Chapter Text
Sitting on a bench with my legs tucked under, I was observing the busy street below. Though it was evening and the sun had just disappeared, I saw people everywhere. Some walking the pavements in a relaxed way and enjoying the cool dusk, some hurrying and heading towards God knew where, and some just standing and watching their lives getting wasted.
Just like me.
I hadn’t moved for a very long time and my legs were starting to feel numb. I didn’t know why I decided to escape and hide on my best friends' balcony, but there I was – silently watching everything around me and not letting myself break down. Because if I had, it would be the end.
Facing the truth that cool July night made me shiver for the hundredth time since the moment I came here half an hour ago.
I was a complete zero. At twenty-three, I had absolutely nothing. No job, no money, no flat, and no man. Still living with my parents had become my worst nightmare, yet I was unable – or maybe unwilling – to cut the cord and start my own life. Well, it wasn’t like I didn’t love them. I did, very much, but sometimes in life, there is this moment when you have to take a chance and leave your family home to create something that is only yours. Sadly, I wasn’t brave enough to do it.
Every damn week, I was sending endless e-mails and CVs to endless kinds of companies and firms and there was always the same answer – silence. No one ever bothered to call me back or even reply to those e-mails. No one. I knew I was one of the many people looking for a job, but surely there had to be a free position for me. After all, I had a human resource management degree and, according to the college website, I possessed everything I needed to start a dizzying career in HR. Yeah, right.
When it came to relationships… I sighed. I was truly a complete zero.
“What’s the matter with you?” a familiar voice asked, startling me. I looked up and saw Tyler’s smiling face. “I was looking for you the whole time. Paula made her famous ‘Sex on the Beach,’ but you were nowhere to be found. Girl, I’m worried. Talk to me.” I watched Tyler sat next to me and slung his arm across the back of the bench. Then, he faced me.
I didn’t know what to reply. His handsome face was full of worries, though he was trying to hide it from me. I had known him since uni and we’d grown fond of each other over the years, but there were still things I just couldn’t talk about – neither with him, nor with Paula, his girlfriend. Things like relationships, personal problems… and wasting my life.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said, going back to observing the street below. “I suppose I’m just tired. That’s all”
Tyler frowned. “You know you can talk with me about everything. With me or Paula. Even about that prick–”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” I hissed and turned to him. “You are my best friend and mean the world to me, but messing with my love life is far beyond your duties as a friend.”
Tyler rolled his dark eyes, saying nothing.
“Everything’s fine. I promise, Ty.” And to emphasised that I managed to smile. A bit.
“I see.”
We both knew I was lying, yet none of us wanted to say that aloud.
Inhaling deeply the cool air, I looked at the night sky. Instead of having a strongly and loudly beating heart, my chest was simply empty. Sometimes, while looking in the mirror, I was almost sure I saw a dark irregular spot where it was supposed to be. The only person responsible for that was me – me and my stupidity.
“It’s just… I’m still looking for a job and no one’s interested in employing me,” I admitted, sounding somehow resigned. Well, that wasn’t the entire truth, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. At least, that was one of my many problems.
Tyler was immediately alerted by my voice as he asked, “Have you contacted some employment agencies?” I nodded. “Hey, then I’m sure that you’ll find something in September,” he said, smiling at me. “They usually don’t give a shit about anything during summer, so no worries, mate. You’ll get your dream job.”
“Thanks. Oh, boy, what would I do without you?”
Suddenly, I realised that I did feel better than before as I was filled with teeny weeny gleams of hope. Maybe I will find a job after summer, I thought, flashing him a smile. Maybe I will finally stop being a complete zero.
“I have no idea.” He laughed. “It seems to me that I’m the only person capable of bringing sense to your life. And the only boy that you truly love.”
“God, stop it, Ty,” I said, looking over my shoulder. “Have you completely lost your mind? If Paula hears that… I’m sure she’ll kill me. Without hesitation.”
“Nope. She loves you as much as I do. And that’s why she’ll never hurt you. Never ever,” he assured me.
My only response was a sigh.
“Ah, there you are.” Paula’s voice frightened me so much that I almost jumped. “I’ve been worried about you, sweetie. Ty,” she flashed him an irritated look, “was supposed to find you and bring inside. Yet you are still here. With him.”
“Darling, I was in the middle of wiling her inside when you interrupted me.”
