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It took over a year until she saw her again.
In the meantime, Esti found a new synagogue for herself - one less strict, and where she can have a new start where not everyone immediately knew her as the Rabbi's wife, the woman who seduced his sister, the old Rabbi's daughter away away from belief.
She wasn't like Ronit, she did still believe, didn't want to leave it behind entirely. But this felt better. More true to herself, even when some of the people there have her curious looks for wearing a wig.
She didn't always, not anymore. As she couldn't bring herself to truly believe that Ronit was doing anything wrong for not wearing it, she had slowly stopped believing so much in that aspect of it all, but she did wear it to go to service, would feel wrong and exposed without it in that setting.
She found a flat in New York for herself, and a job filing papers at a company. It wasn't much, but it was enough. Slowly, she got used to this other world - the real world, as she forced herself to call it, no matter how unbelievable it sometimes seemed to her.
Then, one day, Esti feels ready.
She knows the address of Ronit's photo studio, has known for quite a while now.
Braiding her hair over her shoulder - a skill she had rediscovered quite recently, now that her hair had grown longer and she showed it in public more often, something she used to do back when she had been a child, back when she had gotten to know Ronit, so it seems a good choice now - Esti looks at herself in the mirror above the sink in her tiny bathroom and takes a deep breath.
It will have to do.
She hopes Ronit has waited for her.
The floodlights are still on in the studio even though it is half six in the evening. Esti had expected Ronit to be finished with any clients by now, maybe dealing with paperwork, or perhaps already home home in which case Esti would have left a letter for her.
The door to the small entrance hall is open and between a woman on her phone and a guy looking through a an briefcase, no one takes notice of her as she makes her way to the glass door of the actual studio.
Inside, at the far end of the hall, is a background of lots of tulle and bunched up fabric, with loose silk pieces hanging from the ceiling. In front of it is a gleaming silver ladder on which a model poses with his or her head thrown back and an arm stretch out towards the fabric.
Ronit has her back to her, taking picture after picture. Then she must have called to halt, the model gets down, and Ronit looks through a bag for more equipment.
The woman in the entrance hall pushes past Esti through the door, she hadn't even noticed her hanging up the phone, too focused on Ronit and her work, enthralled, watching her in her element.
The unknown woman says something to Ronit, who looks up and her eyes meet Esti's for the first time in over a year.
Ronit drops the lense she had been about to screw into her camera, it shatters on the floor.
Around her, shocked gasps and cries of dismay, one assistant offers to clean up the shards, the other commiserates with the clumsiness, her client asks whether she can keep going on taking photos and jokes about something with the insurance -
Ronit doesn't notice, doesn't tell them that the only reason the camera hasn't befallen the same fate is that the strap is secure around her neck. Her attention is fixed on the woman behind the class, a face she hasn't seen in months, hadn't been sure she would see again at all.
Esti waves at her, seeming shy, still on the other side of the doors.
Ronit feels her heart beat like it is trying to escape from her chest.
By now, her assistants have caught on to what or rather who has caught her attention, murmuring gossip and speculation. Ronit doesn't chastise them, barely even hears what they say. She walks to Esti, never taking her eyes off of her goal.
Esti's breath catches when Ronit starts to come towards her. Her hand drops from where she had rested it on the cool glass after waving at her. Ronit pulls open the door and then her arms are around Esti, first around her waist, then one around her neck and Esti clings to the fabric of Ronit's shirt and her sleeve and kisses her back with everything she has, every memory and wish, every hope and desire.
Ronit has to finish the photo shoot, tells her assistant to get her a lense from the back similar to the one she would have liked to use. Stays aware of Esti watching her, but forces herself to focus on the job, can't afford to bungle up a lucrative contract like this one. Especially not know - does Esti have or make enough money to support herself? Ronit doesn't want to ask immediately and risk offending her, but she is still planning how to stretch her money for two.
When they are finished and the client and her models have left, Ronit stops the assistants from taking down the set, telling them to go home, it's late, they'll deal with it in the morning.
Once alone with Esti, Ronit lifts her camera, a silent offer.
Esti blushes, but nods, and Ronit has the honest pleasure of arranging her favourite muse in front of the backdrop of silk and lace, first leaning against the ladder, then in midst of the silk pieces of fabric, undoing Esti's braid, her breath warm on her skin, telling her to move this way and that.
"Can you turn your head quickly, so your hair flies - quicker - yes, like that! Again, and look up a bit, over there?" Esti's hair is slightly wavy from the braid, and longer than Ronit has seen it in decades. Her eyes shine in the light, her smile more beautiful to her than that of any professional model.
Ronit walks closer again, motions for Esti to lean down, leans over her, Esti bites her lip at the camera, at her, more sultry and enticing than taking all her clothes could have been. The shutter clocks, clicks, clicks.
Belatedly, Ronit realizes forcing Esti into an impromptu photo shoot before they have even gotten 'round to talk about anything might scare her off, and she lowers her camera, but Esti just smiled reaches out towards her, pulling her down to lie by her side.
"Take one of the both of us?"
