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“What’s up, Bill,” sounded Missy’s familiar voice, pulling Bill from the tumultuous thoughts of his inner turmoil. “You look down.”
Bill looked up from where he had been resting his forehead on the kitchen counter to give Missy the most pathetic of looks.
“Ted’s been gone a week,” he bemoaned. “I no longer know what to do with my life.”
“That sucks,” said Missy sympathetically after a pause to blow her bangs out of her face.
“Yeah,” agreed Bill softly. ‘Sucks’ was an understatement to the extreme. Losing Ted. It was the very worst thing that could possibly happen. It was… it was unthinkable.
He crossed his arms on the table and rested his chin on them. Huffing a defeated sigh, he idly watched Missy move around the kitchen from where he sat slumped forward on the bar stool. She was getting out random things from the fridge and cabinet in order to make supper, but she really couldn’t cook. It was likely he would be ordering delivery again while his dad aired the smoke out of the kitchen.
“Couldn’t you go visit him one weekend?” Missy asked.
Bill shook his head but it was awkward because he hadn’t actually lifted his chin from his arms.
“He’s in Alaska.”
Missy frowned at that but didn’t say anything. She set a cutting board on the counter between them before pulling a selection of vegetables out from the crisper in the fridge.
“That’s too bad,” she said finally.
“Bogus,” confirmed Bill.
Bill watched as Missy chopped the vegetables. He hated this. No Ted. He never was one for slow, sad rock ballads, but now they held meaning. Oh where can I go to and what can I do? Nothing can please me only thoughts are of you... Black Sabbath understood.
No Ted.
No Ted. No Wyld Stallyns. No hanging out in his room, no games of chubby bunny outside the Circle K, no cruising for chicks, no band practice in Ted’s garage. None of Bill’s favourite things held any interest without Ted --not even Waterloo. Heck, most of them weren’t even feasible without Ted.
It wasn’t just boredom that plagued Bill in Ted’s absence-- he wasn’t shallow like that. It was the fact that, with Ted missing, it felt like someone had carved out a hole in Bill’s chest. Ted was his best friend, his other half, his partner in crime, his confidante, his brother, the Keith Richards to his Mick Jagger... Ted was the passenger seat navigator on this their grand roadtrip of life. Ted was his everything and Bill was no solo artist. As Power Tool had so wisely and succinctly said; two heads are better than one.
“Your dad left you some money on the coffee table,” said Missy, pulling Bill from his thoughts once again. He glanced up at her. She was glaring down at the squashed tomato she had been trying to slice. “Why don’t you go get a slushie?” she said, still not taking her eyes off the tomato’s remains.
Normally, the promise of sugary syrup and ice would be enough to have him on his feet and out the door, but what was the point when there was no Ted to point out how green his tongue had turned? Still, it seemed likely that the suggestion was more a dismissal, so Bill got up from the stool. He dragged himself out of the room, grabbed the money off the coffee table, and slunk out the front door.
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The sun was shining warm in the bright blue sky, birds were singing in overhead trees, kids were playing in the park, car stereos were pounding, babes were strolling, but Bill was bereft. He also had a touch of brain freeze.
Bill kicked at a pebble as he slowly trudged most miserably along the sidewalk. Not even the handful of warheads stuffed in his pants pocket had any hope of lifting his mood.
“Hey Bill!” called some kids he recognized as being from a grade below him. Bill watched numbly as they skateboarded past.
“Hey,” he mumbled, but he couldn’t even bring himself to wave.
He only made it a few paces further before the sky suddenly turned dark and overcast and a strong wind picked up. Bill stopped and looked up from his battered sneakers.
“Whoa,” he breathed when he recognized the tell-tale sparks marking the imminent arrival of the time travelling telephone booth.
Bill watched with growing excitement as it appeared. Once the sparks were done flying, Rufus stepped out decked in his sunglasses and trench.
“Ruuufuuuus, dude!” exclaimed Bill, grinning brightly.
“William,” said Rufus without preamble. “Where’s Ted?”
Bill’s shoulders immediately slumped.
“Ted’s at Oates Military Academy, dude,” he said.
“What,” replied Rufus in surprise, “but you got an A+ on your History report!”
“I knooow, it’s totally bogus,” exclaimed Bill, psyched to finally have someone share in his outrage. “Ted’s dad has been most unjust.”
“Well this won’t stand,” said Rufus while he took off his sunglasses. “You and Ted need to be together.” Bill’s heart flip-flopped at how deeply he felt that statement. He and Ted did need to be together, and maybe in more way than one-- but now was most assuredly not the time for that particular thought.
”The future depends on the Wyld Stallyns,” reminded Rufus. “Your music is destined to bring an end to war and poverty.”
Bill pushed his own selfish problems aside when he realized just how ruffled Rufus looked. It was a most unbecoming look on the dude. It made Bill worry.
“Can’t we just go get him with your phone booth right now?” asked Bill.
