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“Hey, Bobbi?” Jemma asks cautiously. The blonde looks up from her book and quirks an eyebrow at Jemma’s defensive posture.
“What’s up, Simmons?”
“I have a—well, a rather personal question,” Jemma admits, cheeks flushing. Her fingers toy with the edge of her sweater and Bobbi bites back an amused smile.
“If it’s not classified, then I will give you a rather personal answer,” Bobbi responds, patting the couch. Jemma looks around suspiciously and sits down gingerly.
“I’m going to have to use—code words,” Jemma warns her. It becomes increasingly difficult for Bobbi to keep herself from laughing.
“I’m sure we don’t need to do that,” Bobbi manages in an even tone.
Jemma’s eyes dart around once again. “Okay. But if anyone overhears us—“
“I’m sure I’ll live,” Bobbi interrupts. “Out with it.”
“WhatdoyoucallHunterinbed?” Jemma rushes out in one breath. Her words run together, but Bobbi’s an expert. Regardless, she still can’t quite believe what she hears.
“Come again?”
“You call him—cum again?”
“What?” Bobbi splutters. “No. I meant, what did you say.”
Jemma flushes an even darker shade and takes a deep breath. “What do you—call Hunter in the bedroom? You know, during…coital activities.”
Of all the questions Bobbi would have expected Jemma Simmons to ask her, this was never one of them. She’d been thinking something more along the lines of how do I remind Coulson that he’s not actually my father? or who keeps putting my kale chips where I can’t reach them?
Bobbi’s not sure about Coulson—she’s been trying to figure out how to tell him that herself. But she’s ninety-percent sure that Hunter is climbing onto a step stool to hide the kale chips.
“You want to know what I call my husband in the bedroom?” Bobbi asks dubiously.
“Husband?” Jemma immediately asks. “Did you two elope? How romantic!”
“No!” Bobbi jumps to say. “Ex-husband, still. Just—it’s weird to call him my boyfriend?”
Jemma nods enthusiastically. “It’s strange to call Fitz my boyfriend. I’ve just been calling him my partner, but I think it confused one of the lab techs. She keeps—looking at him.”
“Well you’ve gotta put a stop to that immediately,” Bobbi deadpans. “Is that what this is about? Because I’m excellent at sabotage.”
“No,” Jemma sighs. “Although—let’s circle back to that. Just like it’s weird to call Fitz my boyfriend, it feels weird to call Fitz by his last name when he’s—you know—“
“Got his hands up your kilt?” Bobbi suggests. Jemma’s face scrunches and Bobbi laughs. “Sorry, but I’ve waited like a year to get a chance to say that.”
“And he’s waited ten years to get a chance to be there, ayo!” Daisy cheers, leaning over the couch and shoving her face between theirs.
“Jemma feels weird about calling Fitz by his last name in bed.”
“Right, let’s just have a group chat about it, then,” Jemma sasses. “This is why I wanted to use code words.”
Daisy snorts. “Never let her use code words.”
Then she looks thoughtful.
“What do you call Hunter in bed?”
“Exactly!” Jemma exclaims, throwing her hands up. “Inquiring minds want to know. Do you call him Lance, or do you call him Hunter?”
“There’s definitely a dick joke in there somewhere,” Daisy points out. Bobbi shoots her an attempt at an unamused look, but her lips curve upward.
It’s been a very long time since she’s felt this silly. Daisy vaults over the back of the couch and lands between them, a bit uncomfortably.
“I guess I call him Hunter,” Bobbi muses. “Or no, wait, actually…do I call him Lance? Fuck, I honestly have no idea.”
She throws her hands up in frustration. Daisy snorts. “You’ve been sleeping with this guy for how long?”
“For the better part of nine years,” Bobbi laughs. “And yet I can’t remember what I call him in bed.”
Jemma giggles and covers her face with her hands. “It just feels so weird to call him Fitz. He calls me Jemma, but I’ve only ever called him Fitz.”
“Unless you’re mad at him,” Bobbi clarifies. Jemma’s eyes snap to her.
“You’ve heard me do that?”
Bobbi shakes her head. “No, but he and I had some long chats over beers while you were…gone.”
“Of course he would tell you that,” Jemma huffs. “But did he tell you that he purposefully hides my food when he’s mad at me? Because that is true immaturity.”
Ah, that explains the kale chips in the top cabinet. And the step-stool.
“Why don’t you just try calling him Leo, if you feel so weird about it?” Daisy asks. “I mean, the worst thing that happens is he breaks up with you.”
Jemma’s jaw drops and Bobbi lets out a bark of laughter. “Daisy! Don’t even joke about that!”
