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Lan Wangji had always been the exemplary boy at Gusu Academy, smart and independent in any situation. The thing is, deep down, Lan Wangji knew that he was just insecure about the world.
For him, the world was different, it wasn't good but it couldn't be called horrible, it was akin to what the religionists call armageddon, a place where people look for themselves when they make a mistake and are caught red-handed, completely incomprehensible.
Socializing had never been his greatest asset, it wasn't something he looked forward to doing every day, but it was difficult when he was one of the Academy director's nephews, especially being one of the exemplary students.
He never imagined that one day someone would understand and respect his space, his tranquillity and his quirks. He never imagined that anyone would even love him for always being as dull and boring as everyone said.
Until one day, Lan Wangji met a boy, his name was Wei Wuxian and he was very agitated, noisy and playful. Completely the opposite of what Lan Wangji would be. At first this made him feel strange, Wei wuxian's personality was particular, but not unknown.
The boy treated him with great praise, called him to sit next to him and shared his spicy snack, drowning Lan Wangji's refined palate in flames. Wei wuxian laughed as his cheeks inflated and his ears burned red every time he ate or was amazed by Wei wuxian's terrible jokes.
It turned out that Lan Wangji loved that laugh, loved the choleric company that Wei Wuxian provided. And he never thought he'd fall so easily in love with that boy who wouldn't leave him alone for a minute.
Having his space invaded so suddenly wasn't easy, but because he was Wei Wuxian, everything became simpler and more curious.
It became colorful.
After years, Lan Wangji finally decided to declare his lifelong passion for Wei Wuxian, who was still with him as his soulmate, his only and first love.
However, there was a secret that Lan Wangji still hid from Wei wuxian with a mask that he had been taught to wear since he was a child.
Lan Wangji was autistic, and there were so many bad points that some days he wanted to freak out just for a simple change of routine.
Now that they are in their final year at the Academy, they will soon be going to college, something that Lan Wangji didn't expect would come so quickly and so fiercely. It would be a big change in everyday life, a change of people, leisure, contact.
Changes from seeing Wei Wuxian every day.
He didn't know if he would go to the same college as his crush, he didn't know if Wei wuxian would meet better people there than Lan Wangji, which wasn't difficult.
Lan Wangji didn't like parties as much as Wei Wuxian, he didn't like getting drunk every weekend, he didn't like crowds always jumping and pushing themselves.
He was boring, so boring that nobody liked him. Why would Wei wuxian like him?
And it all just kept piling up in his head, until within a week it simply got out of hand.
"Hey, Lan zhan?", Wei wuxian called from behind his bedroom door.
Lan Wangji, who was lying in bed, simply jumped up in fright, trying to fix his hair, improve his face and take a hundred deep breaths.
How had he gotten here? How did he know he was here?
"Your brother said you'd be here! I sent you thousands of messages and you didn't even answer Lan zhan! I was worried, you know?" Wei Wuxian said in a melancholy voice, but the tone of concern in his throat was perceptible.
His cell phone had really run out of power; with his head on fire, he hadn't even remembered to charge it.
There was a silence due to Lan Wangji's lack of answers, until the voice behind the door asked again.
"Lan zhan... May I come in?"
Lan Wangji would never deny Wei Wuxian anything, so he took another breath before getting up and opening the door.
Wei wuxian was the most beautiful boy in the world. His medium-length hair was loose and tied back only by a small ponytail, making his vibrant red locks stand out. He wore his usual black earrings, a casual outfit but always with a rock band print with his ripped black jeans and black boots, with various accessories including the cute rabbits that Lan Wangji was passionate about, and it was exactly this motif that Wei wuxian always used.
Wei Wuxian's gray eyes rose, a worried glint in his frowning eyebrows.
Lan Wangji loved him so much, she wanted to kiss him right there in the middle.
"Lan zhan, you had me worried, you know that? You don't do that to your poor Wei Ying. You know you can always count on me, right?"
Wei wuxian said as he entered Lan Wangji's rather dark room, which had already been a mental wake-up call for Wei wuxian.
Seeing him sitting on the bed, Lan Wangji closed the door and turned to Wei wuxian a little nervously, because he was still feeling that uncomfortable anxiety, that itchy body, the nausea and the fatigue.
