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Chapter Text

✿ 𝐈 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 ✿

✿ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ ✿

✿ ʏ/ɴ's ᴘᴏᴠ

You know...most six year olds had an obsession with Japan's symbol of peace and number one hero: All Might.

But me?

The only hero who really caught my attention was the underground Erasure legend — Eraser Head.

He's always been so freaking cool.

_______

“Who's that, L/N-chan?” 

Eight year old Midoriya Izuku peered down at my A4 colouring book. Round, green eyes curiously examined my crappy drawing of my favourite hero, with elongated, wobbly limbs and a scribble of black and yellow colour to finish it off.

“Eraser Head.” I mumbled, just loud enough for Midoriya to hear. I watched his eyebrows furrow in animated confusion, before his eyes lit up and met mine.

”Is he...a hero?"

“The best." I smiled at my piece of artwork, “H-Have you heard of him?”

“No.”

“Oh...”

"But heroes are really cool! So if he's a hero, then he's definitely amazing!" He blurted out. I had clapped my hands at his statement, nodding as my smile stretched wider.

”His quirk can stop bad guys from using their powers! How cool is that?!”

”Not as cool as All Might.”

“Just as cool as him!” I corrected the green haired boy, before pointing at my cartoon, “His quirk isn't flashy like All Might's, but he's so awesome! One day I hope—”

The sudden sound of an explosion interrupted my speech. In unison, Midoriya and I had glanced over at Bakugo Katsuki, the first boy in our grade to have developed his quirk.

I felt my cheeks heat up as I gazed at the sandy haired boy.

”Bakugo says he wants to a be a hero too.” Midoriya twiddled his chubby thumbs and stared intently at me.

“He's so cool....” I giggled to myself, watching my feet swing under the wooden bench we sat on.

”We can't fall behind!” Midoriya said, “I wanna be just as cool as Bakugo!”

”So do I." I agreed, ”If I get a quirk like his, then maybe... he'll like me too!”

__________

”So what is it, Y/N?!" Eleven year old Bakugo yelled as I scrambled towards the path by the river, “You think you're better than me now?! You think your cool?!”

That particular afternoon? It was eerily cold; the air frosty and biting, the ground glazed over and somewhat slippery. Bakugo had burned my mittens that day, so my fingers were blue and numb. As I ran, I felt the blood rush to my face and roar in my ears. Those taunts and threats from Bakugo and his friends sounded muffled — far away. Even though they were so unbearably close.

All I had to do was pass the river. Then I'd be home and forget this ever happened. Forget what I wrote was ever written.

”S-Stop it, Bakugo-kun! Please...!” I had called desperately into the air as I rounded the corner, steadying myself as I skidded to the floor in my frenzy.

My breathing? Shallow. My body? Trembling. From cold or fear, I'm still not entire sure. The memory is fuzzy.

“DON'T THINK FOR ANOTHER SECOND THAT YOU'RE ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY! YOU'RE NOT! DO YOU HEAR ME?!”

Bakugo's voice was loud and hoarse, infused with a raw rage that had me shuddering. I cowardly dropped to the floor and crawled backwards, breaths hurried as I fearfully watched his eyes. That day, I remember them being particularly dark. He was angry. Beyond angry. Apoplectic. 

Bakugo shoved the crumpled sheet of writing in my face.

“ Are you trying to mock me?! Is that it? You think I'm a laughing stock now just because you have a better quirk than me?!”

“No! No, that's not it at all!" I argued, desperate, ”It wasn't a joke! It's the truth! I swear it's the truth! Did you even read the letter, you jerk?!”

“Shut up!” Honda Ryunosuke, one of Bakugo's friends, rolled his eyes as I scowled at his jeering. The group kept on ignoring my pleads. They always ignored what I had to say to defend myself. Bakugo did the same with Midoriya too.

“I'M GONNA BE THE NUMBER ONE HERO! NOT YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?! NOT YOU!!!”

That's when he had lunged for me, eyes bright and wide with rage. Hands glowing a warm orange and heating the biting air that enveloped us.

The blast of his explosion sent me tumbling into the river. The water was so cold. I genuinely thought I'd die.

Sometimes, I wish I did.

Death.

It's a somewhat taboo concept. Either welcomed or rebuked. But as a kid, death is the least of your worries. It should be, anyway.

That day was the first time death had crossed my mind.

A single, lone thought. An outlier in my head. The evocation shouldn't have been there. I was 11.

11 and yet...it was all I could think about. 

Bakugo was a leader. The others? They were followers. Sheep who obeyed their shepherd. Now I was his enemy, I was theirs too.

Their whispers were like daggers, their words like poison. It was torture, following that day — sitting in that classroom with everyone's. Glares. On.

Me. 

 I wanted to cry for hours, days, years. I must've, looking back on it now.

I couldn't show my face there ever again. They all hated me.

