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There was a saying among the family: “All Robins fall for Catlad.” Damian thought it was disgraceful to associate him with such a concept, considering that Catlad was nothing more than a low class villain. Damian couldn't even call him a villain, he was nothing more than a bother, a thief. Nothing worthy of his attention.
Drake laughed to his face when he shared his accurate observations. Furthermore, he was a terrible example of what a Robin should be, obviously he would develop romantic feelings for some look a like prostitute. His mother would never approve of someone dressed in such way, in part, Damian would also admit that his mother does not approve of anything regarding Catwoman.
However, his concerns about Catlad arose when he spoke to Grayson and the later remained suspiciously silent. It was the sound of a guilty man and he himself had never been so disappointed with the Boy Wonder.
From that point on he became unsure about the thief.
He was an al Ghul and a Wayne, obviously the superior Robin and yet he couldn't help but look over his shoulder whenever he went out on patrol. Unfortunately, Drake was smart for a talking duck and Grayson more than showed him his capabilities, for both of them to have been deceived in such a way, he could only suspect of brainwashing, magic or torture.
The dreaded first meeting took longer than expected, but according to his data Catlad, who now has the code name Stray, spent nowadays most of the time in Bludhaven being Grayson’s problem.
“Well, well, we have a new bird flying far from the nest.” The purring voice echoed through the rooftop and Damian had the expected reaction of a grandson and heir of Ra al Ghul.
He attacked.
What followed made his heart pump in such a way that only a worthy and experienced warrior would have achieved such a feeling in him. Stray showed decency with swords, he was neither a hypocrite nor a blind man not to recognize that the thief was fighting well against his katana with a mere stick that reminded him of Nightwing's.
However, the fight ended too soon when Damian tried to throw some of his shuriken and his pockets were empty, in fact after a brief check, he found all his hidden pockets in that same state. Stray, who maintained a respectable distance, smirked, showing three shurikens between his fingers.
“New to Gotham?” He asked, which left Damian confused, he had been trained in disguise and infiltration. According to his training and observations, he should be able to pass as a Gothamite. “No one born and raised in Gotham could blink an eye after being pickpocketed, Birdie#4.”
Damian kept this information to himself for later use. “My code name it's Robin. What do you want in Gotham, Stray?”
The thief laughed at him! The audacity! “Sorry, Birdie#4, I only call one bird Robin and he lives in the next town.” And he finished with a toothy smile before throwing the shurikens in his direction. It wasn't difficult to deflect these with the katana, but in the process Stray approached him.
It was embarrassing to admit that he ended up in such a situation, but he now understood Grayson and Drake's perspectives better.
“It never stops being funny to hang Batman's birds upside down.” Stray commented, playing with what Damian assumed was the tail of his cat costume, but which in reality was just a leather belt. He poked him childishly, rocking him back and forth a bit before crouching down so they could be face to face. “You're not as horrible as I expected. I approve. Slow down the claws a bit, though. Big Bird might not like his colors flying around with sharp objects.”
And he went like that, fleeing across the rooftops with a whip, leaving him in those apparatus totally unworthy of himself. “This’s Oracle. I see you had your first date with Stray, Robin. Don't worry, Red Robin’s 10 minutes from your location. Don't let the blood go to your head too quickly-” Damian heard her laughing, for the second time that night he was terribly disrespected! “-Don't feel too guilty about falling for Stray. He has that effect on the Robins.”
Reflecting in silence, he allowed himself to contemplate the events of that night and the dichotomy that was reality and what he knew, together with Oracle's observation, as well.
… His father’s always saying that he should integrate more with the family, this should certainly be included, because, as they say, it’s a tradition. As such, he’s only fulfilling his role as Batman's heir.
“Does Stray have any visits scheduled to Gotham?”
“I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”
"Right. And don’t call, RR.”
"Too late."
He hates this family.
AH!
People tend to forget that Steph was also Robin, for a short period of time, but she was! And she was amazing, please, Batman should get down on his knees and beg her to come back, but of course he didn't and she wouldn't accept it either, she has her whole Spoiler scene going on.
Being Robin and Spoiler at the same time would be like having two shitty part-time jobs, except she doesn't get paid from either of them, but rather get bruises and PTSD. Yah, no thanks.
Now, there was a funny thing! She always teased Tim about his crush on Stray aka Catlad, because Nightwing aka First Robin had one too! Steph wouldn't lie that she made a lot of jokes at Tim's expense about how all the birds wanted the cat to eat them.
But now she was Robin!
Stephanie was anxious to see if the magic of love for Stray as a bird of Gotham would fall on her; she clearly remembers talking dreamily to Batman about it countless times, because it was one of the few things that made the big, bad bat grind his teeth. Hey, at this point it was for science! It's like they say, once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern.
It would be so funny if it was a pattern, she almost wanted to like Stray on purpose just because she wanted to see Batman green, green and ready to throw up over sweet young love.
The reality’s that she didn't have to try very hard.
