Work Text:
Hiyori Tomoe doesn’t get angry.
Anger is a low-class emotion. He knows this because it’s what his family has told him countless times. He knows this because Jun has so much anger swirling inside him, and Jun is a low-class person, so that must be why.
Sometimes, Hiyori envies him for being able to show all of his emotions freely.
Frustration isn’t the same as anger, though. Frustration, Hiyori will admit to feeling. To himself. He’d never asked his family about this particular loophole, not wanting the freedom to experience it taken away from him if he was wrong.
Jun saw the test results posted in the hallway, with Hiyori’s name sitting prettily right near the far end, just barely above the bottom of the third year class. Hiyori knows he saw the results, because on their walk back to their dorm Jun is talking his ear off about how these are just the first exams of the year and of course it’s fine to not score great on them and Hiyori has not said a word to him about this, has not even acknowledged that Jun is talking, so why is Jun still talking to him about this?
“Jun-kun,” he says, keeping his tone measured. “You don’t need to tell me this.”
“Oh.” Jun stops for a moment, pausing his words while he fishes in his pocket for the key and unlocks their door. “Right. Of course. It’s just that I’ve scored poorly on tests before, so I know how it feels, y’know? I know I’m in the class lower than you, but if you ever want help studying I can probably help a little bit–”
Hiyori can feel something ugly blossoming in his chest, expanding rapidly. Jun keeps prattling on, and Hiyori needs him to stop right now before he does something stupid, like get angry.
“–And it really isn’t the end of the world, even if it feels like it might be,” Jun continues, painfully oblivious. “So, y’know, keep your head up, alright? You’ll definitely get more chances to–”
And oh, something comes over Hiyori. He pushes Jun against the wall and kisses him harshly. Anything to get his stupid idiot partner to stop talking.
Jun’s eyes widen in surprise as his hands move up to grab Hiyori’s shirt on instinct. Hiyori breaks the kiss, glaring at Jun.
“Ohiisan, what the hell–”
“I told you, Jun-kun,” Hiyori interrupts, “to shut up.”
And he kisses Jun again. His lips move against Jun’s as he feels a white hot something sinking to rest uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. He doesn’t stop to think about what he’s doing, doesn’t care about the repercussions of this, not when Jun’s lips are so soft and this feels so right.
A strangled little noise comes from Jun’s throat and he, by some miracle, starts kissing Hiyori back. Hiyori moves a hand up to grab at Jun’s hair and gives it a swift tug, earning a gasp from Jun. He uses his grip to pull Jun’s head to the side and moves down to Jun’s neck.
“Wait, what are you– oh.” Jun’s words are cut off as Hiyori kisses his neck, and he moves a hand of his own to tangle in Hiyori’s hair. Hiyori leaves open-mouthed kisses all over the small expanse of exposed skin.
Hiyori toys with Jun’s collar and tie, debating loosening the tie and unbuttoning the shirt, but decides against it. Instead, he bites down just above Jun’s collar and sucks a bruise there. Jun gasps again and lets out a little mmh of pleasure and his hand in Hiyori’s hair tightens.
Hiyori bites him again, and again, and again, and again, until all of the ugly feelings inside him have finally started to dissipate. He moves back up to Jun’s lips, capturing them with intensity. He bites and pulls at them, and Jun matches his ferocity.
Finally, Hiyori feels normal again. He pulls away from Jun, who stares at him with a strange look in his eyes. He pats Jun on the cheek.
“Good job, Jun-kun,” he says, then he glances down at Jun’s neck, which is littered with developing bruises. Oops. He turns away and steps into their shared bathroom, pulling out his makeup bag and rummaging in it for a moment. His hand closes around his stick of concealer, and he walks back over to Jun and tosses it to him. “You’ll need to use this until the marks on your neck go away.”
Jun stares down at the concealer, then back up at Hiyori. “Um, Ohiisan, that was–”
“That wasn’t anything, Jun-kun,” Hiyori interrupts sharply. Jun flinches at his tone. Hiyori closes his eyes for a moment, takes a deep breath in, and when he reopens his eyes he has a smile on his face. “It didn’t mean anything, okay? I was just… frustrated, and now I feel better. That’s all.”
Jun nods slowly. “Did I– did I make you angry?”
