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~♡♡♡~
After Windrixville
~♡♡♡~
It had been a long time since he last saw Darry so happy and relaxed. Seeing him smile and laugh made him feel good, and it looked good on him, too. Lord knew that his brother deserved it. Ponyboy was happy to see him happy at last, and he knew who to thank.
For the past three or four months, Darry had been dating some girl ‐ he's pretty sure her name is Rachel - and it was like a switch had been flipped. Sure, Darry was still a workaholic and a worry wort, but he was happy. His cool, collected countenance only ever reared its head when there was a fight or whenever someone got hurt. The change had been immediate and obvious, and the whole gang noticed.
And by noticed, he meant that they tormented Darry relentlessly.
"When're we meetin' your girl, Superman?" Two-Bit grinned at him. "I wanna see how hot she is."
"Just for that, you're waitin' a while, Keith," Darry stated matter of factly.
"She fat or ugly? Is that why you're hidin' her?" Dally chimed in, cigarette dangling from his mouth.
"Nothin' like that, Dally. Hell," Darry replied. "We've only been together a little while. I'm not hidin' her. It's too soon."
"You're just scared she'll fall for one of us and dump you, " Steve added while rummaging through the fridge. At that, Darry snorted.
"Any girl willin' to be with you isn't worth datin'," he teased, a smirk on his face.
"Ouch. Even I felt that, " Two-Bit hissed in mock pain, earning him a glare from Steve.
"We ain't talkin' 'bout me!"
"Who're we talkin' about now?" Sodapop asked as he waltzed out of the bathroom, buckling his belt.
"Darry's girlfriend," Dally answered.
"Oh, yeah! When do we get to meet her, Darry?" Soda asked, eyes bright with excitement. Darry sighed.
"You're not gonna let this drop, are ya?"
"Fuck no!" Two-Bit hollered, but when Darry shot him a look he changed it to, "I mean, heck no!"
"I've heard worse, Dare," Ponyboy pointed out, not even bothering to look up from his book. He and Johnny were sitting together on the couch.
"I know, and I don't care. You're still a kid," Darry grumbled half-heartedly.
"I'm sixteen," he said.
"But not eighteen," Darry countered.
"And therefore, you're not legally allowed to swear like us adults," Soda teased as he ruffled Pony's hair.
"Are you ashamed of us, Darry?" Johnny asked quietly, looking at the eldest Curtis brother with his dark eyes. Darry's expression softened.
"Naw, it's nothin' like that. I just... don't want anyone getting attached if things don't work out," Darry explained. At that, Dally slung an arm across his shoulders.
"Darrel Shaynne Curtis Junior, you better listen because I'm only gonna say this once," Dally said, not giving a single damn about the look his friend was giving him. "Ain't no damn body in this gang is gonna get attached to your girl's pussy but you."
With a pat of the arm, he pulled away, lit his cigarette, and meandered out onto the porch. Soda and Two-Bit immediately erupted in laughter. Steve was howling like a damn monkey, and even Johnny and Ponyboy were giggling. Hearing so much laughter in their house was a blessing. Pony didn't want it to end.
Later that night, after dinner, whenever everyone else had left, Darry talked to Soda and him.
"D'you two wanna meet her?" he asked, sounding unsure and self-conscious.
"'Course we do, Dare-Bear," Soda said. "But only if you're ready and comfortable with it. Don't pay the guys any mind. Y'know they just love teasin'."
"I do, but I'd still like my brothers' opinions," Darry replied before his gaze turned to Pony. "What about you, Ponyboy?"
"I'm fine with whatever you're fine with, Darry," he answered honestly. "It's just nice seein' you so happy."
Surprise flashed in his brother's eyes, followed by something Pony couldn't identify. But he didn't think it was bad. Or rather, he hoped it wasn't.
"That means a lot, Pony. Thank you," Darry spoke softly, tenderness evident in his voice. "I'll talk to her and see what she says."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Soda said, clapping his hands together as a smile spread across his face.
~♡♡♡~
Two weeks later, Ponyboy and Sodapop were doing their best to clean the house and make it look spotless. Well, as spotless as it could get, and really, Pony was doing most of the work. Whenever Soda would find something he'd lost or hadn't seen on a while, he'd play with it and completely forget what he had been working on. Truth be told, the sixteen year old didn't mind; hearing and seeing such excitement and glee over finding a long-lost shirt or magazine made him feel good. And since he didn't have a job, Pony figured it was only fair that he did most of the cleaning.
"What're we gonna make for dinner tonight, Ponyboy?" Soda asked. "It's gotta be somethin' real good. We don't wanna scare Darry's girl off."
"Why not make Mom's meatloaf? Everyone loves that, and I make it real good," was his suggestion. A smile brighter than any star in the night sky appeared on Soda's face.
"You're so damn right, Pone!" He pulled his younger brother into a hug, ruffling his greasy hair. "And we can make mac n cheese with it!"
"And maybe some green beans," Pony added, looking thoughtful.
"Darry's girl is gonna be so impressed by our cookin' skills," Soda said as he bounced into the kitchen.
"I hope I don't embarrass him," Ponyboy admitted. Soda frowned at him.
"Darry's never been embarrassed by you before. He loves you dearly," Soda insisted.
"I know he does, but I say and do stuff a lot without thinkin'," Ponyboy replied. "He's happy and I don't wanna ruin that for him."
"You won't!" Soda exclaimed. "Everything will go just fine. Stop worryin' so much."
Sodapop did most of the talking while they worked on making dinner. Darry was probably on his way home by now. He might hop in the shower and make himself presentable for his girlfriend. Despite Soda's reassurances, Pony was nervous, and something just felt... off. In reality, it was most likely his nerves getting the best of him.
Just as he was putting the meatloaf in the oven, the door opened and Darry stepped in. As he hung up his tool belt and took off his shoes, he looked around at the house.
"You guys did a great job cleaning up," he told them, a grateful smile on his face. "Where's the gang?"
"Thanks! We did do a pretty damn good job, didn't we Ponyboy?" Sodapop smiled at him. "I told the gang to stay away unless it's an emergency."
