Chapter Text
Anya became an Imperial Scholar. Check
Loid Forger attends the end-of-year Imperial Scholar Banquet. Check
Loid Forger and Donovan Desmond have their… talk. Check
Donovan Desmond Arrested by the Global Government Union
World leaders meet to discuss as evidence gathered reveals the plots and crimes against humanity committed by political figure Donovan Desmond.
Offenses consisting of treason, human rights violations, bribery, fraud, theft, sedition, corruption…
Loid sighed as he read the paper.
It was over. It was finally over.
Now all he had to do was sit and wait. Laying low and acting like everything was normal for the Forgers.
But nothing was normal. The country was trying to recover from such a revelation as they dealt with the outcomes of a corrupt political figure and all those connected to him. The SSS was sharper than ever. WISE had to carefully and strategically move out the key player who brought the end to the Desmond power.
Even before the banquet and right as Anya became an Imperial Scholar the moves were made to plant the seeds of the Forgers transfer. For their safety of course, from those after Twilight in the Ostanian government and from The Garden now that Yor had officially quit.
Officially, Loid Forger was getting transferred to a University hospital out of the country to become a teacher. They were simply waiting for Anya to finish the school year out before they moved. Their neighbors like the Authens were so sad to see them go, Yor’s coworkers were so upset to see Yor leave after how long it took for them to become so close, and Anya’s school friends, especially Becky, were inconsolable.
Though Damian Desmond seemed to have been in the worst boat of them all since hearing of Anya’s inevitable move and his father's arrest.
Loid’s guilty conscience and good nature did what he could to ensure that Damian and his mother were placed into protective custody of the Global Government Union and their witness protection program. He ensured their innocence throughout the whole ordeal.
But it didn’t help. Not at all.
Because he noticed his son asking for ‘Nii-nii’ when playing with Anya after school. Or when his wife would wonder if Melinda and Damian were eating well. Or how he could hear the way his daughter cried in her mother's arms at night, worried for Damian’s sake and wanting to confess the whole truth to him.
But every day since school ended as they quietly packed up and continued their day-to-day lives, Anya continued to smile at him. She expressed her excitement to see his home country, talked about how she’d love to finish school in an environment that wasn’t as strict as Eden, and how she couldn’t wait to live normally.
They were leaving soon and it was for their safety. Loid promised them a fresh start once he retired. Where they could live a drama-free life and live normally. He was so close to a normal retirement. One where he could truly become Loid Forger. Where he could lose himself in his hobbies and interests and be a great and normal father to both Anya and Dimitri.
But he can’t in clear conscience leave just yet. That is why he was parked outside a quaint apartment complex waiting as The Handler talked to the GGU witness protection bodyguards that waited outside.
“You’re all good to head upstairs. Nightfall will be stationed by the fire escape just in case things go south.” The Handler slid back into the driver's seat watching him carefully.
“Thank you, for letting me do this.”
She let out a heavy sigh and sunk back into her seat. “WISE owes you one for all the work you put in. I’m choosing to trust in your trust in this boy. If it backfires…”
“It won’t. I swear.”
Loid left without another word. He trusted his instincts. He trusted his daughter. And oddly enough, he trusted Damian.
After all that boy was innocent in all this mess and after everything, he deserved to know.
Very slowly, Loid took his time ascending to the little studio apartment they were going to spend the few weeks in as the GGU organized their safe exit out of the capital. It was far different from the mansion he infiltrated not too long ago. It was humble but comfortable, and most importantly discreet.
He took his time to collect himself. His hand hovered the door before knocking. He was breaking a thousand rules with this action, but then again, he was a retired unemployed man. He was just a doting father and he was doing this for his daughter and for the sake of the boy she grew up to adore.
Knock knock.
Loid could hear footsteps, followed by a brief halt at the door where a shadow strayed over the peephole. The door creaked open hesitantly as if a bit unsure it was really him. It opened just a crack before the boy let out a sigh of relief and opened it wider.
Bags under his eyes, sunken cheeks, and an expression more dreary than before. His heart ached for this poor boy whose life he ruined.
“Mr. Forger?”
“Good evening Damian.”
“Is everything alright? What are you doing here? Is Anya okay? If anyone catches you around here they might make assumptions about you. It could affect your reputation…”
Loid took in a deep breath, hands shaky and sweaty as he tried to wipe the nerves on his pants. “It’s all good, Anya’s fine… but I would like to talk with you…”
“So Anya…”
“She did everything she could to spare you, wanted to keep you as far away from this as she could. Even though it started with her using you… it didn’t take long for her to realize she couldn’t do it anymore. She really cares about your friendship, so please do not blame her for what is my fault.”
He watched the boy. Throughout his entire explanation of events, throughout all his apologies, and as he revealed the secrets of the mission as well as his identity, Damian remained quiet. Merely sipping at the alcohol the man treated him to; it helped him to digest the information.
“I don’t think I could ever blame her sir…” Damian confessed softly.
His father was arrested, their family fortune was taken, his mother had a mental breakdown, and his brother disappeared. He lived in a studio apartment on the rougher side of the city. And he now had to complete his final year of school by being homeschooled for his safety and to keep the morale at Eden peaceful.
And the boy had yet to get angry with him. It terrified Loid. He couldn't read this boy. Which was odd since he just learned the reason his life was shit was sitting right next to him letting him drink alcohol while underage.
