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It’s been awhile now Lloyd has been in a teenager’s body instead of a kid’s. Like all the other ninjas, Kai was surprised -and a little annoyed- of how tall he became. He didn’t reach Kai yet, but he was taller than Nya and Jay already. He was tall for his age. Kai tried to empathize with him- if he became 14 from 10 in a day. He thought it would be amazing, every kid would want to grow up fast, wouldn’t they?
Lloyd was sitting alone with a pensive face when Kai walked in the room. "You alright there buddy?" Kai asked since everyone else was together and Lloyd was alone by himself. "Huh? A-ah- yeah I’m okay! Did something happen?" Lloyd was almost startled hearing Kai, probably didn’t realize he came in. Kai noted to knock the door next time.
"No, but... You are sitting alone here? Is something bothering you?"
"What? No." Lloyd answered automatically, but then continued: "Actually- there is something... That I can only talk to you."
Kai felt something that he could almost identify as proudness, but shot that feeling down since this seemed like something serious. He can feel like a proud big brother later, but he needs to hear Lloyd out first. "Of course! We can talk." Kai sat next to Lloyd so close that their shoulders were touching.
"Um, so..." Lloyd struggled to start somewhere Kai noticed, but waited without interrupting anyways. "I have... some thoughts in my mind that appeared after I grew up... and I think talking to you might help because you can be the best person to understand me."
"Okay." Kai told to indicate he was listening, but still didn’t rush it, even though he was almost getting anxious of how long Lloyd was taking to get to the point. -Kai wasn’t that much of a good listener, he realized-
"When I was a kid I didn’t really have a problem with my body or my... gender... but after I grew up I have this feeling that I can’t describe- I don’t know what it is."
"Do you feel like... your body doesn’t fit how you view yourself, maybe?" Kai tried to guide him.
"No! M-maybe, um..." Kai waited a little while as Lloyd searched for words in his mind. "The problem isn’t how I view myself, I think, but how others view me... if that makes sense?" Lloyd made eye contact with Kai for the first time since he came in to make sure Kai understood him.
And Kai did, his words were really close to how Kai felt in his childhood. Even before puberty, Kai always hated how adults who took care of him and Nya told him he was 'acting like a boy'. But Kai didn’t think he was 'acting like a boy', he thought he was acting like however he wanted. This confusion was the reason why it took so long for Kai to realize he was transgender, because he didn’t feel like 'an actual boy'. Now thinking about it, those days were a real struggle for Kai as he tried to understand himself without having the words for it. He realized that it must have been really difficult for Lloyd if he was feeling like this since the Tomorrow’s Tea.
"No, I understand. I think I get what you mean. Let me ask, do you like... feel like it’s wrong when people call you a boy, maybe?"
"Yeah!" Kai understood he was guiding Lloyd in the right direction when he instantly answered. "Or like- when my mom calls me son." Lloyd’s face went red, and in a rush he added: "L-like- of course I don’t have a problem with mom- I’m really glad she is here- I love her-- but it feels wrong when she calls me son because-" Kai couldn’t hold his laughter at Lloyd’s sudden panic. "It’s okay kid, I get what you mean."
A short silence took place as Kai’s laughter died down and Lloyd didn’t say anything. Kai decided to continue: "Let me ask, if she were to call you her daughter, do you think you would feel better?"
Lloyd thought about the scenario and answered: "Yeah."
"Then you feel like a girl, am I wrong?" Kai tried once more.
This time it took longer for Lloyd to answer: "No... I don’t feel like a girl, really, but... I know that I definitely don’t like being a boy." An anxious look appeared on Lloyd’s face, she only now realized what she just said. And of course Kai was someone she could trust, but she still panicked since this was the first time she said this out loud. Kai was quick to put his hand on Lloyd’s shoulder as a comfort. "It’s okay, you don’t need to be anxious. In fact, you should feel proud, it is impressive that you were able to tell me this. It’s not easy to talk about these stuff because it can be difficult to find the right words sometimes, but like I said, you shouldn’t be scared."
"But what if others don’t react like you did?" Lloyd’s body turned to Kai like she was looking for comfort in him. "What if they think it’s weird that I don’t want to be a boy? O-or what if sensei thinks that I need to be a boy in order to be the green ninja?"
"They won’t think like that." Kai held both of Lloyd’s shoulders this time and tried to sound softer than before. "Hey- It’s okay to be nervous. But trust me, those things you said? There is no way those things could happen. We both know these people are our family, and they love us! Your gender doesn’t really matter; they will love you regardless."
"But because I’m the green ninja-"
"You being the green ninja doesn’t change anything." Kai felt a little bad after cutting her out, but continued when she didn’t try to talk again. "Like I said, our friends and our sensei doesn’t think like that. They want you to be the person you want to be. If you want to be a girl or something else, it doesn’t matter. They will still see you as family. And no, you being the green ninja doesn’t change anything."
Lloyd kept looking down with a serious face, but her anxiousness obviously went away when Kai felt her shoulders relax. "Do you promise?" She looked at her big brother like a small kid- yeah, her body maybe wasn’t so small anymore, but fourteen was still, a small kid. She was looking for confirmation from Kai and Kai was sure of everything he had said to her.
"I promise."
After that, Kai felt Lloyd’s arms wrap around him tightly. He hugged her back when he heard Lloyd say "Thank you Kai."
"No, thank you for telling me. That was brave of you."
"I love you."
Kai felt something similar to the happiness he felt whenever he comforted Nya about something when they were smaller- he felt the satisfaction of being trusted enough to be asked for help, and gratefulness that followed after he managed to help. He didn’t realize how much like a sibling Lloyd became to him- and a few months ago she was just a bully kid he and other ninjas caught on acts sometimes.
"So, do you want to use another name?" Kai asked when they separated. He remembered choosing the name Kai when he was eight. Those times he didn’t yet know he was trans, but he knew he didn’t like his birth name.
"Is it okay if I still use Lloyd?"
"Of course! And uh, do you prefer that I use she and her when I’m referring to you?" Kai decided to give an example when Lloyd looked at him kind of confused. "Imagine like this: Sensei asks "Hey, where is Lloyd?" and I say "Oh, she is at her room." Like that."
"I liked that!" Lloyd said with the happiest tone that Kai heard her in a long time.
"Okay, I’m going to use that from now on, then. Is there something else you wanted to discuss? Do you want to join others?"
Lloyd tensed up again. "Uh- o-oh- Kai- Is it alright if you don’t mention this to anyone? I’m not ready yet."
"Of course! This is yours to share." Kai smiled and Lloyd responded with a thank you. Kai’s job was to make sure his little sister felt comfortable and understood that their family would love her in any way; not to rush her in anything. After their conversation, both of them joined the others and although Lloyd didn’t tell anyone anything that day, everyone realized she looked more relaxed than she looked in weeks.