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As much as Oliver hated monitor duty, it sucked way less when he was scheduled with his friends. He and Hal were currently dying of laughter, listening to Barry’s unfortunate tale.
“I love that you were so willing to just roll with the punches,” Hal managed through his laugh.
“What else was I supposed to do?” Barry asked. “It’s not like anyone would give me a straight answer! I was doing my best.”
“You’re best was clearly not very good,” Oliver responded, tears still in his eyes.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Barry grumbled. “As if that whole thing wasn’t bad enough, Robin keeps trying to stab me as ‘retribution for my disgusting assumption.’ This whole thing could have been a non-issue if Batman had just answered my question with a normal response.”
“This whole thing could have been avoided if you had just talked to your kid,” Oliver quipped back.
“Oooh that’s rich coming from you, Ollie. Is Roy talking to you again, or is he still avoiding your calls?” Hal joked.
Oliver glared at him. “It’s a work in progress.”
“I saw Roy a few days ago!” Barry interjected, excited to not be the butt of the joke anymore. “I was meeting some of Nightwing’s siblings; apparently, Roy is dating one of them.”
“Roy’s dating a Bat?” Oliver asked, bewildered. “This is the first I’m hearing about that.”
“Yeah, it’s Red something.”
“You don’t even know his name?”
“Do you know how many of them there are? I think I’ve met four siblings so far, and I still haven’t met them all. Apparently there’s ‘family friends who basically count’ too, so I’m nowhere near having met all of Wally’s future in-laws. And they all use nicknames! So excuse me for not being able to keep track of everyone’s name.”
“Where do you think the bats come from?” Hal interjected, changing the topic. “Like, we know they’re Batman’s kids, but like, are they his biologically? Adopted? Kidnapped and turned vigilante via Stockholm Syndrome? And do you think they all have been Robin?”
As the three got caught up in the debate of where the bats came from and how many Robins there had been, the thought of Roy’s partner drifted from Oliver’s mind.
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The thought came back into Oliver’s mind as Saturday rolled around. Even when Oliver and Roy weren’t on speaking terms, Roy made it a point to let Lian see her grandparents (and by god, did being a grandfather already make Oliver feel old). She was coming over the next day, and Oliver figured it would be a good chance—in that Roy would be present and not outright angry in front of Lian— to talk.
“Hey Dinah, have you talked to Roy recently?” Oliver asked, trying to see if she knew about the dating situation.
“Not much, unfortunately. He’s been pretty busy between missions and Lian.”
Hmm, so no more insight from Roy’s end. Maybe the Bat angle could get him somewhere?
“Do you know any bats with ‘Red’ in their name?”
Dinah gave him a weird look at the sudden topic change. “The only one I know is Red Robin. He leads the Teen Titans, I think. But there are so many heroes with ‘Red’ in their name, and with what I’ve heard about Batman’s proclivity for acquiring children, I wouldn’t be shocked if some of them were also a bat. What’s this about?”
“Barry was telling Hal and me a story about meeting Nightwing’s siblings, but he couldn’t remember their name. I was curious.” Oliver avoided the part about a potential partner, knowing Dinah didn’t approve of him digging into Roy’s life instead of trying to fix their relationship.
“I’m sure Barry is having a great time meeting them,” Dinah laughed. “I heard one of the kids on a younger team call them all the ‘Batfamily,’ which is simultaneously so cute and not nearly chaotic enough for any of the stories I’ve heard.”
She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left for work, leaving him to look into the new information he had. Dinah had said he was on the Teen Titans. Technically, eighteen and nineteen were both “teen,” and it’s not like someone would get kicked out of the team just because they turned twenty, especially if they were the leader. He searched “Red Robin,” interested to see what would come up. Clicking on the first image, he froze; there was no way this kid was eighteen. Scrolling through the few pictures there were, he looked maybe fourteen, max sixteen. Definitely not an adult, even by a technicality, and definitely too young for Roy.
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When Roy came by the next morning to drop off Lian, Oliver made a point to pull him aside and talk to him. Surprisingly, Roy didn’t argue; maybe Dinah’s advice had been working and their relationship was getting better. The lack of resistance gave him a boost of confidence as he began.
“Look, I know we don’t talk much, especially about your personal life, but I heard you were dating one of the bats,” Oliver started, still not entirely sure how he wanted to broach the subject.
“Yeah, I am. He makes me really happy,” Roy said in a shocking display of honesty.
