Work Text:
The stillness of the room was only broken by the slight movement of the curtains in front of the open window. It was a quiet night, perhaps the quietest since the war has ended. The first few days could be only described as a fever dream for most people. The debris left after the destroyed buildings of Konoha covered the ground everywhere making it hard for rescue teams to move around.
The hospital was one of the first buildings to be rebuilt. The amount of injured people occupying its rooms and even corridors were endless even though the uninjured members of the medical staff worked day and night to help everyone.
Sasuke felt a pang of guilt in his chest for taking an entire room in the hospital for himself especially in the first few weeks when all he could hear were the steps of people running back and forth from the corridors trying to find space for everyone. But it couldn’t be helped and he understood it well. He was considered a criminal, a traitor who left his own village in the name of revenge and caused so much pain and suffering for them it was hard to even begin to describe. He had to be separated from everyone else during his hospital stay because no one else would have willingly shared a room with him.
No one else except for, of course, Naruto who brought up the topic of sharing a room almost every day especially now that he was allowed to walk around and could visit Sasuke’s room whenever he pleased. Thankfully both Kakashi and Tsunade were against this idea.
Sasuke wasn’t allowed to leave his room, at least not just yet but he didn’t really mind it.
He welcomed the few hours of solitude it provided him, letting him sort out his thoughts better. After spending so many years focusing solely on revenge and to get stronger, suppressing every other emotion, he felt like a man who had finally raised his head from under the water. The sudden clarity in his mind after walking around blind for so long was overwhelming and he needed space to get himself together.
He wasn't sure if Naruto could tell or not, but he had a feeling that he probably could from the way he examined his face when he burst into his room before returning to his usual annoying self. Sasuke would never say it out loud but these impromptu visits from the blonde also helped him get out of his deep thoughts for a few hours.
He stared at the moving curtains and inhaled the cool air of the night. The construction of the city went on even during the night in the first few weeks but now, that most urgent facilities were set up and most people in critical condition were taken care of it was strikingly quiet. Sasuke sank further into his pillows and lifted his mismatched eyes to the night sky. The moon looked vibrant against the blackness around it.
Sasuke’s thoughts wandered back to his brother. Their twisted fate and how their life would be if things were different. Now, that his mind was clear and the red curtains of rage were lifted from his eyes he felt more directionless than ever before. When he was a kid, he wanted to be a better shinobi than his brother, he wanted his father and clan to be proud of him. After their murder he wanted to see his brother dead and after that he wanted revenge on Konoha.
The very same Konoha which showed mercy to him even though they had every right to execute him without question. A small part of him knew his new purpose was to find himself again.
He would never be able to become who he could have been if his family were still alive. He knew this well. But he could learn who he really was after everything.
He shifted his position again and his breath caught in his throat from the sudden sharp pain in his left arm. Or rather what was left from it. Logic dictated that injuries like this one took a long time to heal but he was still annoyed by it. Learning how to perform everyday tasks with only one hand was also harder than he expected. He was still better at it than Naruto and that kept him motivated to practice more.
The silence of the night was broken by soft footsteps in the hallway and he looked towards the small window on his door just in time to catch a flash of pink passing by his room. He pretended not to feel the small tug of disappointment in his chest.
During the first few days after the war when he was going in and out of consciousness due his injuries he didn’t know or care what was happening around him. Sometimes we would catch the same flash of pink lingering around him, tending to his wounds silently. He wanted to reach out to hold into the comfort it gave him. He wasn’t sure if he did or not.
After he finally woke up and his condition improved, he saw Sakura hurry past his door several times a day and each time she didn’t enter his room he felt the same disappointment he did just now. He wasn’t even sure why he did. He had no right to feel that way. Not after everything he did to her. His feelings also confused him. It took him a few days to even give them a name. He wasn’t used to feeling disappointed about someone not paying attention to him, not since he was a little kid anyway. If anything, he welcomed being left alone at any time of the day.
He had spent years ignoring Sakura's feelings for him, wishing them away, thinking her love was a useless annoyance and a sign of weakness. He gave her nothing to love and he didn’t deserve any affection from her.