There he goes with that word again. Hiyori shakes his head quickly. “You didn’t. You annoyed me, but that’s nothing new. You should’ve shut up the first time I told you to, though.”
“Oh. Okay. Sorry, I think?”
“It’s fine,” Hiyori says, grin still plastered on his face. “Like I said, I’m over it. Now, I want some tea. Make me some tea, Jun-kun!”
Jun gives him another unreadable look. “Okay, I’ll make some tea.”
And Jun makes him tea. And the rest of the night goes normally. They drink tea, do their homework separately, and eat dinner together that Jun dutifully cooks. And Hiyori definitely doesn't stay up far too late ruminating on his poor test scores.
No, Hiyori Tomoe does not get angry.
⟡⟡⟡
It really didn’t mean anything, Hiyori tells himself over and over. That he can’t stop thinking about Jun’s lips is just due to the fact that it’s been far too long since Hiyori has kissed anyone. But he still finds himself aching for another excuse to kiss Jun.
A month later, another excuse falls right into his lap. He’s on the phone with his mother, a semi-regular occurrence that Hiyori really could do without. The phone call starts out with tepid pleasantries before diving into talks about the Tomoe corporation’s current financial situation. His mother is quick to remind him that he’s doing nothing to help the family succeed, and he’s even quicker to remind her that he’s still in high school, not the heir to the business, and his success as an idol directly benefits the Tomoe name. Of course, this sends her off on another tangent about how wasteful his current passion is, how pointless it is for him to be spending his time in this way, and it takes everything in him not to hang up on her.
They argue for far too long, and Hiyori grows more and more frustrated by the second. It doesn’t matter how many times he gives in and agrees with her; she pulls new reasons to be disappointed in him out of every little crack in their relationship. By the end of the call, Hiyori’s hands are shaking and he’s gritting his teeth and all but spitting responses at her. He hangs up the phone, and promptly throws it at the couch across the room.
There’s silence in the room for a beat too long, and Hiyori turns his head and sees Jun staring at him. Ah. He’d forgotten Jun was there. He takes a deep breath and does his best to give off the vibe of a tranquil and undisturbed pond.
“Jun-kun,” he says, “you were paying attention to that?”
Jun looks down. “Um. A little.”
Hiyori doesn’t want Jun to see him like this. He doesn’t get angry, but god if he doesn’t feel dangerously close to it after talking to his mother. Jun’s supposed to think he has a perfect and happy family life, not whatever the hell he actually has. He looks down at his trembling hands and he has to do something to make this go away because god, Jun really has no business knowing that his family makes him feel like this. Has no business knowing that he even does feel like this. He swallows down the harsh words that rise in his throat as he stares at Jun. His eyes flicker down to Jun’s lips, and suddenly there’s no other choice.
“Come here for a second.”
Jun comes. He stands next to Hiyori’s bed, and before he can open his mouth to ask why, Hiyori grabs him by the shirt and pulls him down onto the bed next to him. He closes the distance and kisses Jun, harsh and rough. Jun makes a noise of surprise, but Hiyori gets a small spike of satisfaction when he once again starts kissing back, lips moving against Hiyori’s without hesitation.
Hiyori pulls Jun closer by the small of his back and allows him to get into the rhythm of the kiss. When Jun is kissing back more confidently, Hiyori takes an opportunity to open his mouth, to push his tongue against Jun’s lips, to meet Jun’s tongue and dance with it. Jun pushes back hesitantly, mirroring Hiyori’s movements.
While his tongue moves against Jun’s, Hiyori caresses Jun’s neck, running his fingertips up and down and feeling Jun tense and shiver at the contact. He remembers Jun’s audible reaction to last time, and decides he wants to make Jun sound like that again.
Hiyori presses a kiss against Jun’s jaw, then moves downwards to kiss his neck. Jun makes a breathy noise and pulls him closer, and Hiyori responds by baring his teeth and nipping gently at the skin on his neck.
“Wait– wait, Ohiisan,” Jun says quickly.
Hiyori leans back and looks up at him. “What is it, Jun-kun?” he asks, annoyed at having been interrupted.
“Please don’t, um, bite my neck again,” Jun says, a faint pink tinging his cheeks. “The makeup thing was really– I don’t want to do that again.”