“I’m glad that’s working out for you, I just…” Oliver hesitated, not wanting to ruin the rare moment of civility the two had. “Isn’t he a little young?”
“Ugh, not you too,” Roy sounded frustrated, rubbing his face with his hand. “Nightwing already had a conniption when he found out I was dating his little brother, and it took us months for him to get over that. I really don’t want to deal with this again.”
If Oliver wasn’t concerned before, he was now. How long had Roy been with this kid? Red Robin looked like he was barely halfway through high school, and that was in the most current pictures he found; how young was he when they got together?
“How long have you two been together?” he asked, not sure that he wanted the answer.
“A little over a year. I know he’s younger than me, but really, Oliver, it’s not that big of a deal. Besides, Lian loves him. He’s good to her, to both of us.”
Oliver should have come into this conversation with a plan. Winging it was not a great idea to begin with, but now? What was he supposed to say to that? Roy had been dating a kid for a year and having him parent Lian. He didn’t know where to start. Was “you shouldn’t be dating a fourteen-year-old” less controversial than “you shouldn’t have a fourteen-year-old co-parent your daughter”? Unfortunately, before he was able to figure it out, Roy made a move to leave.
“We can talk more about this later if you really want, but I would rather we don’t. I do have to go though, I have a mission with the Outlaws that we planned specifically because you guys have Lian today. Thanks again for taking her.”
He took off, giving a quick hug to Lian and Dinah on the way out, and left Oliver alone with his thoughts. That was both much more pleasant than he expected and much less effective than he had hoped. Even if Roy didn’t want to talk about it, he knew the situation needed to be addressed, but this time he needed a plan. Some extra information couldn’t hurt, either.
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Oliver wanted to talk to Lian, since Roy said Red was involved with raising her, but that was going to have to wait since Dinah had planned something special for just the two of them that morning. Since he had nothing to do, he put on his Green Arrow suit and headed for the Zeta tubes, hoping that someone in the hero community could give him more information or any advice.
Once he got to the Watchtower, he began wandering to see who else was there. According to the schedule, Shayera and J’onn were on monitor duty. While J’onn may have known something, he wasn’t big on gossiping, and he and Shayera weren’t always the best with human relationships, so Oliver didn’t seek either of them out.
In a stroke of luck, the first person Oliver found was Batman himself, who looked like he was updating the computer systems. He knew Batman was overprotective of his little batclan, so there was no way he was okay with one of his literal kids dating an adult! Roy had said they had been together for a year, so it was surprising that the Bat didn’t know and hadn’t put a stop to it, but maybe they already knew it was wrong and were actively hiding it from him. Either way, Oliver figured that, as scary as Batman could be, this was his best bet to get answers and potentially even a partner in his attempt to break up the inappropriate couple.
“Hey, Batman, are you busy? I need to talk to you.”
“Hn,” Batman grunted. “I can talk while this finishes, but I need to leave once it’s done.”
“So I recently heard from Barry that our kids were dating—” Oliver started, only to get cut off.
“You are just now hearing about this? They’ve been together for over a year, Oliver. I know I am not a perfect dad, but how do you not know about your own son’s life? I have more kids than I can keep track of and I still make an effort to be up to date about their lives, even when our relationship is strained. And Roy had mentioned your relationship was getting better, why did you hear about this from Barry instead of Roy himself?”
Oliver didn’t know what surprised him most: the fact that Batman was criticizing him as a father, the fact that Roy had said their relationship was improving, or the fact that Batman was somehow okay with his maybe fifteen-year-old kid dating someone in their twenties.
“I’m working on it, but that’s not the point. If I need parenting advice, I’ll go to Dinah, thanks. Going back to their relationship, you’re okay with this?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve watched Roy grow up with Nightwing—he’s a good man. And he’s a great father to Lian; the two of them have been a good influence on my son. Unless—” at this, Batman noticeably frowned in a surprising display of emotion, “the problem you have with their relationship is my son? I know he has made some mistakes and has a bit of a reputation, but he is a good person. Roy and Lian are lucky to have him in their lives.”
Batman was glaring at him at this point. Oliver really was not prepared for how shocking one conversation with Batman would be; he wasn’t aware the man could make normal facial expressions, and somehow, they were worse than his usual stoicism.
In a desperate attempt to get the Batglare off of him, Oliver quickly backed up. “No, no, I don’t have any problems with your kid. I just wanted more information.”
