Work Text:
shoplifting
Maybe shoplifting as a future hero was a bad idea thought ochako as himiko sneaked random snacks into her sleeves. Not that she was Actively shoplifting, she was just helping a friend, that's a heroic thing right? Who was she kidding, she was going to get caught and ruin her chances at helping her parents. This was a bad idea. Why did she keep following himiko into these situations ?
"Hey ‘chako, you're thinking real loud over there something the matter ?" exclaimed himiko who was not so slowly making her way across the snack aisle to the makeup aisle while picking up basically anything she could reach.
It's just i don't know how i feel about ..this" Ochako trailed off, it wasn't that she didn't think her friend could shoplift easily. Himiko had been doing it for a long time despite her attempts to get her to stop, but it was the first time Ochako was somewhat helping and she wasn't quite sure how to feel about Himiko's influence on her.
"Awww don't worry 'chako I've got this. You don't gotta worry your pretty little head, which shade of nail polish do you want ? I'm thinking ... blood red" himiko shouted from across the store, wow she moved fast, and she was missing the point even faster. Not that ochako could blame her, despite her adamant protests she had still enabled her friend in her shoplifting habit.
"you think blood red goes well with everything himi-chan" she countered, "yeah 'cause it does plus you always look so pretty covered in blood". Oh, the cashier was looking at them weirdly. Were they too obvious about what they were going to do? She wasn't ready to go to jail?? She needed to stay with himiko to keep her out of trouble. Who knows what she would do without her. She might join a weird villain organization on Kragslist or maybe even worse. It was her responsibility to make sure her friend had a nice life without villains or death cults or anything of the sort.
"Didn't your parents say we were out of bleach? maybe i should buy some, we're the ones who used most of it" The cashier was now eyeing their phone and seemed to be aggressively texting someone, the police maybe?
"Hi !" Oh himiko was at the cash register, she didn't even have time to consider what she wanted to buy. She needed a new phone charger. Well no use worrying about it ! That was her bad for thinking so hard. Sometimes she wishes she was more like himiko, more carefree. Speaking of carefree, The cashier definitely saw the cereal bar coming out of himiko's sleeve... Maybe her friend wasn't actually that good ? They didn't seem to care though, maybe they knew each other ?
"OH EM GEE, 'chako i found something you're gonna loooove" Oh, himiko had been dragging her out of the shop and was now handing her something.
"chocolates ! for valentines day, technically a bit late but i saw that you didn't get any and that's a CRIME 'cause you're so cute, so here !" Wait, were those shoplifted too ? wow she really didn't pay attention to what her friend was doing...
"Nah i bought them for you. I know you don't really like it when I steal, so here ! actual thing i bought !" She exclaims, clearly very proud of herself.
"you don't have a job though? where did you get the money?"
...
"himiko?”
catfishing
Well, that was it, on the third day of himiko's eternal sleepover they had successfully exhausted basically every sleepover activity she could think of. Unfortunately this now meant that himiko had full control over their choice of activity. Knowing her they could either end up just painting each other's nails while watching a horror flick or in prison for breaking and entering.
"Let's catfish people on the Internet" himiko said while she pulled out her phone. Her phone was about as terrible as the suggestion. The thing was covered in glitter which was constantly falling out and ruining everything around it. “We need a cute pic, too bad we can't just use a picture of you that would save us the trouble ‘cause I have , like, a million" Could himiko stop saying stuff like that ? It was making ochako think things she normally didn't think about her friend… not that the flirting was new but her very tired brain kept misinterpreting it as real.
"okayy 'chako, what do you think?" The profile Himiko created while Ochako was thinking very heterosexual thoughts of her friend was pretty basic, the first result for cute girl on bloogle as a profile picture and a very short blurb of text about "liking the outdoors" or whatever. Nothing groundbreaking but this ...activity didn't really need to be.
"Oh em gee 'chako we've got our first match" Why did himiko match with this dude ? He was super ugly? Was that her type of man? Not that she was jealous or anything, just worried because the fish the man was carrying in the picture wasn't really giving green flag.
"ok i think we should be nice to him for a bit and then pretend we're in a cult or something"
"And that we want him as a blood sacrifice I presume?"
"You know me so well" Himiko grinned and Ochako's stomach decided to become a professional gymnast. Maybe she should ask her parents if she could sleep in the living room for a while?
