Work Text:
Seven of Nine Personal Log, Stardate 56010.5
Hours Working: 13
Hours Regenerating: 5
Hours Engaged in Leisure Activities, Eating and Miscellaneous: 4
Hours Speaking to Sarina: 2
I am experiencing an unusual phenomenon. This afternoon I intended to call Sarina over subspace to discuss plans for our upcoming trip together. I had allotted thirty minutes for this task, to include clarifying timings, itinerary, and appropriate clothing for the climate at the resort, as well as an additional ten minutes for small talk and expressions of affection. The actual time spent was one hour and fifty-three minutes. This is the third time this week that my call to Sarina has exceeded the time I had allowed for it.
I was concerned that the implant which helps to regulate my perception of time might be malfunctioning, but Admiral Janeway suggests that this is a normal development, and having performed a self-diagnostic I cannot find any evidence to contradict this.
I find myself confused that an hour speaking to Sarina feels subjectively closer to ten or twenty minutes, but I enjoy our conversations so much that I am unwilling to cut them short unless I have extremely pressing matters to attend to.
I am also experiencing difficulty in persuading myself to end the transmission, even when the conversation is clearly complete.
Sarina Douglas Personal Log, Stardate 56013.4
I can't believe Seven and I spent three hours talking over subspace today when we're going to see one another in two days! But I just can't seem to help myself. When I'm not talking to Seven I'm wishing I was, and when I am talking to her I'm wishing I was doing it in person. It feels like a lot longer than five weeks since that kiss in my hotel room at the conference. I'm so desperate to see her that I wish I could just sleep from now until it's time, but then I wouldn't be able to talk to her in between!
I can't pretend I'm not anxious though. We've decided that we want to move things a little further than kissing, and although I really want to and I feel like I'm ready, this is a huge step for both of us. Neither of us has had a sexual experience with another person before, and it's sort of scary. Seven is dealing with this by devouring every text available on the subject, unsurprisingly. Although apparently Admiral Janeway managed to talk her out of making a step-by-step plan with instructions and timings.
I thought it actually might have been useful, as long as there was room for impromptu amendments. I guess when you're spontaneous and confident like Admiral Janeway, it seems like a silly idea.
Seven of Nine Personal Log, Stardate 56016.1
Hours Working: 10
Hours Regenerating: 5
Hours Engaged in Leisure Activities, Eating and Miscellaneous: 4
Hours Speaking to Sarina: 2.5
Hours Thinking About Sarina in Spite of Time Having Been Allotted to Other Tasks: 2.5
The more time elapses, the less I seem to be able to concentrate on routine tasks. Today I planned to spend my designated lunch period working on a reverse engineering problem. I have no clear memory of eating my lunch but according to a colleague I spent thirty-five minutes “gazing into the middle distance and smiling”. Given the pattern of my recent behaviour I had no choice but to believe her. And yet I cannot bring myself to regret the loss of efficiency, given the sharp increase in my general sense of well-being since I met Sarina.
I wish I could quantify what it is about her that I find so compelling. It is true that we have many interests in common – we have had many long discussions about music, quantum mechanics, and current events – but I have regular contact with several individuals who share my interests and none of them have ever inspired these kinds of emotions. Certainly she is very physically attractive, but that has always been of low importance to me. Clearly further investigation is indicated.
Sarina Douglas Personal Log, Stardate 56017.2
Recording this while I'm doing some last-minute packing – I've unpacked and repacked four or five times now – I've worked so hard with Doctor Malley on not getting too wrapped up in all the possible variables of every situation, but it's so hard not to think about it – what if it isn't there, whatever was between us last time? What if something goes wrong? What if I say something stupid and offend her? What if I'm too scared at a vital moment and I freeze up?
I've at least managed to stop myself from trying to calculate the probabilities for each of these scenarios. I'm trying to remember that when I see Seven it will all be all right.
Seven of Nine Personal Log, Stardate 56020.7
It is difficult to know where to begin this log. The last twenty-four hours have not been eventful in any sense of the word that I previously understood. I took a public shuttle to the resort. I greeted Sarina. Since then we have remained in our quarters, and I am unable to say exactly what we did with the remainder of the time. We embraced and kissed, we ordered a variety of dishes from the replicator and listened to several different pieces of music. We talked a great deal, but I have no clear recollection precisely what we discussed. None of this seems to add up to an entire day of activity. It is most perplexing.
From the moment I saw her, I felt a sense of inner calm and... what I can only describe as 'rightness'. It is not a familiar sensation. But it is one that I am enjoying.
Sarina Douglas Personal Log, Stardate 56024.3
I've never felt so relaxed and so whole in my entire life. I feel like I'm in zero gravity and I could just float away any minute. It's been blissful. We spent the whole of yesterday just talking and kissing and lying around our room – we got room service three times and didn't step outside – only if you count the balcony. We fell asleep curled up together – well, I fell asleep. Seven swears she doesn't sleep, she just regenerates, but she has a pretty impressive snore considering.
Today was... I don't even know exactly what today was. Today was the day Seven asked my permission to 'initiate sexual activity'. Just like that. 'I would like to initiate sexual activity, is this acceptable to you?' It sounds kind of overly formal like that, but it didn't seem like it at the time, not at all.
And it was wonderful. Not perfect, but wonderful. I think we need some practice. Which is... really not a problem.
Seven of Nine Personal Log, Stardate 56027.1
Sarina and I have now had five sexual encounters, ranging from inefficient yet satisfying to... staggeringly successful. It is almost frightening – the last time I experience anything like this was in the Collective – there is an intense sense of unity in a shared sexual experience that is reminiscent of the hive mind. Except that Sarina and I have chosen this for ourselves, and however close we become, we remain individuals with our own separate thoughts, our own autonomy.
She does not seem to be repelled by my remaining implants. I have noticed that many people are reluctant to touch my left hand, but Sarina does not seem to care.
Sarina Douglas Personal Log, Stardate 56029.8
We actually left the hotel room today – we went to the beach just to blow the cobwebs away and get some fresh air. Seven doesn't like sand much. She's a pretty good swimmer, though. We ate nothing but ice cream all day, until we came back to the hotel for dinner.
I can't believe I have to go home tomorrow. We haven't planned anything else after this. It's strange not knowing when I'll see her next. Being together like this feels so natural. The research centre feels a billion light years away.
Seven of Nine Personal Log, Stardate 56032.5
My apartment seems very quiet. In the last few days I have grown accustomed to Sarina's constant presence. It has been a matter of hours since we last spoke, but I am already anticipating our next conversation. I... miss her.
Tomorrow morning I have an appointment to meet Admiral Janeway for coffee, and I'm sure she will expect to hear the details of my trip. I should regenerate – it has been several days since I had the opportunity, and simply sleeping does not adequately address my needs, although admittedly it is refreshing. But I am reluctant for this day to end. I do not want to stop feeling the way I feel at this moment.
But tomorrow I will speak with Sarina over subspace, and next month she will come to stay with me here on Earth. She will be here in 36.5 days. 876 hours. 52,560 minutes. 3,153,600 seconds. 3,153,599. 3,153,598. 3,153,597...