The latter part was still true. Sasuke didn’t think he deserved any love from her but now, he did want her forgiveness. He already apologized once and Sakura accepted it but she did change. She was kind and attentive during her afternoon visits but she was also distant. She performed her routine examinations, looked more at her clipboard than at him and kept the conversation strictly on his recovery process and status. The smile she showed him entering and exiting his room was painfully polite.
Sasuke told himself more than once that it was exactly what he wanted. She finally took a step back and realized he wasn’t worthy of her affections. He wasn’t able to reciprocate her feelings anyway. He didn’t even know how to or how it felt to properly love someone in a healthy way.
The steps returned and he could see the top of her pink head go by again but this time he heard the door next to his open and close. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. The room next to him was Naruto’s. As far as he knew the blonde healed way faster than he did so why did he require a night visit from her?
Just then he could hear his obnoxious laughter through his wall behind his back followed by Sakura’s hurried voice probably to shut him up before he woke up half the hospital. Sasuke wasn’t able to make out their words through the wall. He sat up and shifted back in the bed hoping to hear them better but he had no luck. Maybe he could press his ear to the wall and…
What was he even doing? Sakura visiting Naruto’s room was none of his business. He lay back on his pillow with a sigh. Apparently, his newfound clarity also provided him with some ridiculous behavior. He turned his attention back to the night sky and tried to return to his original train of thoughts.
The melody of Sakura’s quiet laughter reached his ears this time. He glared at the moon like it somehow had something to do with his sudden sour mood. Why was she laughing? The idiot wasn’t even that funny. She used to roll her eyes at Naruto’s dumb jokes.
They grew up together. And closer, he realized.
He couldn’t hep but wonder just how close. But she did confess her love for him during the war and not for Naruto. He was an asshole about it, there was no mistake about it. Sasuke did regret that part, looking back he wished he approached the situation differently but, in that headspace, he wanted to keep her away from their upcoming fight as far as possible. His target was Naruto not her and he didn’t need the distraction.
He heard her giggling again then Naruto’s door opened soon after and he saw her go past his door again without a pause.
*
Sasuke barely opened his eyes the next morning when Naruto barged in.
“Morning Sunshine!” he yelled “Wow, you look like shit. Bad night?”
Sasuke lifted his single hand to rub his eyes. He did feel like shit. He stayed up way later than usual and managed to fall asleep in a weird angle so his arm was also in pain.
“Hn.”
Naruto marched over and sat down on his bed.
“I told you not to put your dirty feet on my bed.” He growled at him, eyes still only half open.
“Oh, my bad!” The blonde said but showed no intention of moving. “Look, I already put them up it doesn’t matter at this point.” He added seeing his friend’s glare.
Sasuke had no energy to argue with him this time. If he was well rested, he would have kicked him off already.
There was a quick knock on their door and a nurse opened it holding a tray of food.
“Ah, great, thank you!” Naruto jumped up and hurried over to her to take it. “I told them to bring both of our breakfasts here so we could eat together.” He explained to Sasuke like he just came up with the best idea ever. He usually appeared in his room after breakfast.
“Great.”
Naruto ignored his flat tone and plopped down on his bed again with the tray. Sasuke picked up one of the small bowls of soup and lifted it to his mouth while Naruto started munching on a toast covering his bed with crumbles of bread.
“Disgusting.”
Naruto shrugged unaware of his actions as usual. “Nah, I think the jelly we got yesterday was way worse if you ask me. Soup and toast with ham is not nearly as bad”
Sasuke rolled his eyes and continued to drink his soup choosing to look outside the window instead, tuning out the rest of his blabbing. Looking at Naruto eating was starting to take away his appetite. On some roofs, construction has already started again after a night's rest. Sasuke focused on the workers moving around on the roofs, who had probably been working continuously since dawn to rebuild the houses.
“…and the kitchen lady was so nice she gave me something to eat instead. I told her the jelly was way too sweet in the morning. Who would want to eat that first thing? I mean I guess Sakura would because she at mine no problem but still.”