"OH he's about to give me his credit card number I'm winning tonight" wait what. "How come everytime you suggest something we end up doing something illegal?"
"you know me 'chako I'm a hardened criminal, not your damsel in distress anymore" not that she ever was, at least not since primary school after ochako beat up her bullies and became her friend.
"How much was that anti-nausea gear again?"
"we're not robbing him, himi"
"Can i at least invite him in a dark alleyway to steal some of his blood? He seemed invested in the blood sacrifice bit?"
"No.”
bank fraud
"Hey himiko, wanna explain to me where you keep getting the money you sneak into my parents funds everytime you're over?" Oh she messed up 'chako wasn't supposed to know that. She might stop her from thanking her really nice parents with money and they might not want himiko at their house anymore. what would she do then??
"I have a secret job that i really can't tell you about otherwise i'll have to kill you" She lied very convincingly. There ! problem solved since it’s top secret 'chako wouldn't ask ! She was nice like that, nice and cute, basically perfect. Oh wait her very pretty lips were moving, she was saying something "... all your time with me, don't lie himiko" SHOOT she was onto her.
"But you're not gonna like it if I tell you and i don't want you to be mad at me"
"I'm already mad at you"
Oh she was digging herself into a hole, guess she would have to come clean.
"my parents give me money" Here ! vague, maybe she could save this?
"your parents hate you himiko" first of all ouch ? second of all
"No but like it's kinda like a pension, 'cause I'm divorced from them if you think about it" She was panicking and ochako was making her (very cute) ‘I’m angry at you face’, This was horrible !!!
"THAT is Not how that works. What. have. you. been. doing?"
Oh no ! she was super pissed !!! "I stole my mother's blood a while back and used it to get to the bank to make myself a credit card and to set up a monthly allowance for myself" Oh No that was even worse !! Ochako seemed livid !! she was never going to see her friendcrush ever again this was terrible !!!
…Why was Ochako not screaming at her? Shouldn't she be telling her how horrible she is and that she wished Himiko was never born? That was what her parents did at least?
"Himiko, are you good? you're shaking? it's ok... ok well it's not, but I'm not kicking you out or anything" Well there went Ochako being an angel as usual, a very blurry one at that.
"Oh himi you're crying, do you need a hug?" She nodded. At least Himiko thought she did because she was suddenly enveloped by her bestie’s arms.
"The minute you're feeling better we're discussing this. You can't just steal money from your parents, even if they ARE terrible, you don't need to pay us back for living with us"
underage drinking
"Himiko. How did you get this?" Himiko didn't particularly care about the law's opinion on impersonating people, but she Did care about Ochako's luckily this time she came prepared:
"Before you start WILDLY accusing me of stealing someone's identity" her mom didn't count. "I asked an upperclassman to buy them for me, I paid and he got a free can" A random homeless dude covered in scars had asked her if he could have it and she had said yes.
"I'm not wildly accusing you? identity theft is your favorite pastime"
"Well not anymore, new year new me. Happy birthday 'chako"
“The new year's in 4 days but sure"
Ochako stared at himiko, Himiko stared back. Ochako took the beer. They stared at each other some more. "Himi im not so sure about this" Himiko reached, opened and chugged a can.
"Wait Himiko what are you doing"
"See i'm not dead ! c’mon 'chako, relaaax. Your parents aren't home, it's your birthday, and your bestie is here. Everything's gonna be fiiine" Ochako stared hesitantly at her can, still unsure.
"I mean if you're gonna be a chicken i get it" himiko teased, ochako immediately took a sip.
"Eww why does it taste like that"
" 'cause I pissed in it of course" Ochako stared at her judgmentally, wow lots of staring tonight uh?
A few minutes passed with them slowly drinking and wincing at the taste with every drop.
"Soooooo.... How's the love life" Dangerous territory she knew, but she was also consuming alcohol for the first time in her life and ochako was still very pretty. "Any boys I should be worried about taking my spot as the cutest?"
Ochako stared at her for a few seconds before muttering something intelligible: "I mean girls are cute too but not really" Wait Ochako liked girls too???? Himiko didn't know That???? Now it was Himiko's turn to give her best impression of a dead fish.
"WAIT NO IGNORE WHAT I JUST SAID" Well now she couldn't just do that. Her crush just admitted to liking girls too.