"Why?"
"We figured you'd prefer it to just be us tonight," Pony answered.
"Thanks. I appreciate it," Darry said as he walked through the living room and into the kitchen. After ruffling both his and Soda's hair, Darry looked around. "Do you two have this covered, or do you need me?"
"Please, Darry, Pone and I have everything under control. Now go take a shower 'cause you stink somethin' awful," Soda teased him. Darry lightly pushed his shoulder.
"Yeah, yeah. Don't start," Darry muttered as he made his way to the bathroom.
Now, all they had left to do was wait. With it being Saturday, Pony had already finished his homework, and as he didn't want the meatloaf to burn, he sat down at the table and read. In what seemed like no time at all, dinner was ready, Darry was dressed, and the table was being set. His nerves hadn't calmed down at all, but he was trying to be cool. Ponyboy was bringing the meatloaf over to the table when a knock came at the door.
"You're lookin' good, Darry," Sodapop encouraged him with a smile and a thumbs up.
"Thanks, little buddy," Darry replied. Looking nervous himself, he opened the door.
She had light brown hair and eyes and wore a purple sweater with a light blue skirt. Ponyboy supposed that she was pretty enough, but he had classmates who were prettier. Upon seeing Darry, she smiled.
"Come on in. Dinner's ready," Darry said.
"Thank you," she said. "These are your brothers?"
"Yes. That there's Sodapop," Darry replied, pointing at him.
"Nice to meetcha," Soda gushed, all smiles as he stood up. "Golly, you are pretty."
"Aw, thank you," she said with a light blush.
"And that's Ponyboy," Darry continued as he ushered her into the kitchen. "This is Rachel."
"It's nice to meet you, Rachel," Ponyboy said, giving her a shy smile.
"Same, Ponyboy," Rachel replied with a smile.
Was it his nerves, or did she seem to not like him nearly as much as Soda?
Dinner went well enough. There were awkward moments, but thankfully, Pony didn't do much of the talking. His brothers and Rachel led the conversation, and he only had to speak whenever Darry talked about his grades and stuff. Rachel didn't seem nearly as interested about his life as she was by Soda's and Darry's. Which was fine; he wasn't all that interesting anyway.
Once dinner was done and over, Soda helped clear the table before he left to meet up with Steve; they were taking their girls out. Darry excused himself to the bathroom, leaving only Rachel and Ponyboy behind. He started doing the dishes, letting the running water fill the awkward silence.
"Did you make the meatloaf, Ponyboy?" Rachel asked. "Soda mentioned it's your mother's recipe."
"Oh, uh, yeah, I did," he said, feeling too noticed, too seen.
"Then it must be the way you made it and not her actual recipe that's the issue," she contemplated aloud. Pony's movements froze, the color draining from his face.
"What...?"
Before anything else could be said, Darry came back. He smiled at Rachel, and any thought Ponyboy had about her comment left his mind. It was probably just a one-off thing. Nothing to be worried or stressed about. That had to be it. If he kept telling himself that, he'd eventually believe it, right?
And that's how it all started...
~♡♡♡~
"She seems nice," Johnny said to Ponyboy as they sat out on the porch smoking. Cigarette smoke bothered Rachel, so it was banned from inside the house.
"I guess. She makes Darry happy," Ponyboy mumbled in reply.
It had been a few weeks since she first came over, and Rachel was coming around more. After meeting the gang and hardly batting an eye at their comments and antics, Darry deemed it okay for her to come around more often, as long as she was comfortable. Thankfully, there was always someone around, so Ponyboy hadn't been left alone with her since that first night. He hadn't told anyone about what she said. They'd probably tell him to tuff it out, or say that he was being a baby or something like that.
"She gets along with everyone okay," Johnny continued. He'd been carrying most of the conversation.
"Yeah," was all he could think to offer. Every time she'd been around, he kept thinking about what she'd said.
'Then it must be the way you made it and not her actual recipe that's the issue.'
Such simple, innocent seeming words, so why did they make him feel so bad? He'd started cooking more since coming home from Windrixville, and Soda and Darry were always telling him that he was getting better. Their mom's meatloaf was the best thing he'd learn how to make since he started, so Rachel implying that it wasn't good just threw him for a loop. Especially considering that Darry had told him several times that he thought Pony's was actually better than the one their mom used to make.
"I can hear you thinkin', Pone," Johnny's voice pulled him out of his own head. "What's wrong?"
"Oh, sorry, Johnny. I've just got a lot on my mind," he said in an attempt to reassure his best friend. He even flashed him a brief smile.
"Is there anything I can help you with? You know I've got your back," Johnny pressed, concern written on his face.
"Nah, it's nothin' serious," Pony told him with a shake of his head. "Just my mind runnin' a mile a minute."
He took a drag of his cigarette. Johnny's dark eyes watched him, blatantly observing, his own mind thinking. They'd always been best friends, but they'd gotten even closer since Windrixville. Johnny had managed to escape the burning church before getting too hurt, receiving only burns that scarred. Saving those kids had made him a hero, and Ponyboy was certain that had helped rule the trial in his favor. Self-defense, even the Socs agreed on that. Two years later, he was in a much better place. Both of them were.
"You know you can talk to me, Ponyboy. I'll always be in your corner," Johnny added.
"I know that. I love you too, Johnnycakes," Pony answered with a smile and a nudge with his shoulder.
With a blush, Johnny muttered, "I never said I loved ya."
"You didn't have to."
Just then, the door opened, and Rachel stepped outside. She looked to be in good spirits; just a bit flustered, maybe.
"If that Dallas Winston keeps it up, Steve will jump him," she sighed with a shake of her head.
"Oh, no, what's Dally doin'?" Johnny inquired as he stood up.
"Cheating. So is Steve, but they're both accusing and riling each other up," Rachel replied. They'd been playing poker with Two-Bit and Soda all evening.
"Jesus, Dally," Johnny grumbled before heading inside, leaving Ponyboy alone with Rachel.
"Smoking again, Ponyboy?" she asked, looking at him with disapproval on her face. "You know Darry doesn't like it when you smoke."