He just wanted to be normal.
"Sorry, Wei Ying. My cell phone died." Lan Wangji explained, narrowly avoiding Wei Wuxian's confused gaze.
"You letting your cell phone discharge completely is a bit unusual Er-gege..." Wei Wuxian smiled, cocking his head slightly to one side as he called Lan Wangji by the nickname that made his ears burn.
But today was different, it just made Lan Wangji a little more nervous.
Wei wuxian noticed and decided to sit down properly, offering his hand to Lan Wangji.
Wei wuxian had already been part of just one moment like this, when Lan Wangji lost his second semester notes and went into absolute chaos.
"Lan zhan, what's wrong?"
Wei wuxian asked at last.
Lan Wangji looked into Wei wuxian's eyes for the first time that day, holding his hand.
Wei Ying, I need to tell you something."
He needed to say it, he needed to let it all out. The fear of losing him was so great that he felt his eyes begin to sting and he just wanted to turn back.
Wei wuxian, seeing this situation, was completely alerted.
"Lan zhan! What's wrong? What happened? You're scaring me, I'm serious."
His voice had grown louder, and Lan Wangji knew that when this happened, it had to end soon, since Wei Wuxian was extremely anxious and hyperactive about secrets.
Lan Wangji just wanted to cry, and this time, he let it happen. Who knows, maybe Wei Wuxian would leave straight away? At least he'd wait to calm down, right?
"Wei Ying I.. We're soulmates just like you once said... right?"
Lan Wangji looked down at his hands again and began to sweat.
"Yes Lan zhan! Yes, we are the greatest soulmates, right? You're my greatest companion Lan zhan, what would I be without you?"
Wei Wuxian said with such conviction that Lan Wangji tried to calm his heart with it.
He breathed, breathed and only felt panic coming on.
He clasped Wei Wuxian's hands and looked at him once more. His heart was beating so fast inside his chest that he thought it would explode.
"Wei Ying, I like you. I don't just like you as a soulmate, I truly love you."
He felt a tear run down his cheek and closed his eyes.
"Lan zhan what-"
"I really love you, I want to spend my days with you, even if I'm so boring and dull I want to go everywhere with you. No matter where it is, if I'm by Wei Ying's side nothing will bother me."
Wei Wuxian's face was whitening with every word, his lips parted and his eyes wide, his hands sweating over Lan Wangji's. The white began to darken.
From white, it began to darken to a bright red, his whole face turned pink, but Lan Wangji with his eyes closed couldn't see.
"Wei Ying, I don't know if you like me either... But I really love you, and I can overcome my feelings if it pleases you, we can pretend that nothing happened-"
He sighed again before continuing, his whole body shuddering.
"Wei Ying, I love your style, I love your musical style, I love your drawings that you do every day and did during the important lessons of the week, I love the way you are, I love your rabbit teeth that just make me want to look at you all the time, I just can't stop thinking about you and how much you make me feel alive and-"
"LAN ZHAN!"
The loud tone of Wei Wuxian's trembling voice caused Lan Wangji to open his eyes quickly, seeing the scene ahead, his racing heart breaking a little.
Wei Wuxian was crying right there, sniffling as he listened to every word, his gray eyes shining more and more as tears fell at every statement.
Lan Wangji was startled, had he done the wrong thing? Had he gone too far? Couldn't he hold on?
"I'm sorry..."
Seeing Lan's remorse in front of him, Wei Wuxian in the middle of the sea of tears smiled happily, letting go of one of Lan Wangji's grasping hands to dry his face roughly.
"You! Don't you dare apologize. How can you say such things Lan zhan?! Don't you know how much you stir my heart?"
Wei Wuxian held his hands tighter again and brought his face close to Lan Wangji's, staring into those clear honey eyes.
"Lan Zhan, I've always loved you, ever since I first saw you. You've always been my main focus in life! I- I just can't tell you how I feel right now, you've taken me by surprise and- Jesus, Lan zhan."
Lan Wangji was now staring at him with wide eyes.
"Have you always loved me?"
"Yes! Lan zhan, all the drawings, the songs I dedicated to you, all the messages and days when I simply broke into your house and slept in your bed simply because I couldn't bear to spend a single weekend away from you."