Hiyori rolls his eyes and kisses Jun again. “Fine. Shirt off, then.”
Jun’s eyes widen. “What?”
“You heard me,” Hiyori says, tugging at the hem of Jun’s shirt. “Off.”
Jun does as he’s told, pulling his shirt over his head. Hiyori climbs on top of him and straddles his waist, smirking down at him and looking shamelessly at his bare chest. He runs a hand down it and Jun suppresses a shiver.
Hiyori wonders, briefly, what his mother would think if she knew what he was doing right now. Not that she would ever find out, of course; that would require her actually taking an interest in him. Something she has yet to do in his 18 years of life.
Ugh. He leans back down and kisses Jun, hard enough and long enough that he’s able to put that particular line of thought on hold. It’s only then that he migrates downwards, kissing down Jun’s neck to land at his chest. He parts his lips and nips at Jun’s chest, and Jun lets out a little breath, a soft exhale as Hiyori teases the skin between his teeth. The noise only goads Hiyori further, and he darts his tongue out to lick the sensitive spot before adjusting and biting down in a new spot.
Jun squirms underneath him, and Hiyori trails his hand down to his waist to hold him steady. His fingers brush against Jun’s annoyingly well-defined muscles and, after a moment of consideration, he runs his hand along Jun’s stomach. Jun makes another little mm at Hiyori’s delicate touch, and Hiyori grins. Kissing Jun is so fun. He’s clearly pretty inexperienced, and every little thing Hiyori does pulls a reaction out of him. It’s one hell of an ego stroke, and pretty soon he’s forgotten why he was even upset in the first place. Sure, his mother is annoying sometimes, but really, she just has the family’s interests at heart.
And besides, she’s all the way at home and he’s here, kissing a hot boy who wants to kiss him back. That’s way more important than the family finances.
Hiyori moves back upwards, connecting his lips to Jun’s once more. Jun kisses back, one hand still in Hiyori’s hair and the other clutching his shirt tightly. Hiyori pulls at Jun’s bottom lip and strokes his cheek softly, the tenderness in stark contrast to his otherwise rough actions. Jun’s lips move helplessly against Hiyori’s as they kiss until they’re breathless.
Hiyori pulls back, staring down at Jun with immense satisfaction. Jun blinks twice, clearly trying to collect his thoughts. Hiyori pats Jun on the top of his head.
“Good job again, Jun-kun,” he praises, relishing in the way Jun’s cheeks redden at his words. “Very good. Exactly what I needed.”
Jun nods and sits up slowly. “Uh huh,” he says, rather intelligently. He glances at Hiyori, who beams at him. Hiyori leans over and snags Jun’s shirt, then tosses it at him. Jun catches it, finally regaining his coordination and his coherency.
“You know,” he says, pulling his shirt back over his head, “you can always talk to me. I understand where you’re coming from.”
Hiyori freezes momentarily. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” he says, keeping his smile fixed to his face.
“I mean, obviously I’m fine with the… kissing, if that’s what makes you feel better. But you can talk to me about what’s making you angry too, if you want. It might help.”
Hiyori shakes his head and stands up, brushing the wrinkles off his clothes. “You’re still not making sense, Jun-kun. And I’ve told you before, I don’t get angry.”
Jun ignores the latter half. “Like, you know I don’t come from a great home life, right? So I understand that it isn’t easy sometimes, especially when they’re not–”
“You don’t know the first thing about my family,” Hiyori interrupts. His voice is hard and cold. He catches himself, and puts on a sunny smile. “Please shut up before I have to kiss you again, okay?”
Jun sighs. He stands up himself, and goes back to his own bed where his manga awaits him. Hiyori finds himself hurt by Jun’s lack of response, almost upset at how quickly he dropped it and moved on. He shakes his head. This is what he wanted. Jun is just doing what he’s told, like he’s supposed to.
He focuses back in on what’s important as he walks over to the couch to retrieve his long-forgotten phone. Jun said he doesn’t mind being kissed. He could’ve guessed, really, based on how Jun had been reacting to being kissed, but the verbal confirmation is certainly nice. And it means Hiyori can surely get away with kissing him more often, right? And Jun would probably like that?
He’ll take his chances. He’s Hiyori Tomoe, after all. Loved by all, desired by those with taste. And if this was any indication, Jun desires him, at least on a base primal level. And he’ll take that. It’s how things should be.