Sasuke turned back to him, suddenly remembering the previous night. “What?”
“Yeah, next time you want new food tell me and I’ll get you some from the kitchen, they always have something different.”
“Hn.” Sasuke picked up a piece of toast and took a bite. “So, you had breakfast with Sakura?”
Naruto shook his head his mouth already full again. “She ahte ih-t lhanhter..”
“Stop talking and eating at the same time!” Sasuke snapped at him.
Naruto just grinned and swallowed his food finally. “You’ll live. She ate it later during the afternoon visit. I kept it for her because she likes disgustingly sweet things.”
Sasuke hummed and continued to eat his toast. Naruto seemed to be completely occupied with his food again as well. Maybe he could ask. Not like he was that curious. It wasn’t his business after all and it wasn’t a big deal.
“I heard her in your room last night. Did your condition get worse?” He asked quickly and took a bigger bite from his toast than before.
Naruto turned his attention back to him again with a confused look which, to Sasuke’s horror, slowly turned into a mischievous smile. “Aw, it’ so nice of you to be so worried about me!”
Sasuke rolled his eyes at him again. “You were laughing so damn loud it woke me up.”
“Really? Could have sworn I felt your chakra quite strongly before that...”
“Sign of incompetence on your part...”
Naruto raised his middle finger at him toast still in his hand but quickly leaned back before Sasuke could grab him. They continued munching on their toasts after their short tiff.
“Sometimes she needs a break from the medic trainees and she hides in my room.” Naruto said after some silence.
“From the trainees?”
“Yeah, even if she’s resting in her office, they keep coming in to ask her about everything. The past few weeks were hard for everyone but for her it was insane.”
Sasuke remembered noting how pale and tired she looked during some of her afternoon visits and he nodded. “It’s getting quieter now.”
“Yeah, it’s better but it’s still not great. She’s barely standing on her feet by the end of her shift. And the end of her shift is never really the end as far as I can tell.”
“Hn.”
“You know,” Naruto waited until Sasuke raised his head to look at him hearing his weird tone. “Maybe you could offer her your room as a resting space too.”
Sasuke looked at his widening grin and wiggling eyebrows and felt the sudden urge to suffocate him with a pillow. He could probably do it with one hand, he did better at the exercises than him anyway.
“Why would I do that? She has your room.” He forced his voice to be as neutral as he could.
“Ah, I don’t know maybe because you've literally never listened to me as attentively as when I talked about her.”
Naruto was still grinning at him while he was trying his best to show him his best blank stare.
“Eat your food.” He said finally which made the blonde burst into loud laughter.
Sasuke could feel his ears burning and he tried to ignore it as best as he could. He wasn’t used to feeling like this. His emotions were mainly limited to feeling angry, sad or indifferent the past couple of years.
Naruto probably took mercy on him and left him alone with his thoughts until the end of their meal.
“Gotta get back to my room before the nurse kicks me out for staying too long.” He finally said standing up.
Sasuke started brushing off the crumbles from his bed onto the tray with a frown. “Here.” He shoved the tray to the blonde’s single hand. “Take your mess with you.”
“You’re acting like you didn’t sleep at the most horrendous places for years. Don’t tell me Orochimaru is a neat freak too!”
“Compared to you, he might just be.” Sasuke couldn’t help the small smirk that appeared in the corner of his mouth seeing Naruto’s scandalized face.
He marched towards the door and Sasuke lay back on his back pleased with having the last word.
*
By the time afternoon rolled around he was less pleased. In fact, he was annoyed. Annoyed by himself, because he unintentionally developed the habit of staring at the clock before his afternoon visit. He tried to stop it but his eyes kept turning back to the clock. The visits were around four o’clock in the afternoon every day.
It was six minutes past four and he felt himself being even more annoyed by himself for being impatient. It’s not like he’s feeling particularly worse than before. It’s just a routine visit.
He heard a small knock on his door and Sakura opened it soon after with her usual small polite smile.