“No William,” said Rufus. “This is a time machine; it doesn’t travel geographically, only periodically.”
Bill scrunched his face in thought.
“So, essentially,” speculated Bill, “what you’re saying is, I could go to Oates Academy in the past and I could go to Oates Academy in the future, but I can’t go to Oates Academy in the now?”
“Precisely,” answered Rufus looking momentarily pleased. “And were you to pick up Ted from either of those destinations, you wouldn't be picking up your Ted, you'd be picking up past or future Ted.”
“Oooh,” said Bill, nodding, “And, like you said when you made us give back all those historical dudes, ‘things can only live outside of their time for so long before they... cease to exist’.”
“I’m glad you understand,” said Rufus.
Bill rubbed a hand over his curls, frowning thoughtfully.
“So, what’s to be done, Rufus dude?”
“Hmm,” hummed Rufus in a most mysterious way, “I think you'll be able to find another way to use this time machine in planning a most... triumphant escape. You've always been a rather clever dude.”
Bill frowned further; it seemed like Rufus had the answer but had chosen to remain non forthcoming. It was most frustrating, but not overly surprising; he was, after all, a most unusual dude.
“Good luck, Bill S. Preston, Esquire,” said Rufus, ceremoniously unfolding his sunglasses and putting them back on. “The future is in your hands.”
Bill’s heart pounded in his chest, he didn’t want to do this alone.
“Thanks Rufus, dude, but are you sure you can’t come with me?” he asked.
Rufus stepped into the phone booth and turned to face Bill shaking his head.
“This is up to you, William,” he said.
And with that, the phone booth doors closed and the booth disappeared. Moments later it reappeared completely empty and ready for Bill. Taking a deep breath, Bill stepped forward. This was his chance to right the most heinous wrong Ted’s father had so non-non-non righteously inflicted on them and bring back his best friend from his frosty purgatory. He better not fudge it up.
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Bill reasoned that the first thing he should do was get some help. After some serious thought, he decided on Billy the Kid. The dude had proven a most advantageous ally in their last adventure through time.
The ride through the circuits of history proved less thrilling and more chilling than they had the first time around. Bill knew it was because he didn’t have Ted with him, but that would soon change if he was successful in his quest.
When he finally exploded out of the circuit into the old west, he found himself in a long expanse of prairie. His arrival had spooked a huge herd of cattle and they were currently stampeding away in all directions.
“Whoa, chill cows,” exclaimed Bill as he stepped out of the phone booth.
The last of the cattle galloped off leaving a huge cloud of dust in their wake. Bill coughed and waved at the dust. It burned at his eyes way worse than the smoke machine smoke at concerts. He was just wondering how he was going to locate Billy the Kid this time when a horse and rider came trotting up to him. He squinted in the sun and dust, but didn’t recognize the person until they spoke.
“Bill?” questioned Billy the Kid. “What are you doing here? Where’s Ted?”
“Billy the Kid!” exclaimed Bill.
Billy the Kid got off his horse and stepped closer with his head cocked to the side consideringly.
“I’m here because I need your help saving Ted,” explained Bill.
A few other dudes rode up on horses, but they didn’t say anything.
“Ted’s in trouble?” exclaimed Billy the Kid, totally distraught. He handed the reins of his horse to another rider before pulling his revolver from his belt. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
“Whoa, whoa, dude!” cried Bill, “I don’t think you’ll need to be shooting anyone.”
The Kid frowned and slowly put the gun away.
“Ted’s dad sent him to military school even though you guys helped us pass our History report,” said Bill, hoping to better explain the situation. “I need to go bust him out and I knew that if anyone could help me, it’d be Billy the Kid!”
The Kid grinned at that and nodded. Bill grinned brightly right back at him. It was a relief to have someone to help him on this, his most important of quests. They got into the phone booth while the other riders watched on. Bill frowned at the buttons wondering where he should go from there.
Who else did he know who could help them? Napoleon knew all about military stuff and could probably help them come up with a plan to get into the school. But, there was that pesky language barrier problem. Plus, Napoleon was kind of a dink. Who was to say he’d even help them anyway?
Napoleon was out. The biggest problem at the moment wasn’t breaking into the school, anyway. Naw, the biggest problem was how they’d get to Alaska. So, who could he get who could find them transportation to Alaska? If they couldn’t fly geographically, only periodically then they’d ne-- waaait. They were no longer in 1988, they were in 1879! They could fly to Alaska periodically now! Bill flipped open the phone book, he needed the number for today’s date in Alaska.
He nodded and grinned to himself when he found the number. He pressed the numbers and the door shut.
“Hold on, Dude!” Bill cried in warning. His heart was pounding at the prospect of his epic reunion with Ted.
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They landed in the forest. The sun was already suspiciously low in the sky and Bill momentarily boggled at it. He wondered just how much time had passed while he was gone to get Billy the Kid before he remembered the thing about latitude versus Solar Radiation that he’d learned in Science.