He looks forward to his next opportunity.
⟡⟡⟡
It’s a thing, now, one that both of them are glad exists. It turns out that kissing your unitmate is a fantastic form of stress relief and the best cure for boredom. And there are absolutely no feelings attached on either end. No, the butterflies Hiyori gets when Jun smiles at him or cooks his favorite dishes have nothing to do with any feelings. And Jun loves him, of course, as he was born to be adored by all, but Jun surely doesn’t love him in any way differently than the way Nagisa loves him. That would complicate this terribly.
And besides, Jun has seen the ugly parts of Hiyori far too many times to ever truly love him.
The summer live is over, Eve absolutely crushed those kids in Trickstar, all went according to plan. So why does Hiyori have such an uncomfortable feeling caught in his chest?
They go back to Reimei in the morning. Everything will be back to normal in the morning. But if Hiyori doesn’t do something about this feeling right now he’s going to scream, or cry, or do something shameful that will make Jun look at him with that funny look in his eye that Hiyori hates so much because it makes him feel horrifically exposed and vulnerable. So he gets up from his bed, crosses over to Jun’s, forces his way into Jun’s lap, and pulls him in for a kiss.
Jun kisses back, his hands going to Hiyori’s hips. Hiyori deepens the kiss almost immediately, pushing his tongue past Jun’s lips to meet with his. He needs more, needs enough that he forgets how to think so this feeling goes away before it gets worse. He holds Jun’s face, using only a little bit too much force, but just enough that Jun pulls back, looks up at him.
“You okay?” he asks, thumbs sneaking under Hiyori’s shirt to brush against his waist.
Hiyori tries to scoff, tries to roll his eyes in an unaffected way, but the lump in his throat and Jun’s furrowed brow tell him he’s not successful. Instead, he looks to the side. “Fine,” he says, keeping his voice level. “Shut up.”
“Whatever you say, Ohiisan,” Jun says, and pulls Hiyori in for another kiss. Hiyori reciprocates readily.
Despite his best efforts, Hiyori’s mind is racing. Even as he runs his hands up and over Jun’s chest and stomach, he’s desperately trying to place his emotions and figure out what’s wrong with him. He runs through the events of the day, and his brain catches on one particular thing: Eichi.
Of course it’s that stupid idiot and his smug look, like he’d won even after seeing his school’s cute new idols being demolished with ease. How dare he still act like he has power over Hiyori?
At his realization, Hiyori’s fingertips turn to claws and he digs them into Jun’s side, earning a yelp from the boy underneath him.
“Goddamn, that really hurts, y’know?” Jun complains. Hiyori ignores him and continues kissing his neck. “I get that’s the whole point of this, but you can be a little less violent, Ohiisan.”
Hiyori feels the lump in his throat expanding and threatening to suffocate him as tears spring to his eyes. He needs to do something now, before this all becomes far too much. He rolls off of Jun and lands next to him on the bed, then tugs at Jun’s arms.
“Get on top of me,” he commands. Jun does as directed, hovering uneasily above him. He leans down and kisses Hiyori, but there’s not nearly enough there.
Jun isn’t used to this. Hiyori knows Jun isn’t used to this, because this isn’t how this usually goes. Hiyori is the one on top, Hiyori is the one who leads, Hiyori is the one who chooses what happens. With their positions being suddenly flipped, Jun looks unmoored, uncertain how to proceed.
“Oh honestly, Jun-kun, have you learned nothing in the last four months?” Hiyori asks, allowing annoyance to mask the growing desperation he feels. “Kiss my neck, touch me, do something.”
Jun blushes and lowers himself down to kiss Hiyori’s neck and oh, Hiyori had forgotten how nice this feels. He winds a hand into Jun’s hair and pulls him closer, wordlessly inviting him to be rougher. Jun holds himself up with one hand and cautiously moves the other up and under Hiyori’s shirt, brushing against his stomach. Hiyori lets out a quiet noise and, without thinking, pulls his shirt up and over his head. Jun leans back for a moment to drink in Hiyori’s exposed chest, and pauses. His eyes flick down to the thick pink scars, and he furrows his brow.
Right. Jun’s never seen him shirtless up close before. Of course he doesn’t know.
