Chapter Text
"It's Not a Big Deal"
Something wasn’t right.
Buck had spent the better part of the morning googling his symptoms on WebMD but to no avail.
Stomachache, dull pain.
Trouble urinating.
Lightheadedness.
Buck knew that none of these symptoms were life-threatening, but they had been creeping up on him throughout the night and into the morning, and he wondered if he had something as minor as a stomach bug or something like kidney stones. A UTI maybe? As the sun crept into the apartment and shone across the kitchen, Buck placed his glass from his heaping breakfast of water into the sink before pivoting and heading back to the bathroom to finish getting ready.
Buck was no stranger to discomfort and pain, having been crushed by a ladder truck and undergoing surgery, coughing up blood and enduring a pulmonary embolism, and scouring the coast after a life-changing tsunami; this pain (could he call it pain?) was nothing close to that. He figured it would pass but was hoping to get something from the internet ether to help ease his symptoms while his body fought … whatever this was.
Dr. Google was, ultimately, no help, but Buck was running late, so he gathered up his belongings, stuffed everything unceremoniously into his duffel bag, grabbed his keys, and headed out the door. He clicked the deadbolt in place and started to head down to the garage. He was too busy to think about it excessively, and if it started getting worse, he would deal with it then.
As he rounded the corner into the dank, musty garage, he tried to clear his head in preparation for the day. Hopping up into his Jeep wasn’t the most advisable decision, and it was a not-so-friendly reminder from his body that his shift wasn’t going to be easy. He made sure to toss back a couple of Tylenol before turning over the engine and heading down to the station.
----
Bobby, Eddie, and Hen were up in the loft, chatting and sipping coffee, while Chimney restocked the ambulance down in the engine bay. Soft sounds from the team filled the corners of the station, settling into the walls and reverberating warm energy into the space. As Buck walked in, he kept his head down and kept quiet, nodding a quick hello to Chim as he headed for the locker room. Buck was only 15 minutes late but wasn’t trying to make a show of his arrival. The corners of his mouth involuntarily turned up as he felt the warmth of the station settle around him, and it improved his mood if anything.
“You’re late, Buck.” Bobby’s voice floated down from the loft, and Buck chuckled quietly. Leave it to Bobby to notice the one time in the last four years he had been late to his shift.
“Yeah, sorry Cap, alarm didn’t go off,” Buck made quick work of his reply without breaking stride, hoping this would limit any and all worry or questions from his team.
“You’ll have to cook breakfast if you want forgiveness,” Bobby laughed as he shouted back. Buck could hear Hen and Eddie pipe in with “I like my eggs sunny side up,” and “Make the homemade English muffins you did last time!” respectively, and Buck rolled his eyes.
“I’ll be up in a few, just gonna change and then I’ll be at your service,” Buck shouts back as the locker room door shut behind him, laughter fading from his team. He takes a deep breath, or tries to, before the pain in his stomach shouts back at him and he halts, taking a sharp breath in. The locker room walls are less forgiving than the rest of the station, capturing sounds and confining them in the small space, whipping Buck’s sharp breath right back at him, seemingly judgmental in its reply.
Well that’s different, he thinks as he gingerly set his bag down on the bench, grabbing his work pants and LAFD t-shirt, attempting to get ready fast enough that his teammates wouldn’t notice his lethargy.
After the arduous process of changing, Buck takes a beat, sitting on the bench waiting for his most recent wave of dizziness to pass. Facing the lockers with his back to the station and the lights off in the room, having not been flicked on by him on entry, Buck remains uncharacteristically still. With a quick prayer to the EMS Gods, he hopes the shift will be limited to easy incidents and long breaks, so he has a chance to recharge and catch a few z’s between calls. He’s a terrible liar, and knows they’ll be able to see right through him if he has to put up a front for too long.
He stuffs his bag into his locker and turns around, ready to get his apron on and get to cooking, when he notices Chimney standing at the door behind him.
“You okay, man?” Chimney asks, “you look tired, and you haven’t poked fun at me once since you’ve stepped in here,” Chimney chuckles at this, keeping the question light.
“Yeah, just a little out of sorts getting up late and running out of the house, you coming up for breakfast?” Buck asks, trying to keep the conversation brief and the focus off of himself.
