Chapter Text
In the middle of the yard, cast in the glorifying halo of pale moonlight, a lone boy sits nervously tapping his ankles together.
Nights like these should be hot. When the sun’s rays have fallen beneath the horizon, the world can’t shake its residual heat, and he has no idea where to even crawl to escape the dampness of sweat. Instead, this night is eerily cold, with icy gusts cutting through teeth and bone and predicting the arrival of a morning storm.
It’s summer nights like these when Omori should feel his best—yet tonight, not even the perfect weather can lift his spirits.
Taking a final drag from his cigarette, he lets the smoke sit in his lungs as he flicks the finished butt into the pool and watches the water’s surface ripple. The moon’s serene outline doesn’t stand a chance against the strong wind that sends a shiver through his spine and makes him curl his toes in his socks to combat the goosebumps that rise on his skin.
As he exhales again, he focuses on the heavy rustle of leaves all around him. Neither the noise nor the earthy smell of grass and dew that breaks through the stench of tar distracts him from the presence behind him that burns holes into his back.
He sighs. “What.”
“Mom… Mom doesn’t like it when you throw your trash into the pool.”
Omori groans. He reaches for his pack and pulls out another, wishing he had a new cigarette butt ready to throw into the pool as a statement. He quickly lights it, leaving time to inhale and let the smoke sit for a while.
“Mom doesn’t like anything I do,” Omori replies, smoke under each word.
“That’s not true. Mom loves you.”
There’s no point in gracing such idiocy with an answer, so he doesn’t. Omori’s attempt at being frustrating is successful, and he soon hears an exasperated sigh behind him.
“Have you at least changed your mind?”
“Nope.”
“Nope…?”
Omori lets his answer speak for itself, feeling a sense of indignation smoulder under his heart. His answer couldn’t have been clearer, it’s not his fault if he seeks meaning that isn’t there in it.
Footsteps behind him. He’s not touched or pushed, so he must have changed his mind.
“You know…” comes from closer behind him, having halted. “Everyone really wants you to be there. I do too. I don’t understand why you refuse…”
There’s more desperation in his voice. He didn’t come here to change Omori’s mind or tell him that despite everything, he’s still loved, but to shame him for being oh so horrible and for not cheering on his brother’s big moment.
What’s there to cheer for? He’s a backstabbing bitch. He might as well be dead to Omori.
Fur brushes against his leg. He’s in no mood for it, but if it makes it clear that he’s ignoring Sunny, then he happily picks up Mewo and places her down on his lap, quietly stroking her fur and giving her attention he refuses to divert towards his brother. She pushes her head against him, greedily asking for all the attention he could possibly give her.
It seems that Sunny has given up. With another sigh, he walks into Omori’s vision, into the far corner, and picks up the pool skimmer. He fishes out the cigarette butts that Omori’s been tossing into the water before placing the skimmer back and standing by the side of the pool, hands on his hips as he watches over the turbulent water.
“I’m gonna put the cover back over the pool,” he says, attempting to make Omori return his eye contact by staring straight at him.
“What, you don’t trust me?” Omori bitterly retorts, eyes fixed on that swaying moon in the ripples.
Sunny groans. Finally getting the message that Omori wants him nowhere near him and that he can fuck right off, he walks off to his side, hopefully disappearing for good. But when his footsteps stop and he quietly stands there lurking behind Omori, he knows that he’s not quite gone yet.
“Do you have any idea what you’re putting us through?”
Omori already made it abundantly clear that he’s not coming, he doesn’t understand why Sunny keeps bothering. He wants to instil shame and guilt. He should know by now that Omori doesn’t care.
Taking another inhale from his cigarette, Omori slouches down further over Mewo, fingers trickling across her supple spine. Sunny seems to get the hint, because his footsteps remove themselves from the pool, and he hears the kitchen door slide open and shut again, announcing his departure.
Finally. Omori came out here to sulk, not to be judged.
He finishes his cigarette, then several more, until five cigarette butts float in the pool water. Mewo has long left his lap, judging him to smell too bad to stay around. He really needs to quit, but it gives him something to do other than marinade in his thoughts.
He pulls a sixth out of his pack but hears the sliding door open again before he can light it. Groaning, he puts the cigarette between his lips and grabs his lighter.
“I thought this was where I’d find you. You never change, Omori!”
There’s a certain degree of cheer in Mari’s voice. She has different intentions coming here than Sunny did. Omori takes the cigarette back out of his mouth and stuffs it back into his pack. He already stinks badly enough, and he knows what Mari thinks about this bad habit of his.