“Cool,” he said, satisfied with his Sherlockian deductions. He turned to Billy the Kid. The Kid was squinting and frowning at something behind Bill.
“That it?” he asked when Bill caught his eye, pointing over his shoulder. Bill turned around to see a group of low, long buildings in a large clearing not too far off.
“It must be,” said Bill in a hushed voice even though they were too far away to be heard. They both stood and stared for a few beats before Bill heaved a sigh and started forward. “I believe the best course of action at this time is… to get closer.”
The Kid nodded gravely.
“It is most fortunate that there’s no fence around it,” said Bill.
They picked their way through the heavy underbrush of the forest edge, though they later discovered they were only yards away from a paved road that’d be way easier to walk. Bill decided it’d end their quest most disputatiously should they be caught by one of the military dudes in charge because they were seen walking down the road. The Kid had agreed citing the trees as good cover for a surprise attack. It was most unfortunate that the bushes were also really good at tripping Bill up big time.
When they finally reached the forest edge at the side of the military school, it was to see rows on rows of teenaged GI Joes standing at attention on the long expanse of asphalt in front of the buildings. Bill and The Kid dropped to their knees and crept forward. Bill tried to pick Ted out from the group, but he had a hard time telling any of them apart with their matching uniforms and their buzzed heads.
“Guh,” groaned Bill under his breath. “Another brick in the wall.”
“I don’t think those buildings are made of brick,” whispered The Kid from next to him. “Does that change the plan?”
“I don’t really have a plan, dude,” admitted Bill.
Billy the Kid was silent next to him for some time. Bill watched as the head military dude barked orders at the group. The group started doing push-ups at his command, and that was when Ted became immediately obvious to Bill. He was at the far end, one row back, and most definitely having some trouble doing the push-ups. His long, lanky frame just didn’t want to stay rigid while he pushed up and down with his arms. Bill grimaced.
The military leader dude yelled at Ted to stand up. Then he got right up in his face and yelled a bunch of nasty stuff-- the guy was clearly mental. Bill bawled his fists angrily, but he grinned fondly when he caught the last bit of what Ted had said in reply. “...not my fault everyone else is obviously juicin’... uh, sir.”
“I reckon,” started Billy the Kid, pulling Bill’s attention off Ted, “what we gotta do is wait until it gets dark and everyone’s asleep. Then, we find a way in and grab Ted. What do you think, dude?”
“A most excellent plan, dude,” agreed Bill after thinking it over for a few seconds. He clapped The Kid on the shoulder, once again glad that he had chosen to pick him up. “So, uh, what should we do until then?”
Billy the Kid looked thoughtful, but then grinned and pulled a deck of playing cards from the inside pocket of his leather jacket.
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Once the sun had set --though it had never really been very high in the sky to begin with, it quickly became very cold. They had retreated back further into the trees to keep from getting caught. There, they waited until the moon was full out. Bill had struggled not to show his fear when the animals had started howling and braying and doing all their freaky sounds at sunset. He was a man, now, and he definitely couldn’t let a hardened cowboy like Billy the Kid see him wuss out.
“It’s gotta be late enough now that everyone’s sleeping,” said Bill between shivering shudders.
“Only one way to find out,” said The Kid, getting up from the log he’d been sitting on.
Bill followed him through the trees in the dark, putting his complete faith in The Kid’s sense of direction because he was most definitely lost. They walked forward for a time, The Kid stealthily and Bill mostly clamboring and tripping a long. Soon, the lights of the military school’s yard could be seen through the tree branches and bushes. Bill nearly ran right into The Kid’s back when he suddenly paused.
“I’d bet my right arm they had some sort of night watch,” Billy the Kid said in a low voice. “We best lay low and watch for a time.”
“You’re the boss, Billy the Kid,” replied Bill in assent.
They waited at the edge of the forest for what felt like hours to Bill, shivering as he was in his half-shirt, thin button-up, and thread-bare cut-offs. It wasn’t actually that long before some military dude walked around the outside of the buildings. He paused at the door of one of the long buildings, opened it, peered inside, then closed it again and continued walking. He did the same for the three other buildings standing in a row next to the first.
“Those must be the barracks,” said The Kid, lowly.
Once the dude disappeared out of sight, Bill and the The Kid nodded at each other and got up to move forward.
“We’ll just start at the first one and work our way through,” said Bill as they left the forest.
They crouched and ran as fast and as stealthily as they could across the open asphalt to the first building. Bill peered in the window beside the door but there was no way he would be able to tell which bed in the long line of bunks held Ted, or if Ted was even in there which was totally bogus.
“We’ll have to go in,” he whispered to The Kid.
The Kid grimaced in response, but nodded. Bill slowly reached for the door handle and, with a scrunched face, opened the door. He winced dramatically when the door creaked open. The teen soldiers must have been worked to exhaustion because no one stirred. Bill and Billy the Kid stepped into the building and quietly closed the door behind them. Then, they crept down the middle of the building peering at the faces of each kid as they went. When they got to the end of the building without seeing Ted, they turned back to head as surreptitiously as they could back to the door.
