Chapter Text
Shen Jiu…Shen Qingqiu hates with a passion.
He hates his past, he hates his bloodied hands, he hates his shizun for giving him such a hateful name. What was she thinking?
He hates Yue Qingyuan for being a liar, he hates his apologies and his attempts to make Shen Qingqiu make peace with stupid people.
He hates and hates and hates.
He hates himself.
But recently. He has wondered if clinging to all of that hate is worth it.
It's true that it’s his armor, it’s his way of defense. He can’t let go of it.
But since a fateful night a week ago…he hasn’t been able to hate with the same passion he may be loving .
*
Shen Yuan (now Shen Qingxing) is nervously adjusting his veil again in the darkness when it happens, a young disciple drapped in Qing Jing’s soft greens and whites appears on the edge of the tree line, only to freeze at the sight of him, descending from the sky in something too close to a free-fall, elaborate hairdo, robes and veil fluttering in the wind (ridiculous really, the halo that surrounds wives that he is unfortunately stuck with, stupid system, stupid world, stupid author!).
And then (because his luck is shit like that), he falls on the disciple’s arms like a troubled maiden. His face flushes behind his veil. What kind of ridiculous scenario is this ??? Shen Yuan wants to ask for a refund here!
Thank god he already cleaned himself! Falling into weird pollen right before entering the sect is not a good thing, not in a world filled with papapa devices! What if he affected the poor disciple with it too!? He has no idea what the pollen is about!
The disciple fortunately doesn’t drop her- him ! Goddammit he has gotten too used to this stupid curse!
Rather, he watches Shen Yuan in the dark, only the soft glow of the stars and his fallen sword illuminate the scene.
Shen Yuan hurriedly jumps out of his arms and stammers with a clear feminine voice.
Stupid curse! Coming and going when it pleases it!
The disciple nods and frowns, clearly surprised beyond words, and Shen Yuan…Shen Qingxing, he guesses, watches him in the low light of the discarded sword and the stars that twinkle above them.
Ugh, his shizun would have a field day with the imagery of that.
He bows once, not too deeply but not too shallowly.
“This one is disciple Xiao-Yuan, please forgive this one for the transgression.”
He burns with embarrassment at calling himself like that, but it can’t be helped, he has to save his reputation and not let others know fully who he is. He also omits which peak he comes from; thankfully, he is dressed in whites and blacks and not in any damning color. Shen Yuan just wanted to go down the mountain and get something sweet, okay ? The kitchens here are subpar in their sweet making! It's not his fault his curse-pollen combination struck him mid flight!
“This is so embarrassing.”
The other disciple narrows his gaze and Shen Yuan totally thinks he is fucked, someone with such a sharp gaze surely will tell on him, ah…
But then he talks, softly than Shen Yuan would have thought.
“There’s no need for apologies, this one is Shen Qingqiu of Qing Jing ,” he remarks, and Shen Yuan can tell he is not only doubly fucked, but also is calling Shen Yuan out on not telling the full truth, he weeps in his heart.
This is the future scum villain of the world, he is probably ruthless beyond what Shen Yuan can imagine!
But then Shen Qingqiu continues, “this one is glad you weren’t hurt, you…” and he coughs.
A curious noise goes out of her- HIS ! lips without his input.
Shen Yuan is flabbergasted and probably making a very stupid expression under his veil.
Shen Qingqiu, the future villain of this stallion novel, smiles. S M I L E S
And it’s not a mean smirk, its a smile ok? A soft and caring smile. A smile .
Shen Yuan can’t help but let out a punched-out noise that sounds incredibly breathless thanks to the stupid curse he has on for the apparent rest of his life.
“Fuck, that expression should be illegal,” he says.
Shen Yuan blinks, Shen Qingqiu blinks, opens his mouth, “excuse me?” He says.
Ohmygodwhattheheck .
The only thing running in Shen Yuan’s mind right now is ‘what, what what????’ but his mouth apparently knows to spout words without his permission now, so he says:
“What should i say? I’m sorry, your face is quite handsome and your smile is blinding?”
Shen Qingqiu’s face goes red.
“Oh fuck, I’ve been dosed with some truth pollen, shit, hell, please forgive me, head disciple Shen.”
A fan opens before the disciple’s face while Shen Yuan winces and screams not so internally, trying to cover his mouth and smother the sound with some degree success.
“It’s alright, this one finds it…rather refreshing, to have a peer talk like that. Most watch you like you are the dirt under their shoes while playing nice.”
This startles out a laugh from Shen Yuan.
“Some do be like that…if they annoy me enough, I’ll play a prank on them…ugh, please don’t repeat that near the peak lords.”
Shen Qingqiu chuckles, the sound also being somewhat startled.
“This one apologizes, disciple Shen, but it’s probably better that the pollen is treated right away, wouldn’t want to infect you too now would we?”
Fuck, Shen Yuan’s (very manly!) teasing remark in this stupid voice sounds like flirting. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!
He bites his lips furiously to decidedly not let that thought be voiced out loud.
Shen Qingqiu just hums.
“This one believes is a bit too late for that, Xiao-Yuan, may this one call you that? Mmn, truth pollen is the worst.”
Shen Yuan does not scream.
“It truly is, isn’t it?! You may call me that, given it’s the name I used to present myself, nevermind that is wmphmhshmhkhhsmph. I apologize.” He says again, removing his hand from his mouth.
The disciple twitches.
“This one thinks that it is a beautiful name, nothing to be ashamed of, however, there’s nothing wrong with wishing to keep certain things to oneself.”
Shen Yuan throws a thankful smile at Shen Qingqiu and bites his…her? lips to not reply to that, his answer would be too damming for both Shen Qingqiu and his transmigration status.