But since his explanation was finished, he waited for questions. Now and then Damian asked a leading question, but he didn’t ask anything else. Loid figured he needed time to digest.
“I bet you're wondering why I’m not angry.” Damian chuckled before gulping down more of the drink.
“Yes, to be honest, Damian, I deserve it. I knew you were a good kid, but not this good…”
Damian leaned back on the pull-out couch. The two were sitting in the dark of the room with only the moonlight illuminating the tiny apartment. Damian wasn’t asleep despite the late hour, and thus the sofa wasn’t even laid out, merely a blanket and throw pillow were out for him as he lay sleepless until Loid knocked.
“Sir…” He somehow still held some formality with him. “If you weren’t going to put an end to my father, I was going to.”
Loid’s eyes widened.
“I found out a long time ago from my brother about some of the things our father was doing and I didn’t quite understand how bad it was until a few years ago when I really started to understand the politics behind his actions.” Damian finally put down the bottle, he barely drank a quarter of it but his red cheeks seemed to hint it was doing its trick.
Loid didn’t want to get him drunk maliciously. No, he thought it’d be a kind gesture, that Loid was treating him like an equal, like an adult. It was something a father would do when trying to have an honest conversation with his child. And honestly, Loid hoped the alcohol would have Damian be honest about his feelings and hoped he wouldn’t bottle it up.
“I planned on going into politics, surpassing my brother, maybe getting close enough to my father I could gather all I needed to put an end to what he was doing. It was ambitious I will say and it stressed the hell out of me. But I felt that’s all that was within my power to do.”
“That’s very courageous of you,” Loid said.
“I wish I wasn’t such a stupid child. That I realized all this earlier. That I was older, had more power, and gained my father's approval so that I could’ve been in a better position…”
“It’s not your fault. And you are a child who had no part in this. You shouldn’t have to pay for the mistakes of your father.”
“But I feel guilty for it… I feel horrible knowing that I wasted so much effort on pleasing him when he was some monster this whole time. I can’t imagine what I would’ve been like if I managed to gain his approval if I turned out to be like my brother and turned into one of my father's pawns.” Damian sniffled. “Is it bad that I don’t feel remorse? That I don’t hate that he’s gone?”
Loid struggled to decide between interjecting to answer or letting the boy continue his stream of consciousness.
“I feel guilty knowing that I’m not angry, I feel bad that I feel relieved… relieved I don’t have to work so hard to stop him, relieved I don’t have his burden on my shoulder… I’m finally free to do what I want. Free from my father's watchful eye and free from society holding the Desmonds to such a high standard. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m okay, and honestly, I feel fine! If anything I should be thanking you, Sir. You’ve saved me!”
Loid suddenly noticed the boy grow a bit manic as he sat up straighter and slurred some words. “That’s all valid to feel Damian. But I did spend years lying to you and forced my family to lie to you.” He gently coaxed the boy to sit back down.
“But Sir, if all that you explained to me is true, that means that you’ve always been genuine with me. That you had my best interests at heart. That Anya cared for me for who I was. That you see me as me and not just the son of your target. You’ve always been so kind and your being here to confess the truth just shows that you trust me despite it all. You see me as someone you can trust. You treat me like an adult which is more than my father and brother ever did.”
Loid watched him reach for the bottle and the room around him seemed to grow smaller. With the dirty dishes in the sink, and old clothes thrown around, the boy was living out of a suitcase with just a few books and a TV to keep him busy.
The room felt so small.
“Damian…”
“What?”
“Damian, tell me the truth.”
“I did! I’m doing great now that my fathers gone! I’m out of that dreary house! I can now focus on my mother and taking care of myself! I’m out of that school where everyone just constantly compared me to my father! And I have you to thank! You did it in a peaceful way where no one got hurt!”
Loid watched the tears fall. The boy was smiling, the red on his cheeks was now spreading around his eyes as they swelled with tears.
He was overwhelmed.
“Listen kid, people did get hurt.”
Damian sniffled as if just realizing the tears falling from his face. But Loid reached out, holding the boy by his shoulders as he made eye contact with him.
“Look at where you are. You haven’t been sleeping and you haven’t been eating much. Sure your mother is away from her abusive husband, but she’s had a breakdown. You're just 17 years old and you're staying in this shabby apartment in a rough neighborhood. You can’t go to school with your friends anymore. You don’t have the money to fund your dreams like you had before… Damian although you hate your father, there was a time you loved him. And he is still your father, you are still adjusting to the fact the family and life you dreamed of is just a distant memory…”
Damian shook his head in disbelief, clearly hearing the words as he continued to cry, but refusing to listen to them.
“Damian, you are a mature young man, clearly a strong and intelligent one. But you are still a child, it’s okay to feel scared and it’s okay to feel a bit angry at your circumstances despite it being for the better of the world.”
Damian finally really looked at Loid’s eyes. His teeth gnawed his bottom lip as he took a deep breath.
“Damian, it’s okay to be mad at me. You're not an evil person for feeling so. I know you're not your father. I know you are a good person who wants a peaceful world just like me. It’s okay for you to be mad at the man who put you in this situation. It’s okay…”
Damian collapsed. His body fell forward as he began to sob into Loid’s chest, his fists clenched and pounding weakly against the former spy’s chest.
“I'm so tired!”
