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Six months.
It had been six months since the Second Gigantomachy had concluded and Gaea was defeated. Percy Jackson, twice Saviour of Olympus, was staying at camp during the winter out of fear. He had gone through too much in such a short period of time and had fought two wars within the span of a year, the nightmares wouldn't end and he was too afraid of waking back up in Tartarus, or worse, hurting his mom and stepdad.
Percy hadn't told anyone the full truth about what he went through, he never even explained to Leo the full truth about Calypso before he sacrificed himself to stop Gaea. He knew Leo was alive, they just got a letter from him that screamed ‘I Lived Bitch’ though if Leo had just written that as the letter, Percy was absolutely sure he would hunt him down with Piper but no, it explained what he had done, how he was revived with the Physician's Cure and how he was travelling with Calypso after saving her from Ogygia. Calypso deserved an explanation, Percy needed to let her know he cared about her as a friend and would never have willingly left her to stay on an island she didn't belong on. That letter only reminded him of the curse Annabeth received from the Arai, of being abandoned by him and it hurt so much. She didn't deserve that, Percy himself on the other hand, he deserved all the curses, his and Annabeths together.
Percy sat on the beach, staring out at the horizon as he became lost in his thoughts. While the cold didn't really affect him as much, he was still sitting there in just his camp shirt and a pair of ripped jeans, while the chill winds just wrapped around him. He wished he could feel the full force of the cold, could he still get pneumonia? He hoped so, it was the least he deserved. He sat with his knees against his chest, his arms hugging his legs, as he took a few deep breaths before looking up. He hadn't spoken to his dad since the end of the war and while Poseidon knew Percy had been in Tartarus, Percy was worried that his dad had found out everything and he'd been disowned.
“Dad… I-” Percy started but found himself choking on the words, unable to speak. What could he even say? Maybe try and explain things from his side? Just talk about his struggles? He doubted his dad wanted to hear that but he also needed to talk to someone, even if he was ignored. Maybe after telling him everything, Poseidon would talk to Zeus and they'd vote on his life again, maybe they'd finally say it's time for him to die now.
“I wanted to die.” Percy cringed as the words escaped his lips and he shook his head briefly as he closed his eyes. “A lot happened. I know you probably aren't listening, actually do gods have a prayer voicemail? I'm getting off topic. I-”
“Dad I'm broken and I don't think I'll ever be okay again. In Tartarus, I was so scared. And I know that is probably normal, it's Tartarus for fucks sake, but down there… I changed and not in a good way. Me and Annabeth, we met Akhlys, she offered to help us get to the doors but-”
Percy paused to wipe his eyes and he choked back a sob before resting his head on his knees, eyes still closed, unaware of the sea attempting to reach out to him and the cold, chilly air now carrying the sea with it. He took a shaky breath and tried to ignore the trembling in his hands.
“She turned on us, tried to kill us with her poison and something in me just shattered, I felt it dad. I nearly killed her, you know, Akhlys I mean. I made her choke on her poison and her tears and I remember thinking that I wanted to see how much misery Misery could take and… if Annabeth wasn't there and snapped me out of it, I think I would have killed her. Annabeth was so scared and I was so scared because I'd lost control.”
Percy was sobbing into his knees now, the tides now lapping against his bare feet, but he didn't care. It wasn't his dad, even if he secretly hoped it was, even if deep down he knew it was definitely Poseidon reaching out to him.
“After we got out, well, me and Jason ran into Kym and Polybotes, which you knew but I didn't say… I knew I could control Polybotes’ poison. I was scared I would lose control and when I was being suffocated, when I was drowning, I didn't want to stop it. I deserved it after all. I wanted Polybotes to kill me. Now-”
“-Now, I don't know if I can go on. I don't know when I'll next crack, I could hurt mom or Paul or anyone else at camp. I don't belong here, I don't belong in the sea either, not after what I've done. What if next time I don't have Annabeth to stop me from going too far, I'm too dangerous. Uncle was right. I'm glad I wasn't killed when I was fourteen, I couldn't bear to let Nico be the prophecy child, he didn't deserve that so I decided to shoulder the burden and now I've gone through two great prophecies and maybe, just maybe, my time is finally running out.”
Percy finally stopped talking and he just let himself cry, something he hadn't let himself do. He could feel the sea breeze surrounding him, whispering his name, he could now see that part of the sea had settled around him and he sniffed as he gave a sad smile. “I didn't think you would actually listen.” He whispered, almost feeling like a small child again like when he'd tell his mom he saw something weird and didn't think she'd believe him. “I don't know what to do.” He sounded so small, so pained.
‘My son. My precious son. You have so much to live for, this doesn't change anything. I still do and always will love you Percy.’
That just made Percy sob more as he heard his dad's voice in his mind. He didn't know how long he stayed on that beach, it must've been a while because when he had finally calmed down and became more aware, the sun had set, he had a blanket around his shoulders, and his friends were all sat nearby. Not too close, but close enough that it eased some of the ache in his chest. He had a feeling he knew who exactly led them all to the beach and while nothing was fixed, not that he could be fixed anyway, he felt a bit lighter. Not now, one day, he'd be able to open up to his friends but for now, he was content like this. Sat on the beach surrounded by the presence of those he cared about.
‘Thank you dad.'