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The Boiling Rock’s fallen below the horizon. They’ve made their escape.
All Zuko wants is to turn around.
‘Great idea, Zuko. Come back and give Azula another chance. What could go wrong?’
He can’t help smiling at Mai’s voice in his mind. It’s right, of course. They can’t turn back. He has to get Sokka and Suki and Chief Hakoda to safety. All the effort, all the plans. The unexpected, if self-motivated, help from Chit Sang, they still barely escaped.
Only because Mai saved their lives. Saved his life.
Zuko is barely aware of the wind whipping past. His eyes are fixed on the sea below. He could leap overboard and swim back to the Boiling Rock alone.
The Mai in his mind sighs. ‘Even better. If your bones don’t shatter in the fall, you’ll have no way to escape a second time. Are the accommodations with the Avatar’s group that awful?’
Inside, Zuko pushes back. He’s survived jumping into the sea before. He’s higher up than he was on his old ship, but at least this airship isn’t exploding.
He can easily picture the unimpressed look he’d receive to that argument. The exasperated shake of the head, dark, lustrous hair sashaying in time with the movement. The tiny smile Mai would try to hide as she asked him to please, for Agni’s sake, think for once.
The image is swallowed in blue fire. The railing glows orange where his hands are locked around it.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Mai was supposed to be safe. Safer, at least. At Azula’s side, rather than across the battlefield from her, like Zuko.
The letter was to protect her. Face-to-face, Mai would have to stop him. Or be branded a traitor.
He can admit it now, it was to protect him, too. Zuko had to do this, to save his people, but he didn’t want to test how far he would go. Hadn’t wanted to be in a position where it was hurt Mai or be captured.
But he still hurt her. And now, and now. . .
He wants to cry. He wants to scream his frustration until the air ignites.
The prison keeps slipping further away.
* * *
They’ve been in the air a while before Sokka notices Zuko’s missing.
He spares a look around the bridge of the airship (he thinks these things need a catchier name. Flying Death Sausage? Nah, too delicious.) Chit Sang’s blocking the door to the closet with his big shoulders. The officers they shoved inside have at least stopped pounding and yelling.
His dad’s across the cabin, leaned against a bulkhead. He’s looking at Sokka with something that might be awe, or maybe fear. Sokka feels like he confuses the two now. Most times he’s felt awe, it’s because Aang, Katara or Toph were doing something terrifying.
Suki’s sticking next to Sokka. She keeps glancing over her shoulder. Sokka’s not sure if she’s watching Chit Sang, expecting the rest of the crew to rush in, or for Azula to somehow just appear on the bridge. She keeps bumping her shoulder against his, like she needs to be sure this is real but doesn’t want to distract him while he’s steering.
Sokka doesn’t mind. He can use the reassurance, too. It’s not the right time for manly-style snuggling with his girlfriend so, shoulder bumps it is.
Still, there’s a firebending prince-shaped absence in the group. Sokka would kick himself for missing it, but in his defense, he’s been busy, and Zuko is scary-good at being sneaky. You know, when he’s not shouting and spitting fire.
Sokka asks Suki if she’ll keep them on course for a bit, gets a silent question if something’s wrong. Sokka assures her everything’s fine. Suki doesn’t look like she believes him, but also doesn’t press him on it. That she can still trust him that much, after the mistakes he’s made, the plans that went wrong. . . Sokka hopes he’s right.
“Down the hall to the left.”
Chit Sang’s voice is a low rumble. The noise a rock makes right before Toph busts it into smaller rocks. Sokka doesn’t question how the guy knows what he’s looking for. Just nods and follows the directions to a door that opens on a platform on the outside of the airship (Fire-Fueled Flying Viper-Eel? Better.)
Zuko’s there. And because Prince Firebender thrives on risking his life, there’s only a thin railing between Zuko and the open air beyond.
At the moment, Zuko’s pressing his palms against his eyes like he’s in pain. Sokka, remembering Zuko tends to throw fire when he’s surprised, checks the best direction to dodge that won’t involve rolling into empty air before coughing to announce himself.
Zuko whips around, fist pulled back. He freezes when he sees who it is. Sokka raises one hand in greeting. “Hey. Sokka here.”
There’s a noise that might be a laugh, and Zuko’s arms drop. He squints past Sokka’s shoulder to the ship’s interior. “Is there a problem? Has the crew figured out we tricked them?”