“Well, then talk to Roy,” Batman said, finishing up his updates with a few final keystrokes and swiftly exiting the room.
Well, fuck. That did not go as expected, at all. Not only did Oliver not get more information, he also did not get a partner in his mission.
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Oliver went home, no closer to coming up with a plan. Dinah and Lian had returned, so at least he could try to find out more from Lian.
“Hi Li, did you have fun with grandma?”
“Yeah! We went to a place that had sooo many cats! Like six! I petted so many soft cats and one took a nap on me! And grandma got me hot chocolate!”
Oliver smiled, she was adorable.
“I’m glad you had a good time at the cat café. Have you gone before with your dad?”
“No, daddy doesn’t really like cats. But Uncle Robin has a cat, so I get to play with him whenever I see him!”
“That’s pretty cool. Your dad mentioned he was seeing someone. Do you like him?”
“Yeah, he’s the bestest! He lets me sit on his shoulders and plays hide and seek with me in the Batcave! And he can cook much better than daddy so our food is a lot yummier when he’s there. Oh! And he got me a bow and arrows, just like yours and daddy’s! Let me go get them, you can teach me!”
Oh god, please let them be a toy archery set. He had no clue how he could explain to Dinah why he was letting a five-year-old near actual weapons, even if he wasn’t the one who gave them to her.
She ran back with her bow and arrows, and Oliver let out a sigh of relief at the sight of what was clearly a toy, the arrow heads replaced with little suction cups. At least the teenager helping raise her was smart enough to not give her a real weapon.
“Can I ask some more questions about your dad’s partner before we do this?”
“No questions! I wanna do the archery like you and daddy! Why can’t we play? Grandpa Batman always plays with me!”
Refusing to be outdone in the previously unknown competition for favorite grandpa, Oliver decided that he wasn’t going to learn anything new and instead spent the rest of the afternoon teaching Lian how to shoot.
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Roy’s mission ended up running late, so Lian was staying the night. Once they put her to sleep, Oliver figured he should have a proper conversation with Dinah about the situation. As it happened, he didn’t even have to bring it up.
“I saw you and Roy had a conversation this morning! It seemed to go well, I’m happy you two are talking again.”
“Yeah, me too. I found out he had a boyfriend from Barry, so I was just asking him about that.”
“Oh, you didn’t know about that? I met him a while ago; he came to pick up Lian when Roy got hurt on a mission. He’s really sweet—I think he’s a good influence on Roy. And Lian adores him, which is wonderful. She should have more people in her life to support and care for her. We should have them all over for dinner sometime, so you can meet him, too. Lian mentioned he has some siblings, so maybe we can meet his family as well.”
Oliver was confused. Sure, Roy was hard to predict and harder to talk to. Barely anyone could read Batman, and deciphering him was nearly impossible for anyone that wasn’t Superman or Nightwing. But Dinah? He knew Dinah. He knew her well, he knew how she reacted and how she communicated, so this response blindsided him more than any of the other conversations from that day. And what did she mean by “meet his siblings”? They’ve already met Robin and Nightwing. Barry had said there were more, so maybe she meant the rest of them?
“You’re okay with their relationship?” he asked, clearly incredulous.
Dinah gave him a look. “Ollie, stay out of it. They’re good for each other, don’t ruin this. Roy is happy, and if you try to intervene you’re going to push him even further away. You’ve just started to talk civilly, do you want him to stop talking to you altogether? Whatever judgments you have about his boyfriend or their relationship, you need to keep them to yourself.”
With that, she headed to bed, leaving Oliver alone and confused as hell.
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Against his better judgment, he dropped it. He was really not okay with Roy being with a kid, but if everyone else had no problem with it, what was he supposed to do? His best bet was to wait until his relationship with Roy got a little better, and hopefully he could bring it up again.
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Alien invasions were the worst. Threats had become bigger over the years, and sometimes the Justice League wasn’t enough. This invasion happened to be one such threat, so the JL was joined by a smattering of other hero teams. Roy was here, with his fellow Outlaws, and Oliver had seen Superboy, so he was fairly certain the Teen Titans were helping too.
When the aliens were finally handled, Oliver went in search of Roy. He had seen him take a hit earlier, and he wasn’t quite able to shake his concern. He found Dinah on the way, and they headed off to the last place he had seen him. He saw one of Roy’s teammates, honestly he couldn’t remember his name at this point, fussing over him and hurried over.
