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Kim Dokja was known for many things across the <Star Stream> . First, as the incarnation who didn't choose a sponsor, then as someone with extensive knowledge he shouldn't have, and continuously throughout the scenarios as someone to expect the unexpected from.
He was bold, brave, and a tad unlucky, especially when he smiled.
He attracted others to him as if he were more of a star than those in the night sky, drawing people into his field of gravity. The whole <Kim Dokja Company> relied on him as their leader. He was their guiding light, the glue holding everyone together.
Despite what he may think, every single one of his companions cherished him in their own way. Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung acted as his trusted sword and shield, wanting to protect him and keep him safe. Lee Jihye acted as his not-so-reluctant captain of the seas, making sure they never lost any naval battle, and also the watcher of Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung, who were like Kim Dokja's own children and who vied for his attention and praise no matter what. There was Yoo Sangah, who, while level-headed, reliable in the most challenging situations, and compassionate beyond a doubt, had no qualms about doing whatever was necessary for Kim Dokja's health and well-being, even if she had to knock him out. Han Sooyoung may act careless and brash, but her sarcastic words hid the truth that she trusted Kim Dokja more than she did anyone else.
Then, there was the man closest to the enigma that was Kim Dokja—the man full of misery and sorrow of many lifetimes—the man whom Kim Dokja first called his companion—Yoo Joonghyuk, Kim Dokja's one and only Life and Death Companion. Underneath all his aggression and violent tendencies, he cared for Kim Dokja's life more so than anyone.
Kim Dokja knew all of this in his head. He recognized his companions' worries and protectiveness for him, but the wall around his head and his heart was too thick. The scars buried deep within prevented any of their words and actions from reaching him. They were his companions, and he would ensure they reached the end of the scenarios, even at his expense.
As such, Kim Dokja continued to rely on himself for everything, pushed himself to his limits, and sacrificed himself repeatedly to reach the end of the scenarios, the ⬛⬛, despite his companions' pleas and begging for him to stay. Stay with them.
He was a selfish man, and he knew it. All the times his companions called him selfish for leaving, for dying over and over again, for not relying on them and getting hurt, for living despite the universe trying its best to get rid of him from the moment he was born, for surviving using the pain and suffering of others.
Everything he did was his atonement for being worse than all other Constellations.
~~~
Everyone in the <Kim Dokja Company> , fondly nicknamed Kimcom, knew that their leader was a mysterious man. With his face blurred and unfocusable due to some unknown force, his past hidden behind fake smiles, and every other word out of his mouth being a lie, they knew very little about anything personal related to Kim Dokja. They knew that he was as sly as a fox, though oblivious to personal situations, as well as the most-known fact that he was a reader. But overall, Kim Dokja remained just as cryptic and unknown to his companions as to the Constellations.
Everyone begged for the chance to learn more about him and yearned for any information regarding him, even mundane things such as his likes and dislikes. It was a momentous day when they discovered he hated tomatoes, and since then, they hadn't eaten any in any meal, much to Kim Dokja's confusion.
It was on a random day, as peaceful as it could be during the apocalypse, when the chance for more information came about. Most of the company (the main company, excluding those like Gong Pildu or Lee Seolhwa who was at her office) was hanging around the designated living room of the Industrial Complex; Lee Hyunnsung and Jung Heewon were discussing something quietly on the couch while Yoo Sangah meditated on the floor in front of them. Han Sooyoung was murmuring quietly to herself while Lee Jihye tried to break up an argument between Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung. Biyoo floated in the corner, displaying the domesticity to the whole <Star Stream> . The only ones missing from the scene were Yoo Joonghyuk in the training room and Kim Dokja, who Han Sooyoung had forced to nap.
All was well until a blue screen popped up in everyone's faces.
[ A Constellation who craves drama says they're bored of the monotony ]
[ A few Constellations agree ]
[ Hidden Scenario - Facing The Past ]
Category: Hidden
Difficulty: ???
Clear Conditions: Incarnations in the <Kim Dokja Company> will nominate one person to split into their core selves of the past. Incarnations must learn the secrets of the nominee in order to make the nominee whole
Duration: 24 hours
Reward: 60,000 coins, renewed understanding of the nominee, admiration of Constellations who enjoy drama
Penalty for failure: Nominee will become permanently split and will experience mental instability
Everyone looked at the scenario conditions in surprise before an evil smile grew on Han Sooyoung's face.
"I vote Kim Dokja because now we can learn what makes that stupid Squid tick."
As she said that, a blue screen popped up again.
Kim Dokja: 1 vote
Voting time: 5 minutes
Jung Heewon grinned and said, "I also vote for Doka-ssi. He deserves this after what he's put us through."
Kim Dokja: 2 votes
Voting time: 4:53 minutes
Lee Hyunsung looked hesitant until Jung Heewon slapped him on the back and said, "vote for him, Hyunsung-ssi. Maybe you'll learn how to shield him better."
That put a determined look on his face, and he voted.
Kim Dokja: 3 votes
Voting time: 4:32 minutes
Yoo Sangah hummed lightly and spoke with a soft smile.
"I think Dokja-ssi should use this as a chance to take a break from the scenarios for a bit. We can handle this for him."
Kim Dokja: 4 votes
Voting time: 3:58 minutes
The kids all grinned at each other and said, "Let's make Ahjussi/Hyung rely on us for a change!"
Kim Dokja: 7 votes
Voting time: 3:46 minutes
They continued discussing the upcoming scenario and theorized how Kim Dokja would react.
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' is looking forward to this! ]
[ 1000 coins have been sponsored ]
"I think he's going to become a slimy squid," Lee Jihye muttered, shooting the hallway in which his room was in a dirty look.
"Well, I think Hyung will turn into a cool demon! Who loves me best," Lee Gilyoung proclaimed with a smug grin, which quickly became a scowl when Shin Yoosoung pushed him over.
"No way! Ahjussi loves me best!" She yelled as the two of them started pulling each other's hair. Lee Jihye and Yoo Sangah had to physically separate them by dragging them to opposite ends of the room, a daily occurrence.
At that moment, Kim Dokja drudged into the room, a yawn out of his lips. One of his hands scratched the back of his head in confusion.
"Did the rest of you get this weird scenario?"
Kim Dokja: 7 votes
Voting time: 2:37 minutes
He looked around and saw his companions' smug faces, and he instantly knew he wouldn't like where this was going.
[Ki m Do kja i s a fo ol]
'Quiet, you,' he thought, rolling his eyes at the situation.