He sighs, looking at the stars for a moment…then he realizes he has absolutely no idea where the fuck he is. Right, curse and pollen combination while flying.
“Say, disciple Shen-“
“Call me A-Jiu,” the other blurts out before covering his face completely with his fan, probably embarrassed. Shen Yuan thinks this is very cute, maybe Shen Qingqiu needs a friend in his life, not minding the pollen.
She does not giggle like a little girl, not .
“A-Jiu,” he calls.
Shen Qingqiu makes a disgruntled noise behind his fan.
“A-Jiu~” he calls again, knowing how teasing her..his…her voice is.
Shen Qingqiu does not come out from behind his fan, hissing something unintelligible instead.
“A-Jiu!” He says, not really tired of the exchange but a bit more urgently now, the talisman is starting to heat up…which means his…her Shizun is almost on his quarters and when she finds out about his absence a punishment will expect him…if he finally manages to come back after getting so throughly lost, that is.
“What,” the other answers, sharply, just peeking from the top of his fan.
“This one is really sorry but erm, the talisman to alert me of the time to return is heating up which means I’m super completely dead, because I got lost trying to come back to my quarters and now I don’t even know where we are!”
Shen Qingqiu comes out of his fan fully, frowning a little bit and probably thinking that his new friend is an idiot.
Shen Yuan winces, “sorry about that rant, my sense of direction is a bit…bad.”
The pollen presses.
“It’s truly awful.”
Shen Qingqiu blinks.
“I see,” he says.
Shen Yuan wants to crawl into a hole and perish from the embarrassment.
They stay silent for a moment, just staring at each other. Then the fan closes with a snap.
“This one will be bereft without your company, but I hope you don’t get punished for delaying by striking conversation with me,” he coughs, his cheeks pinking.
Now Shen Yuan doesn’t know what to say, is Shen Qingqiu so lacking in kind people and human contact that a friend (he made for the total of like, ten minutes) leaving truly makes him so sad?! This poor guy! The villain halo must truly be a frightening thing!
“No! This one thanks you! You have been nothing but nice to me!”
“We are a little bit north from Qing Jing peak,” the boy starts , and Shen Yuan comes closer to see where he is pointing to next, “Qiong Ding is in that direction and Qian Cao is right there, can you see the outline of the peak? Yes?” Shen Qingqiu turns to Shen Yuan for a total of three (3) seconds and quickly whips his head back to where he was pointing, punishing her- his, goddammit, neck with the smooth but strong hair displaced by the motion, very very strong hair.
“Ouch,” he says, softly.
“A-and Bai Zhan is right there you see?” The other continues, seeming shy, “F-full of brutes, like usual, and Xian Shu is right there too, it must be a pretty safe place w-“ Shen Qingqiu choked, probably keeping the pollen at bay, “excuse the unnecessary information, Xiao Yuan.”
“It’s alright, thank you so much for showing me, this view is probably beautiful in the sunset! Ah, I was truly going in the wrong direction before…”
Shen Yuan shakes his head to dislodge all the errant thoughts, his speech is getting a bit scattered. But he smiles at his new friend, feeling happy and fluttery despite the almost sure punishment in his future. Shen Qingqiu brings his hand to his mouth and coughs, Shen Yuan probably is keeping him out here in the cold! He should depart quickly. How inconsiderate of him!
He makes his usual sword seal and departs, unaware of Shen Qingqiu’s eyes following him intently, like he wants to brand the image of Shen Yuan’s figure in his retina.
*
Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know what the hell is wrong with him. He used to think of women as a comfort only, as a place, more than people, away from the beasts that men are. He thought he would never be attracted to one, he thought he would never be attracted to anyone.
But he can’t help thinking of that beautiful and ethereal disciple. Her laugh was soft but grounded, like she knew exactly what Shen Qingqiu was talking about; her eyes crinkled with mirth and a beauty that belonged to heaven but born from a wicked remark that belonged in hell; her warmth was comforting and sweet, free of the usual clouds of stinging perfume but lovely with the natural scents of flowers, chili and metal clinging to her skin.
Shen Qingqiu knows he shouldn’t, but he wants, no, needs to see such a being again. He doesn’t care if she is not descending from the heavens this time or even looks in his direction, he just wants a glimpse of her.
Who is he kidding? He wants her to smile at him, to laugh and to keep looking at him. Is that so wrong?
He knows he doesn’t have a good reputation, he knows he comes from blood and pain and the smelly streets. But her…she seems to be a strong but soft woman, someone that wouldn’t coo with pity but kick the slave traders into dust and extend her hand with a serious expression, she seems to be a being unable to be tainted by earthly dust, but willing to envelop Shen Qingqiu (the filthiest of them all) into her light robes and her warmth.
He has been enchanted with a spell he does not know of and he doesn’t even care.
And he is not talking about the truth pollen, that one went away the next day, and when his…feelings didn’t go away with it he realized the enchantment was not in it, was more like the beauty and the liveliness of her eyes.
He wants to consider her a stuck up fool like Bai Zhan’s head disciple. He assigns her many faults but none stick, he can’t, because she paints the surroundings with soft light and smooth edges, making Shen Qingqiu think he can live in a better world.
Fuck, so sappy.
For the first time, he understands what love is and why people end up like fools for it. He knows that he is one of those idiots now, but he can’t change it, at least not without hurting her. He doesn’t want to let it become painful, at least, not for her.
Everything leaves him so breathless that it already hurts, but he promises that as long as she remains so…lovely, he won’t let it hurt her.
His whole world is red, but it’s the red of roses, of passion, of vibrancy. It’s so lovely.
He slaps his cheek in a final effort to stop sighing so stupidly and rest. But he’s hopeless.
Shen Qingqiu is in love with a star fallen from the sky and he can’t even do anything about it.