“Hmm?” Sokka ambles up beside Zuko, as casual as he can be when all it’ll take is one slip to fall a long way. He ought to be used to that danger, but Sokka’s reasonably sure this thing isn’t as maneuverable as Appa. No dramatic, swooping catches at the last second. “No, everything’s going fine. Chit Sang has a good captain voice.”
(Sokka wanted to give the order to get underway, but Suki said his captain voice needed work. She has no appreciation for his excellent acting skills!)
“That’s good.” Zuko’s turned around again, and is glaring at the sea.
It’s the same glare he used to give Aang when they’d escape. During the long trip north, Sokka learned to dread that glare, because there was no telling what the relentless prince was about to try.
He can’t see anything worth glaring at below them, which wasn’t reassuring. “So, uh, everything OK out here? No lightning-shooting sisters after us?”
Zuko shakes his head, eyes drifting to where any pursuit from the Boiling Rock would appear. “There was only one airship.”
He pauses. “But if anyone could make another appear from thin air, it would be Azula.”
Sokka hums. “That seems like a lot, even for her.”
Zuko would welcome the sight. If Azula was chasing him, maybe she hadn’t done anything to Mai. “Yeah.”
Sokka tries a different approach to get Zuko talking. “You can just say you’re out here for some dramatic yelling. I know that’s important training for firebenders.”
A snort escapes Zuko against his will. He gathers himself, tries to do a better Uncle impression than he managed in the prison. “Firebending comes from the breath, lung training is crucial.”
“So we just need to tell Aang to bend away all the air,” Sokka gestures at the sky with both arms. He’s overdoing it, but sometimes the situation calls for a clown. “That’ll take care of all the firebending!”
Zuko can only stare, incredulous. And people say he comes up with bad plans. (Actually, they say he doesn’t come up with plans at all, but Zuko’s pretty sure that’s what Uncle would call distinction without difference.) “I think taking all the air would take care of more than just firebending, Sokka.”
“That could be a problem,” Sokka agrees, suppressing a sigh as Zuko leans more heavily on the railing. Trust Zuko to miss Sokka’s brilliant humor, though he's obviously got other things on his mind. Sokka is not ready for this conversation, but he’s the only one available. And Zuko looks like he’d collapse in a pile if the railing wasn’t holding him up. “Mai really came through for us.”
Zuko doesn’t bother to respond the the obvious. Mai had always found opportunities to assert herself against Azula when she could. But this? This was open rebellion.
Sokka tries to channel optimism he didn’t feel. “She could be OK.”
Zuko’s been telling himself that since they left. ‘She could be OK. They’ve been friends for years. Azula wouldn’t. . .’
Azula used Mai’s brother to keep her in line in Omashu. She tried to shoot lightning at Zuko when they fought on her ship. If not for Uncle. . .
He buries his face in his arms and squeezes his eyes shut until it stings. Trying to blot out the image of Mai in his place, no one there to redirect the lightning.
Sensing this is not a convincing argument, Sokka tries another. “The warden’s her uncle, right? He’ll protect her. He cared enough to give her a chance to yell at you.”
It’s a nice thought, even if the warden was willing to die to maintain his record, but. . . “Azula’s the Crown Princess, next in succession for the Dragon Throne. The warden just let a traitor, two enemy leaders, and the Avatar’s most trusted strategist escape.”
The Mai in his mind points out Sokka is the only strategist Aang’s got, but it sounds better this way. Uncle would probably approve.
Zuko mentally curses the warden. Why did he have to call Mai? Why did Mai have to show up? She could have told her uncle to let Zuko rot. Let that be her reply to the letter. The warden would have loved telling Zuko that he was banished from Mai's heart, right before tossing him in the darkest cell available.
But Mai was - is, he thinks it like a prayer to any spirit that might be willing to listen, Mai is - in her own way, as determined as Azula, or Zuko himself. Has guarded parts of herself against everyone who tried to take them away. She wanted answers, and all she got was. . .
Zuko clutches his hair and yells, dimly aware of how this makes Sokka jump. “Why didn’t I say something better?!”
Sokka’s gripping the railing tighter than ever. “Ummmm, you’re gonna have to explain that one, buddy.”
“When she confronted me, she started reading back the letter I left for her. I told her this wasn’t about us, it was about the Fire Nation.” Zuko pulls on his hair again. “I’m an idiot!”
