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Unanswered Grief

Summary:

Jay Ferin and her many unanswered questions

Notes:

I wrote this in like. 30 minutes at 11:30 pm in discord because I was feeling sad and I realized how easily I could use Jay as a way to figure out the sad :D

Work Text:

There were many days that Jay found herself staring out at the water, watching the sun reflect off the waves, wondering if Ava could see her. 

Her sister had always felt like the sun. Warm and gentle to those she loved, but hot and blistering to those she hated. 

When they were younger, back when Ava was first learning magic, Jay would stare at her flaming hair in awe. Sometimes, she would try to touch it. Ava would almost always pull away just in time, only ever burning her hand once. She could still see the small burn scar left on her right fingers. 

The memory haunts her, even now. The sound of Ava’s voice, desperately trying to calm her before either of them got into trouble. Ava’s feeble attempts at healing magic (she had never been good at healing, far more interested in forcing change than mending the cracks left behind). Their mother finding out days later and scolding Ava for not getting help sooner.

“It’s going to scar now,” their mother had said, “next time, fetch me immediately so I can heal it properly”

Ava had felt terrible for weeks after.

It was so inconsequential. Such a small scar. Barely a dent in comparison to the constellations of scars that now littered her body. 

Jay couldn’t help but wonder if her sister would still have the same reaction if she found out about her scars. She didn’t know.

Would Ava even recognize her now? She looked so different. Before Ava had  left home, Jays hair was always up. Just as their father required. But now it was flowing in the wind behind her. Her eye was golden. Her back was covered in a pair of wings. 

Would Ava even recognize the sister she had left behind? Or would she instead see a stranger? A pirate? Someone she didn’t know anymore?

God. A pirate. A captain, no less. Jay couldn’t help but chuckle. On some level, she felt like her sister would be jealous of where she was now. Ava had always wanted to do something new and exciting with her life. She had talked about becoming a pirate when they were very little, talked about being like their Uncle Drey in the dark of night. It was a child’s fantasy, one that they both knew was impossible. 

At yet… here Jay was. Standing on the deck of her very own ship. Surrounded by her cocaptains. Her crew. 

Sometimes, she would catch Chip staring out into the water as well, searching for a ship that had sunk long ago. She could see the pain in his eyes, in the way he used to clutch at the small coin in his pocket, in the way the fire tattoos danced across his chest. She always felt conflicted when she saw him like that. After all, wasn’t his pain the same as hers?

But then she would blink, and he’d have set his shoulders back and stood up, his face now set with determination, and she would be reminded. 

He still had hope. Hope that they would find Arlin. Hope that he would learn what Arlin thought about how far he had come, what Arlin thought about the captain he had turned into. 

She would never get that. Ava was gone. Dead. Shot by her own navy soldiers. Jay would never get to hear her sisters laugh again. Never get to see the grin that spread across her face whenever she got a new idea. Never get to learn if she was proud of who Jay had become. 

Chip still had that chance. 

It was sometimes difficult not to feel bitter about it

The sunlight continued to glisten across the water, unaware of the thoughts that spun through Jay’s mind. 

Growing up, she had considered her sister to be the sun, but the sun always came back. It was never extinguished. Never snuffed out. 

Perhaps a wildfire would be more accurate. Burning bright and wild, only to die out completely, leaving only ashes and ruin and unanswered questions in its wake.