He should answer, but he can’t. He doesn’t know what he’d say.
Mari doesn’t need an answer. She comes around, pace flighty, and sits down next to him on the poolside bench. She crosses her legs and lays her hands over her dress, fingers tapping. Is she nervous too?
“What are we looking at?” she asks, eyes pinned on him with a bright smile.
Omori points ahead, at the pool, the trees, and the moon.
Mari follows his finger, travelling over the broken image illuminated in the water before ascending to the real deal.
“Leaving on the night of a first quarter moon. I can’t quite remember… Was that a good omen, or a bad one?”
Omori is sure there’s symbolism tied to a quarter moon, the same way there is to every single other phase of the moon. It’s how astro nuts sell the same nonsense every month to gullible idiots.
Mari doesn’t deserve such spiteful thoughts directed at her.
“I think it means good luck,” Omori bullshits.
“Really?” Mari looks back at the moon, a confident smile on her face. “Looks like we’re off to a great start, then. Let’s hope that luck will carry through during the next few months for us two, huh!”
Omori hums in agreement, feeling inadequate to add anything of value to the conversation.
The siblings sit quietly for a few minutes, Mari looking up and Omori looking down, before Mari breaks the silence again.
“Hey, Omori…”
Here it comes.
“You can always talk to me if you need to, you know that, right?”
Don’t get upset. It’s born from good intentions. She’s the only one who’s here with good intentions.
Yet he feels like exploding. He blames Sunny earlier.
“Is there anything you wanted to talk about?” Mari openly asks.
Omori shakes his head. They don’t have time, anyway, and they won’t find a moment when he feels like exposing his thoughts.
“Alright, I see,” Mari says, accepting his dismissal. She swings around her hands in her lap, eyes drifting towards the pool before she lets loose. “There was something I wanted to talk about with you. It’s not about me, don’t worry, I just wanna help you.”
“About the trip?” Omori mumbles.
“About the trip.”
Omori looks at Mari, awaiting her questions.
“You choose whatever makes you feel good, Omori. Something vital will be missing while we’re there, but if it’s what makes you happy, then I’m never going to ask you to do something you don’t wanna do. I couldn’t bear to see you pushed beyond what you’re comfortable with again. But are you sure you want to stay behind? It’s not a shame if you changed your mind!”
He didn’t. They both know he didn’t. It’s a carefully-hidden plea to make him come along regardless, but they both know he can’t.
“I’m good here,” Omori answers, his arms wrapped loosely around himself.
“If it’s what makes you feel best, then you should stay. Oh, but I’ll miss my little brother!” Mari wistfully says as she pulls Omori into a sideways hug.
He lets her grab him real close and even leans into the hug, secretly wanting nothing more than to stay like this forever. At least she cares, and look at how he’s squandering all that love he doesn’t deserve.
She lets go, placing one hand atop the other on her knees as she watches the moon.
“You’re probably tired of hearing us ask, but I just don’t want you to make a choice you’ll regret later. If you stay behind, I want you to do it because that’s what’ll make you happiest, not because you think it’ll get back at them. That’s why you made this choice, right?”
“I just… I can’t deal…”
“I know, I know. You’ll get there someday!” Mari cheerfully encourages.
Omori can’t suppress the grumble in his throat. He looks away, annoyed with himself over being such an ungrateful brat when she immediately understood his reason to stay.
“Ah, I’m just doing what big sisters do, but I can’t help but worry about you, you know? You can take care of yourself, I know! But to stay behind in this big, empty home all by yourself? At a time when you’re not feeling your best?”
She shuffles her hands in her lap, a conflicted smile tugging at her lips.
“Can you deal with that right now? Will you manage on your own?”
No.
Of course not.
He’d ask Mari to stay behind with him, but he’d be shattering her dream. He has no option but to stay behind, and he has no option but to do it the way he has done everything in the past decade: alone.
But he doesn’t wanna worry her, so he just laughs.
“Mari, please. I’ll manage. I made it this far, didn’t I?”
“That makes me feel so much better,” Mari in turn laughs with a relieved smile. “I knew you had it in you. You’re capable of so much more than you think.”
She extends her hand to ruffle Omori’s hair, and the fake laugh he let out earlier turns into a genuine smile, even a happy hum, if he dares acknowledge it as such.
“Would you promise me something?” she asks as she retracts her hand.
Omori looks at her, prompting her wordlessly.