"I MEAN !!! GIRLS ARE JUST CUTE OVERALL !!! I'M NOT LIKE GAY OR ANYTHING ??? HAHA UNLESS YOU'RE NOT HOMOPHOBIC ??? In that case: I am in fact very gay ! I mean BI ! Men are cool too - why are you still staring do you hate me now should i leave - "
"NONONONO WAIT DON'T LEAVE I LIKE GIRLS TOO" She couldn't let her relationship disintegrate because she forgot that ochako couldn't read her very gay thoughts (not that she wanted her to...much)
"YOU DO???"
"I THOUGHT IT WAS OBVIOUS????"
Ochako took a moment to think.
"Yeah actually it kinda was that was stupid of me"
"Pretty sure that's the beer"
"Let's never drink again this stuff is disgusting"
"Agreed"
breaking and entering
Where Ochako goes Himiko goes too - not in a they were always together way, more in a you never know if you were hanging out with OCHAKO way - was a fact of her life that Ochako had accepted. At least she thought she did but well, seeing your friend on your bed when you were going to UA - a school known for its security - right after a villain attack. That put things into perspective.
“heyy himiko should i ask how you got in?” she asked as she put down her backpack on the floor, might as well enjoy her friend's presence and if she ended up not getting caught Ochako could ask Mr Aizawa for a favor.
“i meaaan not if you want to be an accomplice you don't!” Himiko ponctuated this lovely admittance of her crime by blowing her a raspberry. What is Ochako gonna do with her? she sighed…
“but don't worry I met this reallyyyy cute guy who had a brainwashing quirk and he helped me out, we're 1000% safe” maybe the knowledge that anyone could break into UA shouldn't be comforting to Ochako but knowing that her friend was not in any legal trouble was always reassuring.
“ wait ‘cute guy’ how cute was he? should i be worried ?”
“i-dee-kay he had huuuge eyebags but he made them work somehow ? and don't worry you'll always be the second cutest to me”
“who's the first??”
“me.” Ochako should really have seen this coming, most people would find this egotistical of her friend but she knew how far Himiko's self loathing could go and hearing her referring to herself as the cutest made Ochako’s cheeks heat up.
“Oooh! if you keep going that way you might just become the cutest! That blush really suits you princess”
“Princess? aren't I usually the knight in you medieval roleplays?”
“Nope! tonight you are a lovely princess I am here to whisk away to a club”
“I'm not really that lovely”
Himiko's smile Immediately dropped after her comment. “Who told you that ?” wow, ok, her friend could be kinda scary who knew.
“I mean, no one, it's just you know…”
“i know?”
“well I'm not exactly slender and beautiful like the other girls. I'm chubby, i have muscles, I'm short, i understand why my crush wouldnt notice me.”
Himiko stared at her seemingly puzzled was what she said that weird? it seemed pretty logical to her…
“ok SO FIRST” As she said that Himiko clapped her hands really loudly causing Ochako to flinch. “shoot sorry, ok So NUMBER ONE!!!!” Ochako flinched again, why is Himiko so prone to shouting sometimes …
“The fact that your crush hasn't noticed you doesn't mean jack because I'M the cutest and my crush hasn't noticed me!” HIMIKO HAD A CRUSH???? well Ochako's chances are ruined… might as well go live in a forest now, she was sure midoriya would support her in her decision.
“SECOND! as I said, you're the second cutest and you wouldn't doubt your best friend ever? c’mon ‘chako i can hear you thinking tell me what’s uuupppp” Well ochako couldn’t really do that now could she? Because her crush probably had a crush on someone she couldn't compete with and she would ruin their relationship by confessing.
“wooaaaw thinking so hard i can hear you, hey in case you couldn't figure it out i have a crush on you ‘chako”
WHAT.
NO SERIOUSLY WHAT
“WE COULD HAVE BEEN TOGETHER THIS WHOLE TIME????”
“i mean we were basically already dating weren't we?”
“sorry let me rephrase: I COULD HAVE BEEN KISSING YOU THIS WHOLE TIME?”
“I mean you could kiss me now” himiko smirked at her.
Ochako clenched her suddenly VERY sweaty palms and slowly leaned in for a kiss, completely overshooting and hitting himiko on the forehead as they slowly descended into giggles.