Paula approached us and sat on Tyler’s lap. “I don’t know which is worse. You using the verb ‘wile’ or Amanda literally killing Janelle Monáe’s song,” she grunted and made a wry face. “This is horrible. I can even hear it here.”
I laughed. “I’m sure she doesn’t know how she makes us feel. Or else she wouldn’t be doing it.” My thinly veiled allusion to the song’s title made them both giggle.
We had been listening to the song for months now and were all sick and tired of it. Amanda, our friend, was a big fan of Janelle Monáe and tortured us with her songs every time we met at a house party. She insisted even on singing only her songs during karaoke evenings we had every three weeks. But the worst thing was Amanda’s voice – a high-pitched shriek which Ty defined as screeching of the tyres.
“Well, few more minutes and we go inside. I know it’s lovely and quiet in here, but that’s not why we all came to our little eclipse party.” Paula put her arm over Tyler’s neck. “I really want to see that blood moon. How much longer?” She looked at him.
“How should I know?” He shrugged. “You know,” he said to me, “she’s been talking about it since last week. Talking, watching documentaries and reading pseudo-articles online. Literally everything about that bloody moon. Mark my words,” Tyler raised his finger, “if she doesn’t get a job at NASA, then I’m sending her to them.” Paula smacked him on the head. “Hey! What was that for?” he yelled, moving his head away from her hand.
“You want to get rid of me?” she asked. “After so many wonderful years together, you want to kick me out?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“No, but you thought about that.”
“No, I didn’t.”
She glared at him.
“Darling,” Ty whispered, “you’re the most amazingly, astounding, wonderful girl, woman that I’ve ever known. I'm not an idiot, I know how the world works. You jump, I jump, remember?”
I watched Paula’s expression. The anger in her eyes immediately disappeared when she heard a line from her favourite tearjerker and I was sure as hell that she wanted to cry. After all, my friend was a romantic. All she needed were roses and candlelight and she would be in heaven in a heartbeat.
Suddenly, Paula breathed his name and kissed him passionately.
There you go, I thought.
“I’m still here, you know,” I reminded them. My best friends ended their kiss and looked at me as if they forgot about me still sitting next to them. I smiled. “Right where you left me three seconds ago.”
“Sorry for that,” Tyler apologised. “We were just–”
“Hey. That’s fine,” I interrupted him, still smiling. “Besides, it wasn’t the first time from what I remember.” I laughed when Paula blushed and glanced at Tyler. “Anyway, Paula, why did you come here?”
“Oh, right.” Paula stood up, suddenly looking nervous. “I’ve completely forgotten. Dinner’s ready.” She hurried to the glass door which was leading to their living room.
“Why haven’t you told me the second you came here?” Tyler asked and got up.
“Just get inside,” she grumbled, but didn’t even look at him. Then, she entered the room.
Tyler sighed. “Women.” My friend winked at me and slowly approached the door. “Are you coming?”
“Yeah, sure.” I followed him inside.
The first thing I heard after entering the room was a loud buzz. After all, Paula and Tyler’s small living room was filled with seven people who were talking and laughing and listening to quite loud music – luckily no one was singing. I scanned the whole room and decided to sit in the biggest armchair they had in IKEA last year. It was really enormous, but I didn’t mind. I liked it either way.
Having tucked both feet beneath me, I leant back in the armchair and immediately caught Isobel’s eye.
She smiled to me and said, “I’ve never seen a lunar eclipse. Have you?”
“Yes, I have. I think a couple of time. They were quite nice.”
“I bet they were.”
Isobel was Paula’s cousin and at the same time her best friend. She was living in the farthest away borough of our city, just next to the river, and was still at uni, studying social anthropology. I met her two years ago while camping in the mountains, yet we’d never had a close relationship. At the beginning, I tried to make friends with her, but we couldn’t get on and eventually I gave up. Though I liked her and her boyfriend, Noah, who had just finished texting someone.
“I’m glad that you came today, girl,” he said, looking at me and smiling. “There’s no use sitting at home and boring oneself to death.”
“I know.” That was my only response. Only four people felt really bad about what happened almost two years ago and supported me since then. I was grateful I had such good friends around me. I didn’t know whether I would have managed to move on if it weren’t for them.
“Okay, guys,” Paula shouted, interrupting my dark thoughts. “Food’s ready, so have some of it. We have everything – beginning with sweets and ending with vegetarian snacks. Bon appétit.”
