Chapter Text
Tajima still did not know what to do with his children, with Izuna who always wanted to fight and Madara who was cozying up with the Senju heir without even asking his name, he had a lot to worry about.
At least they trained diligently, they were hard-working and dedicated, they would survive to be old, and that was all Tajima wished for them.
"But he cheated!" Izuna muttered for the third time, rubbing his aching chest.
"Shut up, loser," his elder brother replied in a whisper.
Tajima chose to save himself the trouble and pretended he had not heard anything. Oh misfortune, early deafness.
Deafness that did not apply when it came to a "TOBIRAMA!" shouted from his right. His children rushed over with him and he knew he did not need to remind them of caution and observation before action. It was a woman's scream, they had to act with extra care.
They hid in some trees and used their Sharingan to observe the details despite the distance, and Tajima felt himself blush, he did not think he would ever be a voyeur, especially on a teenage girl.
Senju Touka was scantily clad and he worried for a moment that he had caught a couple engaged in some intimate activity, but as there was only one other woman with her bent over a scroll and no Tobirama in sight, he remained attentive despite the breasts perfectly visible under the thin, white fabric. Wet fabric, of course.
"What the-," Madara began, only to be interrupted when the woman with the very long brown hair pulled them back.
Tajima immediately signalled to Izuna who understood and violently slapped his hand over Madara's mouth, who held back a scream at the last moment. The woman was Senju Hashirama. No, it had to be a trap, Senju Hashirama could not have-
"Tobirama, I need help, get out of here!" the Senju, whose imposing breasts left no doubt about her real gender, sighed as she threw a stone into the river.
A few seconds later, a head of snow-white hair appeared on the surface.
"What's the matter? Don't tell me you still need help?"
"I do! Come and help me."
"Yes, Tobi-chan, your big sister needs you, so be a good little sister," Touka joked, closing her eyes to enjoy the sunshine.
At this point, even Tajima was thrown off and had to check that he was not under a particularly powerful genjutsu.
Senju Tobirama left the water, and Tajima wanted to knock himself out on the tree trunk in front of him. Breasts again, albeit smaller. Another woman.
"This is... the strangest day of my life," Izuna murmured as the pale woman approached her sister – ?! – and whispered instructions to her, pointing to certain places on what was probably a seal, the albino was known for her talent with seals.
"Ahhh... I love it when your father is surrounded by the Elders, it really is the best day of my life!" Touka exclaimed as she stretched out on the floor.
"Don't tell me about it, we don't often get a day off!" Hashirama said cheerfully before grimacing. "Although I'd really prefer it if it was for something other than looking for a suitable husband for me."
Madara sat up carefully, looking outraged.
"Don't worry, Tobirama will go to the selected suitor and make sure he renounces in exchange for keeping his cock safe."
"And his balls," added the albino distractedly with a sly, purely carnivorous smile. "No one touches my sister."
"Oh, Tobi, that's so sweet..."
"Don't call me Tobi. And you'd better find yourself a good man to marry, otherwise the rejections will end up hurting you."
"Hng."
"Forget it, Hashirama only has eyes for her wild and dishevelled Uchiha, you won't be able to convince her to look at someone else."
With a silent fascination, Tajima watched with interest the simultaneous blushing of the girl's and his eldest son's faces at the exact same moment. They even hid their faces in their long hair at the same time, embarrassed, trying in vain to escape scrutiny.
There was only one ‘dishevelled’ Uchiha that Hashirama knew well enough to have a crush on, and Madara obviously did not know how to react. Izuna, on the other hand, knew very well how he felt about this and pretended to vomit. Tajima pretended not to notice any of their reactions and looked at the Senju girls again, curious. Oh delightful age-related loss of visual acuity.
"This moron doesn't even seem to know you're a girl, he doesn't deserve you."
"Tobirama, if we listened to you, no one would ever deserve Hashirama."
The albino shrugged, the very image of impenitence.
"It's not my fault he's stupid. Hashirama has already thought about the names of their first three babies and the other moron was fooled by a vile bowl-cut."
Izuna actually had to secure Madara, who almost fainted and stumbled from the branch he was crouching on at the mention of the babies.
"Stop talking, for God's sake!"
"Shut up! If you'd done what I told you, at least you'd know where you stand."
"I'm NOT going to fight when I'm half-protected to show off my breasts in front of him!" Hashirama shouted before looking at said chest. "What's more, my breasts are horrible. You've got nice, elegant breasts and all that, but mine are just big and bulky and heavy and-"
"And I'm sure a man with half a brain would know what to do with that," Touka teased. "Trust me, the touch of a man changes your life."
Oh Amaterasu... Hearing gossip about girls and this type of thing in particular was not expected. Should they leave?
But Madara was only standing because Izuna was holding him tightly and Izuna was listening carefully to hear from the Senju how a man could please a woman.
This annoying brat really was not late on love-related matters.
Tobirama looked like she was going to throw up and spat on the ground as if to keep away evil thoughts.
"Ugh."
Hashirama looked both doubtful and hopeful.
"Really?"
"Of course. Tobirama is hopeless when it comes to romance, but she's right when it comes to seduction: what are breasts for if not to catch the eye?"
"To breastfeed?" Hashirama suggested, amused despite herself by her family.
"No, to seduce!" the other two insisted.
The rest was more innocent, and Tajima looked away as they began to splash each other. He was past the age of looking at girls that young, and he snapped his fingers to get his sons' attention. His sons would not be fucking voyeurs, at least not on his watch.
"We can't seriously fight them!" Madara whispered, strongly resisting the urge to turn to the three Senju girls. "And if they're no longer our rivals, then there's no reason for us to see them so much!" He added with all the distress of an idiot who sincerely thought his father had not noticed that he was not seriously fighting his childhood friend.
The realisation also dawned on his younger son, who displayed so many emotions on his face that the father could not keep up.
"Dad," Izuna whispered, wiggling to get his attention. "I want to marry my rival!"
Tajima turned a deaf ear again and jumped up to go home.
... well.
Clearly, they had a problem.
Problem one: there were probably an awful lot of Senju girls fighting under the guise of men, so they could not exactly carry on as before, or their Goddess Amaterasu would have their heads.
Problem two: Izuna wanted to marry the White Demon. And knowing his stubborn streak, he would do anything to try and seduce the girl if Tajima refused.
Problem three: Madara, who already could not get his male childhood friend out of his head, was even less likely to forget him now that he knew the young man was in fact a beautiful young woman who dreamed of marrying him.
Problem four: ... Tajima could see those teasing, mocking little girls as part of his family. He had always secretly wanted daughters, whether they were a ray of sunshine or a mocking brat like himself.
"Dad!"
Dear ancestors, what a day.