“Hi Sasuke-kun! How are you feeling?”
He could tell from her voice how exhausted she was already.
“I’m fine.”
Sakura waited a moment, probably to see if he would continue talking then nodded turning away from him. She walked to the small monitor next to his bed to check it while Sasuke felt a pang of guilt for not saying anything more.
Seemingly being satisfied with whatever she saw on the monitor, Sakura walked to the end of his bed next and picked up his file and started writing on her clipboard. Sasuke wasn’t used to this amount of silence from her. Her expression was still pleased as she looked through her notes, nodding to herself at certain points taking a note at others.
“Your overall condition is getting better each day.” She said finally when Sasuke thought he couldn’t take any more silence from her.
“Hn.” He nodded, then quickly added, “That’s good.”
“Your data from the morning visit is slightly worse than yesterday, though.” She frowned a bit. “Did you have a rough night?”
“I’m fine.” He felt much better than he did in the morning and he didn’t think explaining his night would do any good.
Sakura stared at him a bit longer then nodded. “Alright.” She gave him another polite smile then stepped closer. “Let me check your eyes, please.”
Sasuke nodded and she took out a small pen sized lamp from her pocket. “Okay, look straight at me, please.”
Sasuke stared into the green infinity of her eyes while she stepped even closer and touched his face to widen his eyes slightly. Her hands were small and always slightly dry probably from the amount of disinfectant she had to use during the day. Her touch was feather light on his skin, only applying as much pressure as necessary for the examination. Sasuke caught himself thinking he wouldn’t mind it if she wasn’t so careful but he quickly chased away that thought before his ears started burning again.
Sakura kept moving the light from one eye to another looking at his irises thoroughly. Sasuke moved on from staring at her eyes to staring at her pink eyelashes. He remembered finding them unique even when they were kids. She still looked tired but much better now than a few weeks ago. Her skin was still fair as always but less pale and dull. He could clearly see the faint freckles on her cheeks and nose from up-close. She always complained about them when they were kids but he could never see what she was talking about. Now, from this close he could finally notice them and he wasn’t sure why Sakura disliked them because he felt the exact opposite.
Her eyes kept examining his and that was when the thought struck him. Their faces were never this physically close for this long, and yet Sakura was not looking at him anymore. Not like she used to anyway. She was looking at his eyes, doing her job but she never really looked at him.
“Okay, your eyes are a bit red and drier than usual. Please close them for a bit, I’ll fix them.”
Sasuke closed his eyes and she started to work on them touching both his temples with her hands. His nerves instantly felt better.
He should be glad Sakura was finally seeing him as he was. This was better for the both of them. But then why did he feel so cold from the thought of her not caring about him anymore? Was it because he took it for granted?
Yes.
He could admit that much to himself. Or at the very least, he wasn’t used to not having her attention. Ever since they were kids Sakura always cheered him on and followed him around. A few long-forgotten memories came to his mind.
A small Sakura staring at him with a big bow in her hair as he was ready to fight Naruto on the backyard of the school. Him thinking there was no way he would ever lose a fight while she was looking at him. Sakura complimenting Kakashi on his shuriken throwing skills and Sasuke practicing said skills all night. Sakura smiling at Naruto on the hospital roof making him feel something he didn’t think was there before.
Yes, he could definitely admit that he wasn’t used to her being indifferent to him.
A thin lock of hair fell in front of his right eye and Sakura mindlessly reached for it and moved it behind his ear. The act teared him out of his thoughts and he opened his eyes in surprise. It seemed like Sakura only realized what she had done a second later.
“I’m sorry!” She said quickly. “Your hair was in the way and- “
“I don’t mind.” Sasuke said quickly. He really didn’t, but it did surprise him. He was getting used to this new Sakura not touching him if it wasn’t absolutely necessary ever. He never thought of himself as a person who liked any kind of physical touch but his skin still tingled behind his ear where her fingers brushed him.
“Ah, alright, still I’m sorry.” She stepped back but Sasuke caught her wrist in a light grip.