"We just want to know more about you, Dokja-ssi," Jung Heewon smirked, a fire burning within her.
'Is her Constellation really an angel?' Kim Dokja shuddered. She seemed to fit the title of 'Demon King' more so than him most days.
[ Constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' is cackling at Constellation 'Demon King of Salvation's' plight ]
"I don't see why I'm the one you all want to do this scenario," Kim Dokja smiled, his eyes like crescents. "I'd rather see Han Sooyoung's chunni thirteen-year-old self get revealed."
Kim Dokja: 7 votes
Han Sooyoung: 1 vote
Voting time: 1:55 minutes
"Oi," the woman in question bit her lemon-flavored lollipop. Her brows were drawn together to create a fierce glare that he met with a placid smile. "I'm not the one that's closed tighter than a locked safe."
Kim Dokja tilted his head and did what he did (second) best: lying with a straight face.
"It's not like my past is that interesting," he fibbed. He would rather not have more information about himself revealed than necessary. There were reasons he didn't tell anyone about himself. He didn't want to show how weak he truly was, how he was just a coward wearing a brave face, acting like he was better than everyone else when, really, he was the worst of the worst.
Yoo Sangah, who knew more about him than most, smiled hesitantly. She was the only one who'd been in his head. She and Han Sooyoung were the only ones who knew about the cursed book, and he could tell she knew it was one of the reasons he was trying to deflect.
Kim Dokja: 8 votes
Han Sooyoung: 1 vote
Voting time: 57 seconds
Kim Dokja was startled when he saw the tall figure in the doorway. Yoo Joonghyuk moved his heavy gaze across the room until he reached Kim Dokja, where he formed a harsh glare.
"Yoo Joonghyuk?" Kim Dokja questioned, surprised that the man had voted for him. But Yoo Joonghyuk was constantly interrogating him and his plans. Maybe the regressor was curious if he could kill Kim Dokja during this scenario or at least learn more about his psychology.
"I'm done with you running away, Kim Dokja."
'From what?' He wanted to ask, but internally, he knew.
He ran away from everything—from the party member's sorrowful gazes, his guilt, the wall he'd built between them and him. From Yoo Joonghyuk himself.
"Ahh, you want to know about me so much, Joonghyuk-ah?" Kim Dokja teased, though he felt his heartbeat quicken.
[Ki m Dok ja i s w orr ied ]
'I'm not.'
[K im D okj a is a b ad li er]
Kim Dokja shook his head as he gave an infuriating grin to Yoo Joonghyuk, whose hand was twitching to his sword. Just as he thought that the man would try to strangle him again, a blue window popped up.
Voting time: 0 seconds
Kim Dokja: 8 votes
Han Sooyoung: 1 vote
Nominee: Kim Dokja
Suddenly, a flash of light brightened the room as sparks of probability surrounded him.
'This is going to suck,' was Kim Dokja's last thought before it all turned to black.
~~~
Everyone moved their hands from their eyes as the cloud of probability disappeared. Eyes widened, mouths agape, as they saw two figures standing where Kim Dokja had been.
There were two boys, one looking about five or six in a t-shirt and shorts, bruises covering his entire body with one of his eyes swollen black and blue. His split lip quivered as he looked around the room with an anxious gaze, thin fingers playing with his shirt hem.
The other boy was taller, but not by much. He looked about ten or eleven, wearing an oversized sweater over a white blazer and slacks, suggesting a school uniform. His hair was a shaggier version of the one they knew, covering a bit of his face. He was also covered in bruises, but also white bandages around his forearms and bandaids all over. His eyes were soulless like black holes as he peered around the room.
They looked like their leader, with matching hair and the pale skin like he'd never seen the sun. But they were also not. They were covered head to toe in injuries and looked feeble as if a strong gust would blow them over. They both looked malnourished and too skinny for anyone's liking.
[ Several Constellations are speechless ]
[ Constellation 'Queen of the Darkest Spring' is very concerned ]
"W-Where am I?" the younger boy asked, his voice a whisper in the wind. It was too quiet, too soft-spoken, too unlike the strong man they knew.
"Dokja-ssi," Yoo Sangah spoke, cautiously making her way closer to the two boys. They looked at her, one afraid and the other blankly. The smaller one shook where he stood, gripping his shirt tightly.
"My name is Yoo Sangah," her voice was gentle as she spoke to them, the one best suited to deal with children. "Right now, you're in the future. We're currently in the middle of an event called the scenarios, which turned your thirty-year-old self into past versions of himself."
The little boy looked up at her with shining eyes, while the older boy seemed confused.
"Like a fantasy novel?" the little boy asked, his voice full of scared hope as if he were afraid to open his mouth.
Yoo Sangah just laughed softly, exuding a calming aura as she slowly got closer and closer until she kneeled down in front of the boys.
"Yes, like a fantasy novel. May I ask how old you two are?"
The little boy hesitated before saying, "...Six."
"He's so cute," Shin Yoosung whispered, eyes shining at the sight of the little Ahjussi.
Han Sooyoung would have made a teasing comment, but her eyes were stuck on the older boy. He looked too tired, too beaten, too…empty for a child his age.
"I'm fifteen," he said, voice cracking as if it hadn't been used in a long time. He crossed his arms over his chest to grab onto his sleeves, looking down at the ground while trembling.
"Fifteen?!" Lee Jihye burst out, causing both versions of Kim Dokja to flinch. "You look ten!"
The older one curled into himself, muttering, "I'm sorry."
"Lee Jihye," Yoo Joonghyuk growled, though his eyes remained on the two boys.
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' is shocked! ]
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' is very concerned! ]
[ Many Constellations worry about the boys' bruises ]
"Hey, are you two okay?" Jung Heewon looked between the two with her worried gaze, her pupils flickering and categorizing every blemish on their too-pale skin.
"I–I'm fine, Ajumoni," little Kim Dokja replied softly, starling Jung Heewon into gaping.
"A-Ajumoni?!" She sputtered, causing Lee Jihye, Lee Gilyoung, and Shin Yoosung to giggle and laugh. "Please just call me Heewon-ssi. Or noona."
The little boy looked frightened as tears gathered in his eyes.
"S-Sorry! I'm sorry!"
Everyone panicked while Yoo Sangah hugged the boy to comfort him, though no one missed the large flinch.
The older Kim Dokja looked at the little boy without a sound, though his eyebrows were ticked down somewhat.