At the second building, The Kid opened the door. It wasn’t as squeaky, but it fell shut a little hard behind them and they both froze for a few moments. One of the closest teens stirred, but never opened his eyes. They crept forward, checking faces like before. They only had to check six beds before they came across Ted. Bill fist pumped the air as silently as he could grinning widely at The Kid, before he knelt down near Ted’s head. Finally being at Ted’s side again after weeks without him was making something truly joyful bubble up in his chest. It was like listening to one of his rock legend heroes do a righteous guitar solo live -- No; it was even better than that.
“Ted,” he whispered as he gently touched Ted’s forehead. He smiled fondly when Ted furrowed his brow in his sleep, his heart a drum doing a double kick. “Ted,” he whispered again, “Ted, wake up, dude.”
“Bill?” asked Ted lowly, his eyes opening. Bill smiled feeling suddenly, inexplicably nervous.
Ted stared up at him blankly, brain obviously still buggy with sleep. “Is this still my dream?” Ted asked.
Bill cleared his throat, suddenly feeling way awkward by their dangerously tender interactions. “This is most assuredly not dream, Ted,” he said. “For one thing, you’ve still got that horrible buzzcut.”
Ted sat up with a start. “Bill!” he exclaimed.
“Shh!” hissed The Kid from a few paces back.
Ted grimaced. “Sorry,” he whispered, before double aking at Billy the Kid. “Hey, Billy the Kid, dude! But, what are you guys doing here?”
“We’re breaking you out, dude,” answered Bill.
“Righteous,” whispered Ted with a wide smile pulling his hands out of the blankets to do an air guitar which Bill was quick to happily mirror.
“Yeah,” said Bill, totally elated, “So hurry up, we gotta go!”
Bill frowned when Ted grimaced again, this time pulling the blankets up around him and looking suddenly nervous.
“Okay, but, maybe you guys should go and I’ll catch up,” Ted said.
Bill opened his mouth to question Ted, but the look on Ted’s face stopped him. Realization suddenly dawned on him and he let out a short ‘hah’ at Ted’s expense before remembering that Ted had asked if Bill’s presence was part of the dream. That awkwardness came back with a vengeance and Bill was quick to stand up and back away.
“We’ll meet you outside,” said Bill.
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“I can’t believe you guys came,” whispered Ted as he approached Bill and The Kid in the trees just outside of the yard light’s reach. Bill suddenly had a momentary desire to pull Ted into a tight hug. He glanced over at The Kid and wondered what the cowboy dude would think of it. He refrained.
“You’d do the same for me, dude,” said Bill.
“Most assuredly,” agreed Ted and, from the way he was grinning at Bill, it seemed like he, too, would be open to a manly hug. Bill still didn’t reach out.
“Let’s get back to the phone booth before we’re discovered,” said Bill.
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“Thank you for your help, Billy the Kid, dude” said Bill as the phone booth doors slid shut and he reached to start pressing the buttons for Billy’s time. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“It was my pleasure, Bill,” said The Kid before slapping Ted on the back. “It just ain’t right to keep you two separated. But, if ya wouldn’t mind...”
“Yeah, Billy the Kid?” asked Bill, pausing in pressing the buttons. He glanced over at Ted who was looking at The Kid with his head cocked to the side all curiously.
“Since you’ve still got this here time traveling booth,” said The Kid. “Maybe you wouldn’t mind dropping me off in So-crates’ era for a time? I’d really like to visit the old dog.”
“Anything for you, Billy the Kid!” piped up Ted with a grin. Billy agreed, but he frowned thoughtfully.
“Okay,” he said, “but we can’t leave you there too long. Rufus says you can’t live outside of your time for very long before you cease to exist.”
“Whoa, existential, dude,” said Ted with a look of mixed fear and awe.
Bill snickered.
“Okay,” said Ted after a moment. “So, we drop you off to visit So-crates, we go home and square with my dad, and then we come get you to take you home.”
“Good plan, Ted,” said Bill nodding seriously. It felt so right to have Ted with him again helping making plans.
“Thanks, boys,” said Billy the Kid, suddenly looking excited.
Bill opened up the phone book to find the right number and typed it in instead of Billy’s.
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They were flying home through the circuits of time after dropping Billy the Kid off when something Ted had said earlier suddenly pinged in Bill’s mind.
“Ted,” said Bill, “what did you mean by ‘squaring things with your dad’?”
He watched Ted frown warily, it was most non encouraging.
“Well, he’s not gonna be happy that I’m back, dude,” said Ted, slowly.
The blood suddenly drained from Bill’s face.
“Bogus,” he hissed through clenched teeth. “I screwed up big time!” Bill leaned back against the side of the phone booth suddenly filled with dread.
“This is exactly why I need you, dude,” said Bill, weakly. “I didn’t even think to account for your dad. I was too excited about your triumphant return to San Dimas.”
