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She remembers those warm months of happiness. Cool ocean breeze stroking her hair, warm sunshine kisses on her cheeks, velvety grains of sand beneath her fingertips.
Conrad and she, they used to have a signal with which they told one another that they wanted to talk. He would scratch the area behind his left ear three short times, she would pull her necklace to the right side and toy with it for a while. Then they would lock their eyes.
Two blinks were the confirmation, that the other person got the sign.
Three – let’s meet in our spot after dark.
And they did.
When they were kids, it was a linen closet downstairs, just next to the kitchen entrance. It was big enough to fit two small children. After moving around some stuff, of course.
But as they grew, they needed another place to meet.
They tried their way with various spots – behind the big tree in the yard, on the dock, next to the garage, but the places weren’t just theirs.
Luckily for them, one summer they just grew enough for their moms to let them go alone to the beach. Still, there was a curfew for both of them, Belly’s being earlier, of course, but it didn’t matter. They finally had a place to call theirs.
Coming back to all those summers they spend there, talking about nothing, Belly found herself yearning for that feeling to come back, even for a minute.
So, she found herself the perfect opportunity to try. Sitting on the opposite side of a slightly older Conrad, by the table in Cousins, while they and their families and friends were eating a celebratory dinner after Belly’s long-awaited graduation ceremony. Curious, she touched her necklace and pulled it to the right side so casually, as if she did it unintentionally.
But Conrad’s gaze whipped around to her with lightning speed, as if drawn by a magnetic force. Almost as if he’d been watching her all the time.
And he blinked twice.
But Belly looked at him, bewildered. There was no way, he just did that.
But then he scratched the area behind his left ear and blinked three times, keeping a strong eye contact with her.
He knew exactly what she had been doing.
So, there was nothing else for Belly to do, than blink. Twice. And to go to the beach after dark, where she saw him, sitting on an old rose blanket, staring at the sea.
“Hey,” he says, as she sits down.
“You wanted to talk?” She asks, pretending as if it wasn’t her who signaled to him to meet her here.
“I did,” he answers, yet, no other words follow. Almost as if he’s scared that any sound would scare her away.
“I got your letters,” Belly breaks the silence, staring deeply into his eyes. The eyes, once full of walls and barricades, showing every single thought and emotion. “They were beautiful,” she adds, whispering.
But the old Conrad comes back, his head dropping down, as if it was too heavy to hold it up. Yet, he finds the courage to slowly reach for her hand and start playing with her fingers.
She lets him.
“I meant all of it,” he mutters huskily, shyly looking into her eyes. “I didn’t want to wake up one day and regret not even trying to confess it all, to at least try to get you to know, how I felt. How I feel. This is very selfish of me, but I don’t think I can exist without you, that there is a universe in which you and I don’t know each other. But I don’t want to push you, ask you to forget everything and be with me.”
“Conrad,” she interrupts him.
“Please, let me finish,” he pleads. “I love you. I care for you. I yearn for you. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and all the days after that. I cannot pretend anymore. I’ve loved you since the moment I first laid my eyes on you. For years I’ve yearned for you, in secrecy and silence. Those few months, when we were together, were the happiest months in my life. But then we were over, and I told myself it was for the best. That you will be better off without me. I wasn’t, but I thought I could do this for your sake. But then you got together with Jere, and I told myself, that I could be there for the both of you, even though every cell of my body wanted to rip the two of you apart. I thought I could get over you, but loving you is in my DNA. And I cannot help, but hope, that somewhere, deep down in your heart, there is a part of you that still cares about me, will let me back into your life. Even just as a friend. I can do it. I can live with a broken heart, as long as you’ll still be in my life.”
“No, Conrad. No,” she cries and his heart shatters. He starts getting up, hoping that she would at least let him go away with dignity. There was nothing Conrad wanted more than to drown in the ocean.
But Belly grabs his hand. So hard, he almost falls into her.
“You have to listen to me,” she articulates, tears in her eyes struggle not to come out. “I cannot let you speak like that. This is the last time you tell me you are the only one who screwed up. Because I did that too. I pushed you too much, I hurt you by getting together with Jere. Still while loving you. More than I could ever imagine. Every day I wished to hold you once more, for you to look at me without the heartbreak in your eyes. You made me feel weak and so alone without you. You were the only person I ever wanted to be with. You are the only person I ever want to be with. I need you. I want you. Don’t you get that?!”
“Say it, Isabel. Please, say it,” Conrad pleads, leaning over to her.
“I am so very in love with you,” she cries with relief.
Time stops. Lovers getting closer, millimeters between their lips. He asks “can I”.
She says yes, as if it was the easiest word in the world.
So they kiss. Slowly, letting themselves enjoy every nanosecond. Carefully, she places her hand on his cheek, he responds by putting his on her waist. They no longer sit next to each other. They start merging into one.
Just like they should be, all along. One love, one life, one forever. Isabel Conklin and Conrad Fisher.