Sokka winces, lips pursing as he shakes his head. “Speaking as someone who has said plenty of things to girls I shouldn’t have, that’s pretty bad.”
Zuko groans, dragging his hands down his face. “My nation’s done so much wrong to the world, and it’s my family that’s responsible. Our people followed us because they believed we were looking out for the best interests of the Fire Nation.”
Zuko’s hands slide far enough Sokka can see the golden eye glaring out of the middle of that huge, angry scar. “I want to start correcting our mistakes, help Aang and all of you to set the world right. I knew there would be people hurt, but it’s my responsibility.”
His mind replays his last glimpse of Mai. Blades drawn, guards falling around her like ash, but more rushing in. Her eyes meet his, and he can hear the good-bye.
That’s not how it was supposed to be, and the next words fly into the world like her daggers, straight and true. “It was supposed to be me.”
Sokka winces again. Thinks of his own desperation to redeem his past failures. It’s not pretty, but that probably drove him to the Boiling Rock as much as rescuing his father. How badly would the rescue and escape have gone without Zuko, impulsive, reckless Zuko of all people, keeping Sokka from rushing in blind?
He takes a moment to collect himself. His fingers play with a loose thread in his tunic. The Katara in his head asks who he thinks is going to fix that when it falls apart. “I get it. You’re the leader, you make the decisions. So you think it’s on you to fix everything, to do everything yourself. But, if you’re really going to change the Fire Nation, the people have to believe in you and what you’re doing. They have to follow you, like they followed your father and grandfather and all those other Fire Lords.”
Sokka considers his sentence and hastily adds, “Except that you’ll be helping set things right, of course! Not that you’re going to try and wipe out an entire people!”
“I hope so,” Zuko says in the softest rasp he’s capable of. “I hope they’ll be able to see that stopping this war is the best for everyone, including the Fire Nation.”
“Sure.” Sokka's running on empty here. Inspirational speeches are Katara Things. Sarcasm and plans, those are Sokka Things. “When they do, they’re going to want to help you make it happen. Katara believes Aang can save the world, so she wants to help him. I believe in Katara, so I’m going to help her.”
Zuko thinks of the 41st. Sacrificed for no good reason. Just a diversion to take a hill. He doubts General Bujing loses any sleep over the deaths. He’s certain his father doesn’t, but he’s also sure both men thought it was perfectly right to make the decision.
Just as Zuko drove the crew of his old ship into danger without a second thought more than once. Sailing into that storm, running a Fire Nation blockade. They could have been killed for his pride, his desperation to prove himself to his father. He felt more certain of his decisions now, of his reasons, but, “I don’t want my people to die for me. I want them to be able to live better lives.”
Sokka nods. “That’s what I was hoping for with the invasion. We’d stop the Fire Lord, and everyone could stop fighting. Aang was the leader, because he’s the Avatar, but it was my plan. A lot of people are in Fire Nation prisons because it failed.”
Sokka thinks of Katara not wanting to leave their dad behind, and how he had to help lead her away. “That’s my responsibility, and I have to help make sure those people didn’t get captured or hurt for nothing.”
Zuko took it for granted his crew would fight for him. That’s was a lesson he thought his father wanted him to learn. The crew's purpose was to follow his commands, as it was all citizens' duty to follow the Fire Lord's commands, no matter what.
He sees it differently now. He serves them as much as the other way around. Which means not putting them in danger unnecessarily. To do otherwise makes him feel dirty, but he knows what Sokka’s trying to get him to see. “Even if I make the right decision, people can still get hurt. I have to make sure it wasn’t for nothing.”
He frowns, mind back at the Boiling Rock. “I don’t know if Mai really believed in me, in what we’re doing.”
If he asked, would she have come with him during the eclipse? Could he have swayed her in the interrogation chamber, so they could escape ahead of Azula and Ty Lee? Or would it just have gotten them all killed, falling into the lake?
Sokka shrugs. “Me neither, but whatever reason, Mai thought you were worth fighting for. We’re alive because of it. Katara and I have our dad back. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see Suki again, but she’s free now, too. I'm pretty sure Chit Sang's glad to be out of prison."
Zuko huffs another little laugh. Sokka claps him on the back and finishes with, “Aang’s still got his firebending teacher and friend because she acted. That’s something.”
Zuko nods slowly. It is something. He can still help Aang stop the Fire Lord. As Zuko follows Sokka back inside, he vows to make sure it’s enough.