“It’ll be okay, Bill,” said Ted grabbing Bill by the shoulders and giving him such a sincere look that Bill’s heart ached from it. “The main thing is that we’re together. We can think of something. Two heads…”
“Are better than one,” said Bill with a small smile.
“Heck yeah,” replied Ted with a bright grin. They were still right in each other’s space when the smile slipped off Ted’s face and he went very solemn. “Thank you for traveling through time to save me, Bill.”
Bill felt something in his chest flutter.
“I’d do way more than that for you, Ted,” he croaked.
It was suddenly very hard to breathe. He stared up at Ted’s face. Even with his glorious metal hair shaved off, he was most definitely still Ted. He was Bill’s best friend, his other half, his everything. They were finally back together and it felt like a rock ballad kept playing in the back of Bill’s mind.
“I know you would, Bill,” said Ted, his face just as intense as Bill knew his own was. “It’s because we belong together, dude --even Rufus says so.”
They stared into each other’s eyes for a few beats before Bill couldn’t take it any more and cleared his throat. It was that or lean in and have a taste of Ted’s lips and that… that would be insane. To Bill’s relief (and disappointment), Ted took a step backward, finally giving Bill space to breathe. A most bizarre feeling of awkwardness descended on them for a few long moments before Ted finally broke it.
“It’s too bad we can’t make my dad understand,” said Ted. “He’s made it pretty clear that he can’t be convinced by regular means.”
“Dude,” said Bill with a short laugh. “I don’t think there was anything regular about us traveling through time and bagging historic dudes to bring home for our history report.”
“True,” said Ted, nodding. “But, what I meant was the A+ on the history report. It was supposed to convince him to let me stay, but it didn’t.”
The phone booth landed on Bill’s front lawn in sparks and smoke.
“He believes our time spent on the Wyld Stallyns is a waste,” said Bill, remembering Ted’s father’s parting words. “Maybe he’s mad about that after giving us all that money for instruments.”
“It’s too bad we can’t show him how important our music is for the future of humanity,” said Ted with a nod.
The phone booth’s doors opened and Bill stepped out with Ted following. He stopped suddenly as a thought struck him. Ted walked right into him.
“Ted,” he exclaimed, spinning around and grabbing Ted by the arms. “You’re a genius, dude!”
“Whaaat?” asked Ted in surprise.
“All we gotta do is go to the future and get our hands on a copy of our CD. Then, we can bring it back to show your dad!” said Bill. “Your dad said we are wasting our time on a band that won’t go anywhere, but if we show him how important Wyld Stallyns ends up being, he won’t keep us apart!”
Bill grinned excitedly as Ted gaped at him, the magnitude of the simplicity of the new plan obviously taking a moment to sink it. Bill saw the moment when Ted got it written across his face. He grinned even bigger.
“Excellent,” they said in unison before doing an air guitar.
They stepped right back into the phone booth and Bill quickly looked up a phone number for the future.
“I hope this works,” said Ted as they flew through the circuits of time. Bill agreed.
They landed in the centre of the big, silver dome they had stumbled into last time they’d accidentally gone forward in time. Bill stepped out of the phone booth with Ted following behind. The same three wizard dudes who looked like leaders of some kind were seated up high in front of them.
“Hey dudes and babe. Cool shades,” said Ted, stepping forward. “I’m Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan and this is my esteemed colleague, Bill S. Preston.”
Bill nodded and waved when Ted introduced him.
“We were hoping you had a spare copy of our CD that we could take with us so we can convince my dad to let me stay in San Dimas,” Ted explained.
Bill wasn’t sure if Ted’s explanation actually made any sense to the strangers, but it seemed like the group of people growing around them and the three wizard dudes sitting high up were already aware of their most disadvantageous situation. Someone in a silver ski suit stepped away from one of the silver disco ball walls to hand Ted a CD.
“Radical,” exclaimed Ted. “Thanks dudes!”
“Yeah,” said Bill. “Thanks!” He paused, thoughtfully, and then remembered what he had said last time. “Be excellent to each other,” he announced brightly to the room.
“Party on dudes!” concluded Ted, grinning over at Bill.
They hurried back into the phone booth and Bill punched in the numbers to take them home.
“Well, that most simplistic,” said Bill in relief as they took off.
Ted looked up at him from where he had been check out in the CD case in his hand. “The the hard part is still to come, dude,” he said gravely.
Bill frowned. Ted was probably right.
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“Ted!?” exclaimed Ted’s dad when Bill and Ted stepped into the station. Bill winced. “What in world are you doing here!?” It was actually kinda interesting how quickly the captain’s face could turn so red.
“Hey dad,” said Ted.
“Hey Captain Logan, dude, sir,” said Bill, wincing again at how his voice wavered. He hated to admit it, but Ted’s dad scared him. The guy was mondo unhinged. “You are looking most gelatinous this afternoon.. uh, sir.”