"We should introduce ourselves," Lee Hyunsung suggested, watching the Kim Dokjas with sad puppy eyes. "So Dokja-ssi, er, both of them, will know who we are."
They went around in a circle saying their names, and when the kids called the two Hyung/Ahjussi, the teen Kim Dokja raised a brow while the little Kim Dokja looked confused.
Han Sooyoung spat out her name while eying the two boys before it got to Yoo Joognhyuk. He stood unmoving, causing the little boy to fidget nervously, before saying his name.
The room was quiet, though Han Sooyoung could hear the small pings indicating indirect messages. Still, she ignored it as she watched the teen Kim Dokja gaze at them all impassively before looking down at the floor, his shoulders high to his ears.
"What do you want from us?"
"Hah?" Han Sooyoung questioned, sucking on her lollipop.
"We're here for a reason, right?" He mumbled as he picked at the bandages on his left arm, avoiding everyone's eyes. "I don't want to trouble you all."
"You could never trouble us, Ahjussi!" Shin Yoosung shouted, causing the little boy, who was now in Yoo Sangah's arms and held against her hip, to whole body flinch and the teenager to shrink in on himself more, his back unnaturally curved.
"I doubt that," he muttered, "all I do is cause trouble for everyone."
No one could say anything at the self-loathing in his voice.
[ Constellation 'Most Ancient Liberator' is stunned silent ]
[ Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is raising a brow ]
[ A few Constellations are looking on in sympathy ]
Han Sooyoung mulled over what to say as she ground her teeth against her candy. She was used to Kim Dokja being a smug bastard who let anything roll off his back. She would always berate him, and he'd laugh it off, shooting back quips. But she had a feeling that if she tried to do that here, the two delicate boys would break.
"Kim Dokja," the silent man in the corner stepped forward, his voice softer than his usual hard edge. "Where did you get those bruises."
Both boys flinched, the little boy hiding his face in Yoo Sangah's shoulder. The teen had no such luxury, just staring at the floor with clenched fists.
"Why do you care?" He muttered, looking tired. His whole being radiated fatigue, the kind of exhaustion that couldn't go away with sleep. "What's the point in saying when no one will do anything?"
"Because we care about you." The room watched Yoo Joonghyuk with bated breath. "Even if you don't know it yet."
A small light flickered in the teen's eyes, brittle and breakable like glass. Hope breathed life into his face like the beginning of a bonfire.
"I…" He hesitated before looking at the small boy in Yoo Sangah's arms. The teenager saw the bruises on the small boy, and he frowned, his features softening as his face turned into something sullen.
"Father gets angry a lot," the little boy muttered, lifting his head just enough for his words to emerge clear. He kept his eyes on Yoo Sangah's shoulder, staring down her strong back. "He's mean and angry."
Teen Dokja's eyes flash with something too fast for anyone to make out before backing down from everyone, staring at the floor.
Yoo Joonghyuk's fist clenched, along with everyone else. Han Sooyoung bit her candy in half, and Jung Heewon gripped indents into her palms. Even Lee Hyunsung glared at the wall, skin hardening into metal.
[ Constellation 'Queen of the Darkest Spring' is shaking in anger ]
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' is shaking in anger ]
[ Constellation 'Most Ancient Liberator' is pulling his hair in anger ]
[ Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is frowning ]
[ Many Constellations who like kids are upset ]
"It's okay, Dokja-ssi," Yoo Sangah soothed, slowly raising her hand to stroke her fingers through the boy's hair. He froze briefly before melting into her embrace as if he wasn't used to such gentle touches. "He's gone now."
The older Kim Dokja flinched, his body stiff as he glared at the ground.
"That bastard's dead," he gritted his teeth, "that woman made sure of it."
Most of the room's occupants were confused. The two who knew what he was talking about had different reactions. Yoo Sangah looked at the two with a pitying gaze, while Han Sooyoung looked at the angry boy with a contemplative expression.
"Your mother," she started but stopped when the teen shot her an indecipherable look.
[ Many Constellations are unfamiliar with this story ]
"What do you mean, Dokja-ssi?" Lee Hyunsung asked. Jung Heewon tilted her head before her eyes widened.
"Wait…is she?" Jung Heewon gasped as she looked over Kim Dokja's mortified face.
"What is it?" Lee Gilyoung looked around the room. "What about Sookyoung-Ahjumma?"
The teen flinched at her name while the little boy looked up with sparkling eyes.
"Mother?" He asked for, causing the teen to whip around with a hardened expression.
"No!" He shouted louder than expected, causing everyone to reach for their weapons. The boy looked frightened, embarrassed, furious, and a heap of other emotions. It was the most open he'd ever been with his expressions, and the companions around the room suddenly realized that it was their first time seeing Kim Dokja without any filtering on his face, even if it was a younger version of himself.
His eyes, which were at first like black holes, were now wildfires full of hot anger. The bags underneath added to his sickly appearance with the dark bruises and scratches on his face, some covered by bandaids. He had long eyelashes that swept his cheeks whenever he blinked, and his lips were well-bitten red, with teeth marks dug into the skin. At the moment, he looked like a sickly child, but if he were his usual age, then they were sure that he wouldn't fit his title of "Ugliest King'' at all.
"S-Sorry," he muttered, turning away again as he saw their expressions. He hugged himself tightly causing his oversized sweater to tug back and show how the white bandages went up his whole arms, no doubt spanning to his shoulders.
"Why are you covered in bandages?" Yoo Joognhyuk asked, stalking forward without giving anyone time to stop him from roughly gripping the boy's shoulders. The teen was frozen; his expression turned resigned as he tensed up as if waiting to be hit.
With that realization, Yoo Joonghyuk stumbled back before crossing his arms and glaring at the wall.
"...Answer the question, Kim Dokja."
The teen stared at the stiffened man, back to his tired, empty eyes. He remained quiet, his mouth clenched into a thin line.
"I think we should give them time," Han Sooyoung sighed, looking between her companions. Everyone was too tense, and she could tell it made the boys uncomfortable. "They were just basically sent to the future where the world's gone to shit and we're bombarding them with tough ass questions."
Yoo Sangah lightly glared at her for her language in front of young kids, but she sighed in reluctant acceptance. "She's right. We have a full day to do this scenario, we have to give them time to adjust."
That earned a consensus of agreement, except for Yoo Joognhyuk, who just peered at the two boys.
"I'll show you two to your rooms as I'm sure you want to rest after this tiring ordeal," Yoo Sangah smiled, making her way down the hallway while beckoning the teen Dokja to follow her. The boy did so, walking like a newborn fawn wary of the world.