Wei wuxian couldn't take it, let go of Lan Wangji's hands and hugged him tightly, sniffling into his shoulder and staining his light blue shirt with more tears and snot, which was pretty disgusting, but who cared!
"I love you so much Lan zhan! I want to share all my days with you! No matter where! I don't care about anyone else in this way but you, I don't want anything but you, anyone but you."
His nails sank into Lan Wangji's broad back, but he raised his head and looked at him.
"And you're not boring Lan zhan, who said that? I don't care that you don't like parties, I'm not interested in anything that doesn't have you, you fool."
Wei Wuxian smiled, his eyes watering at how bright Lan Wangji's were, and the smile on his serious face was so victorious.
Lan Wangji said nothing, just used one of his hands to lift Wei Wuxian's chin even higher, sealing their lips in a warm, loving kiss. His other arm wrapped around her waist so warmly that it was unbearable.
Wei Wuxian's lips trembled with emotion. He wrapped his arms around Lan Wangji's neck, stroking the long strands at the nape of his neck, kissing him as fervently as if there were only the two of them in the world.
Lan Wangji was so intrigued, so desperate, that he just squeezed his lover's waist as if Wein Wuxian could disappear at any moment, as if the whole thing was just one of his most cherished dreams.
But there was still that great insecurity in his mind, which haunted him like his great demon.
Breathing heavily as he begrudgingly let go of Wei Wuxian's sweet red lips, his eyes fluttered at the sight of the passive face in front of him.
"Wei Ying, there's something I'm afraid of."
Wei Wuxian, who just wanted to kiss him again, looked at him lovingly.
"What's wrong Er-gege? I can scare him into leaving!"
At this thought, Lan Wangji wanted to laugh. But unfortunately, that wasn't possible.
Taking a deep breath, he let out what he had been waiting for for years.
"I'm autistic."
Wei Wuxian blinked twice, as if confused by that statement, and said nothing.
This scared Lan Wangji to death.
"Have I ruined everything?"
He was about to panic before a smile broke out again on Wei Wuxian's face, soon accompanied by a laugh.
"Lan zhan, what's the matter? I've known about this for years! Why are you saying this like it's something so terrible?"
Lan Wangji was surprised by the statement, confused this time.
"You already knew? But... didn't that make you upset? That I'm like that makes me boring."
Wei Wuxian heard Lan Wangji say those things so softly that he wanted to cough right into that man's handsome jade face.
"Aiya! Lan zhan. Are you kidding? Don't say such things! I already knew because it was obvious and it never was and never will be a problem sweetheart."
Wei Wuxian stroked Lan Wangji's smooth white cheek and he looked at him expectantly.
He loved him so much.
"By the way er-gege, I have ADHD. Can that bother you too then?"
Lan Wangji let out a sigh and a gentle smile appeared on his lips, his face softened in peace after being accepted by the one he loved so much. He already knew about Wei Wuxian's neurodivergence, it just made him feel even more protective.
"Of course not."
"Then the same goes for you! My beautiful Lan zhan, my dear, loving er-gege! "
Wei Wuxian laughed again and kissed Lan Wangji's thick lips, never wanting to let go.
Lan Wangji pushed him to lie down on the bed next to him, still holding him by the waist and caressing his back with all the love he felt. He just wanted to enjoy that moment in peace that he had always dreamed of and longed for.
By the way, having something different doesn't mean being less human. Those who truly love you will love you as you deserve, will respect you as their priority, in sickness and in health, no matter when or how.
Wei Wuxian closed his eyes, resting them on Lan Wangji's warm neck.
"Lan zhan, now that we're boyfriend and girlfriend, can we wear the changed sneakers I showed you?"
Lan Wangji stroked his hair, smiling softly.
"We were going to use them anyway in the end."
"Er-gege is the best! I can't wait to throw it in Jiang Cheng's fucking face. I'll show him how fucking lucky I am!"
Lan Wangji almost rolled his eyes at Wei Wuxian's exaggeration, but he didn't stop himself from letting out a short laugh, blessing Wei Wuxian's ears as he squeezed him even tighter.
"I love you, Lan zhan."
Lan Wangji kissed the top of Wei Wuxian's head.
"I love you too, Wei Ying."