"I've been cuttin' back," he said quietly in defense.
"You should quit altogether. That'd lessen his disappointment in you," she scolded him, hands on her hips. Hearing that caused his body to tense.
"Darry's... disappointed... in me?" he questioned, his voice sounding small and childlike.
"Yes? How could you not know? It's obvious," Rachel told him. "It weighs heavy on him, y'know. You shouldn't be so selfish."
With a sigh and a shake of her head, Rachel went back inside, leaving him all alone. Frowning deeply, Pony looked at his half smoked cigarette and then put it out. Things had gotten better between him and Darry since Sodapop ran out on them that night not long after Windrixville. They argued less, and whenever they didn't see eye to eye, they'd talk about it. It'd been nice to be able to just talk to Darry like a brother and he'd thought they were finally getting closer. Had he been wrong? Had Darry just been watching his every move and quietly condemning him for every choice he made?
Pulling his knees up to his chest, Ponyboy gazed out into the dark of the night, feeling alone for the first time in two years.
~♡♡♡~
Everything he did was wrong these days. The way he walked, talked, dressed, acted, and even how he read. Rachel was always pointing out his flaws, scrutinizing them, and making him feel like he was constantly under a microscope. Of course, she only did it when it was just the two of them. Can't have any witnesses to her cruelty. Months had passed, and Ponyboy hadn't told anyone about it. Who would believe him? More importantly, Darry was finally happy, and that meant more to Pony than his own life.
"Why are you wearing that? You look worse than any bum I've ever seen."
"It's an easy subject. How could you not get an A+? Aren't you supposed to be a smart kid?"
"You talk too much."
"Your brothers work so hard to provide for you and you can't even express a smidgen of gratitude?"
"You're sixteen and yet you still look like you're fourteen. It's pathetic."
"If you can't even clean a table, what good are you?"
"Why is this room always filthy? What do you do with all of your time?"
"I can't believe you're reading again. Don't you ever make yourself useful?"
He could take her mean words. He had to. For the first time since their folks had died, Darry was genuinely happy, and Ponyboy couldn't take that away from him; he didn't want to. Besides, Rachel wasn't wrong with what she'd been saying. Darry and Sodapop both worked so hard, and what did he do to show his appreciation? How did he contribute. When he first turned sixteen, he'd gotten a job, but Darry had told him that if his grades suffered, he was to quit. Extra money was always welcome and needed, but it was his grades that'd get him somewhere. Nothing was worth risking that. So, he did what Darry told him. On occasion, he'd still do odd jobs here and there so he didn't have to bum money off of anyone, but he focused as much as he could on school.
Was he not doing enough? His grades were the best they'd ever been. Even Darry was proud of him. Or at least, he'd thought Darry was. According to Rachel, he wasn't. Ponyboy thought his relationship with Darry had greatly improved; could he have been wrong? Maybe Darry had hated him this whole time. Was Pony only still around because of Soda? Because Soda didn't want him gone?
From his room, he could hear the door open and close normally. Not being banged around like the gang always did. Did that mean...?
"Working hard, I hope, Ponyboy," came Rachel's voice from the doorway.
"T-tryin' too," Pony said, not looking up from his paper. His hand was trembling so badly that he nearly dropped his pencil.
"What are you working on?" she asked as she came closer.
"Uh, history."
Once at the desk, she leaned over slightly to read his worksheet. Her eyes read over the front page and narrowed when she'd finished.
"I just started," Pony explained weakly.
"Do they not teach you anything, or do you just not pay attention in class?" Rachel harshly inquired.
"What... what do you mean?"
"Question two is wrong. The invasion of Poland didn't begin until 12:40 pm on August 31, 1939," she stated.
When he looked down at his paper, Pony realized he'd written the wrong date. A simple enough mistake.
"My mistake," he muttered.
"Pay better attention next time," she scolded.
"I didn't do it on purpose," he began. A sharp slap to the face ceased any further objections on his part.
"Don't talk back to me, Ponyboy Michael Curtis," Rachel seethed at him. "Do better."
With that, she left the room, and then the house. Ponyboy sat there at the desk, eyes wide with shock, and a hand gently pressed against his reddening cheek.
~♡♡♡~
"You do realize that you don't have any real friends, right?" Rachel asked him one day before Darry had come home from work.
Pony was finishing up his homework. Two-Bit, Steve, and Soda were hanging outside, mostly because Two-Bit was smoking. Dally and Johnny weren't there, probably at Merrill's or somewhere else. Upon hearing her voice, he stopped writing his essay and turned to look at her, credulity clear in his expression.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"The gang. They're not really your friends. Steve and Sodapop are best friends. Two-Bit is friends with your brothers, Steve and Johnny," she explained as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Johnny doesn't really have a home, so he just drifts around, usually following Dallas. And Dallas does whatever he wants whenever he wants, and he only really cares about Johnny.
"And then there's you. Sure, Johnny talks to you, but that's more out of sympathy than anything else, really. To the gang, you're just the kid brother, the tag-a-long. They only put up with you because of your brothers," Rachel concluded.
Tears threatened to tumble down his cheeks and he had to fight to keep them at bay. Ponyboy had always thought that he was just the runt of the gang, someone who was tolerated but not accepted. He'd been trying to push back such beliefs the past two years, but it seemed as though he hadn't been successful. And if someone who hadn't even been around for very long could see that, then he'd been fooling himself. He didn't even realize he was trembling until tears dropped onto his hands.
"Aw, poor baby," Rachel cooed mockingly.
She approached him and put a hand on his head. Ponyboy immediately tensed, unsure of what to expect with her. For a brief moment, she petted him gently before her fingers gripped his hair tightly and forced his head up. Her face was mere inches away from his, and he could see the loathing and disgust she had for him burning in her eyes.
"Did you honestly think anyone could love someone like you?" she hissed. "Do you think anyone would care about a brat like you?"
When he didn't answer her, she pulled his hair hard. "I asked you a question, Ponyboy."
"N-no, R-Rachel. I don't... I don't think anyone could ever l-love me," he whimpered.