“Hood, I’m fine. Stop worrying so much,” Roy grumbled, looking annoyed at the care.
“You should let Red Hood take you to the medbay, Arsenal,” Dinah said, looking concerned.
“See babe, you’re making them worry over nothing! Stop fussing,” Roy argued with the man in red.
Wait. He said “babe.” To his teammate. Who was not Red Robin.
“OH!” Oliver exclaimed. “That’s the ‘Red’ you’re dating!”
Heads turned to him, staring blankly.
Roy was the first to break the silence. “What do you mean ‘oh’? Who else would it be?”
Oliver’s cheeks turned red with embarrassment. To make it worse, his exclamation had drawn the attention of a few other heroes who had made their way over to the little group.
“I thought it was Red Robin.”
He was hit with more incredulous stares and one very loud “EW!”.
“That’s gross as hell,” came from Red Robin himself. “No offense, Arsenal, but you’re super old.”
“None taken, you’re like twelve.”
“I’m seventeen!”
Oliver would not have guessed that.
“Yeah, so like twelve. Back to the point, you thought I was dating a teenager? That’s bad enough, but a teenager that everyone knows is dating Superboy?” Roy sounded both pissed and disgusted.
“Well… I actually didn’t know he was dating Superboy. And I tried to talk to you about it, so how is this my fault?”
“You just said my boyfriend was young! And he is younger than me, but he isn’t a literal child!”
“He’s still too young,” Nightwing grumbled.
“We aren’t starting this again, Dickwing,” Hood snarked back.
“What could possibly make you think I was with Red Robin?” Roy asked, directing the conversation away from the overprotective big brother.
“Well I heard from the Flash that you were with one of Nightwing’s siblings, and he forgot their name, just that it had ‘Red’ in it. I didn’t know Red Hood was a bat, so the only ‘Red’ that I knew was a bat was Red Robin. So yeah, I thought you were dating Red Robin, a teenager, which is why I was so upset about it. But now I see that you’re with the Red Hood, so you’re not dating a kid and everything is fine.”
Roy stared at him, not saying anything, so Oliver continued.
“Look, it’s not that I thought badly about you, but I was just concerned! As a dad! And now I know you’re dating an adult, which is so much—” Oliver paused, finally considering the situation. “Hold on, you’re dating a crime lord? You’re letting a crime lord help raise my granddaughter?!”
“Ex-crime lord,” Hood supplied.
“That doesn’t make it better,” Oliver replied, still trying to process this new information.
“Well, either way I’m in the kid’s life. And nothing you do is going to get me to leave Arsenal. So I’m gonna leave you with the midlife crisis that you’re clearly having and take him up to the medbay to get checked out.” With that, Hood left, helping Roy over to the nearest Zeta tube.
“I think you should worry more about the fact that your granddaughter’s grandfather is an idiot,” Red Robin piped up. “You know, instead of worrying about Hood’s crime lording. And Hood’s great with kids, he would never do anything violent in front of her unless it was the only way to keep her safe. The stupidity could be contagious though, so you might want to work on that.”
The crowd dispersed after that, with only a few snickers.
Oliver looked over at Dinah.
“Don’t look at me. I thought you were upset about him being an ex-crime lord. Either way, I told you not to get involved.”
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Oliver had been wrong. Monitor duty was not better with friends. It was so, so much worse. Maybe he needed new friends.
Instead of laughing at Barry’s misfortune, Hal and Barry were keeled over with tears in their eyes at Oliver’s expense.
“You know, when this isn’t happening to me, it’s hilarious,” Barry said through his laughter.
“I hate you so much right now. This is definitely your fault,” Oliver grumbled.
“My fault?! No sir, this was all your doing. I got the world’s vaguest answers, so my mistake was completely reasonable,” Barry argued. “Batman wasn't even cryptic with you! You just needed to ask one person what Roy’s boyfriend’s name was.”
“Yeah, what was it you had said? ‘This whole thing could have been avoided if you had just talked to your kid,’ right, Ollie?” Hal joked, throwing Oliver’s words back in his face.
“You two are the worst. It’s bad enough that Batman keeps glaring at me since I insulted his kid, I don’t need to be bullied by my friends too.”
“Don’t worry!” Barry said brightly. “Once you hear what the kids on the Teen Titans were saying about this, our joking won’t feel like bullying at all!”