“I really didn’t mind. Please continue.” He really should think more before acting.
Sakura stared at him with wide eyes. A deep blush slowly coloring her fair cheeks under her freckles. On second thought, maybe it was better if Sasuke didn't think. It was the closest reaction to her past self that he had seen from her in a while.
“Okay.” She said quickly and Sasuke let go of her. She swallowed and stepped closer again.
Sasuke focused on the freckles on her face again this time highlighted with a pinkish hue on her skin. He liked this version as well, maybe more, he decided.
“Um, Sasuke-kun, could you please close your eyes again?” Sakura’s voice sounded like she really tried to keep her professional tone but was failing.
Sasuke moved his mismatched eyes back up to hers. She blinked rapidly and looked away.
He closed his eyes again. This Sakura was way closer to the one he used to know. He tried to ignore how satisfied he felt with himself all of a sudden. He was also aware how twisted the situation was. She spent years waiting for him to show any affection towards her and now he was the one fishing for reactions from her.
“Alright, it’s done.” Sakura stepped back and the spell was broken.
Sasuke reluctantly opened his eyes again. She gained back her usual composure and was now writing on her clipboard again.
“Do you feel any discomfort or pain anywhere that you want me to look at?” Her usual question before she left his room for the day. Sasuke always said no, even if he was in pain because he knew he would get better eventually. He lost an arm after all. He also kind of thought the pain was the least he deserved after all the things he had done.
“My arm.” He touched his stump with his remaining right hand. “I kind of slept on it.”
He could see the flash of surprise in Sakura’s eyes hearing his answer. She was probably used to him saying no each day. She was already holding her clipboard to walk out as usual.
His arm did hurt, but it wasn’t as bad as it was in the morning. Sasuke wasn’t sure what his intentions were with telling her about the pain aside from making her stay a bit longer.
Sakura put her clipboard down and approached his bedside again. “Okay, I’m going to touch your arm to examine it.”
She always let him know before she touched him. Maybe she thought he wasn’t okay with her touch considering her previous reaction.
“Okay.”
Sakura rolled up his sleeve on his left arm and but her hands on his stump running her green chackra over it. Sasuke felt the same shooting sensation he felt in his eyes. He wished there was a way to keep that feeling in his left arm forever. There probably wasn’t. He was slowly getting used to having one arm but he wasn’t sure the discomfort would ever go away. He knew he needed to constantly massage it and make sure to move it as much as possible every day even after it’s already healed.
Sakura kept running her chackra though his arm making sure to ease every flared-up nerve in it.
“Naruto told me you sometimes rest in his room after your shift.”
He wasn’t sure where it came from the words just stumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it. It wasn’t even a question just a statement.
Sakura looked up at him, her green eyes wide searching his for a second probably trying to decide where he was going with this. Too bad he wasn’t sure yet either.
“He really should find something useful to do instead of telling on me.” She said finally shaking her head slightly. “But yeah, I go there sometimes because my office is not really the best place to rest.”
“I see.” He wasn’t sure how to continue the conversation and Sakura went back to looking at his arm.
He couldn’t remember the last time he tried to strike up a conversation with someone. He was usually the one to cut things short when someone tried to talk to him. He could feel the power of Sakura’s chackra lessen on him as she was slowly finishing up his treatment and he found himself feeling weird about it again. Because that was the best way he could label it. He felt weird. And he felt even weirder since he heard her in Naruto’s room the previous night.
“You can rest here too if you’d like.” He said as soon as her hands left his arm.
Sakura’s eyes snapped up at him and this time she couldn’t even hide her shock. “I mean, Naruto is not really the best companion if someone wants to rest.” He added quickly.
Sakura was still searching his face, her green eyes full of questions. “I guess that’s true.” She said finally. “But I really don’t mind it’s not like I sleep anyway. I just need some space.”
“Naruto is not good at giving space either.” He pushed.
Sakura nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that’s also true. Thank you for offering Sasuke-kun, it’s very kind of you.” She was avoiding his eyes again as she walked back to pick up her clipboard again. “I really wouldn’t want to bother you but I appreciate the offer, truly.” Her polite smile was back but her eyes looked sad when they met his again.