“Let’s call at least twice a week, and more than that if you need it, okay?” she suggests. “We should talk as often as we can. That way, I can check up on my little brother and learn of all his many plans for the day.” She leans a little closer and whispers the next bit, her hand propped against her smirking mouth. “Mischief included.”
She winks, eyes sassily hooded.
Plans such as lying in bed all day and rotting away into nothingness, real devious. But the latter comment does pull a little smile out of Omori as he averts his eyes, caught red-handed.
“I wanna make sure that you’re fed and tidy. Overprotective siblings, right? But I know you shut down easily and have a hard time placing calls, so if I’m the one to call you, will you pick up?”
She has such a charming way of putting things that he doesn’t even feel offended over low-key being babied.
“Okay.”
“Thank you. I’m available 24/7 by text, and if you need to talk over the phone, I can practically at any moment slip away to do so. Always remember that! And you know…”
She pats him on the shoulder, a kind smile illuminating her whole face.
“Should you get lonely for even a second, or you regret not coming with us, just call me. It will take no effort at all for me to fly home to come pick you up so we can travel together. We’ll get you a ticket, stat. The Moores would happily come pick up Mewo to watch her. Rod can take care of the house. There are options.”
She already has every solution thought of, every reason Omori could give not to give in should he really want it. Mari has always been meticulous like that.
“Just know that wherever we are and however you may feel, we’re always within no more than a few hours of travel away, okay? It’s never too late to change your mind, and we’ll be welcoming you with open arms if you do.”
“Yeah…” Omori says.
For her, he might. It ends there. He wishes that she didn’t have to suffer from his selfish choice, but it’s the only choice he has. They both know that he’ll never set a foot outside their gate. Not during the day, very rarely during the night, when the stars align.
“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy!” Mari says with a cheerful clap of her hands.
She tries so hard. Omori feels guilty that she can’t lift his spirits.
“Mhm…” Omori hums. He sinks his nails into his leg and tries to suppress a groan as he forces himself to speak. “I hope you’ll have a good time out there too.”
“It sure will be an educational trip!” Mari says. This time, she sounds a little nervous. “There’s so much I still have to learn, but I’m sure that with enough rehearsal, it’ll be alright! And I’ll come back home with so many stories to tell my little brother.”
Omori smiles. It’s a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.
“Mari? Where are you?” comes from the back door.
“Here, mom! At the pool!” Mari yells back.
“We’re ready to leave, are you coming, honey?”
“Just a sec, mom!” She looks behind, over her shoulder. “Darn, looks like it’s time to go.”
She turns back around, facing Omori. He keeps his eyes pinned on the reflected moon, daggers poking through his heart. She only came here to say goodbye. Would any of them have said anything if she hadn’t?
“Hey, you stay strong, alright? For me?”
She pokes him in the shoulder, having noticed the solemn tone of his expression.
Omori snorts. “I’m the strongest fucker in this house.”
“And you,” she says with cheer under her voice, elbowing him in the side, “haven’t changed even a bit from the sassy little brother I know and love.”
They exchange laughs that die out into the night. She doesn’t seem like she wants to move on. He doesn’t want her to go.
She catches on, twisting her side and sighing.
“Oh, but how I will miss you!”
She leans in and wraps her arms around him in a tight hug. A farewell.
The hug lingers. There’s commotion at the sliding door, and it signals that she has to go. She pulls back, putting her hands on his shoulders.
“I know how much of a night owl you are, but promise me you’ll go inside before midnight, alright?” She shivers in exaggeration. “You’ll catch a cold with this wind.”
“Yeah…”
Mari smiles one last time and stands, patting him on the head.
“I’ll send you updates about our flight and let you know when we’ve safely arrived at our place. You better clear some space on your phone, I’m blasting your gallery with photos!”
“Hey, thanks, Mari. Really.”
She exudes warmth, ruffling his hair one last time before letting go.
“And hey. Nothing says that you can’t revisit the past from a positive angle. It’s no mark against you if you don’t, but you are capable of so much. I believe in you!”
“Mhm…” Omori answers without conviction.
He doesn’t remember much of the rest of their parting—he swears at least one other person shows up, but he doesn’t register who. Soon, the house is quiet and empty in a way he has grown to hate over the years, only the wind filling his ears. He wasn’t exactly considered when they came to live out in the middle of nowhere, no matter how much he appreciates that he can escape the gaze of others hidden deep within these countryside forests.
Fear and self-induced loneliness won’t be the biggest of his issues for the next few months.
Sticking his hand into his pocket, he takes out his pack of cigarettes and lighter again. He stays by the side of the pool until the rising sun colours the horizon a dark teal.