“L/N!! Wait up!!” Midoriya had yelled as I scurried out of school later. Junior high was a bunch of crap. Leaving hell for more hell?

I clutched my book bag in my trembling hands, ignoring my friend's pleads as I turned the corner and approached our neighbourhood. Laughs. Stares. Glares. Insults. It left a painful buzz in my brain. An eerily unbearable sting in my heart. I couldn't stay at middle school. It would kill me. 

A part of me didn't really mind, I suppose.

I could only breathe again — only exhale and release the tension — once I was away from there. Soon, it was only the odd chirping of birds and Midoriya's voice that filled the crisp afternoon air.

Midoriya was always a slightly shy kid. He was scrawny and smaller than most kids our age, yet always had this determined look on his face. The boy lived and breathed anything to do with heroes — All Might especially. That's why I'd befriended him in the first place after moving to Shizuoka Prefecture. We had our love for heroes in common.

That, and our favour for Bakugo.

It's hard to remember now, but when we were younger Midoriya often chatted about his childhood friend — Kacchan. They'd lived close to each other their entire lives. Midoriya had a habit of following the other boy around, along with the other kids in his area. 

Not once did he ever speak an ill word of Bakugo. Instead, he would constantly compliment him and talk about how cool he was. Midoriya's admiration for Bakugo drew me to the boy as well. Somewhere down the line I had begun to hang out with his motley crew. That's when I'd developed that stupid crush.

“Go away, Midoriya!” I shouted over my shoulder, “If I'm seen with you then everyone will make fun of me even more!!”

Finally, the boy had raced up to step in front of me, blocking my path.

“Just tell me what happened!” He pleaded, “Why has Kacchan started to-”

“You'll only make things worse." I snapped. He flinched and shot me a hurt look. Not that I cared at the time, “ Now Bakugo hates both of us! And now I hate you!” 

So that was when Midoriya and I stopped talking. Instead of being lonely together, we spent our junior high days in total solitude.

“I'll kill you if you enroll at UA.”

Bakugo had said the same thing to Midoriya too, at least, that's what I'd overheard from a couple girls earlier that morning. Even better reason so steer clear from him, right?

Trouble always seemed to find me, of course. Trouble like Bakugo. Trouble I couldn't avoid.

14 year old Bakugo shoved past me to block my path in the hallway.

When I said nothing in response, he slammed a fist against the locker we stood next to, silencing the crowded hallway. Murmurs and whispers arose from the corridor. I hung my head in shame.

I wish I could say that he didn't scare me. I wish I could say he had no effect on me.

But he did. 

Bakugo Katsuki terrified the fuck out of me. And at that time, I let his abuse control my life.

”Why aren't you speaking?" He mumbled. 

I said nothing.

“WHY AREN'T YOU SPEAKING?!”

“I'm sorry-" 

He grabbed a fistfull of my hair. With his friends following us, we approached the nearest exit of the school building.

Towards the public bathroom. Again.

Looking back on it now, the toilet wasn't the worst part for me. It wasn't even close.

The worst part was the the shame. It stalked me wherever I went — hung over me like a raincloud of doom, a constant reminder. A shadow, obscuring any kind of sunlight that shone in my favour.

As he kicked the stall's door open, Bakugo asked me again, voice gruff and guttural.

“Are you going to enroll in UA?”

“Please stop.” I had mustered enough courage to utter.

I had finally spoken, so he released his grip on my hair. 

“Why are you even trying?" Bakugo hissed, breath hot against my ear, “You're a fucking coward. You wouldn't get in anyway. You know that right?”

He waited for a response.

"YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?!”

“I know!” I cried out, ”I know! I know, so please—”

”Shut up, bitch.” He clicked his tongue in annoyance, “Even now you take me for an idiot, huh?! I know you're gonna enroll anyway! You self-righteous piece of shit! Always thinking you're better than me—”

“THAT'S NOT TRUE—!”

He took hold of my hair again, and in one swift motion, thrust my face straight into the toilet bowl.

I had to hold my breath for two minutes and thirty five seconds.

After I'm yanked back out, the toilet water I retched back up soaked the tiled floor. My head felt light.

“You know what I tell Deku? I tell him to take a swan dive off the roof of the building.”

Bakugo laughed — this scarily unhinged laugh — at his own joke. I was still coughing

“You know why? So he can make something of himself in his next life. Because there's nothing for him here. And there isn't for you either. So just die, Y/N.”

This wasn't fair. 

”Why do you think you're any better...?” I had croaked.

He froze behind me. I could almost see him seething. But his face scared me. I kept my head hung low.

“What the fuck did you say?" 

He took a step forward following my silence, crouching down to my level and staring me down.

“Don't be shy. Talk. Go on. Lecture me.”

I did.

“Why would anyone wanna be saved by the likes of you?”

I felt him wordlessly glare at me. So I lifted my head to hold his stare.

”Why do you even want to be a hero so bad?”