Work Text:
clint: lol some dudebro came in just now asking about HammerTech laptops
sam: oh so Steve’s “im being polite to you but also why the fuck are you using HammerTech” face made an appearance then
clint: he was judging so hard
clint: just now on his break im pretty sure i caught him checking out a Google Alert on Tony Stark LOL
sam: 😂😂😂
clint: the hearteyes are getting too real dude
clint: speaking of hearteyes how’s flirting w/ barnes going
sam: idk what you’re talking about
clint: so ur not spending your day off at the animal shelter hanging out with him on his shift?
sam: ugh who babbled
clint: [clint has sent a photo]
the corgi is so much cuter than barnes tho
sam: knew I should have never sent steve those pics, traitor
clint: 😂
“I think I broke my phone.”
Looking up from his phone, Clint bites back a wince at the often-heard refrain. The man’s voice sounds familiar, but not enough that Clint can immediately place him as one of their regulars.
Straightening, he pastes what he hopes is a friendly enough looking smile on his face before turning around. He’s been told by many people (most often by Nat) that his best smile resembles something more of a manic grin, but you can only work with what you’ve got. “You’re in the right place - here at Loki’s Labyrinth we’re here to help.” The customer grimaces at the name and Clint shakes his head. “Yeah sorry man, they make us say that.”
The man in front of him is wearing a comically large navy-blue hoodie, the most hideous green cap Clint has ever seen in his life, a pair of faded sweatpants, and what Clint is pretty sure is a pair of hot pink crocs. On the surface, he looks nothing more than a hot mess, and it definitely feels like Clint’s seen him somewhere before. He squints, taking in the man’s sunglasses and neat Van Dyke and mustache—
“Holy shit.” Clint does a double take. “You’re Tony Stark.”
The man who is definitely Tony Stark, despite what Clint assumes is a truly terrible attempt at some sort of disguise, freezes in holding out his phone to Clint. “I don’t know-”
“Clint, do you know where Carol put the rest of the new phone cases we ordered? I looked in the back but—”
“They’re next to the accessories.” Clint watches as Steve blinks, taking in the sight of Tony Stark in disguise, and his stomach drops.
For as long as Clint as known Steve, more than a year since he started working at the store, the man has been Tony Stark’s biggest fan. Clint’s seen Steve keep old magazine covers with Stark on the cover in his work locker. He knows Steve’s favorite hoodie is the one with the Stark Industries logo. Steve had spent the entire month leading up to last year’s Stark Expo talking non-stop about the different exhibits until Bucky threatened to give him a wedgie unless he “shut up about Stark, for fuck’s sake.”
This could be great for Steve, but they say don’t meet your heroes for a reason right?
The expression on Steve’s face is hard to read, a mixture of surprise and something else. Before Clint can say a word, Tony Stark’s voice breaks through the silence.
“And who might you be?” He’s smiling now, leaning against the glass counter and sending Steve a clear and extremely appreciative once-over.
To his shock, Clint, who has seen Steve blush profusely when Mrs. Robson who works at the bakery one floor down pinches his cheeks and calls him a sweetheart for helping her with her phone messages, only raises an eyebrow.
“I’m Steve, how can I help you today?”
Clint’s mouth drops open. If he can clearly see that this is Tony Stark, damn the man’s ridiculous disguise, there’s no one the man’s number fan would miss it.
“Steve.” Clint doesn’t know how Tony Stark is somehow making the one syllable of Steve’s name sound like a come-on, and he never wants to know. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Steve bite back a small smile.
“Just the man I need to come to my rescue.” Tony Stark gestures down at the phone in his hand that Clint presumes has to be the latest, not yet released model of the StarkPhone that everyone seems to be raving about (everyone except the idiots who prefer HammerTech) before beckoning Steve to come closer. Clint watches with wide eyes as Steve does just that, looking almost as flirty as Stark does right now.
“What seems to be the problem?” Steve’s full on grinning now, his eyes twinkling and oh crap, is Steve flirting with Tony Stark?
Stark pushes his phone across the counter at Steve, and yep, their hands are definitely brushing now. Clint just caught him going moony-eyed while texting his mysterious boyfriend this morning, and now he’s looking at Tony Stark like they should get a room, far, far away from Clint. All this from a man who can’t tell if someone’s flirting with him until Sam explains it to him - something they’ve all taken bets on before. What the fuck is happening??
clint: dude is steve newly single or something??
sam: ??? no
sam: why whats happening
clint: u won’t believe this but you know how we were talking about Stark earlier
sam: yeah
clint: he’s HERE. Tony freaking Stark is here at the store. he’s wearing some weird shit to try and fly under the radar i guess but it’s def him dude
Sam is typing…
clint: and i thought steve would like ask for an autograph or smthing cuz u know he’s such a big fan
Sam is typing…
clint: but like stark is flirting with him??? and steve is flirting back wtf is happening rn
clint: wait oh shit is Stark on like Steve’s list or something
sam: wait what list
clint: you know like in Friends where Ross has a list of celebrities he’s allowed to hook up with if he ever meets them
sam: ross sucks
clint: duh but hello let me repeat Steve is FLIRTING with Tony Stark???? whats gonna on
“My phone’s broken.” Tony Stark smirks, and he’s not even looking at his phone anymore. “Must have banged it up when I fell earlier.”
“You fell?” Steve’s smile falls off his face, replaced by a tight frown. “What happened?”
“One look at those baby blues and I tripped head over heels.” He moves, leaning even further into Steve’s space. Clint should look away because this is going to be a trainwreck, but he can’t.
“And anyway,” Stark continues, voice low, “it doesn’t have your number in it, so it’s definitely broken.”
clint: now stark is using some truly terrible pickup lines on steve i feel like im in an alternate dimension
“It might take a while to fix it, so why don’t I give you my number instead?” Steve’s moving closer now, gaze fixed on Stark’s lips. Clint watches as Stark actually winks at Steve, and how the guy manages to pull off being seductive while wearing pink crocs, Clint will never know.
“Only if you don’t mind if I use it right away, gorgeous.”
clint: they need to get a ROOM and i need to get out of here stat
clint: fuck fuck fuck now they’re kissing??
sam: i was hoping we could keep this going a little longer but i guess the cat’s out of the bag
[sam has sent a photo]
clint: why do u have a pic of steve kissing Tony Stark on the cheek
sam: it’s from steve’s bday party that you missed last year
clint: u guys got Tony Stark to show up at Steve’s party?? so they know each other !!! why did no one tell me
[sam has sent a video - A messy flour covered Tony Stark is carrying a chocolate cake decked out in sprinkles to a clearly surprised Steve.
“Happy birthday, baby.”]
clint is typing…
sam: we thought you knew but the longer it went on the funnier it was so we have a betting pool on how long it would take for you to put it together.
clint is typing…
sam: should have known those two lovesick idiots would spill the beans eventually
clint is typing…
sam: did we break you barton
clint: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME STEVE’S BOYFRIEND IS TONY FREAKING STARK
sam: it was funny? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
clint: u guys suck
sam: it was nat’s idea
clint: ofc it was
clint: i can’t believe you didn’t tell me - im telling barnes about the drunk texts you sent me on Valentine’s Day about how good his ass looks in jeans
sam: no you won’t bc unfortunately for you you’re a good friend
clint: SIGH i guess not but you owe me dude
sam: i’ll get nat to stop setting you up on blind dates for the next three months
clint: make it six and you got a deal
clint: i wanna go yell at Steve about it but he’s got his tongue down Stark’s throat right now 🤮🤮🤮 what is even my life
sam: welcome to the club