Loid let out a deep sigh of relief as the boy choked out his real feelings. He continued to punch him, his frustrations getting let out as he sobbed harder and harder, his words slurring and getting caught in his saliva as he childishly cried.
“I can’t see my friends anymore. I can’t see Anya anymore. I don’t have the means of caring for my mother. I don’t know what her condition is like. I have to get a job and I’ve never worked a day in my life. This apartment is cold and I hear the sounds of people late into the night that keep me up. The neighbor downstairs was robbed not too long ago! I loved school, I loved Eden, it was my home and now I can’t go back without everyone scorning me for what my father did. I just wanted to be normal and now I have no idea how to be normal. At least with my father around I could pretend I was. I could go to school and escape him. My mother could function as long as she avoided him. And I could see Anya. I could see Anya whenever I wanted to and everything would feel normal! You may have taken away the worst things plaguing my life, but you also took away the few things that brought me joy!”
Loid gently rubbed his back as the boy tired of punching him. He couldn’t find any more words for the many thoughts racing through his head.
“I’m so sorry Damian. I’m so very very sorry.” Loid hugged him. Hugged him as if he was Anya. He was just a kid, a kid whose entire world changed so drastically so soon. He became a spy so children wouldn’t cry anymore, but here he was, a crying boy sobbing in his arms because of what he did.
Damian didn’t answer, well he couldn’t because his snot was getting in the way, but also because his exhaustion was settling in.
“The world is cruel. Me, my wife, and Anya, we are well aware of that. I wish you didn’t have to be. I wish you and Anya could have a normal childhood.”
A few more sniffles.
“I’m going to do my best to help you get adjusted. I won’t be around, but I can talk to those in charge of your safety. I can try to get you into a better safe house and try to get you some more freedom once you get out of Berlint.”
The boy seemed to be calming down. The worst of his sobbing was over. He merely held onto the man listening to his words as he tried to catch his breath. Loid did his best to offer reassurance and lathered the boy with apologies.
They took a few moments. A few long moments as Damian collected himself. Sure he was mad. Upset at the world and his circumstances. But Loid understood that what he said before he finally broke down was true as well. He continued to hug the stranger. This man who ruined his life. The boy continued to hold him anyway. This was an empathetic kid, truly a good kid, someone he wouldn’t mind being with Anya.
And suddenly Damian let go. As if realizing how embarrassing it was to break down like that and hug this man who was being more fatherly to him than his own ever was. He seemed to have sobered up a bit.
“I want to see Anya.”
“What?”
“I want to see Anya again. Just one more time. We had a promise.”
Loid bit the inside of his cheek. He was afraid of that.
“Damian—”
“Sir, as much as I don’t hold malice towards you, the one thing you could do to make it up to me, is let me see Anya again. Just one more time before you go.”
“I….”
“Please, we made a promise.”
“I don’t know about this…”
The Handler rolled her eyes and tapped on the steering wheel impatiently. “Twilight you are the one who wanted me to break protocol…again! You are the one who was begging me to organize this. The first escapade you had for this boy got me in a lot of hot water as is, and you are having me jump over all these hurdles to make his situation better.”
Loid grumbled like a child in the passenger seat.
“You're lucky you're like a son to me and that I’m no longer your boss.” She grumbled.
Loid watched as his daughter walked down the path. Just as he promised Damian, he granted them one more meeting before they left the country. What he didn’t expect however was that Anya fought back, not wanting to see him again. But she eventually caved.
He finally got out of the car. Someone is supposed to be watching them for protection and Anya didn’t want it to be anyone else other than her father. So he had to lurk close behind, he’d give them privacy, but he couldn’t be completely out of earshot.
Damian sat on a bench in the courtyard of an empty corner of the Eden campus with a bouquet of pink carnations in his hands and a warm smile upon seeing Anya. Damian looked like he cleaned himself up. He looked the healthiest he’d been since the arrest. He was close to the outdoor walkway towards the cafeteria. As Anya walked into the light of the sun towards the grassy area Loid lingered behind, hiding behind the stone walls.
Anya began to cry as she approached. Her feet stopped as she wiped her eyes on her dress sleeves. Damian was quick to his feet. Dropping the bouquet on the stone bench before he raced over, grabbing her hands in his as he cooed at her to not cry.
Damian hesitated once but eventually gave in, pulling her into a hug after being so overcome with emotions after seeing her again.
But then she gently pushed him away.
“Damian please, that’s too much. I don’t deserve this.”
Damian’s jaw opened, hesitating on his words. But he stayed quiet, gently taking her hands to lead her towards the bench to sit. Once seated, he placed the bouquet on her lap before sitting down himself at her side.
“I heard you didn’t want to see me again.” Damian chuckled. “I’m sorry for forcing you out here.”
“Well, it’s not that. I don’t deserve it. And I can’t tell you why.”
Damian looked off, spotting the way Loid peered over the side of the wall before ducking away.
“I don’t know if your father told you, but he visited me a few weeks ago…”
Her eyes widened, and suddenly she wasn’t upset anymore, instead, she glared over to the wall Loid hid behind but continued to observe them closely.
Shit. He thought that maybe this was going to be some love confession meeting, but he guessed it wasn’t so out there that they’d talk about the mission. He did want to avoid telling Anya since he was the one who forced them all into keeping secrets, it’s hypocritical that he eventually became the one who confessed everything. Especially to someone connected to the mission itself.
