Chapter Text
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
Jamil knew exactly what he’d heard. He just hoped with everything in him that he hadn’t heard correctly.
Today had been so quiet. So perfectly, completely, and wonderfully quiet. Kalim had managed to wake himself up in time for class, so Jamil had been able to enjoy his morning at his own pace. Then, Azul had apparently come down with a cold, so his voice had been too hoarse to pester Jamil all day. And now, he was preparing what he knew would be a simple yet delicious dinner, the only noise in the Scarabia kitchen being that of the gentle falling of his knife on the cutting board as he chopped vegetables and the music coming from his headphones.
Until Kalim had ruined his otherwise perfect day by waltzing into the room.
And, unfortunately, the big, obnoxiously cheerful smile on Kalim’s face told Jamil he’d heard exactly what he’d thought he’d heard. “I signed up to be a judge for the upcoming Culinary Crucible course!”
Jamil put his knife down on the kitchen counter, lest he be tempted to turn the blade against Kalim once and for all. He needed a moment to calm himself, and that really said something considering all of the ridiculous things he’d put up with over the years.
“Kalim,” he began, his voice low and slow, “What am I doing right now?”
Kalim’s smile softened as he tilted his head. “Cooking?”
“Cooking what?”
“My dinner.”
Jamil frowned, feeling a bit like he was prompting a small child for answers. “And why am I cooking your dinner?”
“To make sure it’s safe!”
“That’s right. I cook your dinner every day. I cook all of your meals for you, in fact. It’s the easiest way to make sure you don’t get poisoned.”
He paused. Surely even Kalim could work out the implications of what he’d done.
Unsurprisingly, Kalim just looked back at him.
Jamil sighed. “Do you realize how unsafe judging Culinary Crucible dishes would be for you? All it takes is one person to act on behalf of one of the Asim family’s enemies.”
He felt his eye twitch when Kalim’s wide smile returned. “It’ll be fine! I know a couple of the people taking the course this time around.”
“Of course you do.”
“Yeah! We were talking about it at Pop Music Club the other day, and Lilia said he’s taking it soon! He’s the one who told me I should sign up to be a judge.”
This time, Jamil couldn’t temper his reaction. “Lilia?!”
“Mhmm! And I heard Jade Leech was going to be taking it too.”
“Jade Leech?!” Jamil grabbed Kalim by the shoulders. “Have you lost your mind?!”
To his astonishment, that absolute fool had the nerve to give him a perplexed look. “What do you mean?”
“Jade Leech is exactly that kind of man who would poison another person. Not even to kill them! Just for fun!”
“You think so? He seems like a nice, responsible guy to me. Azul wouldn’t choose someone who poisoned people to be his vice housewarden!”
“No, he’d choose someone far worse if given the option,” Jamil thought.
But that wasn’t the only issue at hand here. “And Lilia? Do you know how many times Lilia has taken that course?”
Kalim blinked. “You can take it more than one time?”
“Only if you fail it. And Lilia has done just that. Many times.”
Jamil finally let go of Kalim, and Kalim folded his arms as he processed all of that. “That’s weird. I mean, he brings some quirky snacks to club meetings, but he’s said he cooks for Silver and Sebek sometimes!” Kalim’s eyes widened with realization. “I do kind of remember Silver talking about Lilia’s cooking one time, though…”
On the one hand, Jamil couldn’t believe this was happening. Jade’s participation was one thing. As Jamil had told Kalim, Jade absolutely would tamper with a person’s food if given the opportunity (and if he thought the outcome would be “amusing”). Many saw him as the mild-mannered vice housewarden of Octavinelle, but Jamil knew better than that.
Lilia was an entirely different problem. Part of him couldn’t imagine how Kalim could be such good friends with Lilia and not know about his horrendous cooking. Of course, Lilia likely wasn’t aware of his own culinary crimes, so he probably didn’t believe he had issues in the kitchen. But Kalim was also close to Silver, and Silver absolutely was not ignorant to Lilia’s culinary shortcomings. How had that never come up in a conversation between the two of them?
Jamil rubbed his eyes. How was he going to get Kalim out of this situation?
But then, an idea came to him. A twisted idea to rival the Sorcerer of the Sand’s cunning.
“Well, there’s only one thing you can do now,” Jamil said, finally picking his knife back up to resume dinner preparations.
“Withdraw?”
Jamil chuckled darkly. “No, you’ve committed to this. You have to see it through.”
He couldn’t help but feel even more satisfied as he listened to Kalim stammer. “B-But! You said it was too dangerous!”
“It is.” Jamil glanced up at Kalim with a smirk. “Which is why I’ll be going with you.”
“Huh?”
He finished dicing the onion he’d been working on before Kalim interrupted and put his knife down again. “I’ll go with you, but I won’t be going as a judge. I’ll just ensure that your samples are safe to eat and let you do the rest. Understood?”
To Jamil’s delight, Kalim looked at the floor and gave a meek nod. “Yeah. Thanks, Jamil.”
Jamil chuckled again as Kalim trudged out of the room, leaving him once again in blissful silence. He’d concede that this plan wasn’t exactly convenient. He’d have to taste a great many unappealing dishes, and he’d be giving up a Saturday to do so.
But he knew it would be time well spent.