Once they were gone, the tension in the room grew exponentially.
"So that's why Ahjussi never wants to talk about himself," Shin Yoosung muttered sadly, staring down at her hands. Lee Gilyoung falteringly laid his hand on her shoulder, a lost expression on both of their tiny faces.
"I figured that Squid Ahjussi was just embarrassed about never having a girlfriend or something," Lee Jihye muttered uncomfortably. "I couldn't have imagined he'd be like that…"
"There were so many bruises," Lee Hyunsung whispered, "on both of them."
There was another silence, only broken by Yoo Joonghyuk scoffing and stalking out of the room with his hand clenched around his sword hilt.
'Kim Dokja…What happened for you to turn out like this?'
~~~
It was a cloudy morning in Seoul, the wind lightly knocking on the window as if asking to be let in. There was one person in the kitchen, a man holding a pan over the stove the Kimcom had installed into the room. Yoo Joonghyuk stood over the cooking eggs, deep in thought.
'That fool…is this the truth behind his smarmy facade?'
Every time Yoo Joonghyuk thought he knew Kim Dokja, the man performed another unforeseen stunt, and suddenly, Yoo Joonghyuk was back at the beginning, no closer to understanding his Life and Death companion. While Kim Dokja seemed to know almost everything about him, he couldn't say the same.
It was maddening.
‘Why are you so hard to understand…’
If he were a lesser man, Yoo Joonghyuk would have been startled when he felt a silent presence creep into his kitchen. Instead, he just looked over his shoulder and watched as the fifteen-year-old Kim Dokja jerked when he met Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes.
The teenager's dark eyes were dragged down by heavy bags that looked darker than yesterday, and his scleras were slightly bloodshot. His hair was ruffled, but not in a way that indicated sleep, more in the way when someone's been running their hands through it and pulling. One look at him and Joonghyuk could tell he didn't sleep.
He ignored the boy and turned to finish the omelet, which he then placed on the counter with all the other food he'd made. He heard the teen's nearly silent feet glide across the floor to the fridge and shot the boy a glare before he could open it, making him flinch back violently.
"S-Sorry," Kim Dokja murmured, his body trembling as he tried to leave the kitchen. But Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed the back of his collar, halting his steps and causing his breathing to increase rapidly.
"What do you want?" Yoo Joonghyuk sighed, letting go of the obviously frightened boy. It was mind-boggling how this timid and injured boy turned into the future rat of a man.
"I-I don't want to trouble you," Kim Dokja avoided his gaze, "I was just going to take leftovers, I swear."
"Sit down."
"H-Huh?"
"Sit. Down," Joonghyuk emphasized his point by gesturing to the dining room table. The kids had found it somewhere one day and made Kim Dokja drag it back to the Industrial Complex so they could all eat dinner together when they had the time.
Kim Dokja wanted to flee, but he decided he didn't want to risk angering the scowling man any more than he already had. He sat down in the closest seat and wondered what would happen. He just wanted to sneak into the kitchen when no one else was awake and take some leftovers, just as had been instilled in him while living with his Aunt and Uncle. He only survived off sneaking scraps and cheap store-bought meals.
Kim Dokja flinched when a scarred, muscular arm set down a bowl of steaming rice and a fluffy egg before him. He looked at the meal before hesitantly looking up at Yoo Joonghyuk.
"Wha–"
"Eat. You're too skinny."
Kim Dokja cringed and muttered an apology, missing the twitch of the older man's brow and the tick in the corner of his mouth.
"Eat, Kim Dokja."
His voice came out softer than earlier. His hand clasped Kim Dokja's nape for a second, then another, until he pulled away and returned to the stove.
Kim Dokja looked between his meal and the retreating figure before slowly picking up his utensils and digging into the food.
He was in heaven. It was the best food he'd had in a long, long time—long enough to forget what a home-cooked meal was like. Without realizing it, tears slowly dripped down his pale cheeks.
[ The Constellation' Demon-Like Judge of Fire' is alarmed! ]
[ The Constellation' Queen of the Darkest Spring' is asking what's wrong ]
Kim Dokja spent the night staring blankly at the blue screens in his vision, unused to such a thing. He had curled into a tight ball, hugging his knees to his chest in a familiar position. Whenever Song Minwoo and the others caught him, he'd curl up as tight as he could, wishing to disappear.
Coming to the future, as the older people had told him, was both frightening and a little disheartening. He hadn't expected to make it to thirty, much less be surrounded by so many people. Don't they know that he's cursed to spend his life alone?
He spent the night scrolling through the messages the so-called Constellations had sent. They were basically Gods, apparently, which freaked him out a bit. He had never believed in any God. If he did, then he'd have to accept the fact that God had watched his suffering without a care, leaving him to his torment and tragedy. If he believed in God, then that meant God didn't love him. But now, there were many Gods, some of whom seemed to like him.
[ Constellation 'Queen of the Darkest Spring' sends her son a comforting look ]
[ 10000 coins sponsored ]
[ Constellation 'Most Ancient Liberator' wants to hug his Maknae ]
[ 600 coins sponsored ]
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' wants to beat up any mother ⬛⬛ who's ever hurt Constellation 'Demon King of Salvation'! ]
Apparently, he was also a Constellation—a star in the night sky—which made his heart ache for reasons unknown. Not only was he one of those so-called Gods, but they cared for him, calling him their son or friend.
Shaking the tears away, Kim Dokja continued eating until he saw Yoo Joonghyuk standing by the kitchen entrance, arms crossed, as he gazed at Kim Dokja with an unreadable gaze.
Kim Dokja didn't like unreadable things. Being a reader was the only thing he had going for him. It was the only thing he knew how to do well, the only thing he could rely on in this world.
"Kim Dokja," the man initiated, the boy's eyes kept firmly on his food. "Where did your injuries come from?"
Kim Dokja clenched his spoon in a shaking fist; the faces of his cruel bullies, their laughing words, their taunts, the open window, the rapidly falling scenery. The sound of a crunch before it all went black.
"Kim Dokja, breath."
He hadn't noticed that he was holding his breath until Yoo Joonghyuk patted him on the back, much more gently than he expected from such an intimidating man.
"Sorry," he cringed as his voice shook, "I'm sorry."
Yoo Joonghyuk looked as if he were contemplating killing him right there before letting out a heavy sigh, pulling out the chair beside him, and sitting a comfortable distance away—not too far to indicate a barrier, but far enough not to overwhelm him.
It was more kindness than he knew what to do with.
