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The world was blue and gray.
Not because TJ was sad. No, it was just blue and gray because it was boring. He would fish in the lake, and he would ride the subway train until dark or until his mother called him back home.
The world was still blue and gray, even after making friends. It turned even bluer and grayer when [Player] appeared.
He knew it was bad to feel how he did. His chest still squeezed tightly anyway. His breath still felt quicker anyway. His eyes still burned. He could run, but [Player] could sprint. He could move, but [Player] could dance.
Anything he knew he could do, [Player] could do better.
He still had other friends, right?
No, not really. All he saw ahead of him was snow, blankets upon blankets rolling across the forest. On his right, where Suzie would’ve been, was bare. On his left, where Quincy would’ve been, was Zavier.
TJ couldn’t betray him, because if he did, no one would help him. His friends hate him now. No one would like him. Zavier was the only person who ever asked for HIS help, as crazy as it sounded. TJ didn’t know if he hated him. All he knew was that TJ needed him.
But when Zavier fled to Icyridge to beat [Player] to the key, TJ knew maybe Zavier didn’t need him.
It was a blur. All TJ could focus on was Quincy’s face. He hated him. He wanted him to leave. TJ just wanted Quincy to run. But he didn’t. He let his team get picked off, picking off TJ’s in turn. TJ wanted to yell and scream. He wanted to tear his chest apart and stop feeling so angry at Quincy, but he couldn’t. All his face mustered was a blank expression, robotic commands spewing out of his mouth until only Monolugg and Horbeast remained.
It would’ve been a beautiful battle. It was a final match between the strongest, but as the two beasts were ready to swing, a punch connected with TJ's cheek. It threw him off, his feet slipping against the snow and making him fall onto his back. Dirt clung to his hoodie. His face pulsed in hot flashes, and his cheek was stabbing with pain. TJ looked up only to connect eyes with Quincy, who was only a few feet away from him.
The blonde boy squeezed his fist, baring his teeth in pain and cursing under his breath. His face was tight into itself, the most notable thing being his red nose and the clouds of frost escaping his mouth. When he finally opened his tightly shut eyes, the tears in his eyes erupted like lakes, flowing down his rosy face. It didn’t take long for him to lose his usual composure, his hands leaving his side as they shook on his face. All he did was sob. A small, pathetic sight
TJ hadn’t even noticed the capsule in Quincy’s hand or the absence of his Horbeast. All he did was watch Quincy sob into his hands.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Between shakes and sobs, Quincy spoke.
“I can’t fight you like this.”
It was like the pain in his face had disappeared, although it had only just begun swelling. TJ blinked at Quincy.
“What’s wrong with you?” TJ felt himself blurt out his thoughts. It scared him how the words sounded out loud. They were blank and cold, like the snow beneath him.
“I’m sorry.” His breathing was heavy.
“I don’t know why I punched you. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry, TJ.”
Gone was the snarky ice around Quincy, which TJ had grown used to, and it melted to a puddle beside him in the snow. He was just a tall kid.
Just like him.
TJ stared at the boy in front of him. He didn’t know how to feel about him.
Was he angry? Upset? Sad?
The questions fogged his brain as he sat up, shaking the dirt off of his black hoodie. The snow beneath him crunched as he stood up. Quincy had stopped crying so loudly, but he still sniffled and sobbed to himself. TJ loathed it.
But he didn’t like feeling that way.
He closed the space between them, leaving only a hand’s reach in the middle of them. He didn’t know what he was doing.
“TJ,” Quincy wiped his face with his sleeve, which was unusual for him. TJ could practically see him itch to reach for him, but something didn’t allow him to. “I don’t know what Zavier said, but please just come with us. Come with me.”
“I can’t.”
“TJ—”
“Stop saying my name.”
Quincy looked past his glasses; his pale eyes were like the moon, wide and sad. He stepped close to TJ.
“Get away from me.”
“You’re my best friend. I can’t.”
A foreign anger boiled beneath TJ’s skin, all of it manifesting into a violent shove. Quincy stepped back, trying to regain his balance. He inhaled sharply, likely from getting the wind knocked out of him. TJ only stared. He could only clench his fists until his knuckles were pale.
“You don’t need me. You never have, and never will, Quincy.
“Get the hell away from me. Don’t look for me. Just leave me alone.”
Something deep in TJ’s chest hurt. It was sharp and gnawed on his ribs. He didn’t know why his frown widened, or why his eyes began to sting.
He didn’t know why he stepped forward. He had just pushed Quincy away, anyway.
“Never in a million years have I needed any of you. Not Suzie. Not [Player]. Please. Please just go away.”
There was a long silence. TJ could’ve just left. He had the choice to walk off and never turn back. Anything. Instead, he watched Quincy’s expression, waiting for a reaction. Nothing ever came. Quincy’s hurt expression was unmoving and ever-constant. He slowly looked down to his side, taking a deep breath. It shook, and TJ just wanted to shove him again.
“You’re so much.” Quincy slowly spoke. “The world didn't stop when we found out you were an anomaly. It didn’t stop when you failed. It hasn’t stopped now either.
“You’re the only person I trust in the world. With my life.
“TJ, the world loves you,” Quincy’s hands slowly took TJ’s, “I love you.”
His touch was warm. It was the only true warmth TJ had felt in a long time. It wasn’t grey or blue. The world was love. The world was pink. He wanted it to stay that way, he saw. Just for a while longer.
Maybe just for a while longer, TJ thought.
He didn’t know why he leaned closer to Quincy, his eyes closing to not bear witness. Less did he know why he pressed his lips against Quincy’s.
Everything was pink! Everything was love! Everything! The world kept spinning! Everything loved, everything lived!
Stop. Stop. Stop.
He pulled away, the earth’s gravity turning him back to land. His face tingled, warm against the cold’s breath. His hands were still entangled with Quincy’s. The world around him returned to the gray hue the forest provided. All he saw were Quincy’s open eyes, unmoving as they were before. The only evidence of life were the small streams of tears falling down his face.
It was like kissing a statue.
The warmth in his face had now gone cold. Something bubbled in his head, and before long, he let go of Quincy’s hands. Quickly, he turned, trudging through the snow and into the trees.
“TJ, don’t go.”
He didn’t want to listen.
“Please wait.”
He didn’t want to turn around.
“You’re the reason I even came here in the first place. I need you.”
TJ stopped where the trees began. His body struggled to make him turn. Between him and the blonde boy was his shadow.
“I don’t need you.
“Go home.”
The forest soon consumed the troubled boy. All he left behind were footsteps in the snow. All he left behind was warmth in Quincy’s hands.
The world was blue, grey, and pink.