Work Text:
Dear Sunny,
You committed suicide a week ago.
I understand why, don’t worry.
If I hadn’t… if I hadn’t done a lot of things, life would be better. Maybe you’d still be here. Maybe you would have recovered from Mari’s death.
I promise I was trying to do the right thing. I didn’t want to be in trouble for what Something behind you did. I really, really didn’t. My split thinking was something I shouldn’t have trusted, shouldn’t have gone along with.
I couldn’t stand seeing her like that, splayed on the floor. Her hair, a messy puddle on the floor. I still remember it with glaring clarity though, so what I did was practically for nothing. I really promise I didn’t mean for all of this to happen. I made our friend group, that used to be so close, fall apart.
Why did I do what I did?
WHY DID I HANG MARI’S BODY?!
Why did I? I don’t think I’ll ever know, now. I guess I only knew in that moment.
I wrote this to apologize, for everything.
For hanging her,
for not checking in on you as often as I should have,
for stabbing your eye.
I thought it would help.
Hanging her would save you from getting in trouble.
not checking in allowed you to keep your personal space, to recover,
and I had to get Something out, away.
We should have just called the police. What if she was still alive, and hanging her killed her for sure? What if she could have been saved and I took away that possibility? I think about that everyday…
I wish you hadn’t left me. I love you more than anything, care for you more than anything. You’re my everything. And you left me. Jumped off the hospital building. I still don’t blame you.
If I’m being honest, I would trade my parents to have you back. I haven’t seen them in almost five years, did you know that? Still being cared for by Polly. I don’t even think they know what’s happened at all. I’d rather you than them. They left me for no reason. But you had a reason.
To get away. From everything this world has to offer you.
I’ve thought about doing the same thing, more times than I can count in the previous four years. More often now, in this past week. But I stayed for you. Just the thought of you kept me going. I had to help you.
But now, I guess you’ve helped yourself, in a way. I’m no longer of use.
I don’t know why I’m still alive. What purpose do I have to serve? Now that I can’t help you, even if I always fail when I try to? I don’t know.
I haven’t talked to the others at all since you left. I can’t even remember the last time I ate something, drank some water. Left my room.
I think Polly’s worried. I haven’t really looked at her, looked at anything clearly in the past week. But she comes in to check on me quite often, maybe more than I remember. I keep spacing out, and every time I realized it, I wished it’d lasted longer.
I hope you're doing well up there, wherever you are.
Maybe I’ll come and join you sometime soon.
Love, Basil
Hero stared at the letter. Basil was worse-off than he’d imagined.
Sunny had needed help, and Hero had failed to be there for him. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again, not with Basil.
Not again.