“He what?” She yelled out a bit too loudly in disbelief.
“He told me everything, Anya. I guess he didn’t want to tell you, I don’t even know if he wanted me to tell you.” He laughed, “But I know everything about the mission.”
She gulped, “…everything?”
“Everything…” He assured her.
Anya’s hand shook a bit as she held the bouquet, picking at the paper wrapped around it. But she listened intently as Damian explained that night Loid visited. He explained what he knew, he explained what he understood, and he explained how he felt about the situation. How he doesn’t hate them. And how he finally broke down over it. But then he explained how he spent the past few weeks reflecting on it.
“I cannot believe he told you.”
“Well, were you going to tell me?”
“I…“ She paused and suddenly started to avoid looking at Damian. “Well at first I thought I would, but then I realized that’s not my secret to tell, that telling the secret is just as dangerous now as it was before the mission was completed.”
“Is that why you started to avoid me after it happened? You were scared you’d tell me the secret because of that promise we made?”
“Well that was part of it, the other part is that I feel so guilty about everything that seeing you again would pain me with shame for what I did. That it would hurt to have to look at you after we ruined your life.”
Damian reached out a hand towards her chin and turned her head till she faced him, a pink tinge filling her cheeks.
“And how do you feel right now, now that you’re seeing me again.”
Anya gulped, waving his hand away and looking at the ground in front of her as she whispered, “I feel relieved. So relieved to see you are doing okay. And I feel calm being with you. It feels like everything’s normal again even though it’s not.”
Damian sighed in relief as well. “I feel the same.”
“But we ruined your life.”
“No, you didn’t. My father ruined my life and it just so happened that I have to reap the consequences of his actions as well. You Anya, you’ve done nothing but better my life since I met you and your family…”
“Damian.”
“Anya…” He reached for her hand, his merely resting on top of hers as he hesitated on touching her again after being swatted away for touching her chin. “I am not at fault for the sins of my father just as you are innocent of the actions of your father.”
“But what about when it started? I became your friend initially with ill intentions.”
Damian took his turn to blush. Instead of answering he said, “I think about that night we made that promise. When we got ice cream with your family and you cut your leg. I think about how you were crying and about how seriously you were taking my confession.”
Anya’s eyes widened again and her hand twitched beneath him, causing him to gently squeeze it in reassurance.
“Anya, you were thinking about me so much, you cared enough to spare me from the torment of knowing I fell for you because I was being manipulated in this mission. You are a good person who stopped using me the moment you started to see me as a person, the moment you started to care. I know you’re a good person, and I’m a bit honored to know you’ve been trying to keep me as far away from all this mess as you possibly could.”
She finally looked up at him and noticed he was now really, really looking at her.
“I feel like now that the truth is out, I can cash in on that promise. Because if I’m not going to be able to see you ever again, I want to say it, just once, and before you go I need you to know how much I love—”
Anya reached out a hand, her finger silencing his lips.
“Wait…”
“Wha—“ He mumbled.
“I have one more secret. One my father didn’t share with you because it’s mine and mine alone.”
Damian obediently silenced himself, knowing well enough to let her speak.
“Did my father explain how he adopted me for his mission?”
He nodded.
“Well, there was stuff that happened to me before I ever met my father…”
And she explained it all. She spoke about her time in the research facility, everything she could remember that is. She confessed her real age to him and how the experiments on her stunted her growth… She explained it all. She explained what her father learned about what happened to the facility after she left, and how there were scientists still looking for her to this day.
Damian seemed to have been digesting it all just as Loid expected. He held her hand as she reflected on memories she desperately tried to avoid, he let her take her time. He was a mature and empathetic boy, and Loid felt at ease knowing that Anya put her trust in him.
And then she said it.
“I can read minds. I’ve been reading your mind from the moment we met.”
Damian’s hand dropped hers. His eyes widened and fear was written all over his face.
“No way— That’s impossible.” He started to laugh it off.
Anya fiddled with her bottom lip, anxiously biting on it and sucking in her cheeks.
“Right now you're thinking about how you think it’s cute when I do this when I’m anxious. And you weren’t taking me seriously at all until right now as I started speaking and now you're thinking about how you want to stop thinking altogether and now you’re fixated on how you can’t focus on being scared or upset because you're slowly starting to believe it and now you’re looking back at all the indecent thoughts you would have about me in school and you’re becoming mortified…”
Damian now took his turn to cover her mouth.
“Since the start?” That was all he asked.
She nodded and waited for him to remove his hand before speaking. “Since the start, but I promise, once I learned how to control my power better as I got older, I avoided it at all costs.”
She let him have a long moment to think, she didn’t attempt to read his mind because she wanted him to have the privacy to think to himself and take his time sorting his thoughts. But she was also scared of hearing the thoughts going through his head.
“So you know how long I felt this way.” His voice was much quieter than before as he broke their silence. “You knew this whole time.”
She nodded, seemingly surprised this was what he wanted to focus on. But she was also relieved that he was talking to her. “Well it took me a while to realize what it was, I was a dumb little kid after all. But I swear once I realized, I stopped. It didn’t seem fair.”
“But you still did now and then?”
“Every now and then, but I couldn’t help it, your thoughts are just so loud sometimes. And I enjoyed hearing your thoughts. You're much nicer to me in your head than out loud. But I swear once you started to go through puberty I reduced the amount of times I read your mind… for both our sakes.”