“Ask me about it later,” he says, his cheeks heating up under Jun’s gaze. “You’ve still barely done anything to me! Focus on that first.”
Jun swallows, then nods. He allows his hands to roam further upwards and leans back down to kiss along Hiyori’s collarbone.
Hiyori nods his approval and feels another spike of hot frustration as his mind wanders back to Eichi. Eichi, Eichi, Eichi. Why does everything have to go back to that sickly brat and his stupid whims? Hiyori really can’t shake the feeling that this outcome is what Eichi wanted to happen. He feels horrid, he feels stupid, he feels manipulated, and with a jolt he realizes this is exactly how he felt when he was in fine.
“Ohiisan,” Jun says, breaking him out of his thoughts. “You’re crying.”
Hiyori looks up at Jun and brings a hand up to his own face. Oh. There’s definitely wetness there that definitely wasn’t there before. He quickly wipes both of his eyes and wraps his arms around Jun’s neck to pull him back down, but Jun resists. Foul weather.
“You can still kiss me, Jun-kun,” he says lightly, trying to act unaffected. “I’m fine. See? I’m not crying anymore.”
As he says it, he feels another tear welling up and falling down his face. Jun sits back on the bed and pulls Hiyori up into a sitting position.
“Tell me what’s going on,” Jun says gently.
Hiyori crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t want to. I want to keep kissing you.”
“Not when you’re crying. Talk to me first.”
Hiyori takes a breath, hating how shaky it is. He doesn’t have to tell Jun everything, just give him a little bit so they can go back to kissing. He can do a little bit.
“Well,” he starts. Jun looks at him expectantly, and suddenly he feels far too exposed. He turns his head to stare out the window instead. “You know Nagisa-kun and I used to be in fine. With Eichi-kun.”
Jun nods. “Yeah, I know.”
Hiyori smiles, fake and sunny and wrong, and knows it’s not reaching his eyes but he can’t really do anything about that right now, so he hopes Jun won’t look too closely. “Well, that’s that, isn’t it? Let’s get back to the fun part, shall we?”
He launches himself forward and practically tackles Jun, pushing him down on the bed and kissing him with renewed vigor.
“Ohiisan, you– fuck.” Jun’s words trail off as Hiyori teases his earlobe between his teeth, sucking and pulling on it. Good. If Hiyori can’t turn off his own brain, he might as well shut down Jun’s. He just hasn’t been trying hard enough. He kisses the soft skin behind Jun’s ear and earns another soft noise.
The situation has changed, so Hiyori sets off to turn Jun into an unintelligible mess. He knows exactly how to do it, too; he’s spent the last four months committing Jun’s body and reactions to memory, so he kisses just so in the hollows right above Jun’s collarbone, grazing his teeth across and sending a shiver down Jun’s spine. His fingers dance gracefully up and down Jun’s sides and Jun grabs a fistful of his hair, overwhelmed by the sensation. Hiyori makes his way back up to Jun’s lips and kisses him over and over and over, and Jun kisses back desperately.
Hiyori kisses Jun until he’s gasping for air, until his lips are wet and red and swollen, until his chest is appropriately littered with bites and bruises. He moves aside and places one final kiss on Jun’s cheek while he watches Jun try to piece his brain back together.
“You’re so–” Jun starts.
“Gorgeous? Talented? Amazing?” Hiyori supplies, grinning even as he feels despair creeping back in.
Jun rubs his face. “Goddamn. Something like that.”
“I’m glad you feel that way,” Hiyori says. He grabs his shirt from the corner of the bed that he threw it on and pulls it back over his head. “I’d be offended if you felt differently. How could I be anything less than perfect?”
“Right,” Jun says, fondness clear in his voice. He sits up and looks at Hiyori. “Feeling any better?”
So he wasn’t quite successful at getting Jun to forget. That’s fine. Hiyori opens his mouth to respond, but realizes if he speaks his voice will betray him, so he closes it and nods instead. He gets up and heads back to his own bed. It’s fine that kissing Jun didn’t work this time. It is. He just needs to keep to himself for the rest of the night, and he’ll feel better tomorrow. He will.
“Ohiisan?”
Hiyori turns his head and ignores Jun, electing to get under the covers instead. He lies down, facing away from Jun entirely.