“Yeah, alright, come on, let’s go,” Chim replies, seemingly accepting this response with a small nod, keeping an eye on Buck for maybe a beat too long, but Buck appreciates Chimney’s willingness to drop it. They both head out of the locker room and up the stairs, greeting their friends with smiles as they join them in the kitchen.
“Took you long enough,” Eddie jabs, looking up and smiling at the two.
“You know how Buck likes to look good for the ladies on calls, he had to make sure his hair was just so,” Hen adds setting down plates on the table, glancing up with a smile as well.
Bobby laughs from the sink, grabbing water to fill the coffee pot to brew another for the newcomers. Buck heads over next to him, grabbing eggs, veggies, some cheese and milk out of the fridge to start breakfast.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yuk it up, but I’ll remember next time you run in, dust kicking up behind you, late for the umpteenth time this year, asking me to cover for you,” Buck responds, glancing across the room at Hen when he hears her gasp, “Traitor!” she shouts, feigning betrayal. Buck’s feeling better now that he’s standing in one spot and has his sights set on doing a specific task, and he let his discomfort meander to the back of his mind, while he chats with the team and moved through the morning with a little more ease.
----
It's not until their first call that Buck remembers his pain when he jolts up into the cab, grabbing his turnouts on the way, and knocking his side into the metal. He hisses quickly in pain before he even realizes he’s doing it, and Eddie hears him from his seat across from Buck. He looks up, furrowed brow, pausing before asking Buck “You okay?” and Buck nods, not wanting to risk saying something with a wavering voice.
Eddie waits, Chimney also side-eyeing from his spot across the cab, making sure there’s nothing to be worried about. Hen’s distracted by Bobby starting to lay out the details of the call in front, popping on her headset to make sure she catches details of what they’ll need to bring to be prepared.
“Dispatch states call came from a young woman, calling about her boyfriend who is suicidal and standing out on their balcony. No noted substance use, boyfriend is 32 years old, history of depression, no other suicide attempts. Sounds like girlfriend has been trying to keep him talking.” Bobby relays to the team, a welcome distraction from Buck’s discomfort, “What floor?” Buck asks, hoping to keep Eddie and Chimney’s watchful eyes at bay.
“8th floor, 12 story building. Buck and Eddie, grab the ropes and harnesses when we get there, you guys should head up to the roof for a rope rescue. Hen you’re with me, we’ll join the couple in their apartment and hope we can talk him down. Chimney you lead the charge down here setting up the safety cushion, but we’re looking at an 80-foot drop so let’s try to avoid that if we can.” Bobby commands, everyone nodding as he lays out his expectations.
Buck was hoping he wouldn’t have to deal with ropes and a harness. Or the height for that matter. He was starting to feel a little dizzier with each passing minute and he had to take deep breaths to keep his adrenaline from working against him, teaming up with his illness to overtake his senses. He could still feel Eddie’s eyes on him as Eddie put his gloves on and grabbed his helmet, but Buck hoped he was at least appearing normal while they continued toward the incident, alarms blaring all along the way.
----
By the time they got to the apartment complex, Eddie and Chimney were focused on getting the job done, and Buck was grateful for the reprieve from their watchful eyes, at least for the moment. He hopped out of the engine and grabbed his gear, jogging along next to Eddie and heading for the elevator. As the doors closed, Eddie stared straight ahead before pointedly stating “I know something’s going on but whatever it is, just let me know if it gets worse, okay? I know you’re Mr. Tough Guy, but I don’t want you to drop my ass from 120 feet above the ground, so selfishly, I hope it’s really nothing.”
Buck looks down, suddenly feeling guilty for the way he’s been covering up how he feels. Since he’s re-joined the team, he wants to be reliable and trustworthy, so maybe Eddie’s right, maybe he should be more honest with the team.
“I know, man. Look, yeah, I’m not feeling great, but I think I just had a rough night’s sleep. I would never risk something happening to you. Let’s get through this so I can replenish with some water, Tylenol, and sleep, yeah?”
Eddie nods, quickly responds “Sounds like a plan,” and the elevator dings as the doors open to the top floor. They head out to the roof and strap up, hoping Bobby and Hen are making headway with the caller and her boyfriend and that they won’t need to repel down after all.
----
Four stories below Buck and Eddie, Bobby and Hen have entered the apartment, Bobby sticking back and talking with the girlfriend, Ashley, trying to get more details that will help in their discussion with her boyfriend, Max. Hen, on the other hand, sets the medical bag down and head’s over to the balcony, sure to make her presence known so she doesn’t startle Max.
