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It wasn't hard for Aiah to notice Mikha from the get go. The redhead was indeed a head turner and Aiah, unaware of it, fell into the depths of the unknown world, known as Mikha Lim. It was not part of the plan, Mikha was just supposed to be a friend, or an acquaintance. Yet, having Mikha Lim in her life provided warmth and happiness in her life Aiah never knew she needed.
It wasn't too long when Aiah decided to act on her feelings. Reciprocated or not, Aiah was fine with either, really. She was met with constant teasing from her friends, namely Maloi and Colet, who knew her true intentions.
It was going fine until Mikha decided to pursue Stacey, a third year student from the Tourism Department. That's when she realized her feelings were deeper than she thought. The pain was unbearable. It suffocated her.
Aiah, being the woman that she is, a martyr, stopped her gestures. Whether Mikha knew of her feelings or not, Aiah didn't care. She focused on her studies while trying to avoid Mikha in the meantime. Long story short, she couldn't. How could she avoid someone that occupies her mind and heart?
So Aiah endured the pain whenever she saw Mikha and Stacey together. She found solace in the arms of her friends. Mikha was there yet slowly slipping away from her grasp and Aiah couldn't do anything but watch. She wasn't even hers to begin with.
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"Aiah, come watch our game later."
"Kailan ba ako absent, Mikha?"
Truth be told, that wasn't the wisest idea. Even though she had to miss a lesson for it, Aiah did it anyway.
Maybe she shouldn't have. Maybe she could have avoided seeing Mikha be sweet to Stacey. Just maybe.
Truthfully, Stacey is a great girl. She's everything that Mikha has been looking for. She's attentive, understanding and confident that it matches equally with Mikha's energy and vibe. Aiah is grateful for her.
Except, there are times she's not. She feels a tinge of jealousy rise up when she overthinks. It could have been her. She can be like that too. She is like that.
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"You didn't have to get me anything, Aiah."
"I wanted to, Mikha. You deserve it. Happy birthday once again."
"Thank you so much."
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That was weeks ago. Aiah avoided Mikha like the plague, reasoning the final exams coming up when it was just a front for trying to bury her feelings towards the latter. Keyword is try. She failed miserably, once again. Aiah wanted to scream. Why is it so damn hard to move on?
It didn't help that Stacey gushes about Mikha's advances once in a while when they meet and all Aiah can do is force down the pain in her mind and act like she's fine with it because she's a friend. A supportive one at that.
"Okay ka pa ba?" Colet asks one time when Aiah was peacefully reading a book under the shade, "We haven't seen you for like, a week? With Stacey."
"It's finals and research is kicking my ass."
"And you know you can't fool me with that." Aiah sighs, knowing Colet wouldn't leave her alone until she says something that would be enough to explain her recent actions.
"I'm not okay honestly. Wala akong karapatan Col pero nasasaktan ako kasi gusto ko iyong tao eh. Mahal ko na nga yata. And here's the catch, what if I confessed? Magiging ako ba iyon? That thought has been dangling in my mind nowadays."
"So you're avoiding Mikha? Are you sure this is the best?"
"Graduation is a month away. Until then, I'll spend less time hanging out with her. Then maybe, mabawasan itong nararamdaman ko." Colet laughs out loud, knowing that Aiah doesn't mean that at all. It's just wishful thinking. Feelings, such as love for another person isn't that easy to dissipate especially in that short amount of time.
"I'm not joking!"
"Sabi mo eh."
"Colet!"
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Auditorium full of people. Proud parents, eager students ready to embark on their next journey, friends and relatives supporting their loved ones and professors ready to send off their students. Aiah was one of them. Along with Maloi, Colet and of course, Mikha. They weren't seated beside each other due to their surnames but rest assured that they will find another once this program ends. They have to.
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"Congratulations Batch 2024! Good luck and may you thrive in your chosen path in life!"
"Aiah!" With a wide smile etched on her face, Maloi greets her with a hug, "Graduate na tayo! Congratulations!! Kinaya natin ang college."
"Congratulations to you too, Loi." She hugs her tight, genuinely happy for her since it has really been a rough road before leading to this day, "I'm proud of you, thank you for all the things you did for me."
After their hug, Colet appears behind Maloi, ready to hug Aiah. She opens her arms, "Come here." As what she did with Maloi, a tight hug is given, "Congratulations, Col. Thank you and I just wanna say, I'm proud of you."
"Likewise, Aiah."
While looking around the auditorium, she sees Mikha slowly making her way to their direction and that's when Colet handed Aiah the bouquet she's holding. "Goodluck. We'll be waiting outside with your family and ours. Sabihan lang namin sila." With a nod from Colet and a final tight hug from Maloi, Aiah feels nervous all of a sudden. This is it. Her only chance.
"Hey," Mikha greets her, "Who would've thought? Ang dami nating reklamo all throughout but here we are, officially graduated."
Bakit ang ganda niya?
"I know."
With shaky hands, Aiah hands Mikha the bouquet, which is full of red carnations.
It was met with a surprised expression from Mikha, as expected. She knows what it symbolizes. Aiah pretty much is the reason as to why her knowledge about flowers and their meanings as to color are extensive compared to a normal person.
Aiah lets out a deep breath, "Shocked?" She chuckles, "This is nerve wracking but I need to say this, Mikha. I've been in love with you for the past two years. Ever since I met you at the library, you captivated me. I fell even harder when we started getting to know each other kasi I discovered things na I find endearing and it made me like you more."
Mikha listens patiently.
"So yeah, I love you, Mikha Lim. This isn't me begging for a chance to be with you but this me purely confessing because it's been torturing me to not say it. I want to not have anything holding me back. You know, such as what ifs." Aiah clasps her hands, unsure of what to do now now she finally let out the words she was supposed to say all this time.
A beat.
"I'm sorry."
Damn. It's more painful hearing that personally.
"You're a friend to me Aiah. A special one. I cherish all the times we spent together. I'm grateful for all the effort you have given to me." Mikha smiles at her, which Aiah returns to, sadly because she expected it already. Mikha has her eyes for Stacey. Never to her.
Why does she have to be so adorable at the same time, understanding? Aiah couldn't grasp as to why. Is this how people view their partners? This is torture. She's close yet so far.
"I have a confession too–"
"Babe!" Stacey appears beside Mikha, which garnered a smile from the latter, "Andito ka lang pala, I've been looking for you. I'm deeply sorry that I'm a few minutes late, you know how the traffic is. Also, tita and tito are waiting outside na."
Oh. So they're officially together now.
"Hello, Aiah! Congratulations!"
"Thank you."
Mikha grasps Stacey's hand and faces Aiah, "Girlfriend ko na siya, Aiah."
She's so happy. Aiah notices. It truly breaks her heart but who is she to be a nuisance in Mikha's happiness? That should be an achievement, making and seeing Mikha happy.
"Dalawa pala ice-celebrate niyo eh." She jokes, earning a laugh from Stacey, "Congratulations! To both of you and especially to you, Mikha Lim. Your efforts paid off, Captain. I'm happy for you."
"Thank you Aiah and congratulations to you too."
"See you out there."
"See you."
With that, Mikha, with Stacey in her arms, leaves, leaving Aiah with tears threatening to escape from her eyes, stuck to stare at their retreating form.
"It would've been perfect if you spared me a glance, even just for a minute. I could've given you everything I have."