“What? I think he’s wrong for you,” Daisy deadpans. Jemma narrows her eyes until Daisy cracks a smile with a shake of her head. “Jemma, sex is supposed to be fun.”
“Our…coital activities…are very fun!” Jemma defends. “It’s just—I get a bit in my own head about it.”
“Really?” Bobbi asks. “Cause that doesn’t sound like you at all.”
Daisy reaches up to high-five her and Jemma stands, waving her hand at them in a rude gesture.
“I hate you both!”
“Love you too, Jem!” Daisy calls after her. Bobbi is useless, giggling like a schoolgirl.
***
It slips out when his face is buried between her thighs.
“Leo.”
He immediately freezes and she whines, sitting up on her elbows to look at him.
“What?” he asks, looking gravely concerned. “Was that—I thought you liked that?”
His voice is too high-pitched and she huffs. “Of course I liked that. That’s what I was saying.”
“But—you called me Leo,” he says. “That’s never a good sign.”
“It feels weird to call you Fitz in bed,” she finally admits. He lets out a surprised laugh.
“Jemma, I’ll be honest with you. I really don’t give a rat’s ass what you call me when we’re in bed together. I’m pretty sure I forget the English language. You could probably call me a name that isn’t mine and I wouldn’t notice.”
He realizes his grave mistake and his face falls as something lights up in her eyes.
“Jemma, no…”
“When you least expect it, it’s happening,” she teases.
“Jeeeeemmma, that’s not funny.”
His pouting just makes her grin, leaning forward to kiss him heatedly. As nice as their little chat has been, she’d much prefer to get back to their previous activities. Her nails scratch down his chest and he pulls away to nip at her neck.
“Mm, Skye,” he groans sarcastically.
With a loud thunk, he hits the floor.
***
Bobbi rolls off of Hunter and remembers.
“Hey, what did I just call you?”
“Huh?” he groans, face buried in the pillow. She whacks him on the back.
“Do I call you Lance or Hunter when we’re—ya know. Doing coital activities.”
“Coital activities?” Hunter asks incredulously. “You’re spending too much time with the scientists, Bob.”
She huffs and rolls away from him, smiling as he wraps an around her waist.
“And for the record, you only call me Lance when I do that thing you really like…”
She rolls her eyes but grins into the darkness.
He probably has a point.
***
“Hey, uh, did you call me Campbell last night?” Lincoln asks as he tugs his shirt over his head. Daisy rolls over to face him, still wrapped in her bed sheets. It’s just past five, and if he doesn’t get out soon, May’s going to catch him.
Although weirdly, May seems to have a soft spot for Lincoln. Daisy sincerely hopes this doesn’t mean that she and May are going to end up interested in the same man again.
She’s not sure that she can handle being eskimo sisters with her only living maternal figure.
“It was an experiment,” Skye shrugs.
“How so?”
“Well Hunter and Fitz both go by their last names, and Jemma feels weird about calling Fitz by his last name when they’re canoodling, so—“
“—wait what, does she have a thing with Hunter too?” Lincoln asks, tilting his head to the side like a puppy dog. “Because I thought he was with Bobbi, the tall scary blonde one.”
“He is,” Daisy laughs. “Jemma asked Bobbi if she calls Hunter by his first or last name. I’ve always called you Lincoln so I thought I would just see what the flipside was like. See how the other half lives and all.”
He rolls his eyes fondly and leans down to peck her lips.
“For the record, if you ever wanted to try Dr. Campbell, I would not be opposed.”
She grins. “Note taken.”
***
They all happen to converge in the kitchen around lunchtime, and Jemma shoots Bobbi a look before she smiles at Lincoln.
“Hello, Dr. Campbell.”
He freezes, glaring accusingly at Daisy. Daisy splutters and attempts to exact her revenge.
“Fitz!”
“Yeah?” he asks, mouth full of sandwich.
“Fuck, that didn’t do anything,” Skye grumbles. Then she brightens when she spots Hunter. “Hey Hunter, can you grab me a granola bar out of the cabinet?”
He nods and tosses it to her across the counter.
“Thanks, Lance.”
Hunter blinks. “I don’t think you’ve ever called me that before.”
Daisy smirks. “I only call you that when you do something I really like.”
Hunter coughs but makes a smooth recovery. He throws her a wink. “My pleasure, love.”
“He’s unshakeable,” Daisy grumbles. She looks over at Lincoln apologetically, but with a hint of mischief in her eyes. “Sorry, Dr. Campbell.”
Fitz slams his sandwich down. “What the hell is going on?!”
Jemma just rolls her eyes and steals a crisp off of his plate. She’ll stick with just Fitz, thanks.