"I'm glad you agree," she said before releasing him. After wiping her hands on a discarded jacket, she scowled down at him. "It's pathetic watching you cry. Straighten yourself up. You don't want to worry Darry, do you?"
"N-no," he barely croaked out, his voice small and quiet.
"Good boy."
She left, leaving him wracked with pain and sorrow.
~♡♡♡~
Something was wrong with Ponyboy. Anyone with eyes could see that. He'd become withdrawn, quiet, barely ever speaking, and he hardly ate anything anymore. Pony had always been quiet enough, but he'd at least laugh and joke with Soda and Two-Bit. Now, he rarely cracked a smile, and if he did, it never reached his eyes. Yes, his grades were good - better than they'd ever been - but he was drifting away from them.
From him.
And Darry didn't like that. They'd just started making progress and mending their relationship the past few years. Watching his baby brother become a mere shadow of himself was breaking his heart. Even physical contact was off-limits, something that was crushing Sodapop's heart and soul. Whenever someone would move suddenly or reach out to him, Pony would flinch and shy away, body trembling.
"You know I'm not gonna hurt ya, honey," Soda told Ponyboy, looking like he was on the verge of tears after the younger dodged yet another hug.
"I-I know that, Soda," Pony said softly, not meeting his eye. "I just... I'm not in the mood for a hug."
"Well I am! You haven't hugged me for a while," Soda exclaimed. "Did I do somethin' to hurt ya?"
"No!" Pony nearly shouted immediately. It was the loudest he'd been in months.
"Then... let me hug ya," Soda pleaded as he opened his arms. "Please?"
Reluctantly, Ponyboy stepped forward into his arms and allowed himself to be held. Soda gripped him like he might disappear on him. Darry, sitting in their dad's recliner, watched as the sixteen year old shivered in Soda's hold, though he couldn't see his face.
"You can tell us if you're in trouble, baby," Darry said, his tone soft and gentle. "We'll help you in any way we can."
"I know, D-Darry," came Pony's muffled voice. "I know."
"Then what's been going on, Pone?" Soda asked. "We've been worried sick about you."
"It's nothing... really. Just... just trying to keep my grades up," Pony lied. They both knew he was lying, but they let it slide.
"Okay. Okay, honey," Soda said as he released him.
After Pony had left to take a shower, Soda turned to Darry.
"Somethin's wrong."
"I know that, but we can't force him to talk," Darry said. "He knows we're here for him."
"What if... what if someone's been messin' with him or somethin'?" Soda asked, a frown marring his handsome face.
"If that's the case, we'll find out who it is and make them stop," Darry answered smoothly.
"Is that what you've been thinkin' this whole time?"
"No, but it's a possibility," Darry told him. "Let's just keep a closer eye on him."
What else could they do?
~♡♡♡~
Ponyboy had been reading out on the porch, enjoying the nice weather, on the day that Rachel first burned him with a cigarette.
It was 'Gone With The Wind', one of his favorites, and he'd gotten the urge to read it again. He was the only one home for once. Darry was at work, and Soda and Steve had taken their girls to the races. Two-Bit hadn't come around at all; the same with Johnny and Dally. Since last week, when he'd finally hugged Soda after a good month of limited contact, Pony figured that getting some fresh air more often around the gang would be good. At the very least, it'd keep his brothers off his back about not socializing. Even if it meant having to watch as Rachel pulled up to the house.
"Is Darry working overtime today?" she asked as she stepped out of her car.
"Y-Yeah, he is. He said he'd be home around six, though," Pony told her.
"That's fine. It'll give us some time to talk," she said before sitting down beside him. "You know, Darry mentioned that you'd been acting strangely."
"He... he did?"
"Yes, he did. He's been worried about you," she continued as she pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her jacket. "It's been causing him to lose focus on other, more important things."
Removing a cigarette from it, she lit it with her lighter before taking a drag. She was looking straight ahead, not having looked at him once since sitting down.
"I'll do better. I promise," Ponyboy scored, getting nervous.
"Oh, Ponyboy, you always say that," Rachel sighed in disappointment. "I think you need a more.... permanent reminder."
She moved fast, too fast for him to register until the pain set in. Rachel had grabbed his left forearm in a vice grip and pressed the lit cigarette into his flesh. Ponyboy first hissed at the pain before he began gasping and panting. Her grip never once faltered or wavered, and she'd kept her gaze on him, eyes brimming with pure hatred and rage.
"I won't lose Darrel, Ponyboy Curtis. Do I make myself clear?" Rachel asked, her voice laced with venom.
"Y-y-yes, Rachel," Ponyboy whimpered, tears pricking his eyes. She smiled at him and rubbed the cigarette in one more time before letting him go.
"I'll see you later," she said as she stood up, dusted off her skirt, and left.
Gasping in pain, Ponyboy stood up on unsteady feet and staggered into the house. By the time he got to the bathroom, he was outright crying. Grabbing the first aid kit from under the sink, he opened it up and grabbed a cotton ball. Reaching for the bottle of rubbing alcohol, he dabbed some onto the cotton ball before he looked down at his wound for the first time. It was mostly red, with some dark brown flecks where the skin had torn and burned. He'd never had a cigarette put out on his own body before, and it stung badly. The pain was slowly fading into a dull ache, though the skin around the burn was quite tender and sensitive. Slowly and carefully, he pressed the cotton ball down, hissing at the sting of it being pressed against the wound. As he waited, he heard footsteps approach the bathroom, and his blood ran cold.
Appearing in the doorway was Johnny.
~♡♡♡~
"Ponyboy..." he muttered, sounding astonished.
"H-hey, Johnnycakes," Pony said, trying to save face with a smile. "I was -"
"I saw it," Johnny interrupted him. "I saw her burn you."
"You... you did?"
"Yeah," Johnny confirmed as he entered the bathroom. "She didn't see me, though. I don't even think she knew I was around."
"I didn't even know you were around," Pony quipped. He removed the cotton ball.
"Has she... Has she done this before?" Johnny asked, staring hard and long at the burn.
"Not this, no. This is the first time she's burned me," Pony explained.
"But she's done other stuff," Johnny pressed not unkindly. His dark eyes looked up and met his green-gray ones.
