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jean took a breath of clean, fresh air. she sat, criss-crossed on the grass with clouds in her head. it felt too hot. the sharp jut of starsnatch cliff was piercing from afar, but up close, it was much softer, much more… calm.
another gulp of air.
jean pulled her knees up to her chest, brown trousers bending uncomfortably around her knees. maybe she was imagining the clouds above her. waves washed onto the beach below her, and birds chirped in the morning sun. nobody would find her up here.
a rough, callused finger tapping her shoulder made her gasp and turn around, heart jolting into her throat. a knight of favonius? her mentor? little amber? but the red in her peripheral vision was not amber’s favorite stuffed bunny rabbit, or the sword sheath of her senior, but a flash of bright crimson hair.
the tension slipped out of her back. she sighed and patted the grass next to her. the boy started to sit down with a groan. momentarily off balance, he yelped and fell, buckled boots slipping on the grass. jean snorted and swatted his shoulder.
“hey!” the boy cried. he scrambled to sit back up and shoved her back. she toppled over to the left with a laugh and rolled over, kicking at him with her own boots. “hey! hey! stop it, i have something for you.” he yelled.
“what is it, diluc?” she rolled once more and lifted her head up, resting her chin in her hands. the sun made the coat wrapped around her feel hotter than usual.
“it’s a flower!” when he grinned, crooked adolescent smile flashing in the sun, jean cocked her head and looked at him. he’s shaved since yesterday, barely noticeable stubble smoothed clean and a strangely angled bandage on his chin. she never had to worry about that, thank barbatos. red hair spilled down his back from a low ponytail, but strands of hair stuck out at all angles; he could never seem to keep them all tied back. trousers now dirty with grass stains, he was dressed like she had been this morning, ready for a day of knight training and sword fighting, but more… just something more. more than she was today.
his hands─just as rough and bandaged as they had been all his life─held up a white cecilia, tinges of green still clinging to the bottoms of the petals like rainfall. he gestured towards her ear with his chin.
“in my hair?” it was sweet. she smiled, and tucked the strand that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear. her hair, strawberry blonde and wavy, had grown out in the past couple months, only just now ghosting the tops of her shoulders. the guys had stared when she started wearing it half up, raising an eyebrow but no more as she hurried through the boys’ armory. she paid them no mind; she liked it that way.
diluc leaned forward, sitting up on his knees, and brushed her hair more cleanly out of her face before sliding the stem of the cecilia behind her ear. he sat back on his heels, looking pleased with himself.
“there!” he grinned. jean laughed and fidgeted with it. she wanted to make sure it stayed. she watched as diluc’s gaze followed her hand. the clouds in her head darkened momentarily. she looked away.
“why’d you ditch today?” he asked softly.
abruptly, jean turned towards the cliff’s edge again, knees coming towards her chest.
“i don’t know.”
“okay.”
she watched him watching her watching him, and exhaled. she couldn’t say that every spar with one of the other knights in training crested her on a high, laughing with him and kaeya. she couldn’t say that she looked over to the small group of girls who were fighting just as hard and wished that they would invite her over. she couldn’t say that she wanted to twirl in diluc’s old coat that he had given her, with a ribbon around her waist and a bow in her hair, but still beat him in every spar. she couldn’t say any of that, so she spoke a half truth.
“i’m tired. tired of a lot of things.”
he nodded; shuffled closer to her. he spoke lower, a rougher tone to his voice.
“i’m sorry. me ‘n kaeya are here if you need anything, you know?”
jean swallowed.
“yeah. thank you.” she replied. “it’s… different. than what we’ve talked about before. i don’t know.”
for a moment they sat there, feeling the wind blow wisps of the sky into their faces and the quiet. her heart was restless, hopping around in her chest like her ribcage was the wrong size for her body. then diluc spoke.
“wanna try something?” he sounded playful again, but sincere. she looked over and immediately punched him in the arm when she saw what he was doing.
“what in celestia─ what are you doing─?” she gasped. diluc had rapidly undone the belt wrapped around his hips, and within moments, had pulled it out of the loops and held it up proudly. “put your damn belt back on, you bast─”
“no, no, no, trust me! c’mere.” before jean knew it, diluc had pulled her to her feet, scanned her dreadfully boring outfit once from head to toe, brown trousers, buttoned vest and all, taken the long coat and wrapped his belt around her waist, securing it right above her hips. he looked up, raising an eyebrow. jean glanced confusedly at him, but nodded, giving him a strange look. then, by some miracle of craftsmanship, he promptly unbuttoned the top two buttons of the coat and pulled it down around her shoulders.
what the─ jean could not figure out what in barbato’sname he was doing. but then he straightened up, and practically beamed. he stepped back to look at her, then made a motion with his hand.
“spin.”
“diluc what─”
“spin.”
“okay, archons─”
and she spun. the coat, with less weight hanging on its shoulder seams, whirled around her in a swirl, and for a moment, she thought of the windwheel asters on the hill next to the whispering woods. the collar of the coat hugged her upper back just below her shoulders. despite the awkwardness of the buttons at the front, it bunched out just slightly at her chest.
a bright, fearless laugh erupted from her throat.
she kept spinning, feeling the wind hit her neck and lift up her hair, and for a moment, the clouds crowding her thoughts cleared; a thought peeked through: he made me a dress. she looked up sharply, the thought throwing fear into her throat. he knew.
almost as if he could read her mind, he nodded once, almost imperceptibly. his gaze was soft, and his smile was real. he didn’t care. no. he cared so much that he made her a dress.
jean hopped from one leg to the other, spinning towards him, and swept him up in an awkward hug. they fell over onto the grass again, but jean didn’t really care.
“thank you.” she giggled as they tumbled over each other down away from the cliff edge. she reached up to make sure the cecilia was still tucked firmly behind her ear, and it was. diluc laughed, spitting a mouthful of red hair out of his mouth.
“no problem. figured you’d like that better.” he snorted. “little bit stupid around the arms, but my coat wasn’t made for this anyway. i’ll get you a better one. not the coat, i mean─”
“stop. diluc. i mean it. it’s perfect.” jean said, and drew a cecilia out from behind her back, a trophy of their tumble down the hill and beckoned him closer. he stared at her a minute, and they both burst out into laughter again.
“are you─ jean─” his eyes sparkled. “how did that poor flower survive you rolling over it ten times?”
“hey! i’m not that heavy.” she snapped back, and grabbed a fistfull of his hair to pull him forward.
“ow!”
“stay still, you fiery bastard.”
delicately, she turned him around and wedged the stem of the flower through the elastic holding his ponytail.
“there you go. pretty as a princess.”
“oh, shut up.”
“a knightly dame and her loyal steed.”
“this is the thanks i get? i see how it is─”
“oh forgive me, would you like a saddle as well? we can certainly arrange that─”
“for god’s sake jean, shut up.”