“You’re not bothering.”
Sakura nodded again then turned around with some hesitation in her movements and went to the door. “Good night, Sasuke-kun.” She was out the door before he had the chance to say anything to her.
*
Later that night Sasuke sat on his bed mindlessly following an exercise routine one of the nurses taught him and Naruto with his right arm. His thoughts kept getting back to Sakura and their encounter that afternoon. She was definitely acting different around him but the way she blushed and reacted to a small touch from him told him she was not as indifferent as she wants him to believe.
If her distant demeanor was a way to punish him, he admittedly more than deserved it. He sighed and combed his hair back with his fingers. It was getting longer.
Who knew clarity would come with this much confusion? Every second thought he had reassured him that Sakura acting this way was actually a good thing. This is what he wanted, this is great, she needs to be angry at him and move on. Every second thought. But all the others were already planning what his next move should be to break her composure and make her blush for him again.
Maybe they should examine his head again. Naruto must have landed a punch during their fight which led to his brain malfunctioning. Playing games like this, craving someone’s attention and thinking about them this much couldn’t be normal.
He heard soft steps again and looked up to see the flash of pink rush by. Naruto’s door opened again and his chest ached with something unexplainable. It was okay. She had every right to ignore his offer and choose Naruto’s room to rest. It wasn’t like Sasuke was good company either.
He could hear their voices again. It was a much quicker back and forth than the previous night. Then he heard Naruto’s door open and close again and his eyes opened in surprise. She stayed there much longer last time. Maybe she was too busy.
He heard her steps again on the hallway but this time instead of passing by his room they stopped right in front of it. Sasuke’s throat suddenly went dry and he froze on his bed.
He couldn’t see her from his angle but he knew she was standing outside his door probably contemplating if she should enter or not. Sasuke couldn’t remember the last time he waited for the outcome of a decision this intently.
Sakura must have made up her mind because he heard a soft knock and she hesitantly opened his door.
“Sasuke-kun, are you still up?” Her voice was soft and unsure.
“Yeah.” He answered way too quickly but he didn’t care. Sakura chose to enter his room and rest there.
She opened his door wider and stepped inside. The light coming from the hallway cast a halo around her as she nervously looked at him, still not closing the door behind her, one hand on the handle like she was ready to bolt at any second.
“Um, you said you wouldn’t mind if I stayed here a little bit… But I can of course go and find another- “
“No. Feel free to stay. Please.” He added at the end to show he really was okay with it.
Sakura nodded and awkwardly stepped inside finally closing the door behind her. She looked a lot more unsure about herself than she did during her usual afternoon visits.
“Thank you. Naruto kicked me out, he said he needed to… meditate? I didn’t even know he did that.” She walked to the gray armchair next to his bed and sat down. “I’ll only stay for just a bit; I won’t bother you for too long.”
Sasuke ignored her comment about their blonde teammate, a meditating Naruto sounded absurd to him.
“You’re not bothering me. I wasn’t sleeping yet.” Why was she so concerned about bothering him?
“Okay.” Sakura stifled a yawn and stretched her arms above her head.
“Did you even have time to rest properly since the war?” Her clothes were wrinkly, half of her hair already escaped her pony tail, her under eyes were way darker than they were just a few hours before and she looked a lot paler as well.
“Of course, my shift is the same length as everyone else’s.” She smiled faintly.
“Naruto said your shift doesn’t really end.”
Sakura wrinkled her nose and sent an annoyed stare towards the wall that separated his room from Naruto’s. “He really should stop talking about other people’s business.”
Sasuke swallowed and looked away. Maybe he overstepped with his questions. He had no right to pry into her life yet knowing she willingly shared every detail with Naruto but told Sasuke nothing hurt his pride.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
Sakura smiled and shook her head. “It’s okay, not like it’s a huge secret, the hospital is very busy still and we don’t have enough fully trained medics. I just don’t want to bore you with these details.”