“Ohiisan,” Jun says again. “Come on. Please don’t ignore me.”
“I’m not ignoring you,” Hiyori insists, and his voice definitely does not waver. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”
“It’s 8:30.”
“And we performed today. I’m tired.”
It’s a terrible excuse, and they both know it.
Jun calls him out on it. “You love performing, Ohiisan,” he says. “You’ve never been this upset afterwards.”
“I’m not upset,” Hiyori shoots back. He isn’t.
“Right, and I’m taller than you. Now if we’re done telling lies, I’d appreciate it if you would talk to me.”
“I did, in case you forgot.”
“Ohiisan, you told me one thing that I already knew. That’s not talking.”
Hiyori turns around suddenly, making eye contact with Jun. “You’re supposed to be able to read my thoughts. I told you everything you need to know. If you care that much you can figure it out yourself.”
With that, he turns back over and shuts his eyes. That should’ve been sufficient to shut Jun up. He pulls his mind in any direction it’ll go in, anything to stop thinking about stupid Eichi and stupid fine and his stupid, stupid past. But Yumenosaki still has its claws in him, as he’s quickly learning. And now all he can think about is the person he used to be and how much he hated that person, how similar his current self is to that person he swore he’d never be again.
The bed shifts beside Hiyori and he turns his head. Jun’s now sitting next to him, looking like he’s about to say something that will set Hiyori off.
“I told you I’m not giving you anything else,” he mumbles. “And I’m not.”
Jun stares at him for a horrible moment, then lies down and wraps his arms around Hiyori.
“I know you said that,” Jun says softly. “But I’m not too good at the mindreading thing yet. So I figured this might make you feel a bit better.”
Hiyori’s stunned speechless. God, for all the times they’ve kissed in the last four months, he can’t think of a single time they did something as simple as hugging. He feels the fist clenched around his heart relaxing ever so slightly and he lets out a shuddering breath. Jun’s arms are so strong, so solid, so warm, and he can’t believe he’s never hugged Jun.
“Jun-kun, I don’t–”
“You don’t have to say anything, Ohiisan, it’s okay,” Jun says. “I’m not gonna make you talk about something if you don’t want to.”
Oh. Hiyori twists his body so he’s facing Jun and buries his face in Jun’s shirt, breathing in his scent. Jun lets him, bringing a hand up to pet his hair and lying there in comfortable silence. Gradually, bit by bit, the dark clouds that have been surrounding Hiyori ever since they arrived at Yumenosaki start to dissipate.
When he feels almost normal again, Hiyori looks up at Jun. “Stay here tonight,” he whispers.
Jun nods and leans down to kiss Hiyori. The gesture is so tender that Hiyori feels a strange aching in his chest, entirely different from how he’s been feeling and very foreign to him. He’s left with a feeling of wanting, but he can’t figure out what it is that he wants. He decides that it’s not important as long as Jun is willing to hold him and kiss him.
No, nothing is important, as long as Jun is willing to be his.
⟡⟡⟡
“Jun-kun,” Hiyori says. “I can’t sleep.”
It’s another night where everything is threatening to swallow him whole.
“Okay?” Jun says, not looking up.
Hiyori sighs and rolls over. “Jun-kun,” he says again.
“What, do you want to make out right now?” Jun asks.
Hiyori pauses. Does he? He thinks about kissing Jun. It makes him feel weird, the way it always does now, but he doesn’t think that’ll make his feelings go away. He doesn’t want rough right now.
“No,” he says finally. “I don’t think I do.”
“Okay, so what do you want me to do about it?” Jun asks, putting down his phone.
“I don’t know,” Hiyori says, frustration creeping into his voice. “Fix it.”
Jun sighs. “Okay, but that means you have to talk to me. How come you can’t sleep?”
“I don’t know,” is Hiyori’s automatic response. “I just can’t.”
“Ohiisan. I can’t fix it unless I know why you can’t sleep.”
Hiyori’s been trying to think more about his feelings lately, so he knows why he can’t sleep, but telling Jun is another story. But Jun’s been humoring him less and less lately, and he probably can’t get out of this without at least some vulnerability. He goes for the vaguest option.
“My brain won’t turn off,” he says.
“I can work with that. C’mere.”
Hiyori gets up and sits down next to Jun. Jun holds out his hand and Hiyori takes it without question.