Damian suddenly flushed a deep red.
“Damian, I understand if you're going to need time for this…”
He then interrupted her, “Wait, so if you could read minds all this time, why were you always flunking tests? You could’ve been an imperial scholar all this time, but instead, you spent years having me tutor you. Why?”
And now she flushed an even deeper red than him. “Because I…” She whispered the rest of her answer, seemingly out of shame and out of earshot.
“What?” It seemed Damian didn’t hear it either.
“Because I liked having you all to myself.” She shouted before lowering her voice once she remembered this was supposed to be a discreet meeting. “And because I felt guilty over it, and that it’d be suspicious if I was acing every test out of nowhere, and also my power is weak on the new moon, plus I had my Papa at my neck about grades and he didn’t know about my power at that time anyway, and that…”
And suddenly Damian pulled her into his arms, wrapped her in a warm embrace, and let out a huge sigh of relief.
“Damian, what—“
“Is that all your secrets? That was everything?”
“What? I mean yeah I think that’s everything.”
“Anya, sure reading minds is crazy, but at this point, I have nothing to hide from you anymore, I was already ready to lay bare my whole self to you…”
“Damian...”
“Anya, I love you.” He pulled back to look at her in the eyes with the brightest grin as he held her. “God it feels so good to say it. Anya I love you so much!”
“Damian…” She choked out, she looked like she was on the brink of tears.
“Anya you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me.” Damian didn’t seem to notice, this drunken love blinded him as he picked up the bouquet and held it to her chest. “Now I wish I had roses because I love you so much… and I cannot believe I’m finally saying it out loud but now all I wanna do is say it again and again. I love you so much, Anya!”
“Damian…” And the tears finally fell and the joy on Damian's face was wiped away as Anya cried, her face looking from his and down to the flowers she clutched to her chest.
“What’s wrong? I—I thought you felt the same? I thought you—“
“I— I can’t say it…”
“What? Are you stupid?”
“I don’t want to say it and just leave to never see you again.”
“Why not? I don’t think I could’ve lived with myself if you left and I never got to tell you how I feel. Don’t you want closure?”
Anya then screamed out, “But it hurts Damian! I don’t want to leave! I don’t want to never see you again! I don’t deserve to be loved when I ruined your life.”
“But you didn’t ruin my life. Anya, you idiot, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me! These flowers are to thank you for being the greatest thing to come into my life, if I can’t love you, I’m sure as hell not going to let you go without showing how much I appreciate your presence in my life.”
“You deserve to be happy Damian.”
“I am happy.”
“You deserve to fall in love.”
“I am in love, I’m in love with you.”
“But I’m leaving, we can’t be together. I don’t want you to be hung up on me for the rest of your life, you deserve happiness.”
“I am happy, I’m happy knowing you’ll be safe and with your family. I’m happy knowing the world is a little safer without my father, I’m happy my mother doesn’t have to deal with his abuse… Anya, I’m happy just loving you, I don’t care where you are in the world. Just as long as you're safe and happy, I’ll be happy.”
He looked at her with such hopeful eyes. This boy had never been so honest and vulnerable in his entire life and here he was laying himself so bare to his daughter. It hurt Loids chest to know what he was doing to those children.
“Damian, you deserve someone who will love you back.” Anya suddenly was able to clearly talk. Pulling herself together after sobbing the past few minutes.
Damian’s jaw dropped and an eyebrow rose.
“You, you don’t love me back?”
She didn’t answer.
“You can’t lie to me. I know we’ve never said the words and we always danced around the subject, but I know this isn’t some one-sided thing. What we have is real and I felt it. I could sense it in the way you’d talk to me and the way you’d look at me when you thought I wasn’t looking. You should know by now I’m no idiot.”
Anya stared at the ground, holding back the tears but the distraught written all over her face.
“I love you. And I know you love me too. And there is nothing wrong with that. I don’t care that we’re never going to see each other again. I’m always going to love you.”
Damian suddenly slipped out of the bench and onto his hands and knees in front of her.
“The best goodbye gift you could leave me is hearing you admit you love me too.” He leaned on her knees, his hands gripping onto her dress and his face burying itself in her lap. “Anya, I know you love me. I just want to hear you say it, just once, and I can move on.”
Anya put the bouquet to the side, her hands resting on his head as she ran her fingers through his hair. She had this adoring look on her face. He wasn’t looking at her so she let the mask drop for that moment as she let those few touches showcase her real feelings.
“I can’t do that Damian.”
“Anya… please.” He looked up, his cheek nuzzling into her hand as she held his face, her thumb rubbing against his cheek.
And suddenly she was smiling, she was crying, but she was smiling at him. “Damian, I hope you and your mother find happiness. I hope you go somewhere safe, where you have a warm home that you’ll love coming home to, that you’ll go to a big fancy college on a scholarship and become successful and then you’ll meet a girl who will be able to provide you the love you deserve.”
“I don’t want anyone who’s not you.” Damian was even more desperate at this point. Hands gripping her dress even harder.
She ignored him, both her hands now cupping his cheeks. She wasn’t crying as hard as she was before now. She was still smiling though, putting on a strong front as the boy beneath her broke down.
