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Published:
2024-04-21
Words:
291
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1/1
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14
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234

Memos

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Summary:

Illya frantically asks for Napoleon's advice about a delicate matter.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Memos by Jody Palm

To: Napoleon Solo

Fr: Illya Kuryakin

I need your advice.  I’m writing to tell you about an incident that happened last week.  Remember that red, Italian bathing suit you bought for me in Miami?*  The one I told you looked like a modified jock strap?  Well, there was this pool party at UNCLE headquarters, and since it was the only bathing suit I could find, I wore it.  BIG MISTAKE!

My God, man! I thought I’d never get out of the pool area alive!  The women started ATTACKING me. (Even Allison, the mousy girl from Files and Documents.)  They would NOT leave me alone.  They all wanted a piece of my…  Well, anyway, I now have more dates than a Florida fig tree.  My question is: What do I do with all of them?!  If I start dating all of them, I’ll still be on first dates when I turn 65.

Since I’ve never had this problem, I’m looking to you, the expert, for a viable solution to this dilemma.  HELP!

 

P.S. How do I get rid of Allison?  She’s camped outside my apartment door!!

 

To: Illya Kuryakin

Fr: Napoleon Solo

 

I told you that bathing suit would bring you luck!  OK, here’s my three-step solution:

  1. Make dinner dates with the ones you’re really interested in for the long-term.
  2. Sleep (once or twice) with the ones you’re interested in for just the short-term.
  3. Tell the rest that you’re BUSY for at least the next 6 months.

One must establish priorities, Illya.  Good luck and have fun!

P.S. Put Allison in either category 1 or 2 above.  I might suggest #2. Take it where you can get it.

 

*Referencing the story The Vacation by Jody Palm

Notes:

This story was originally written by Jody Palm. It was imported to the AO3 by Kalinysta with permission from Jody Palm and approval from the Open Doors Committee in January 2023."