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Tsubasa’s quarters were a mess, messier than usual. As Maria crept inside, she could see her fellow idol’s turmoil strewn across the floor. Drawers had been pulled out, with their contents spilling out like blood from a wound. A discarded undershirt had been ripped. Another was marked by a bootprint, brown betraying pinpricks of scattered red. Used tissues gathered in piles around Tsubasa, who sat slack on her bed in the darkest corner of her room, hiding her tears.
Maria swiped a few crumpled tissues aside and sat at the end of Tsubasa’s bed. “Talk to me.” she coaxed softly.
Tsubasa further hid her face behind her knees. Her only response was the slightest sniffle of acknowledgment.
“Tsubasa, the others have been worried about you for days.” Maria more sternly reminded her, before thinking better of it. Her tone softened. “It’s just the two of us in here. You can tell me.”
“I betrayed the others.” Tsubasa admitted. “I failed them.”
“I don’t think anyone holds that against you. We knew you weren’t really yourself after-” A half-dozen words and phrases ran through Maria’s mind to describe the incident, coupled with the haunting memories. “-what happened.”
“That’s just it—I was myself during all of that. Everything I did made sense to me, even though so of much of who I was—who-who I am— is still… I don’t know.” Words tumbled from Tsubasa’s lips, a dam that had finally burst.
The antiquated ways of the Kazanari Clan were still an elusive enigma to Maria, as most of the culture outside The White Orphanage seemed. “What don’t you know?” She figured she’d try to understand.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!” Tsubasa cried, throwing her hands up in surrender to her anxiety. “So many are dead, and my songs couldn’t protect them. I couldn’t even bring my blade down to finish the fight with F-Father…” The ignoble title Fudou had claimed struggled to leave Tsubasa. Maria could only imagine the terrible pit Tsubasa must’ve felt with the losses she’d tried and supposedly failed to avenge.
The feeling of helplessness, however, Maria knew well. She recalled how paralyzing duty could be at times, how it had forced her to accept crimes and deaths that wronged her very core. “I understand what it’s like to feel like you can’t do anything about this.” As Tsubasa replied with a pointed glare, Maria couldn’t help but allow more memories to wash over her. Beyond those 70,000 how many more did I also fail to save? The pair of burning blue flames seared like an accusation. “I was there too, Tsubasa! And in more situations, besides.” She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to defend herself. A sigh passed through her. “All I mean to say is, you don’t have to shoulder this all by yourself.”
Tsubasa tore her eyes from Maria. “I’m supposed to be a protector, a sentinel, an idol who keeps everyone safe with her songs, and I haven’t been able to do any of that.” Self-pity still clung to her words. Maria sought to absolve her.
“That’s alright.”
Tsubasa’s voice rose with fury. “It is not-!”
“It is. ” Maria was quick to match Tsubasa’s tone and cut her off before she could sink herself deeper into despair. “Heavens, Tsubasa, have you already forgotten how we defeated the Nephilim with the world’s song?”
Memories seem to move through Tsubasa’s eyes. She blinked rapidly like a camera shutter, hoping to recapture some of the pride from the distant victory. “No, I haven’t.” she admitted. Then came the inevitable. “But-“
“But we can’t rely on that every time, I know.” Maria read Tsubasa’s next line without effort. She really had grown to know the sentinel all too well.
Tsubasa sighed with exasperation, leaning back into her shadowed corner. Whatever Maria was trying to do, it didn’t appear to be working. Regardless, she had come in already prepared to spend morning, noon, and night in Tsubasa’s quarters if that’s what it took. Maria took the opportunity to move closer to her miserable companion and threaded an arm around Tsubasa’s shoulders. The two sat quietly for a moment as Maria lightly pulled Tsubasa closer, hoping to will some of her own warmth into the solitary idol. Maria’s lips parted slightly, daring to speak, but the sudden silence bid she remain still for a few more moments, feel the way Tsubasa’s breath still shuddered with sobs. The soft sound was no stranger to Maria; she’d heard much the same from herself at her lowest and loneliest. What would she have said to her foolish younger self?
“We aren’t always going to be at our best.” she said. “Things will happen, moments will slip through our fingers, and we may end with outcomes we don’t like, but that’s…just how we are, isn’t it?”
“Failures?”
“Human.”
A sharp breath lanced through Tsubasa.
“That doesn’t have to stop us from striving to be better. We can always stand up, together, for tomorrow.” Maria slid her free hand over to take Tsubasa’s. The both of them were clammy and awkward, but joined nonetheless.
“What about today?” Tsubasa muttered.
“What about it?” Maria echoed resonantly.
Tsubasa’s lips pressed into a wavering line as her eyes tried and failed to hold Maria’s soft, fixed gaze. “You’re here aren’t you? Checking on me?” The slightest squeaks permeated Tsubasa’s voice, remnants of teenage persona thought lost with the death of Zwei Wing.
Maria slowly nodded. “That’s right.”
“Why?” Tsubasa’s eyes, glistening with guilt, finally found Maria’s. “When I wouldn’t listen and drew my blade on you?”
Maria’s courteous smile deepened into something far more genuine. “Because it’s you.” Finally, an easy answer.
Tsubasa’s jaw flapped in meager protest. “But I-”
“You’re you, Kazanari Tsubasa. No ruined concert or vampiric spell is going to change that for me.”
Tsubasa seemed to chew on the words. Her eyes came away. She pondered for a moment, before choosing to close the distance between herself and Maria. Their hips touched. Tsubasa uncoiled her posture, turning, meeting Maria’s turquoise eyes and kissing her on the lips.
Blushes immediately bloomed on their faces as Tsubasa closed her eyes with embarrassment. Maria leaned deeper into their impromptu embrace, looking to memorize every facet of the moment. The heat in Tsubasa’s lips, the way Maria’s arm slipped from Tsubasa’s shoulders to curl around her waist, the sudden passion mixed with curiosity and caution. The moment of their first kiss felt like a moment too short.
Tsubasa quickly pulled away, her cheeks still intensely red. Her eyes fell and looked to the edge of the bed. “I should have done that before…”
Maria reached a hand to cup Tsubasa’s chin and draw her attention back. “Before?”
“Before I almost lost you, too.”
Maria pulled Tsubasa into a tender hug. Their warmth mixed, but couldn’t compare to the previous embrace of their lips. Maria coveted its memory, yearned to recreate it again and again. “I’d follow you to the Moon and back before I left you alone like this.” she promised.
Tsubasa sniffled. “Th-thank you. You-”
It was Maria’s turn to kiss. She didn’t hesitate nearly as much, nearly pushing Tsubasa back. Maria’s hand rose to support her partner, as they had in battle time and time again. Her kiss burned hot and fast, searing her passion into Tsubasa’s lips. Once Maria pulled away, she decided to admit the depth of her feelings. “I hope you know I’m serious. I love you, Tsubasa, no matter what.”
A small smile came over Tsubasa’s face. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, delighting in Maria’s admission, before replying, “I…I love you too…”