“I hope there is this yummy salad Toni made last week,” Isobel said and tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. “I couldn’t get enough of it.” She stood up. “Come on or they eat it all.”
She and Noah walked up to the table which had been already surrounded by the rest of Paula’s guests. I watched her attentively. She and Paula looked alike as they both had long blonde hair and pretty round faces. Their eyes were different though, reflecting their personalities – Paula’s were brown and cheerful, whereas Isobel’s blue and always serious. I didn’t know if the latter could laugh aloud. I’d never witnessed that.
As for Noah, he was a rather handsome guy. If you preferred carrots, of course. He was tall, red and freckled. I was sure he could easily pretend to be one of the Weasleys and no one would ever notice the difference. Noah had just graduated in history and was looking for a job just like me, though he had more chances in getting one. Being a curator’s nephew was surely to his advantage.
“I’m coming.” I heard my voice and found myself slowly approaching the table. But I wasn’t even hungry.
***
Sitting between Paula and her younger brother Dominic made me realise how much I missed our house parties. They weren’t huge and loud Hollywood styled events with loads of alcohol, drugs, and nakedness, and where at least one of the guests ended up behind bars. God, we weren’t that crazy. Our parties were cool and cosy meetings in no more than eight to ten people held twice a month. Of course, we danced, listened to loud music, and drank alcohol, but rarely did we get plastered. Mostly because of lack of quids.
Today’s eclipse party was a quiet one. There was music in the background, though none of Paula’s guests danced. For me, we were too hungry to concern ourselves with such trivial matters as dancing, and surely the delicious food in front of us was more appealing.
I started playing with my fork and food about fifteen minutes ago. I wasn’t hungry or interested in the conversation at the table. I just felt a bit under the weather and wanted to go home, but I didn’t want to leave the flat so early. It wasn’t even nine o’clock.
Propping my head on my fist, I noticed that they were now talking about the eclipse, but what went in one ear, went out the other. Except for me, the only people who weren’t paying attention were Janelle Monáe’s biggest fan in the universe and her Italian husband. Dark-haired Amanda was unsuccessfully trying to feed Marco, a devoted vegetarian for over fifteen years, meat pie. They were married for almost two years and I was still wondering why and what for. The two clearly didn’t make a match, not only when it came to food or tempers, but mostly in everyday life. Yet he was head over hills with her. I wished I had–
Everyone in the room laughed, so I looked up. Clearly, I was so preoccupied with my own thoughts that I barely noticed the glass of wine near my hand. And to think I sat just next to it and didn’t even drink…
“Yeah, I swear to God that I didn’t know,” Dominic said. “You know that driving my car is the worst thing in the world. Everything is acting up again.”
“So maybe it’s time to buy a new one?” Tyler asked, winking to him.
Paula’s younger brother slung his arm across the back of my chair, suddenly finding his nails more interesting than Ty. “Sure. If you have some money to spare, don’t hesitate. Give it all to me.”
Paula snorted. “You think he’s got money? Please.”
“Exactly. We eat whatever we find in the rubbish,” Ty said. Paula flashed him a disgusted look. “It was a figure of speech, darling.”
“A very bad one.”
“If you need a new car, I can take you with me to the city,” Marco said. Well, apparently, Amanda wasn’t trying to feed him anymore. “It turns out that I know someone who wants to sell his. But you’ll need quid.”
“And that’s the problem, mate. Dom hasn’t got much.” Ty made a wry face.
“Shut up, Ty. Adults are talking business now.” Dominic poked his tongue at Tyler. “I do need to get rid of that bloody set of wheels.”
“My goodness! I’ve forgotten about the damn blood moon!” Paula yelled and immediately picked herself up. “Hurry up! Or we’re going to miss it.”
“Hey, don’t worry. It will last till night,” I assured her. “At least, I hope so.”
“Come on, everyone!” she shouted, poking the closest people to her. “Izzie, Noah. Get up. How on earth could I forget about that damn thing?”
I laughed. “You know, the next eclipse that will be that long is in the next century.”
“You too, get up,” she commanded me, pointing the door in front of her. “And out.”
Just like everyone else in the living room, I reluctantly stood up and started approaching the glass door. Paula was indeed bossy from time to time, especially to her friends.
“Can I take my wine with me?” I asked, hoping she would agree.
But it wasn’t her voice that said, “I didn’t know you had a habit of kicking people out of your flat, Paula.”