“Jun-kun,” Hiyori says. He can feel Jun’s eyes on him but he stares pointedly at the ground. “Let me use you as a pillow.”
Jun sounds surprised. “Oh. Okay. Sure.”
Without any extra words, Hiyori twists down so he’s lying in Jun’s lap. He feels a weird burning shame for a moment, then Jun puts a hand on top of his head and threads through his hair, and he relaxes with a soft sigh.
This is nice. He’s found himself wanting more of this, more softness and connection, with Jun lately. But he doesn’t know how to ask for it, not when everything in him is so harsh and sharp and this isn’t what they’re used to, not what Jun’s come to expect. And a rejection from Jun when he’s laid himself bare and asked for it would really be unbearable. So he hasn’t asked until now, when he feels like he might explode from all the memories, the horrible little feelings that have latched onto him and refuse to let go.
“Jun-kun,” he says, breaking the silence. “Do you like me?”
“Hey, where’s that coming from?” Jun asks, stroking Hiyori’s hair.
“Do you?”
“I do,” Jun answers. “Why wouldn’t I?”
Hiyori is quiet for a moment. “I don’t think you would like me if you knew who I used to be,” he says eventually.
“I know about fine, if that’s what you mean,” Jun says. Hiyori freezes, and shame radiates through him. Jun knows. “Nagi-senpai told me.”
Damn Nagisa for telling Jun. “Then you know,” Hiyori says, voice shaking, “that I’m not a person you should like.”
“Ohiisan, I don’t care about all of that.” Jun’s voice is quiet but confident. He reaches out and takes one of Hiyori’s hands in his free one, running his thumb along the back of it. “I care about what’s in front of me. And you’re not a bad person.”
Hiyori looks up at Jun, and his eyes are sparkling with tears. “You weren’t there. You don’t know how bad it got.”
“You’re right, I wasn’t there. But Nagi-senpai was, and the way he explained it, it sounds like it was Tenshouin-senpai who did all the actual bad stuff. You were just going along with it.”
“That’s not fair,” Hiyori whispers. “That’s not fair to the people I hurt.”
“Ohiisan, you’re not being fair to yourself,” Jun says. “I saw what being at Yumenosaki again did to you, how Tenshouin-senpai made you feel. I didn’t realize that was what was doing it, but it was, wasn’t it? That’s why you were so upset after the summer live. The fact that you felt like that tells me that you’re not the same person who did all that stuff last year. You should give yourself more grace.”
Hiyori turns over so his face is pressed against Jun’s stomach and wraps his arms around his waist. “I hate that I let him use me like that. And Nagisa-kun, too. He only signed the contract because I did, because I told him to. I dragged him into that whole mess.”
“It’s not your fault,” Jun reminds him gently. “You were being manipulated. And you signed a contract. You couldn’t just leave. You did what you had to do, and then you left, and that’s okay.”
Hiyori’s grip on Jun tightens, but he doesn’t say anything. Jun’s being nice to him, like always. Nicer than he deserves, probably.
“Why do you like me?” he asks, voice muffled by his face still pressed into Jun’s shirt. “What’s there to like?”
“Lots of people like you,” Jun says. “You know that.”
“Not like you do. No one else sees me like this. But you do, and you still like me. Why?”
Jun exhales. “I don’t know, there’s a lot. I like you because you saved me, because you gave me hope when I almost gave up. I like you because you’re funny, because you’re smart, because you give me the time of day. I even like it when you drag me around shopping with you and make me carry your bags, because you light up when you see something you love and I want to keep seeing you that happy. I like your eyes, and I like how soft your hair is, and I like it when you kiss me. I like a lot about you, Ohiisan.”
Oh.
That’s it, Hiyori realizes suddenly. That’s why he feels so weird around Jun. That’s what he wants, what he’s been aching for. He loves Jun. And maybe, just maybe, Jun loves him back.
He sits up. “Jun-kun,” he says softly.
Jun blushes and looks away. “Did I say too much? Sorry. I didn’t mean to make it weird.”
Hiyori shakes his head. “That’s not it. You didn’t say too much. Did you mean all of that?”
“Um, yeah. I did,” Jun says, glancing back up at Hiyori.
“You made me realize something,” Hiyori says, smiling for the first time in the night.