“Gelatin--” started Ted’s father in confusion before shaking his head and shouting. “Bill! This was your doing wasn’t it!?” he exclaimed. “I don’t know how you did it, but… I am calling your father!” He grabbed Ted by the collar and dragged him with him through the little door separating the offices from the sheriff station’s front area back to his office.
“Dad, wait!” exclaimed Ted as he was pulled along. “Dad, you gotta hear this, okay?”
Bill followed after them, purposely ignoring all the confused looks they were getting from all the other police dudes in the building.
“We have a proposition for you Mister Captain Logan, sir,” he tried to explain.
“A proposition!?” exclaimed Ted’s father which had Bill pausing to wonder if maybe he didn’t use the right word. Sometimes it was hard to get the right one when you were attempting to broaden your vocabulary, afterall.
“Yeah, Dad,” said Ted. “We’ve got something you really need to hear.”
“I don’t care what it is,” Ted’s dad all but growled. “I’ve got phone calls to make! Questions to have answered! How in the hell did you get out of that military school!?”
He let go of Ted once they were in his office and slammed his door shut behind them. Bill chewed his bottom lip while he watched Ted’s dad storm around his desk, plop down in his chair, and pick of the receiver of the phone.
“Dad, you said Wyld Stallyns would never happen,” said Ted, still trying, “but we’ve brought you proof that it will become most famous!”
Bill just frowned and shook his head; it was obvious Ted’s father wasn’t listening.
“Preston,” growled Ted’s father into the phone. “I’ve got your son down here at the station. Somehow, he’s managed…”
Grimacing, Bill bumped the back of his hand against Ted’s and leaned over. “He’s not going to listen to us, dude,” he stage-whispered while purposely ignoring what Ted’s father continued to rant into the phone.
“What are we going to do?” Ted stage-whispered right back
“...not one iota of discipline in your household…” continued Ted’s father in the background.
“I think the first thing we gotta do is get out of here,” said Bill. “You know, while we still can. Your dad is totally wigging.”
Ted looked thoughtful, but quickly nodded.
“...undoubtedly illegal activities. I’ll be putting them both in a holding ce...”
Bill perked up when he heard the last bit of what Ted’s father was saying. Whether or not it was an empty threat, they needed to get out of there. “That’s our cue, dude,” he hissed and they both turned and rushed out the door.
“Hey!” exclaimed Ted’s dad from behind them. “Ted! Bill! Get back here you delinquents!”
His words only made them run faster.
By wordless agreement, they headed to Bill’s house. Missy greeted them when they came in the door as if nothing was wrong, which meant Bill’s dad probably hadn’t called her from work, yet. Hopefully they had some time to regroup before he came looking for them there. They didn’t say anything to Missy, just thundered up the stairs to Bill’s room and she didn’t follow. Ted went in first and Bill slammed his door shut. He turned to regard Ted who was already sitting on Bill’s bed and looking most dejected.
“Dad will never listen,” said Ted miserably. “He’s going to send me straight back to Oates.”
“Don’t say that, dude,” said Bill.
“It’s true, dude,” argued Ted sadly. He paused for a moment before looking up with a sad attempt at a smile. “At least I got to see you again, Bill,” he said.
Bill tried his best to ignore the weird flip his stomach did at Ted’s heartfelt words.
“He’s not going to send you back, Ted,” said Bill, instead. “We won’t let him. We can’t let him. The future depends on Wyld Stallyns. Don’t you remember what Rufus said? Our music is destined to change the world.”
“What if Rufus is wrong?” asked Ted.
Bill shook his head and walked across his room to sit down next to Ted.
“I gotta believe he’s right,” he said.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Mostly just stewing in the unsavouryness of their situation. It wasn’t the most productive use of their undoubtedly limited amount of time left as free men. Bill would be the first to admit it, but sometimes a man’s just gotta stew in his melancholy. It doesn’t sound rock and roll, but Megadeth, Guns N Roses, Metallica, Scorpions, and even Poison would most definitely beg to differ.
“Hey, Ted,” said Bill, suddenly. “Were… when Billy the Kid and I came to bust you out… were you… dreaming about me?”
“Whuu,” stammered Ted, obviously caught off guard. No wonder; Bill was even surprised by his words and he’d been the one to actually say them!
“Sorry,” said Bill, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment as he turned to stare back down at his sneakers. “Nevermind.”
“Actually,” said Ted, after a long pause, “I was.”
Bill felt his eyes widen and he turned to look over at Ted, astounded. Ted was staring down at his own shoes, the back of his neck (part of him Bill had never seen before but was now on display with his hair buzzed short) was bright red.
“Oh,” said Bill, biting back a smile and turning back to his own shoes.
“It’s just, I missed you and I had this questionable meat for supper yesterday and you know how weird food ma--” started Ted, sounding panicked.
“It’s okay, Ted,” cut in Bill.
“Yeah?” asked Ted, finally looking over.
Bill met his eyes and smiled. “Yeah.”