"Johnny -"
"Does Darry know?" Johnny questioned. "Does anyone?"
"No! And you can't tell him, Johnny!" Ponyboy pleaded with him.
"He should know about this, Pone!"
"He's happy, Johnny! For the first time since our folks died, Darry is happy," Ponyboy choked out, more years spilling down his face. "I can't take that from him."
"You think he'd want you to get hurt by his girl?" Johnny countered.
"He wouldn't believe me anyway. Who would?" Pony shot back.
"I would. I saw it!" Johnny huffed, clearly unhappy.
"Johnny Cade, you listen to me: we can't tell Darry. We can't tell anyone. Period," Pony asserted, his desperation as plain as the nose on his face.
Johnny studied him for a long while before speaking again. "You wouldn't have told me if I hadn't seen it with my own damn eyes."
Feeling ashamed, weak, and worthless, Ponyboy nodded, a silent admission of omitting the truth.
"Don't you trust us, Pone?" Johnny asked. "Don't you trust me?"
"I did," Pony replied.
"So you don't?"
"No, I mean, I do," Pony backtracked. Johnny didn't look convinced.
"You sure about that? 'Cause you've been actin' strange since Rachel started comin' around," Johnny pointed out. Pony turned away from his eyes and ran his burn under water, cleaning it as best he could before bandaging it.
"Just drop it, Johnny. I don't wanna talk about it," Pony grumbled.
"Is she way you've been pullin' away from everyone?" Johnny continued. "From me?"
"Leave it alone, Johnny," he practically begged.
"Not until you tell me what she's done to you!"
"Why should I? Why should I say anything when no one gives a shit, huh?!" Ponyboy shouted before immediately snapping his jaw shut.
Johnny stood stock still, looking shocked, unsure of what to say. Ponyboy had never really yelled at him like that before. He'd been pushing everyone away and was retreating further into himself day by day. He didn't eat hardly at all, he rarely spoke to anyone. In fact, this conversation is the longest they've spoke consecutively for months. Looking at Pony's face, really looking at it, he could see the fear, sorrow, and despair that had been haunting the youngest member of their gang. It was like he was staring at a ghost instead of his best friend.
"Just... leave me alone, Johnny Cade," Ponyboy whispered, sounding defeated and broken. "It's what everyone's gonna do in the end anyway. Might as well start now."
"What're you talkin' about, Pone? No one's gonna leave ya," Johnny said, still dumbfounded. "Is this Rachel's doin' too? Has she been poisonin' your mind?"
Ponyboy walked into his bedroom with Johnny hot at his heels. Collapsing onto the bed, he grabbed a pillow and buried his face in it. Johnny knelt beside him and reached up to stroke his hair. Though the pillow muffled it somewhat, he could still hear Pony's sniffles and cries, and he could see him quiver and shake.
"Ponyboy, I.. I love you, man. More than anything," Johnny confessed. "Please believe me. I'd never turn my back on you."
He rubbed the sixteen year old's back soothingly. How long he sat on the floor beside Ponyboy, he didn't know. What he did know was that Ponyboy needed him now more than ever. Johnny didn't say another word until he felt Pony start to calm down. Then, he brushed his hair away from his face tenderly. At such sweet affection, Pony turned to face him, his eyes puffy and red.
"I just... I dunno anymore, Johnny," he sniffles.
"Don't know about what, Pone?"
"What's true and what's not."
"Talk to me, Ponyboy. Please," Johnny begged. After a long pause, eyes shut tightly as though he were fighting with all of his strength to hold back tears, Ponyboy's body sagged in defeat.
"Only if... only if you promise not to tell anyone else," Pony said firmly. Johnny sighed but relented.
"I promise."
~♡♡♡~
"What's got you so pissed off, huh?" Dally asked Johnny as they leaned against the fence smoking.
"It's nothin', Dal," Johnny grunted, flicking the ashes away from his cancer stick.
"Bullshit. You don't just glare holes into everything you're lookin' at for no damn reason," Dally threw back at him nonchalantly, taking a drag of his own cigarette.
"I'm just... worried about Ponyboy," Johnny admitted after a long moment.
"Who isn't? The kid's worse than a baby deer these days. Always flinchin' and avoiding everyone," Dally said. "It's been drivin' me mad."
"Yeah..." Johnny added absent-mindedly.
"Y'know, he didn't start acting this skittish until Darry's broad showed up," Dally mused aloud, peering at Johnny out of his peripheral vision. He saw the smaller greaser tense at the mention of her. "It has somethin' to do with her, don't it?"
"Just drop it, Dally," Johnny said.
"Why? Superman's been driving everyone insane with how anxious and uptight he's been," Dally questioned. "It's pissin' me off."
"Ponyboy doesn't want anyone to know. He wants to keep Darry happy," Johnny explained.
"But he ain't happy! He's more miserable now than he's ever been," Dally ground out. "Fuck this, Johnnycakes."
Putting out his cigarette, Dally starred walking away from the lot. Johnny was quick to catch up with him.
"Where're ya goin'?" he asked.
"To talk to Ponyboy," was all he said.
"But he doesn't wanna talk about it!"
"Then we make him!"
"What good'll that do?" Johnny shot back.
"It'll help Darry and Soda fix him and get him to stop being so weird," Dally answered. "Easy peasy."
"But he doesn't want Darry and Rachel to break up," Johnny protested weakly.
"Why not? He could do better than a wannabe Soc broad," Dally countered. "Besides, no one but Darry likes her. She's fake as fuck."
Dally stopped and stood stock still, allowing Johnny to catch up with him. He turned to the shorter greaser and added, "And I'm pretty sure she's been doing something to Ponyboy."
"What makes you say that?" Johnny asked softly.
"I heard her the other day sayin' some messed up shit to him. Guess she thought no one was around to hear," Dally told him before he start we d walking again.
"What'd she say to him?" Johnny insisted, grabbing Dally's jacket sleeve.
"I didn't catch all of it, but what I did hear was, and I quote, 'I'll use something much worse than a cigarette next time,'" Dally spat, looking just about as pissed as Johnny did.