"Kim Dokja, don't hold it in."
The boy looked up into the other's eyes. They were dark gray, almost black, but if he tilted his head just right, Kim Dokja could make out a nearly golden sheen to them. They were burdened with incredible weight as if he had lived many lifetimes of tragedy. They were timeless and full of an impossible sadness.
Kim Dokja felt a kindred spirit.
"People don't like me," he almost didn't realize he spoke, too caught up staring into Joonghyuk's soul. "They never have and never will. I'm not someone for people to like."
Yoo Joonghyuk's brows furrowed with pings filling the quiet of the room.
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' shouts that's not true! ]
[ 20000 coins have been sponsored ]
[ Constellation 'Most Ancient Liberator' proclaims that you're his Maknae! ]
[ 5000 coins have been sponsored ]
[ Many Constellations of the Korean Peninsula disagree with your statement ]
[ 400 coins have been sponsored ]
"No one has ever liked me," Kim Dokja continued as if nothing had happened, his voice quiet and unbelievably sad. "Not even my mother. If she had, she wouldn't have written that book."
"What book, Kim Dokja."
The boy wondered how he hadn't heard of it, considering everyone else he'd ever met seemed to know of it, of his mother's sins.
"She killed my father and wrote about it. She killed him and tortured me by publishing that book that ruined my life," he leaned down with his hands over his face, his shoulders shaking. "She condemned me with that book to a life of constant torment. How can a mother claim to love her child if she committed such an act."
[ Many Constellations are shocked by this development! ]
[ 200 coins have been sponsored ]
"The worst part is," he whispered, his voice barely audible in the silent room. "I know why she wrote it, too. I hate her for writing it, and I hate myself for hating her, and I hate everyone for reading it and putting it on my back for the rest of my life."
He wished he could turn back time to stop it all from happening. He wished he could go back and stop himself from being born in the first place. Then, he wouldn't have to go through this terrible life.
"No one likes the son of a murderer, even less than the son of a drunken monster."
Kim Dokja didn't care what Yoo Joonghyuk would do with this information. Punch him, kick him, kill him in disdain. It didn't matter. It was the same as everyone else; everyone reacted with either pity or disgust.
"Don't you dare make any messes for us, Dokja! After that stunt your bitch Mother pulled, you better just keep your head down for the rest of your life!" His Uncle yelled at him his first night at his house. He had been passed around from home to home of his relatives, none wanting to take in the son of a murderer. It wasn't until he was ten that the government gave his second Aunt and Uncle a check to keep him. Then, he lived with them as if he was a ghost.
Yoo Joonghyuk was silent, and Kim Dokja feared the worst until he felt a calloused hand lightly land on his head. Looking up, Kim Dokja became breathless at the tender look in the man's eyes. Despite not knowing much about Yoo Joonghyuk, some deep, older part of him whispered in his ear that this was a special moment usually reserved for the protagonist's love interest.
This wasn't a look meant for him. No one had ever looked at him with such a warm gaze, yet…
Even without words, Kim Dokja could tell what this man wanted to say.
Kim Dokja was not a person meant to be loved. He knew that. He knew that he was a useless, cowardly, cursed child. He wasn't anyone special. He was just a boy who loved to read. A 'Dokja' . A reader meant to stay behind a wall of text without anyone crossing it.
And yet…
Warm tears slid down his face, contorting into a pained expression.
Yoo Joonghyuk remained silent. He hugged the teen and let the boy hide his tears in his jacket.
Hiding behind a corner, a woman sucking on a lemon-flavored lollipop shook her head and went back the way she came, a secret smile gracing her lips.
~~~
Kim Dokja was newly six years old. He had celebrated by crying in his room, new bruises covering his arms and legs, before sitting in his mother's lap, sharing a piece of strawberry cake she'd managed to sneak into the house without her husband knowing. Her eyes were sad and cold, as they always were, and Dokja couldn't help but once again beg her to take him away from there, to run away.
He didn't know why his mother wouldn't take him away from his father, but he knew she was wise and listened to her. He loved it when they read together, and she'd tell him, "Read it again, Dokja-ya."
Now that he's in the future, he wonders where his mother is. Are they still together? Did she take him away?
It was late in the afternoon when he wandered into the living room of their large dwelling. Sangah-noona had read with him all morning, even teaching him some more challenging words he didn't know. It was like reading with Mother, the only other person to show him kindness. He liked Sangah-noona; he thought she was a very warm person.
When he got to the couch, he saw his older self, though not his oldest self, which he had come from, sitting quietly next to Joonghyuk-hyung, who was sharpening a sword. His older self's friends were sitting around them in a semicircle.
'I've never had friends before,' little Dokja thought, feeling an unknown spark in his chest. 'I wonder what it's like.'
He held a book in his arms and felt it press against his bruises. The other day, his father was furious when he ran out of beer, yelling at his mother that she had forgotten to buy more. Shaking the memory away, he climbed onto the couch next to his older self, who ignored him.
Little Kim Dokja looked over at his older self, considering how he looked like Father rather than Mother. It was an unpleasant thought, so he moved closer to the older boy until the teenager gazed down at him with a questioning air.
"What is it?" The teenager asked quietly, unsure of how to act around this version of himself. This little boy didn't seem to have experienced his mother's
(mother's?)
actions yet. Despite his father's cruelty, he still had a naive, innocent view of the world.
"Why are you hurt? Is it from Father?"
Everyone around them froze, horrified and heartbroken looks gracing their faces. They had figured out yesterday that Kim Dokja didn't have a good childhood home life, but it was still hard to hear.
"No," his teenager let out a weary sigh, the origin of a smile on his lips. It wasn't the one they were used to from their leader, that damned unlucky grin, but it could be called the beginning of it. "He's been gone for a long time."
"Oh," little Dokja blinked, "then why are you still hurt?"
His teenage self started to shake, that smile on his face growing, turning his eyes into crescents, no life behind them.
"There's no one in our life who hasn't hurt us. Including ourselves. We hurt ourself the most, you see."
Little Dokja didn't really get it, but he figured he would understand one day. He knew that his father hurt him and his mother a lot, and Mother would act too cold toward him, but he was gone now, so why was Dokja still hurt?
The adults and older kids, who called him Hyung and Ahjussi for some reason, looked heartbroken at his older self's words.
"Kim Dokja," Joonghyuk-hyung dropped his sword and grabbed his older self by the shoulders. "Did you hurt yourself?"