“You’ll live a life that’s your own and it’ll be a beautiful life. And I won’t be a part of it. Because remember Damian, this is goodbye…”
“I know this is goodbye.” Damian started to tear up, a few tears falling down his cheek as she wiped them away. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t say it.”
“I won’t say it, Damian, because then I’ll never be able to get over you if I did.”
Damian’s jaw dropped. His eyes locked on hers.
“Anya, I love you.” His voice was shaking as he desperately tried to hold out for that hope.
She cupped his cheeks, nodding her head at him but not responding, a few tears falling from her face.
“Damian, I have to go.”
“I love you.” He held on for dear life as she attempted to get him to let go his voice cracking. “Please don’t go yet. I love you so much. I know you—“
“Goodbye, Damian.”
He sat up higher on his knees, his height even while kneeling matched hers as she sat on the bench. “No Anya wait—“
And suddenly he was cut off.
Anya, while grasping his face, pulled him up closer, close enough that all she had to do was tilt her head and lean in slightly and their lips connected.
It was soft and gentle. A very chaste first kiss that had Loid wondering if he should run away. But all he did was turn away, choosing not to intrude any further.
And then suddenly. He heard footsteps. The grass crunched on the ground as the footsteps got closer. And then his daughter raced away, footsteps quickening as they clicked against the stone walkway. Her hands empty and a trail of carnation petals in her wake.
“Anya! Wait, please! I prom—-“
Loid stayed hidden, ducking away down the corridor before Damian noticed. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to see such a broken child in that state anyway. And so he hurried along the corridors towards the shortcuts he would take when he’d spy on Anya. He circled the campus and towards The Handler's car.
The Handler was outside the vehicle, leaning against the car as Anya was sobbing into her chest, arms holding onto the woman like a lifeline.
“Twilight…”
He just sighed. Catching his breath as he slowly approached the car. Anya looked up at him, lips quivering as she suddenly felt the need to pull herself together.
“I’m sorry, Anya…”
She merely wiped her eyes and took some deep breaths, dusting herself off from the flower petals that stuck to her clothing.
“Papa, I want to go home.”
She let go of her aunt, and merely slid into the back seat, slamming the door behind her without another word.
He knew why she didn’t say it. She couldn’t say it, otherwise, she’d start fighting her father to stay.
“She’s asleep.” Yor sighed as she entered their bedroom, slowly stripping off her night robe to reveal her slip. “Dimitri had an easier time falling asleep than Anya.”
Loid looked up, he was staring off at the wall ahead of him while he waited for his wife to come to bed. Not even aware enough to notice that his wife chose a more revealing pajama far different from the usual button-up nightgowns she wore.
Since coming home, Loid had been… quiet. Anya had calmed down on the ride home, but as soon as she saw her mother, she fell apart again. It was off and on all night and this guilt over bringing her this heartbreak was probably the worst thing he’s ever felt in his life.
He simply made them dinner, took a shower while Anya watched TV, and then began to clean up the kitchen while Yor helped lull the distraught girl to sleep.
He was avoiding Anya. Scared of acting like everything was normal while she was losing everything she knew and loved.
Yor slid into the bed next to him and coaxed him into laying in her arms.
“Dimitri’s sleeping with her, I think he understands there’s something wrong,” Yor explained softly, noting that Loid continued to stare off despite being nuzzled into her chest.
Dimitri was doing a better job than him. All he was doing was sulking in the arms of his wife.
“Loid, I know what you're feeling. But listen, I think it’s doing more harm than good if you continue to avoid Anya right now.”
He sighed, sulking all day was exhausting him. His head was aching and his mind just kept replaying the sight of his daughter in tears for hours on end. “I don’t know how to comfort her. All I can do is apologize and make promises about the future. And It’s not going to make her forget what she’s feeling now. It’s not fair to her. I get to be with you, I was able to be selfish and get my happy ending with you. And in doing so, I took something she loved away from her.”
Yor ran her fingers through his hair. The sensation sent a shock down his body and grounded him in reality again.
“It’s okay to feel like that, But I’m sure she figured it out long ago that this was a possible outcome for her future. She’d come to terms with it a while ago. I think it’s just this initial weight of it all is finally settling in. That goodbye was the hardest part.”
“You think so?”
“I know so dear.” She sighed in relief as he finally looked up at her with hopeful eyes.
“She’s a mature young girl. She chose us to be her parents knowing fully well her life would be far from normal. She continued to be friends with Damian knowing fully well she’d have to say goodbye someday. And she chose to get even closer to him even though she knew it was only going to make her goodbye harder.”
Loid hummed, feeling the warmth of his breath moisten the silky fabric his cheek rested on. “I just hate seeing her so upset.”
“I know. It’s just so unusual for her since she’s so joyful all the time, that when she gets truly upset, it feels so world-ending. But this is our daughter and we know she’ll bounce back, no matter how hard she fell before.”
Loid felt relief flood him as he listened to his wife’s words. She’s right. She’s always right.
“I’ll apologize in the morning, and we’ll have a proper talk.”
“Good.” She placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.
His daughter was far more emotionally mature than he was. He was an anxious worry-rat who was constantly pestering Anya ever since their secrets came out about her well-being. He constantly apologized for putting her in this situation, but she was always the one to reassure him that it was okay.
He knew she cared about Damian. He always trusted that she could handle the boundaries of their friendship without her father's interference, he actually encouraged it. He knew that Anya had the means to keep her distance from Damian, he knew that she didn’t have to try too hard to be his friend, and he absolutely knew that she didn’t have to tell him any secrets at all.