Johnny felt sick to his stomach, and he must have looked it too because Dally's heated gaze narrowed. He couldn't help his reaction, though. Just the thought of Rachel hurting Ponyboy even worse than she already did caused a pain and sorrow that he'd never felt before. Hell, he couldn't even fathom what effect she's had on him mentally.
"She didn't..." Dally started before he stopped himself. With a sniffle, he straightened himself up and started walking again.
"Dally!" This time, Johnny couldn't keep up with the taller hood.
Like a tornado, Dally stormed into the Curtis house, ignoring everyone and making a beeline for Pony's room. Sitting at the desk, finishing up his homework, was Ponyboy, who was startled by the sudden intrusion. Johnny ran in after him and watched as Dally grabbed the younger's arm, pulling up his jacket sleeve.
"Which arm?" Dally growled lowly.
"D-Dally, what are you -"
"Which arm, Ponyboy Curtis?!" Dally roared. Having not found a scar on the right arm, he took hold of the left arm and shoved the sleeve up.
"Dally, what the hell are ya doin'?" Sodapop demanded.
"Any reason why you're man-handling my baby brother?" Darry shouted. Two-Bit and Steve were crowding around the doorway, trying to see around the two brothers.
"Why yes, Darrel, there is," Dally spoke calmly, turning Pony's arm just so.
"Tell them where you got this burn scar, kid," he ordered.
"Dally, I don't -" Pony began before he was cut off.
"And don't you dare fucking lie to me," Dally added, eyes cold, unyielding, and staring right into Pony's soul.
"I -"
"Pony? Honey?" Soda asked, entering their room and getting closer, Darry hot on his heels.
Upon seeing the burn scar, both of them stilled and paled. Tears began to well in Sodapop's eyes while Darry clenched his fists tightly. As clear as day, there was the scar on his forearm, the exact same one Johnny had seen.
"Where'd you get that, Ponyboy?" Darry inquired softly.
"And don't lie and tell us you did it to yourself," Dally interjected. "Everyone here knows you haven't smoked at all for the past six months."
"It's..." Pony started, looking terrified and miserable.
Johnny could see him shaking like a leaf in his chair. Their eyes met, and Johnny knew that he wasn't going to tell the truth. Not with Darrel standing so close to him. As much as he wanted Pony to tell them, Johnny respected his decision and kept his mouth shut.
"It's from Curly," Pony said at last.
"Curly Shepard?" Sodapop repeated, looking stunned.
"Pony..." Darry sighed, looking somewhat disappointed. Everyone knew he wasn't a fan of Tim's brother.
"He'd recently gotten out of juvie and I wanted to catch up," Ponyboy explained. "It was an accident. I swear."
"Are you sure about that?" Dally said, looking skeptical. Ponyboy met his gaze unflinching.
"Yeah, Dally," was his answer. After studying him for a long, hard minute, Dally sighed and released his arm.
"Okay, kid. Okay."
"Jesus, Dally, you scared the shit outta me!" Two-Bit exclaimed.
"Scared you?! He scared me!" Steve retorted, shoving Two-Bit roughly.
"You're both pussies and you know it," Dally snickered, leaving Pony and sauntering over to them.
Darry knelt beside his baby brother, one hand cradling the back of his head gently. Sodapop was right in front of him.
"You should've told me, baby," Darry whispered, and even through the ruckus behind him, Johnny could hear him perfectly.
"I was... I was scared, Darry," Pony sniffled.
"Scare about what?" Darry prodded.
"A-about you being... being..." Ponyboy could continue as he began to cry, clearly shaken up by what had just transpired.
"Oh, baby, come here," Darry said as he pulled Pony into his arms, holding him tenderly.
Hiding his face in Darry's neck, Ponyboy cried in his lap, looking much like a little kid. Soda caressed his back soothingly while Darry rocked him back and forth. Two-Bit, Steve, and Dally had meandered out into the living room, still arguing.
"I'm never going to hurt you again, Ponyboy," Darry vowed. "What happened two years ago is never going to happen again. You don't... you don't need to be afraid of me."
"Don't... don't hate... me," Johnny could hear Pony cry.
"Honey, we could never hate you!" Sodapop piped in, sitting down and hugging Pony from behind. He was now sandwiched between his brothers.
From the living room, Johnny could hear the door open, and he vaguely registered the other guys greeting Rachel. Hearing footsteps coming closer, he turned to see Rachel come into view and watched as her face turned to stone, her expression going blank. Feeling his gaze on her, Rachel looked at him and gave him a tight, strained smile before retreating to the living room.
Johnny, feeling as though he were intruding of a private, intimate family moment, turned and left.
~♡♡♡~
Ponyboy was getting ready to start dinner when Rachel barged into the house. Darry was working late and Soda was with Steve and their girls at the movies. Hearing her storm in startled him and he knocked the empty sauce pan onto the floor. Turning around, he shrank back from her hard, cold eyes.
"What have I told you time and time again, Ponyboy?" she said calmly, slowly, stepping closer towards him with every word.
"I didn't tell anyone. I swear, I didn't!" he insisted. "No one knows..."
"Why don't I believe you?" she questioned, now so close that he was pinned against the stove.
"Rachel, I sw-swear that Darry doesn't know. So please don't," he pleaded.
"Clearly, you need a reminder," she seethed before lashing out.
She took his right hand and, gripping it so hard that her nails dug into his flesh, she pressed his hand onto the hot stove top burner. He screamed as his flesh seared and burned away layer by layer until the pink dermis layer started to become exposed. His screams drowned out the world around him as his vision blurred and became obscured by his tears.
"What the hell is going on here?!"
A voice, strong, clear, and demanding cut through Pony's screams and he was released instantaneously. With quivering, shaking legs, Ponyboy stumbled back, clutching his hand, his breath coming out in shallow, short pants. Blinking the tears away, he looked up and saw a furious Darry, stalking towards Rachel.
"Get out," he demanded, towering over her, his eyes colder than ice.
"Darry, baby -"
"Get the fuck out!" Darry shouted at her. "We are done! Do you hear me? Done!"