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' started crying ]
[ Constellation 'Father of the Rich Night' broke the glass he was holding ]
[ Constellation 'Queen of the Darkest Spring' is trembling in rage ]
[ Constellation 'Most Ancient Liberator' is pulling at his hair ]
[ Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is frowning ]
[ Many Constellations are upset! ]
"So what," the teenager tried to act like he didn't care, but they could all see the slight shake of his frame in Yoo Joonghyuk's hold. "What does it matter? I failed, didn't I? I'm still somehow alive."
Shin Yoosung, Lee Gilyoung, Lee Jihye, Lee Hyunsung, and Jung Heewon shed tears, four with sadness and one with resentment. Yoo Sangah looked at the teen with wistfulness while Han Sooyoung viciously bit down on her candy.
"What. Happened." Yoo Joonghyuk demanded, his eyes a bit feral.
Kim Dokja stared into those eyes, feeling something ache in his heart. His older self had such people? He was a little jealous.
"You wanna know why I'm covered in bandages so bad, huh? You wanna know why my legs creak while I walk and are covered in battered? You want to care about someone like me who doesn't deserve it? Is that it? You want to hear about how I threw myself out the school window, yeah?"
Tears gathered in the teen's eyes to mimic his younger self, who was already crying. But the older one didn't seem to notice, too busy digging his grave.
"Every day, I'm faced with the reality that I'm not a person worth living. I'm not someone who deserves to be happy. My days are filled with torment and beatings from people who see me as nothing more than a murderer's son, and maybe I am. I'm nothing; I'm no one. I threw myself out that window hoping that'd be the end of it, but I'm even too useless to die properly."
He was full of sobbing at this point, heaving big gulps of air.
"I woke up in the hospital with nurses who scolded me for wasting the doctor's time and an Aunt who only came to berate me for the hospital bills, telling me I should have made sure I died and a mother stuck behind a sheet of glass who couldn’t visit. What kind of life is that, huh? Why bother when I'm so cowardly?"
As he talked, Yoo Joonghyuk's hands trembled so violently that it caused both men to shiver.
"Kim Dokja," he growled, sounding aggrieved, but his eyes were panicked, pupils dancing.
[ Constellation 'Queen of the Darkest Spring' wishes to hug Constellation 'Demon King of Salvation']
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' heavily agrees ]
[ Constellation 'Most Ancient Liberator' agrees ]
[ Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' wishes to comfort Constellation 'Demon King of Salvation' ]
[ Many Constellations agree ]
The sound of the barrage of messages caused little Kim Dokja to let out a slight whine and rub his ear. He didn't know how to turn it off.
"Kim Dokja, you idiot. You damned sacrificial, suicidal Squid."
Han Sooyoung stood from her seat with suspiciously wet eyes.
"You are important. To us and to the world."
Both Kim Dokjas looked at her, one with shining eyes and the other with a confused look.
"You're the glue that holds us together, Dokja-ssi," Yoo Sangah spoke with a calm, sorrowful smile. "We all love you, even when you drive us half mad."
"You take everything onto your shoulders, even when we don't want you to. You're the most selfish, selfless bastard I've ever met, but God, does it kill me when you hurt yourself so needlessly." Jung Heewon spoke with a determined face. Her eyes were blazing with a righteous fury that both scared and comforted the teen Kim Dokja.
"Hyung is the best!" Lee Gilyoung raised a clenched fist. "He’s saved me over and over again. I owe him everything."
"He chose me over Seoul," Shin Yoosung spoke with a watery voice, "Ahjussi picked me as his incarnation even when it would have been easier to kill me."
Kim Dokja, the teen, shook in place, tears pouring from his eyes in a silent river, his mouth slightly open in shock.
"Dokja-ssi is the cartridge I've sworn to protect as his mighty shield. I've lost the cartridge many times, but I won't regret protecting you with my life."
"I-I'm not worth it," Kim Dokja whispered, hands shaking as he placed them on top of Yoo Joonghyuk's, feebly trying to pry them off with no success. "I don't deserve this kindness."
"That's not for you to decide," Yoo Joonghyuk spoke firmly.
The teen blinked at him before looking around and seeing the determined expressions on everyone's faces.
"Why aren't we worth it?"
Then, he turned around and saw his younger self. The little boy looked open and curious. He was sinless and pure compared to the man he'd grow up to become. The fifteen-year-old Kim Dokja wasn't the man they all loved and cherished; he was the dark past he hated that he hid behind a mask. He was the broken boy with no hope, at least, not yet.
"Is it because of Father? Do we deserve it?" The little boy asked.
The teen's face crumpled, staring at the wide-eyed child.
"Maybe we do," he murmured, pulling the little boy close and holding him to his chest. "Maybe I do."
"You don't."
The two Kim Dokjas turned to face Yoo Joonghyuk. His hands had stopped shaking, and his eyes were more golden than black.
"Neither you nor the rat bastard you become deserve it."
Kim Dokja didn't know what to say. The younger version of himself hugged him tightly, the way his mother used to when he was little before the only time people ever touched him was to inflict pain. Instead, he breathed out words he had pushed down repeatedly, deluding himself into forgetting. He didn't know why he spoke nor how he remembered it; it was as if someone else's voice was coming from him, someone much older than himself.
"What if I was the one to kill him."
He closed his eyes and remembered the scene. Remembered his mother's shaking hands covered in blood, cradling his face, one eye almost swollen shut. His father's body lay still a couple of feet away. The knife was dropped in between mother and son, the sharp edge pointed toward the slowly bleeding corpse.
"Always remember, Dokja. You are a victim."
"It was self-defense."
“Reread this again.”
"I killed him."
No, she didn't.
The companions around him looked no less determined, only slightly shocked by his words.
"What if I was the murderer."
"Then it would have been in self-defense," Han Sooyoung firmly stated, with no room for argument.
"It was self-defense."
[ Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' says that the man would have deserved it ]
[ Many Constellations of <Absolute Good> agree ]
Absolute good?
Kim Dokja wasn't a good person. He never was and never would be. He didn't understand why these beings called <Absolute Good> would claim he had done good. Sure, bad people can do good things, and good people can do bad things, but he had never done anything good in his life, as far as he knew.
All he's ever done was read. He'd read and reread and read over and over again.
"I don't like Father," the young boy whispered, looking deeply into the eyes of his older self. "I don't like it when he hurts me and Mother and I don't like it when he drinks because he gets really mad. It scares me."
The two Kim Dokjas held each other tightly, tears clouding their eyes as they shook.