Sasuke raised an eyebrow as he studied her. Bore him? He was the one who asked, wasn’t that a sign that he was curious? Apparently not. Did she think of him so lowly that she thought everything she did was either boring or bothering him? He decided it was best to give voice to his thoughts this time.
“Do you really think you’re boring or bothering me?”
“Um, yeah?” Sakura looked at him then to the side before continuing. “Look, I’m just glad you’re okay and you’re back with us.”
Sasuke waited for her to continue but she remained silent.
“Is that why you’re acting so different?”
Sakura’s eyes found his again. She looked surprised, like she didn’t think he would notice her behavior. “I’m not acting different.”
“You are.” Sasuke tried to keep his voice neutral despite feeling the frustration he felt slowly creeping up on him.
Sakura sighed and leaned back in her seat hugging herself. “I’m trying my best to give you space and not make you feel weird about… things.”
“Weird?”
She sighed again this time more annoyed than before. “Yeah, like you owe me or something.” She must have seen the confusion on his face because she avoided his eyes again before continuing. “You know, like you need to make it up to me. I’m able to recognize and accept that you don’t feel the same way about me as I do about you. I’m just glad you’re finally back and I’ll be there for you as a friend when you need it but I won’t bother you otherwise.”
Sasuke stared at her not knowing what to say all of a sudden. He knew very well how much pain and suffering he caused not just to her but everyone else as well. And yet here she was trying to make sure he wasn’t bothered by her.
“I’m sorry.” He muttered.
Sakura smiled at him and stood up stepping closer to his bed. “You already apologized; I forgive you. And besides, I hurt you as well. I’m sorry too.”
Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows trying to recall what exactly she was talking about.
“The bridge?” She said hesitantly.
If Sasuke felt bad up until then now he felt like he was punched in the gut. The bridge? Did she think she was hurting him there?
“Sakura you did nothing wrong at that bridge. You don’t owe me any apology for that.” He tried to keep his voice as firm as possible to make her understand just how serious he was about it. Yet she still looked unsure.
“But I tried to... I went there to…”
Sasuke reached out and pulled her closer to his bed by her hand. “Sakura.” He said her name to make her look at him again. When she looked back up at him with her wide green eyes from their hands he continued. “You had every right to do what you were planning to do. I was the one who hurt you on that bridge not the other way around. I wasn’t in my right mind but it’s not an excuse for hurting you. I’m sorry.”
Sakura’s eyes progressively became shinier as she was listening to him. Finally, she bit her lower lip and blinked away her tears. “You don’t need to apologize any more either, I really do forgive you.”
Sasuke nodded. “Thank you.”
She stayed there for a few more seconds before she finally cleared her throat and started pulling her hand back from his. “Alright, I think it’s time for me to go back, someone is probably already looking for me.” She said with an awkward laugh.
Sasuke felt the same feeling he did a few hours before when she was leaving his room. He tightened her hold on his hand and pulled her back. “Stay. They can be without you a bit longer.”
He could see a faint blush on her cheeks again and felt the familiar warmness of satisfaction spread in his chest.
“Um… Sasuke-kun, I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s better if I leave for now.”
“Why?”
She searched his face for a few seconds like she was trying to decide what to say before answering.
“I told you, I’m trying to be your friend.”
“Okay. Naruto is your friend too, and you don’t have a problem staying with him.”
“I don’t have a hard time being Naruto’s friend. With you… I just need some time to adjust to it. I hope you can understand.”
She pulled her hand away again and this time Sasuke let her. He nodded when she whished him good night and stared at the door for a long time after she left.
He wished he was better articulating his feelings or rather identifying them. He wanted to say something to Sakura’s words but he wasn’t sure what. He couldn’t even protest again when she left. Sasuke knew he was being selfish. He wished she would act the same way as she used to, showing him affection and care and yet he wasn’t able to give her anything back. It wasn’t fair of him to put the burden of filling his side with affection too for the both of them.