Choking back a sob, Rachel ran out of the house, leaving the two Curtis brothers behind. Once he was sure she was gone, Darry's rage dissipated and he rushed over to Pony.
"Baby, how bad is it?" Darry asked, crouching down beside him. Upon seeing his hand, he winced. "I've gotta get you to the hospital, baby. Come on."
"D-D-Darry, she... she..." he could hardly talk as he was ushered out to Darry's truck.
"You ain't gotta worry about her anymore, baby boy," Darry told him. "She's not gonna hurt you anymore. I swear it."
After getting Ponyboy into the truck, Darry hopped in the driver's seat and booked it to the hospital. Blisters were starting to form on his hand and every pothole and paved section of road that jostled the truck and its occupants made Pony whimper in pain. The ride seemed to take forever, which only prolonged his suffering. Everything Darry was saying to him went in one ear and out the other. He couldn't pay attention to anything but the pain and his own mind screaming at him.
Darry knows. Darry knows. Darry knows. Darry knows. Darry knows.
Like a mantra, those words repeated over and over in his mind. Two simple words were all it took for the dread to begin to drown him. There were so much more than words; they were the beginning of what was to come. They were going to usher in the tidal wave of disappointment, shame, and disdain that he knew Darry harbored for him. After all, Rachel would've been the closest person to him; she knew how he felt and what he thought. Why else would she have told him all of those things? What was the saying? Behind every lie is a kernel of truth?
And he'd broken up with Rachel too! Darry was going to blame him for that; he just knew it. With his mind running a mile a minute, everything around him became a swirl of color, people, and voices, so many voices. Too many voices. Ponyboy didn't even register that they'd arrived at the hospital until he was already inside. And even then, it felt as though he were watching everything from outside of his own body.
All the while, Darry never left his side, even yelling at the doctor that he wasn't going anywhere. Ferocity was etched on his face, and he looked ready to throw down if anyone got in his way. Pony wasn't looking forward to what Darry would say when they were left alone. Eventually, one of the nurses managed to quell his brother down enough that he, reluctantly, left Ponyboy alone with the doctor treating him. It made him all the more nervous; he was sure Darry was calculating how he'd be punished for this fiasco.
~♡♡♡~
"She did what?" Soda repeated, incredulity lacing his tone, eyes wide and unbelieving.
"I saw her, Sodapop. She.. she burned him on purpose," Darry replied, burying his face in his hands. Soda was sitting beside him in the waiting room, rubbing his back lovingly.
"Could she be why Pony's been... so distant?" Soda pondered mostly out loud to himself.
"I think so, little buddy. It would explain a lot," Darry sighed into his hands. "Lord, Sodapop, I never even considered it... I never connected the dots..."
"I don't think none of us did, Darrel," Soda said. "Lookin' back, it all started with her."
"I've been such a fool," the older Curtis nearly choked on the words he was saying. "How could I not have known?!"
In frustration, Darry slammed his fists down on his thighs as hard as he could. Soda watched as tears fell from his closed eyes, pain and despair written all over his face.
"What's wrong with me, Sodapop?" he asked, sounding so small and vulnerable.
"Nothin's wrong with you! No one knew," Soda cried, wrapping his arms around Darry's shoulders in a hug.
"I knew," came a small, quiet voice. Both brothers looked up and saw Johnnt standing there, looking awkward and out of place.
"What did you say, Johnny?" Soda asked.
"I knew... about Rachel," Johnny stated. "I... I caught her burning him with a cigarette. Ponyboy made me promise not to tell anyone.
"I'm sorry I didn't say nothin' to you guys, but Pony wouldn't have told me if I hadn't kept it to myself," Johnny explained. "I'm sorry, but I... I wanted to help him. I needed to know what all she'd done to 'im."
"You know... you know everything that's been going on?" Darry reiterated, staring at Johnny like he had grown a second head.
"Everythin' before the cigarette burn, yeah," Johnny confessed.
"Johnny, I need you to tell me what you know," Darry requested desperately.
Shifting on his feet, hunched forward just a bit, Johnny looked around the waiting room, obviously nervous. But seeing the looks on both Curtis brothers' faces, he nodded and sat down beside them.
~♡♡♡~
Seeing the horror, sadness, and anger on Darry's face brought no pleasure to Johnny. However, watching Sodapop, fun-loving, upbeat, and happy Sodapop, breakdown in tears was even worse. He had stopped speaking about five minutes ago, having finished telling the brothers everything Pony had told him.
"Jesus Christ..." Soda sobbed. "He went through all that... and he didn't tell us..."
"All because he wanted me to be happy?" Darry whispered to himself. He hadn't stopped staring at the white hospital wall.
"And that's not countin' what's happened after," Soda added.
"I... I'm sorry I said nothin'," Johnny apologized again.
"It's okay, Johnny," Darry said, turning to look at him. "You're about as much at fault as I am."
"Shit, we all are," Soda interjected.
"That's what Dally was tryin' to do that day. He was tryin' to make Ponyboy tell us," Darry reflected, remembering.
"And he thought we wouldn't believe him?" Soda asked. He'd stopped crying for the most part, but he was still sniffling.
"Yeah, and that no one would care if he did say somethin'," Johnny replied.
"Oh, Ponyboy..." Soda mumbled, looking distraught. "Honey..."
The doors opened, and there was Ponyboy, hand bandaged, still looking to be in shock. Sodapop rushed towards him and embraced him, careful not to touch his hand. Darry spoke with the doctor while Soda held his kid brother as though he'd disappear at any given moment. Johnny approached them hesitantly, not wanting to intrude, but Soda grabbed him and pulled him into their hug. He grabbed Pony's jacket and sighed in relief, comforted by the fact that his best friend was free and out of harm's way.
Rachel was gone, and she'd never hurt him again.
~♡♡♡~
It took three weeks for Ponyboy's burn to heal. During those three weeks, his brothers and the gang had treated him as though he were brittle and fragile, or as best they could given the circumstances. Sodapop was reluctant to go anywhere aside from work because he was so damn worried. When Darry wasn't working, he was constantly checking on Pony and helping him with his homework since he couldn't really write. A melancholy atmosphere had settled over the Curtis household so thick that it was stifling.