"I'm sorry," the elder whimpered, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He whispered a litany of apologies.
"I don't like going to school because they keep beating me up and vandalizing my desk. I don't like going home because Aunt and Uncle always yell at me or ignore me. I'm always hungry, but I can't afford food a lot of days, and I'm not allowed to eat with Aunt and Uncle. It's hard to visit Mother because of her cold eyes. I hate all of the reporters who keep harassing me, and I hate how no one will help me."
The teenager wailed out his grievances, hiding his face in the young boy's hair.
"I hate how I can never do anything and how much of a coward I am. I hate how useless I am and I hate how there's no reason for me to live yet still I want to anyway."
Soon, the two boys felt strong arms surrounding them. Yoo Joonghyuk silently blanketed them, eyes firmly kept on Kim Dokja, as more company members joined in on providing comfort.
Kim Dokja was there for them during their darkest times, he was there as a beacon of light and hope. It was time for them to return the favor.
[ Constellation 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' is screaming at the scene ]
[ 30000 coins sponsored ]
[ Several Constellations want to incarnate to join the hug ]
As they were in their own little world, the two boys were suddenly covered in a storm of probability sparks.
[ Hidden Scenario - Facing The Past has been cleared ]
Everyone quickly backed away except Yoo Joonghyuk, who stayed close to the dissolving shower of sparks. Once it disappeared, it revealed a peaceful-looking thirty-year-old Kim Dokja with closed eyes. Once he opened them, the whole group realized that the blurriness of his face was gone.
He looked similar to his fifteen-year-old self. Long, sooty eyelashes covered his dark eyes, but unlike his younger self, his eyes were now full of enough stars to rival distant galaxies. His pale skin was unblemished, clear of any bumps or bruises. His hair had an almost unnatural healthy sheen considering they were living in the apocalypse. His mouth curved into a playful smirk as it opened to talk.
"I didn't do anything embarrassing, right?"
~~~
Kim Dokja sighed as he sat on his bed, drying his hair with a towel.
[Ki m Do kja wa s wo rr ied ab out wha t hap pend]
'Shut up,' Kim Dokja waved away the 4th wall , but he couldn't deny its words. He was indeed worried about the scenario that had taken place the past two days. He had no memory of his time split apart, and none of his companions or Constellations have told him anything.
Everyone looked at him with despairing eyes—similar to how they looked at him when he tries to sacrifice himself—and he couldn't take it. So, he escaped as soon as possible, citing the need to plan future scenarios, even though he could tell that no one believed him.
He hated that parts of himself he'd kept hidden for a reason were carelessly exposed. He hated showing any weakness, refusing to be a burden on his companions. Yet, here they were with them, treating him like he'd break any minute. The only ones who treated him close to normal were Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk.
It was expected. Neither of the two had ever treated him with much gentleness. However, when he looked Yoo Joonghyuk in the eyes earlier, they seemed slightly more tender than before.
He refused to look too deeply into that, roughly rubbing his hair until he heard a knock on his door. His companions barely ever knocked on his door, usually bursting into the room or shouting his name from down the hall. He wondered who it could be until a familiar protagonist stepped foot inside.
"What's the pleasure of this visit, Joonghyuk-ah?" Kim Dokja asked with a grin he knew was infuriating. No matter what, he loved to rile the other up. It was like some innate power calling from the inner depths of his being, urging him to annoy the Sunfish Bastard as much as he could. He took great joy in watching the other's eyebrows furrow and his lips pull into a scowl, grimace, or, best of all, growl.
While usually, the protagonist would level him with a vicious glare at such a tone, tonight the stoic man gazed at him with subdued eyes. They were eyes Kim Dokja has stared intensely into more times than he'd like to admit.
[Ki m Dok ja li kes t o st are at hi s li p s]
'Shut up!' Kim Dokja hushed in his head, internally glaring at the smug wall.
"Yoo Joonghyuk?" Kim Dokja turned serious, raising a brow in confusion at this unfamiliar Joonghyuk. He'd read him in many different ways: dangerously mowing down entire hoards of monsters, caught amid regression depression, and he'd even seen him peacefully take his last breath in the 1863rd world line.
But he'd never seen the man look so…gentle. Especially directed toward him. It made his heart beat faster, his palms a little sweater.
"Kim Dokja."
[The 4th Wall has offset some of your mental shock]
Yoo Joonghyuk had never spoken his name so calmly, so fondly.
"What are you doing?" Kim Dokja hissed; all of his defenses were on high alert. He bristled like a startled cat, and Yoo Joonghyuk almost chuckled at the imagery.
'Always ready to run,' he thought with slight bitterness, though he couldn't seem to hold it against him after the recent scenario. That didn't mean he wasn't getting a little pissed off just thinking about all the times Kim Dokja died or got himself hurt.
"The past two days," he started, holding an even gaze with the man on the bed. Kim Dokja stiffened minutely before deliberately relaxing, laying an arm behind him with his towel hanging over his still-dripping hair.
Yoo Joonghyuk stepped forward and, despite Kim Dokja's wary confusion, grabbed the towel and started drying the reader’s hair.
Kim Dokja's eyes widened in surprise, and he wondered what was happening. But when he saw Yoo Joonghyuk's stern face telling him to sit still and shut up, he just let the man do what he wanted, closing his eyes.
[Ki m Do kja al wa ys le ts hi m d o w ha t he wan ts]
'Please stop,' he internally begged, feeling a slight blush grace his cheeks because despite what he may say, he couldn't deny that. He always lets Yoo Joonghyuk get away with more than he'd normally allow the average person. He wouldn't even permit Yoo Sangah to dry his hair like this.
He'd always stop Yoo Joonghyuk from doing anything that would harm him or their progress to reach the ⬛⬛ that Kim Dokja wanted. But for simple things like this, he couldn't help but fold. It was hard to say no to the man he'd been reading about for over ten years, following him on his journey, cheering and crying for him, and hoping for his happy ending.
"The past two days," Yoo Joonghyuk repeated, voice quieter than before. "There were two of you."
Kim Dokja opened his eyes and looked up to meet the protagonist.
"Was it horrible having two of me around?" Kim Dokja grinned, the crescent shape hiding that it didn't reach his eyes.
"You were six and fifteen."
"Ah."
Those ages, huh? The six-year-old didn't matter; there wasn't much incriminating against him other than bruises. The real problem was the fifteen-year-old. He knew how he was at fifteen, especially before he found 'WOS.' He was incredibly pathetic back then.