But she did. She did that knowing that one day she wouldn’t see Damian again. Because she cared and trusted him. All the moments she had spent with him until now were because she wanted to be with him and she wanted to enjoy the moments she had with him while they were still in each other's lives.
After all, if he was in her shoes, if he took another path that led to him parting from Yor even after falling for her, he knew he would do the same thing as Anya.
His wife hummed as she continued to run her fingers along his head and down his back. He nuzzled his head closer to her chest, feeling the smooth texture of that red slip nightgown as he finally calmed down.
Loid suddenly rolled over, shocking Yor as she yelped in surprise at his sudden actions.
He peered down at his wife’s body. The maroon slip was something… new. She had some articles of clothing of this genre, but he hadn’t seen this slip before.
“Were you trying to seduce me while I was feeling vulnerable?”
Yor’s face and chest flushed beneath him as he held himself above her, taking in the sight as her nipples poked through the thin fabric so teasingly.
“No!” Her voice caught in her throat. “I mean, yes and no… I thought this might cheer you up, and make you feel better.”
“I’m here worrying about our distraught daughter and you want sex right now?”
Yor smacked him on his chest a few times playfully. “No! I thought you’d just like to look—“ She suddenly paused and pursed her lips stubbornly, “—Look you know what, you're right, how can we have sex at this moment. Our daughter is distraught, let’s go to sleep.”
She suddenly rolled onto her side, despite being encased by him as he still held himself over her. He just watched as she ‘slept’. And by sleeping that meant closing her eyes and waiting for him to get off her.
Yor was such a silly woman. After such a hard and distressing day, she spent all her time comforting Anya through it all and ensuring she was safe and comfortable in bed. And now she lay there, after so easily helping him talk through his issues of the day she still had the energy to try to bring him some joy (in the form of just being his very hot wife).
Anya was the same way. Putting all her effort into bringing joy to others. She deserved a father who would do the same. Someone who’d make her smile in such a distressing time instead of sulking in her woes.
He’ll be better in the morning. Once Anya gets a good rest and after he deals with his playful wife. That's just the kind of man he was now. He's a father first and a husband second. And well, he fumbled the ball today, but for now, he’ll let his daughter sleep. In the meantime, he’ll amuse himself with his wife, besides, he’ll be in an even better mood after it too.
“Honk shooo.” She mumbled opening her eyelid just a smidge to peer at his expression before quickly shutting it tight.
“Yor, you win. I feel better now and you got me all wound up, if you wanna…”
She suddenly perked up, eyes wide with excitement as she laid back on her back with a big smile.
“No more sulking?” She asked.
“Nope.”
“Good. I’ll put you in the best mood for spending the day with Anya tomorrow.” She smirked at him, a sign of mischievous delight behind her eyes.
Loid tucked Yor in, the woman tuckered out and mumbled so sweetly under her breath about the chill air on her naked frame. She nuzzled under the covers as Loid placed a kiss on her forehead as he silently maneuvered off the bed and out of their bedroom.
As he escaped into the hallway for water and to have a moment to himself to get his thoughts together for Anya, he was instead greeted by the sound of the television.
“Anya?”
Anya had a chocolate bar in her hands and was in the middle of nibbling on it. She was watching some late-night horror movie on the TV, sitting in the dark with the drapes drawn somewhat open so there was a bit of light from the street and moon outside.
“Oh, Papa? You’re talking to me again?”
He felt his heart stop at the tone. She’s never had this much attitude with him before, ever in his life.
“I— I’m so—“ He rubbed the back of his head trying to find the right words as she continued to glare at him.
And then suddenly she gave him a little once over before smirking, “Looks like my plan to sic Mama on you worked.”
And suddenly seeing Anya laughing at him, with warmth returning to her voice, he was struck with the idea of just how bad of a father he had been. He knew his daughter well, she was bouncing back just as Yor said and she was not mad at him.
“You gave your mother that idea huh?” He flushed and hid his embarrassment away as he went into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water.
“Well, you were so moody all day and it made me feel worse. Mama couldn’t figure out what to do to help both of us, so I suggested she should help you… relax.”
Loid made his way over to the sofa, joining her as he sipped his water.
“You know, I don’t know how I feel about you being so aware of our sex life.” He said so matter of factly. He was starting to get used to the idea that Anya was a young woman who knew what sex was.
“The feeling is mutual. But I know that you guys have a healthy one and there’s nothing wrong with that. I simply know when to give you guys space.”
“Still you made your mother seduce me so I could feel better.”
“I didn’t make her do anything.” She sighed. “I just sort of helped her get on that train of thought…”
Loid chuckled. What a mischievous girl he had. He wondered if that sort of harmless psychological manipulation was something she learned from him.
She continued to watch the TV, her legs hugged tightly to her chest as she rested her chin on her knees.
He figured he’d get right to the point, no more avoiding it.
“Anya, I’m sorry about all of this.”
She sighed, “Papa you don’t have to be sorry. I knew this was going to happen.”
“But you deserve better. You deserve to be a normal teenager.”
“Papa, did you ever fall in love before Mama?”
Loid paused. He never thought much about it. The quick answer was no. Both she and Yor knew that. He wasn’t a child for long and lost his teenage years to the war. It wasn’t until Yor did he learn what love was.