“What’s that?” Jun asks.
Hiyori takes a deep breath. He really hopes he isn’t reading the situation wrong. “Jun-kun, I like you.”
Jun cocks his head. “You’re only just now realizing that?”
“No, I mean– I mean I like you,” Hiyori clarifies, feeling butterflies starting to pool in his stomach. “Like romantically. I think I love you.”
Jun stares at him, mouth slightly agape. He blinks. “You– you’re being serious?” Hiyori nods. “I didn’t think you’d ever– you always said there were no feelings attached.”
“I need an answer, Jun-kun,” Hiyori says, twisting his hands anxiously. “I can– it can still be no feelings attached if you want it to be.”
“Oh, goddamn, that’s not what I mean,” Jun says quickly. “I– I feel the same. I like you too. Romantically.”
“You do!” Hiyori says, joy creeping onto his face. “Of course you do. Can I kiss you?”
“What, are you a vampire now?” Jun asks, teasing. “You’ve never needed permission before.”
Hiyori laughs. “It’s different now,” he says simply.
“It is,” Jun agrees. “Yes, I would love it if you kissed me.”
Hiyori takes Jun’s face and leans in, pressing their lips together. The kiss is slow and soft, and god it feels so right to kiss Jun with this much love. Jun breaks the kiss and looks at him with wonder.
“I really didn’t think you’d ever feel the same,” Jun says, still smiling. “You were always so adamant that it didn’t mean anything.”
“I thought it didn’t,” Hiyori admits. “I’m– you know by now I’m not very good at feelings.”
“Oh, I know, Mister I-Don’t-Get-Angry.”
Hiyori blushes and drops his head onto Jun’s shoulder. “Shut up.”
Jun wraps an arm around Hiyori and pulls him closer. “What does this mean for us? What changes?”
“Well, I’ll be expecting at least ten kisses a day, of course,” Hiyori says, rather businesslike. “And you have to hold my hand. That’s not optional!” He pauses for a moment, faltering, then takes a big breath and lets his next words fall out in a rush. “And I would really like it if you held me and if we slept in the same bed. If you want to.”
“I can do that,” Jun says, pressing a kiss to Hiyori’s hair. “I’m happy to give you whatever you want, Ohiisan.”
Hiyori grins. “Good boy, Jun-kun, that’s wonderful weather! Now come, come, it’s time for bed.”
Hiyori stands up and pulls Jun with him, back towards Hiyori’s bed. It’s only natural for them to sleep in his bed, of course; his sheets are far softer and his pillows worlds plusher than Jun’s. The two settle in together, and Hiyori melts in the comfort of Jun’s arms.
“Ohiisan,” Jun says softly. “I have… a request.”
“Hmmm, is that so? Well, you’ve been so good to me, so I’ll do my best to fulfill it.”
“I want you to at least try to talk to me when you’re upset,” Jun says, “before you kiss me.”
Hiyori stills.
“I know it’s hard for you,” Jun says quickly. “And I get it. But I care about you, so I want to know what’s wrong, not just be a mindless distraction. After you talk to me, I’m happy to help you get your mind off of things, but I want you to at least try first.”
“That’s… that’s a fair request, I suppose,” Hiyori says. He takes one of Jun’s hands in his. “I wouldn’t be in your arms right now if I hadn’t talked to you tonight, so I see your point.”
Jun kisses the back of Hiyori’s neck, and Hiyori hums happily. “Thank you, Ohiisan.”
“Mhmm,” Hiyori says. “I’ll try for you, Jun-kun. Now shut your eyes and go to sleep before I get tempted to keep you up even later with some debauchery.”
“We have school tomorrow,” Jun reminds him gently. “And rehearsal after that. You’ll be mad if you don’t get enough sleep.”
“Ah, you’ve called my bluff,” Hiyori says lightly. “We’ll save the debauchery for tomorrow, then. But I do need a goodnight kiss.”
He turns his head, and his nose bumps into Jun’s. Jun closes the distance and they kiss once more, sweet as honey and incredibly soft. It’s as if all is right in the world, as if nothing exists except for the two of them. That’s perfectly fine by Hiyori; nothing else matters if Jun loves him. He smiles, turns his head back to facing forward, and closes his eyes.
Yes, they love each other, so everything will be fine.