“Oh,” said Ted.
Bill’s smile only grew when he saw Ted biting back a shy smile of his own.
They both looked away from each other. Bill grinned down at his shoes despite the most unfavourable situation they were currently in. He was considering testing the waters further by pushing his hand across the comforter between them to touch Ted’s when, suddenly, Ted stood up.
“Bill!” exclaimed Ted.
“What!?” asked Bill, heart thudding in his chest.
“I’ve just had the most excellent idea!” said Ted, grinning widely. “Do you still have the tape recorder I gave you before leaving for Oates?”
“Of course I do, Ted,” said Bill. As if he’d get rid of anything Ted gave him, especially when Ted was being sent away.
“Okay, I’ve got a plan...”
--------
“Be careful, dude,” said Bill nervously from the bushes behind the sheriff station. “If you get caught--”
“I know, dude,” said Ted, nodding seriously. “It’ll be okay. All I gotta do is put the cassette we recorded our CD on in his car’s cassette player and then, when we call him from the circle K, he’ll have to drive over to get us and the music’ll play while he drives there.”
“What if he doesn’t turn on the stereo?” asked Bill. Too much was riding on this for there to be any mistakes.
“I’ll leave it turned on,” said Ted.
“What if he turns it off?” pressed Bill.
“The bit we recorded at the beginning of the cassette will pique his natural curiosity and he’ll have to listen,” said Ted. “You know, the part where we’re talking about how you got to Oates to help me make my triumphant escape?”
“Yeah, I know,” said Bill, because he did, but he was still concerned. “I’m just worried it won’t work, dude.”
“Only one way to find out, dude,” answered Ted, grinning.
Bill managed to grin back at him. He was glad Ted was back to himself instead of the wallowing he was doing back at Bill’s house. Still, he couldn’t help but feel the weight of the situation bearing down on his shoulders. This might be their very last shot at being able to stay together and more than just their own happiness was riding on that. He wondered what Eddie Van Halen would do.
He watched nervously as Ted ran out from the bushes through the station’s parking lot to his dad’s sheriff car. Ted pulled the door open and leaned inside to put in the cassette. Bill glanced around to check that no one was looking. The coast remained clear. Moments later Ted was racing back to the bushes.
“Done!” gasped Ted when he got back to Bill’s side.
“Excellent,” said Bill giving Ted a high five. “Let’s get over to Circle K and make our call, pronto.”
“Yeah, dude!”
--------
The first thing they did when they got to Circle K was buy some slushies because, and this was a direct quote from Ted, ‘if they were going down, they’d do so with the sweet, sweet taste of frozen soda on their tongues’. Bill felt his heart swell with happiness when Ted laughingly pointed out how green his tongue was. Then, they headed out to the actual phone booth beside the store.
“You ready, Ted?” asked Bill as he dropped a few coins into the pay phone.
“I’m totally ready, Bill,” said Ted after taking in a deep breath that made his chest puff out. Bill felt the corners of his mouth pull into a grin at that and he nodded.
“Alright, here goes,” he said.
The phone rang only one on the other end before the station secretary answered.
“Uh, Captain Logan, please,” he said in his deepest voice. “We have a bit of a situation here at the Circle K.”
“One moment, sir,” said the secretary.
“Captain Logan,” came Ted’s dad’s voice a second later.
“Heeeey Captain Logan, sir,” said Bill. “I’m just calling to tell you that Ted and I are down at the Circle K. If you want us, you better come and get us!”
With that he hung up, not before hearing the distant, angry yelling of Ted’s dad coming through the receiver as he moved to put it back.
“What’d he say?” asked Ted from outside the phone booth. “Is he coming?”
Bill stepped out the little sliding door and grinned.
“Oh, he’s coming, alright.”
--------
Bill expected to see a mega angry Captain Logan step out of the sheriff's car when it parked out front of the Circle K, so when the captain stepped out smiling and looking completely at ease, it was most perplexing.
“Dude,” whispered Bill to Ted. “I think he cracked.”
“There is most definitely something amiss,” agreed Ted.
“Hello boys,” said Ted’s dad as he shut his car door and stepped up onto the sideway creepily smiling at them. “Beautiful day, isn’t it?”
Bill looked up at the sky and, yeah, it was a nice day, but…
“Aren’t you going to arrest us?” he asked.
“Bill,” hissed Ted, elbowing him.
“Maybe,” said Ted’s dad, “but first, I think I’ll get some pop rocks.”
With that he walked right past them into the store. Bill and Ted watched him go with their jaws hanging open.
“Did you see that?” asked Bill once the door had fallen shut behind the captain.
“Totally,” answered Ted in an awed half-whisper.
They looked at each other, then back at the store, and then back at each other. Bill was the first to crack up, but Ted quickly followed. They laughed and air-guitared together.
“I can’t believe it worked so well,” said Ted, shaking his head.
“Cheeuh!” exclaimed Bill, still laughing.