Yet he word “friend” just didn’t feel right from her mouth anymore. He couldn’t come up with a different label for them though. He used to think thinking about things like this was ridiculous and a waste of time but now here he was.
He knew he wasn’t able to give her anything just yet. His mind was still a mess, he didn’t even know himself anymore, he was lost and he had a lifetime of things to make up to for all the things he had done. He wasn’t even sure he had much time left of his life to do that. Kakashi hinted at that he probably wouldn’t be executed after his trial but one would never know. Maybe, just maybe if he survived and he had a chance to take his time to figure himself out and redeem himself from at least part of his sins, maybe then…
Friends just didn’t seem right.
Before he knew it, he was out of his bed walking on the hallway towards the direction of Sakura’s office. He vaguely remembered that it was on the third floor so he needed to go up. He could feel her chackra, faint but definitely there.
The hospital was mostly quiet. He needed to avoid some nurses and medics on his way but thankfully he didn’t lose his skills with his arm too.
Sakura’s office was at the end of the hallway. He knocked and let himself in right after before anyone could spot him outside. It was better not to stack up extra charges to his already sizeable list before his trial.
“What- Sasuke-kun?!”
Sakura must have dosed off at her table because it took her a second to capture the situation after she lifted her head.
“What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to leave your room, they’re going to punish you!” Her voice was full of panic as she jumped up from her chair and rushed over to him.
“I had something to say.”
“You could have waited until tomorrow!” Her tone was now almost similar to the one she usually used on Naruto when he did something particularly stupid.
“No, I couldn’t have.”
Sakura glanced at the door behind him then back at him again seemingly not being able to decide if she should kick him out or hear him out. “Fine.” She said after a few seconds. “What was so important?”
Sasuke wasn’t sure where to start. It’s not like he practiced a monologue before coming. He just knew he needed to say something and hope Sakura would understand him.
“I don’t want to be your friend.” He said, and regretted it instantly as he saw Sakura’s expression go from shocked to sad in a matter of seconds. “No, I mean… Look…”
He reached out and held her hand again. This was becoming a habit he realized. He’s never been one to crave other people’s touch but holding her hand grounded him and helped to clear his mind.
Fortunately, Sakura kept quiet and listened him now, with a bit more interest in her eyes.
Sasuke cleared his throat and continued. “I realize this not fair. I can’t promise you anything and I’m not even able to give a name to the things I feel. At least not right now. But I don’t want you to think that your feelings are a burden to me or you’re bothering me with them.”
Sakura looked at him for a long time, slightly tilting her head to the side as she was watching him from under her long pink eyelashes. She wasn’t acting like the old Sakura because she wasn’t the old Sakura anymore, he realized. The little girl who looked him with adoration after his every sentence was now a young woman whose eyes carefully studied his face. She grew up to be strong and wise beyond her years. And Sasuke was proud of her.
“So… I take it as I’m not annoying you anymore?”
Sasuke was stunned to say the least. He felt like she just slapped him in the face with his own words. Only when he saw the small smile tugging at the corner of her lips did he realize that she was making fun of him.
He lifted his eyes towards the ceiling but couldn’t help the small smirk on his own mouth.
“You actually do now, that I think about it.”
Sakura giggled and shrugged. “Old habits die hard.”
Her smile was a lot more genuine now, far from the small polite ones she gave him before.
He tightened his hold on her hand. “I understand if you refuse to wait for me any longer. I can’t ask you to be patient with someone who can’t even give you an answer right now.”
The smile didn’t leave her face but her expression became more determined as she looked back at him.
“It is unfair.” Sasuke felt the familiar pang of guilt in his chest return again hearing her words. “But I’ve waited for you to return for years. I can wait a bit longer if you ask me to.”
Sasuke nodded. “Thank you.”
“But not forever.” She added squinting her eyes at him making it hard for him to suppress his smirk again. The way she wasn’t afraid to tell him off anymore was way too charming.
“Not forever.”
He knew he still had a long way to go until the day he felt deserving of a better life but he was sure the end of the road was well worth the journey as he was staring into her jade green eyes.