushes Sakura to his chest. Sakura considers protesting, but his face slots perfectly into the curve of Togame’s neck: it’s the ideal hiding spot. This way, Togame won't see whatever stupid expression he’s making right now.

Enveloped so thoroughly, Sakura has never felt so small—nor has he ever felt so safe.

“I like you, Sakura,” Togame says.

He feels the rumble of those words in his ribs, as well as the rhythm of Togame's accelerated heart beating against his own. Sakura closes his eyes.

“Yeah.” He wraps his arms around Togame and pushes his cheek against his neck, rubbing their skins together. “Me too.”

Maybe tomorrow the anxiety will come to haunt him again. But right here, right now, all Sakura knows is the depth of his own affection.

*

After being surrounded by a crowd for several hours, the quietness of his room is unfamiliar.

A strange feeling settles over him—a weird mix of disappointment and expectation. However, he’s too exhausted to give that any proper thought. As soon as his head hits the pillow, he forgets that sensation just as quickly as it came.

His eyes begin to droop, but he forces himself to move his heavy muscles to take out his phone. As expected, it’s full of unread notifications. Some are from the class group chat, but Nirei and Suou have both sent him private messages. The content is about the same for all three: they want to know how things went at the festival—or, more accurately, how things went with Togame.

Everyone is so damn nosy. Even as Sakura thinks that from the bottom of his heart, he still opens the group chat, thinking this is quicker than answering individually. It was good , he types out. The short message takes all his brainpower to muster up, and by the time it’s sent, Sakura is halfway asleep.

He’s dozing off like that, vaguely aware of his friends bombarding him with questions, when he gets a new private message. Sakura peels his eyelids open as he glances at the name on the screen.

Sleep well, Sakura . That’s all it says. Sakura chuckles to himself. This time, when his consciousness slips away from him, he lets it go and sinks deeper into sleep.

“...Goodnight, Togame.”

Sakura doesn’t dream that night, but he could’ve sworn he heard the clinking of a marble inside a glass bottle, overlapped by the gentle sound of the wind chimes.