“Hi, Max right? My name is Hen, I’m with the LAFD. Ashley gave us a call because she’s really worried about you.” She takes a few steps forward, careful as she does, observing as Max stares out ahead, seemingly unphased by her appearance. “What’s going on, can you talk to me about it?” she says in a soft tone.
“Ashley is so much better than I will ever be, she deserves so much more than this life has given her, than I’ve given her,” Max says matter-of-factly. He’s not crying, he doesn’t seem upset, and he’s still, solid in his movements as he takes a step forward, glancing over the edge. “She’ll be better off without me weighing her down.”
“Why do you feel like you’re weighing her down?” Hen gently prods, not invalidating anything he’s saying but being watchful of the way he seems uninterested in changing his mind. Not uninterested, rather, steadfast in his opinion on the matter. What he saw as fact.
He chuckles, though there’s no light behind the smile, no joy to lilt and sing with the laughter, only hollow tones, “I have been a burden since I met her, so needy, consuming so much of her time, her energy, her light. She doesn’t need my darkness bringing her down,” Max replies.
“Have you talked to her about it?” Hen asks, chancing another step forward.
“She’s incredible, she would never admit to me what I already know, and that’s okay, I don’t need her to, I can see the pain I cause. I don’t want to make it harder for her, for her to have to decide anything. She’ll be okay without me.” Max says, as Ashley’s cries carry through the apartment, she’s absorbed in the conversation with Bobby, and Hen is grateful to be able to talk with Max without any other distractions.
“Cap we’re in position,” Bobby’s radio crackles to life with Eddie’s confirmation, “We’ve got the mat inflating, give me 1 minute to pull it into position,” Chimney adds.
Bobby continues engaging with Ashley, asking for details on Max’s medical history, if anything happened recently that would cause stress. She tearfully replies that there’s nothing she knows about, nothing she can think of, “He’s been suicidal before but not like this,” she adds. She’s already revealed to Bobby that he’s said his goodbyes to his family, she found out today, and he’s given her his mother’s favorite necklace. Given this and the way he’s behaving now, Bobby is confident they don’t have much time, that Max’s decision has already been made.
Bobby pulls the radio up to his mouth, engaging the button and giving the team the go-ahead, “Eddie, get into position and wait for my signal. Chimney, let me know when you’re ready.”
“Copy,” they both reply in tandem.
----
Buck is holding onto the rope, feeding it through the winch as Eddie begins his descent. Sure, he’s usually chomping at the bit to repel off the top of a building, but today he thinks his dizziness might get in the way. He’s grateful when Eddie makes the moves to descend, himself, before Buck even has a chance to ask. Eddie knows he can rely on Buck and Buck wants to make sure he doesn’t give him any reason to question that, so he focuses all of his energy on keeping his partner steady.
He can hear the back and forth of the 118 on his radio; getting into position, Bobby giving the command, and Eddie repelling with one final push to kick Max back into the apartment. Hen is quick to collaborate with Eddie to get Max stabilized and on a backboard, bringing him and Ashley out of the building and into the back of the ambulance.
All the while, Buck is pushing through and keeping steady, even as the sting in his stomach ramps up to what he would now classify as “painful’ rather than “uncomfortable,’ and he’s grateful when the call is complete that he has a few minutes to himself. He swallows the nausea that’s suddenly bombarded him and closes his eyes, willing the tilt of the world back on its axis, grateful that it does in short order. He starts to stand to get the tools and ropes back in order, and has to take another moment before slowly getting back to work. Eddie’s working with Hen to get the patient off to the hospital, but he’ll be back to assist soon, and Buck wants to avoid any excuses as to why he hasn’t been able to get everything ready to head back to the station.
Slowly but surely, he’s wrapping up the last of the rope as Eddie hustles over, grabbing the harnesses and winch, filling Buck in on the details of the call that he missed, adding “Sorry it took me a minute to come back, all good?” Buck nods, glad to be able to head back to the station and grab a few more Tylenol, hoping to hop into the bunks for a quick nap before anything else comes up.
Buck and Eddie re-join the team, carrying supplies and hoisting them back into the engine as Bobby wraps up with the rest of the team, commanding “Let’s head out!” to the team as they get everything together, hopping up into the cab, glad the outcome of the call went in their favor.