Ted’s dad came back out of the store a few moments later with a black package in one hand and a palmful of pop rocks in the other.
“I heard your music, boys,” he said. “It was… most bodacious.”
Bill’s mouth dropped open.
“Nooo waaay,” exclaimed Ted.
“Yes way,” said Ted’s dad. “I mean, it’s no Elvis Presley, but you guys really rock.”
“Thanks Captain Logan, dude,” said Bill, happily. They had been totally surprised by their sound, themselves, when they first heard it only an hour earlier when recording it onto the cassette. It had been totally righteous how the music had been new to them and yet sounded so familiar. Ted had explained that it had probably sounded familiar because it had come from their own hearts and minds and Bill had agreed, once again reminded at how wise Ted could be at times. “So, what about military school?”
“Oates?” asked Ted’s dad with a disgusted frown.
“Yeah,” said Ted. “Are you still going to send me back?”
“Send you back?” exclaimed Ted’s dad in surprise. “I don’t know why I sent you there in the first place! Those guys have no sense of the rock and roll spirit.”
“They most definitely don’t,” agreed Ted gravely.
Bill momentarily wondered at the horrors poor Ted had overcome during his first days there. He resisted the urge to reach out to run his fingers over Ted’s buzzcut hair wistfully. Ted looked awesome no matter what, but Bill still felt for him that he had lost his bodacious rocker locks. Yes, they’d grow back with time, but the hair was a physical reminder of the emotional trauma that Ted had most certainly went through. But it would be best if Bill dwelt on that at a later time, he had more pressing concerns at the moment...
“Shouldn’t you be getting back to the station?” asked Bill when Ted’s dad walked past them to go sit down on the concrete step in front of the store. He looked down at Ted’s dad with pursed lips.
“Probably,” agreed Ted’s dad, but he just kept eating his pop rocks and looking delighted every time they popped in his mouth.
Bill glanced over to Ted who was already looking his way. It was awesome that Ted’s dad was being so much more reasonable about military school, but Bill couldn’t help but worry that they somehow broke him.
“I hate to sound like a broken record, dude,” said Ted, “but, Bill, strange things are afoot at the--” Ted stopped suddenly, his focus moving from Bill to just behind him. Bill quickly swung around just in time to see the phone booth emerge in the middle of the Circle K parking lot.
“Rufus!” exclaimed Bill and Ted in unison when the door opened and their old friend stepped out, pulling off his shades, and giving them a tight smile.
“Gentlemen,” said Rufus. “You found each other.”
Bill grinned brightly and threw an arm around Ted’s shoulders.
“We sure did, Rufus, dude!” exclaimed Bill.
“Rufus,” said Ted frowning, “is my dad gonna be okay? He is acting most unusual.”
“He’s never been better, Ted,” said Rufus approaching the boys. “He’s been subjected to the album that changed humanity. In the same way that it ended wars and famine, it has also helped your dad learn how to chill out and accept the spirit of rock and roll.”
Bill turned to Ted who turned to Bill. “Whoa,” they said to each other in unison.
“I’ll need to take that CD back, now, though,” said Rufus. “We wouldn’t want your music to spend too long outside of its own timeframe now do we?”
“Will it cease to exist?” asked Bill in sudden horror.
At Rufus’ nod, Ted ran back to his dad’s sheriff car and grabbed the cassette out of the stereo. Bill watched him go, mentally applauding his friend for being so smart as to remember the tape.
“Here you go, Rufus dude,” said Ted handing the cassette tape over to Rufus.
“Thank you, Ted,” said Rufus. “I’m glad to see you two back together. Make sure you write that album, amigos.”
“We will!” said Bill.
“Remember,” said Rufus looking between Bill and Ted meaningfully --so meaningfully, in fact, that Bill couldn’t help but blush, “be excellent to each other.”
“Party on dude!” exclaimed Ted in response.
Bill grinned widely at that before a thought occurred to him. “Wait, Rufus,” he said, “we still need to take Billy the Kid back to his own time.”
“Already done my excellent friends,” said Rufus.
“Awesome, thanks Rufus!” said Ted.
“Yeah,” said Bill, smiling and thinking of how much better his life was going to be now that Ted was back in it. “Thanks Rufus.”
“Catch you later, boys,” said Rufus placing his sunglasses back on his face and stepping back into the phone booth.
“Later days, Rufus!” exclaimed Ted waving wildly as the phone booth sparked into life before disappearing in a cloud of mega cool smoke. It was like a sick effect in a rock show. Bill would never get bored of it.
Once the phone booth disappeared, Bill turned to Ted and smiled. “What should we do now, Ted?” he asked.
“I think it’s time the Wyld Stallyns learned how to play their instruments,” answered Ted. “I don’t know about you, dude, but I am mega stoked about playing our music.”
Bill nodded. “Yeah, it was wailing, dude.”
They grinned idiotically at each other before air guitaring with all their might. Theirs was truly a triumphant reunion.