The Constellation tilted his head, allowing his hair to cover his eyes. He put on a cryptic smile to hide behind, a mask he’d learnt to curate perfectly.
"I hope I didn't cause any trouble."
Without the other known, Yoo Joonghyuk's expression twisted as he recalled the words of the man's younger self.
"I doubt that, all I do is cause trouble for everyone."
"I-I don't want to trouble you, I was just going to take leftovers, I swear."
His voice shook as if he expected to be in trouble for wanting to eat.
"I'm always hungry but I can't afford food a lot of days and I'm not allowed to eat with Aunt and Uncle."
The boy had cried before. Is Kim Dokja's current skinniness–even with the stat buffs—due to that?
'I'll cook for him more. I'll make him eat 3 meals a day.'
"You didn't cause trouble."
"I doubt that," Kim Dokja hummed, deliberately light. "I was always in trouble as a teenager."
I was always in trouble.
Yoo Joonghyuk took the towel off and wrung it in his hands, his fists shaking in restrained anger.
No child deserves that. No child deserves to grow up believing that they are a burden.
"Kim Dokja."
"I was also pretty quiet as a young kid. I usually just read in the corner. I hope you gave my six year old self a book at least," he tried to joke, but the tightness of his mouth gave him away.
"Kim Dokja," Yoo Joonghyuk was becoming increasingly agitated, clenching the towel tightly. "Shut up."
The man looked up and noted Yoo Joonghyuk's slightly pained expression. He was tempted to use Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint, but he had vowed not to use it anymore. All he had to work with was the protagonist's face. Despite how others usually saw Yoo Joonghyuk as being stoic and having no indication of his thoughts, Kim Dokja knew Yoo Joonghyuk best. He saw the man's slight twitch of his eye and the way he clenched his jaw, and he figured that the man was mad at him for whatever he did.
"Ah hah, did I do something to anger you during then? I'm sorry for my younger selves," he gave his unlucky grin.
Yoo Joonghyuk's already low patience snapped.
He grabbed Kim Dokja's face, squishing it between his scarred palms. The reader's eyes widened in alarm and shock, unsure of what to do.
"Yoo Joonghyuk?! What are you doing?!"
"Listen, fool," the man almost growled. "You are not a burden on us. You are not weak, nor are you separate from us. You are a smarmy rat bastard who is too self-sacrificing for his own good. You're right; you may be cowardly, but only because you do what you think we want instead of listening to us. You are a selfish man, Kim Dokja, because you are selfless. Get it through your thick skull that we all want you here with us instead of putting yourself in harm's way every time."
Kim Dokja's jaw hung open as he stared at Yoo Joonghyuk.
"D-Don't you think you're saying too much," he tried to joke, but his voice shook. If he looked down, he’d see that his hands were of a similar fate, shaking like a leaf.
"I need to tell you bluntly otherwise you will misconstrue it inside that stupid head of yours. Listen and listen well. You deserve to be happy. Here, with these people that you brought together. No matter what anyone has said in the past, you are not someone undeserving of love."
He hadn't realized until the first tear slowly dripped down his cheek that he had started crying. His mind went blank in the face of such overwhelming words.
[Ki m Dok ja th inks "I wa nt h im to m ean tha t"]
He had no response to give because truthfully, shamefully, he wanted it to be true. He wanted Yoo Joonghyuk to mean what he said.
[Constellation 'Demon King of Salvation' used 'Lie Detection']
[Truth]
"Oh."
Yoo Joonghyuk let out an amused huff.
"Yes, oh, you utter fool."
When they first met, Yoo Joonghyuk's voice was always scathing. He insulted Kim Dokja without any hints of affection, and he wouldn't hesitate to kill Dokja if he could. But now…now, his eyes were filled with a warmth that made Kim Dokja's head spin, and his voice was fonder than he'd ever heard.
"Let us love you, idiot."
He bit his lip to try and contain his emotions.
[The 4th Wall has offset some of your mental shock]
"Does that include you as well, Joonghyuk-ah?"
Once he gained his bearings, he took on a teasing tone, but his eyes were still producing tears, no doubt red and puffy.
"Yes."
"What–"
"Kim Dokja, I love you, you incorrigible fool of a man."
He couldn't stop himself from gaping at the amused protagonist holding him gently, as if he were something precious. Where was the battle-hardened, no-nonsense attitude from the novel?? He knew that he and Lee Seolwha had gotten together in previous and future rounds, but he had never acted like this.
"I-I–"
For once, Kim Dokja was at a loss for words, his face heating up as he processed the sudden confession.
"No, you can't–I–"
"You can't tell me what I can and can't do. I love you."
Hearing it again made Kim Dokja dizzy and restless, and his hands rose to try to cover the protagonist's mouth.
"Stop that–"
"I love you."
Every time he said it, Kim Dokja dissolved further into a mess. He wasn't used to such words. He doubts he's ever heard them in his life. His mother was never affectionate and had never offered him much comfort other than reading.
No one had ever really loved him before.
Yoo Joonghyuk had realized this, and he vowed to make it his mission to change that.
"I love you."
"I heard you the first time," Kim Dokja wouldn't say he whimpered, but it was a close thing. He looked up at the protagonist through his bangs, which Yoo Joonghyuk thought was cute.
"Will you give me an answer?"
He hadn't asked a question, but Kim Dokja could read between the lines well enough. His face flushed deeper, the red reaching his ears. He had never loved anyone, either. He wasn't meant to be loved, nor was he meant to love. But he did love one thing—the one he loved the most, the story he loved the most.
The protagonist he loved the most.
"I love you too, you stupid Sunfish Bastard."
Yoo Joonghyuk just huffed again with a roll of his eyes. Throwing the abandoned towel toward the laundry bin, he pushed Kim Dokja to lie on the bed, ignoring the man's sputtering nonsense with practiced ease.
"What are you doing?!"
"Shut up and lay down."
"Answer me you Sunfish Bastard!"
The regressor just sighed and pulled an arm around the tapered waist of his companion. He pulled them down until the two were lying close together on the bed, face to face a few centimeters apart. His arm held Kim Dokja close so the man couldn't escape, though judging by the poorly hidden happiness he tried to mask with annoyance in his eyes, the escape artist of a man wouldn't attempt it for once.
"Sleep well, Kim Dokja."
Kim Dokja stared into the eyes of the protagonist before eventually giving in with a sigh of affectionate annoyance.
"Damn you," he muttered, snuggling in close to his one and only protagonist.
"Goodnight, Yoo Joonghyuk."