“No…”
“Any crushes?”
Loid had to really think about this one. He had to go way back, way way back until hitting something tangible.
“I remember my school teacher… must’ve been when I was 7? Maybe 8… I think every boy in school had a crush on her. She was very beautiful and very kind. She had such a soft voice, she made telling you that you failed a test as if it was the sweetest thing in the world. And you know what she had long dark hair, I think she must’ve been from the same region as your mother… I remember how hilariously upset everyone was when she got engaged.”
“So you have a type—“ Anya teased.
“I—“ He stopped himself. She looked like she was about to continue.
“Papa, what teenager didn’t have their first love end in heartbreak?” She asked him. “That’s the most normal thing a teenager can experience.”
“But I’m the reason for your heartbreak. Damian is a good boy who loves and cares about you. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience.”
“Yeah… he was a good one.” She sulked again, her mouth buried in her knees. “But he’s going to be safer far away from us and out of Ostania. And that’s all I can ask for.”
“I promise he’ll be safe and he’ll be comfortable wherever he ends up.” Loid leaned over, his arm wrapping around her, hesitant at first waiting until she leaned in.
“I just want him to be happy.” She choked out, some tears returning.
“I know, I know… I promise he will be.” He placed a kiss on her forehead. “It’ll just take some time.”
She took a moment to collect herself. She wasn’t crying as much as she was before. Just some sniffles as she tried to pull herself together.
“You know I wish you were like this earlier today. Not being all moody and avoiding me. Of course, I’m gonna notice and get annoyed by it.” She grumbled.
“I’m sorry about that. I just hate seeing you like this, especially when it’s my fault.”
“Stop saying it’s your fault like it’s a bad thing.”
“Anya…”
“Papa…” She mimicked before putting a serious face back on. “I’m not someone that would pick a silly crush over my family. You and Mama finally being free to live a normal life, letting Dimitri have a normal life. That’s all I want. I want all of us to finally be safe and happy.”
“You are happy about leaving?”
“I’m just happy that we’re safe and that we’re going to stay together. I’ve had nightmares about you leaving us or getting hurt when this all ended. This was the best ending I could’ve hoped for.” She nuzzled closer into his shoulder. “All I wanted was to stay your little girl forever. And I’m getting exactly that. Boys are temporary. The only boys I need are you and Dimitri.”
She now hugged his arm, eyes still glued to the television as she zoned out.
“It’s okay to miss Damian too.”
She didn’t answer merely staring at the TV, her breathing however had betrayed her. He could feel it quicken, could feel the way she took deep breaths to try to regulate them.
And then suddenly he felt her maneuver, his sixteen-year-old daughter somehow managed to find her way into his arms like she did when she was little, letting herself cry into his shoulder.
He was going to speak again, to try to console her. But he was running out of words. He knew all the talking in the world wouldn’t fix what she was feeling. This however is what she needed all day. To just cry in the warm arms of her father. To let herself feel what she was feeling in such a safe place.
He just rubbed her back arms keeping her snug in his, his lips planting many kisses into her hair.
He suddenly noticed a figure down the hall, a shadow appearing from around the corner.
“Nee-cha?” Dimitri walked out, blankie in his hand and rubbing his eyes. He must’ve woken up and realized she was gone.
Anya didn’t move, however, sniffling into her father's shoulder as he cradled her.
“Come here Dimitri, I think Anya needs extra hugs right now.” Loid beckoned the boy over.
He was quick on his feet as he toddled over, arms outstretched as Loid skillfully lifted him with one arm and onto Anya’s lap. The boy leaned into Anya’s chest, his thumb in his mouth as he mumbled.
“It otay Nee-cha…”
Loid just held them both. He would never tire of holding them, no matter how big they got. He was going to give them both the most perfect life they ever dreamed of.
“Loid honey?”
Yor climbed out of bed, confused by the empty spot left behind. While donning her robe she made her way into the hallway and spotted her children’s bedroom doors open as well.
Before she even investigated their rooms, her heartbeat racing and her assassin instincts kicking in, she heard that familiar snoring from the living room.
She diverted her course, slowly tiptoeing out of the hallway where the sight of her husband and two children put all her worries to ease.
Anya and Dimitri were cradled in his arms. Her husband's hands held them firmly into his chest. Luckily Anya’s back leaned against the arm of the sofa and Dimitri was encased in the embrace of his sister, so they weren’t going anywhere.
Her husband's neck however made her chuckle.
She was quiet as she approached, not wanting to wake any of them. She picked up the nearby throw pillow and carefully eased it under her husband's neck which was leaning backwards in a very uncomfortable position.
“Hnh…”
Loid’s eyes fluttered open as Yor finally slid his neck into a more comfortable position.
“Shh go back to sleep.” She ordered.
Loid looked down at Anya and Dimitri, his hands stretching and flexing his arm muscles from holding their weight. But he didn’t argue with his wife’s orders. He merely got comfortable, adjusting to the pillow and immediately passed out again.
She grinned as she tiptoed away, pleased her family was resting so peacefully. The Loid she knew from years ago would not have let himself sleep like that or for that long. But this was a Loid who was currently unemployed, who no longer had the fate of the world resting on his shoulders. Instead, it was just their two adorable children who slept so soundly in his arms.
They were going to be okay.