Two-Bit cracked joke after joke, trying to cheer Ponyboy up. Sometimes, he could make him smile; on even rarer occasions, he'd make him laugh. Mostly, though, Pony was still quiet and withdrawn around everyone. He couldn't even look anyone in the eye. Even Steve had been nice to him, for which Sodapop was grateful. Johnny started checking out books at the school's library to give to Ponyboy as they could only check out so many at a given time. Seeing the way he perked up when Johnny handed him the first book made him smile. A quiet 'thank you' were the only words he got, but he took them graciously.
"I ain't mad at you for tellin' them, Johnny," Ponyboy had told him during the second week. "I'm just... I just feel... lost."
"We all do, man," Johnny replied. "But we're here for you. Me and Dally, Two-Bit, your brothers, and even Steve. We're not gonna let you fall."
The hug they shared was worth a thousand sunsets to him.
But it was Dally who broke through to Ponyboy, taking everyone by surprise with how he did it.
"We failed you, man. I failed you, and that ain't cool. But you gotta trust us, kid. We're not gonna screw you over," Dally told him. He was crouched in front of the younger boy, gripping his upper arms gently. "Everybody here's lied at some point, but that don't mean we don't know the truth when we see it."
"I... I'm sorry, Dally," Pony said, bottom lip quivering.
"I am too. Fuck, we all are," Dally said, not sparing a glance at Darry, who'd frowned at his language. "You don't gotta tell us everything. But I need you to know that we've got you."
"I know, Dal."
"Look me in the eye and say it," came the command, though it wasn't mean or harsh. After a minute, Pony finally looked up at him.
"I know, Dally."
After holding his gaze for a good while, Dally nodded, his body relaxed, and he seemed satisfied, genuinely satisfied. "Good. But I think your brothers should know the whole story. They deserve it, don't you think?"
"Yeah, they do," Pony said, looking at Darry and Sodapop.
"When you're ready, baby," Darry said.
"You don't gotta push yourself, honey," Soda added.
"I'll let you guys know," Pony answered. "When I'm ready."
"That's all we ask," Darry told him.
After being a clean bill of health from the doctors, Pony's hand was free from any bandages. It was still tender, he couldn't use it at full strength yet, and he'd have scars on it, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. Fortunately, none of the doctors or nurses who had treated him questioned the story they'd been given. As far as they were concerned, it had been an accident caused by a dizzy spell that resulted from Ponyboy's light-headedness. The anxiety and worry over Ponyboy being taken away had been an ever-present companion to the brothers; they were used to having it hang over their heads.
That didn't make it any easier to bear.
~♡♡♡~
"I wanted you to be happy, Darry," Ponyboy said. "And... I didn't think you would believe me. I didn't think anyone would."
It was late Saturday night, and Ponyboy had just told his brothers everything Rachel had said and done to him. All of the mean and hateful words, each and every smack, slap, and injury she'd given to him, was now out in the open. He knew that Johnny told them about what he knew; in truth, he expected him to tell them. But Johnny didn't know about what happened after that, so it had all been new to them.
Sodapop was sitting beside him on the couch, holding him like he'd be gone tomorrow. Being the most openly emotion between him and Darry, Soda cried at some parts, spat out a slur of curses at others, and petted his hair and kissed his temple whenever he thought it necessary. Physical affection had always been a constant with Soda. Darry had sat in the recliner, his face an unreadable mask when it started, but now, he was pacing back and forth, looking furious and devastated at the same time.
"Honey, of course we'd believe you. Sure, little white lies get tiresome here and there, but something like this..." Sodapop's voice trailed off. Shaking his head sadly, he pulled Pony into a fierce, protective hug. "Ain't nobody in their right mind would lie about somethin' like this."
Darry stopped pacing and sat down on Pony's other side. With a trembling hand, he reached out and took Ponyboy from Soda, pulling him into a hug. The youngest Curtis clung to him, his body trembling after recounting everything. He could feel Darry's hand quiver, too, and knowing that his brother was upset on his behalf did bring him some comfort.
"I appreciate you thinkin' about my happiness, Ponyboy. But that ain't worth what you went through," Darry said softly. "You're my baby brother, and I love you more than some girl."
He pulled back and cupped Pony's face in his hands. Darry held him tenderly, his usually cool, collected façade nowhere to be found.
"I'm sorry I let her hurt you, baby," he apologized.
"It's okay, Dare. You didn't know," Ponyboy replied.
"But I should've. I'm your big brother; it's my job to protect you, and I failed to do even that," Darry stated.
"So did I, Darrel," Sodapop inserted himself.
"Well... I shouldn't have believed her," Pony objected, looking guilty. "I should've trusted you guys."
"Considering some of the things she was sayin', even I can't say that I'd be able to keep my cool," Soda said.
"You're a smart kid, Pony. You have no idea how proud I am of you," Darry told him, green-blue eyes boring into his younger brother's. "You've come a long way since Windrixville."
"But you're still just a kid," Soda added.
"You're barely older," Ponyboy muttered weakly.
"But I'm still older," Soda pointed out. "You're different from the rest of us. You're more sensitive and stuff."
"It makes sense that you'd be a logical target for someone like her," Darry said, though he didn't look happy to say it. "You've got a damn good heart."
"So do you, Darry. So don't beat yourself up about this," Ponyboy requested.
"I won't if you won't," Darry countered, a small smile worming its way on his face. Despite himself, Pony smiled back.
"I dunno about you two, but I could use a brother cuddle pile right now," Soda said with a yawn and a stretch.
"That sounds right nice," Pony agreed.
"Then let's get to it," Darry urged, standing up with Ponyboy in his arms. "You're too big to carry, baby."
"You picked me up of your own volition, Superman," Pony shot back, arms wrapping around his brother's neck. Soda bounced right up and bounded to Darry's bedroom. He had the biggest bed.
That night was the first night in a long time that Ponyboy slept well, with no nightmares, terrors, or demons to haunt him. He fell asleep in between his brothers, sheltered and protected and loved, safe and sound at long last.