“So, is it true that Birdie was fired?” The whisper echoed in Steph's ear and, holy shit, if her heart hadn't been stuck in her ribcage she would have let it out of her mouth! Of course, she turned away from the unknown, potentially dangerous whispering voice. “I'm kind of sad, Birdie was so cute to bother. Big Bird has some defenses against my charme these days.”
And it was at that exact moment that Steph understood that she was talking to Stray!
This was the moment she had been waiting for!
“Wait, you call him Birdie?” She laughed so hard that she had to lean against the wall. “This is amazing! Was he upset?”
Stray was smiling, it was a wicked and mischievous smile and wow Steph had to give points to both Batboys because they had good taste. “Maybe at first, I think he got used to the idea quickly.”
“It’s genius, though.”
“But now I have another birdie in front of me.” And he purred, who does that? Why didn't it seem strange? Maybe it was because he was a handsome man in a leather cat suit to match. “Maybe I should start numbering? What do you think, Birdie#3?”
Snorting, she quickly nodded. “Please, do it. Sounds like something Batman would hate.”
“Oh, I see, a little bird after my heart.” And he approached, again, pressing an impressive number of Birdarangs into her hand. “It’s a gift for exceeding my expectations, blonde.”
At some point Steph realized that what she felt was what Tim would call a blue screen, but she was too busy avoiding screaming like a fangirl. That was so sexy and smooth that a part of her’s convinced she should put a dollar on Stray's impractical belt.
“Shouldn't I be Birdie#3?”
Obviously her stuck brain resorted to irony, but it was as good a response as any and she was proud of it, as Stray laughed and Steph was quickly realizing why any Robin would be enamored by that. Like, it's all dangerous without any nightmare consequences, it's a delicious thing of threat without the a shoot, could easily be addictive seeing as anyone who goes out at night in leotards to beat up bad guys has some kind of weird kink and the one of the Robins is, apparently, Stray looking like a dominatrix.
“Oh, I really like you, Birdie#3.” He ruffled her hair as he walked past her to stand on the edge of the building swinging a grapple and— IT WAS HER GRAPPLE! “See you around!”
Steph tried to grab him before he left, but it was a little too late and now she was stuck on that roof.
Sigh. “Life’s unfair.” Facing her misfortune, she kicked the door that led to the top of the building, that is, the way normal people accessed it. “Through the stairs, Robin!” She shouted with a great imitation of Batman, however, instead of getting down, she sat and took out her phone dialing the number of a certain traumatized bird. “T? Yes it's me! Forget all that! You won't believe who I met! … Yes! Himself and he's so kissable!- I know! I thought he moved to Bludhaven?!”
It was unfair to lump Tim in with the other Robins since that Tim liked Catlad before he became Robin. It was a technicality, but that's what life’s made of and people would be more competent if they paid more attention to the them... Or so he liked to think to defend himself in his head, but no one needed to know.
Most of all, it was embarrassing. Tim took as many photos of Robin as he did of Catlad before he became Batman's new sidekick and- well- he doesn't have a defense for it.
Catlad was his bi awakening and for this he will be an eternally mess in his presence.
But! Tim wasn’t the strange one here! Yes there’s a joke in the family that all Robins fall for Catwoman's sidekick, but half the population in Gotham that is close to Catlad's age had an crush on him and the other half was pretending they didn't!
The real culprit was Dick, Dick who made constant heart-eyes to Catlad leaving a legacy that Tim unconsciously maintained, because, once again, Catlad was his bi awakening.
“You're the replacement?” And Tim couldn't control his reaction, because Batman didn't train him for that, Batman never trained him on how to react against his first male crush! Then, against everything in him, he blushed as much as the red color from the boy, dressed as cat, hair. Oh fuck, he was dressed as a cat, did that make him a furry? “I am not impressed.”
…
That hurt.
“Sorry?”
“No, no, Birdie. Can I call you Birdie? Boy Wonder kind of grew up and is now a Big Bird which makes you a Birdie.” He rolled his tongue, slowly circling him as if playing with the food. “Rule number 1: never apologize to a Rogue, it makes them arrogant. An arrogant Rogue is dangerous for a Birdie who flies away from the bat for the first time, isn't he?” Arching his eyebrow, he looked around dramatically, Tim had the feeling that Catlad wanted to cross his arms and judge him. “Why is a Birdie who barely knows how to fly away from the most famous goth furry? Let me guess, he was a dick?”
Catlad smiled as if he had made a huge joke and Tim felt pressured. Batman knew Catwoman's identity, but this new information means that she too knew Batman's? Or has Catlad discovered the identity of the First Robin? It wasn't impossible, after all he managed to find out... Were they in danger? Was Catlad a threat?
Catlad hummed “I see, you're from the same material as Batman, aren't you?” Disdain pricked him and his skin crawled as Catlad tapped his temple with two fingers. When did he get so close? “You think like him or in a similar way.” Tim felt like he was cat food. “Interesting. Maybe he won't fuck up so much this time.”
Frowning, Tim tried to rationalize with Rogue: “Catlad-”
Catlad wagged a finger in front of him. “No, no, now it's Stray.”
Stray... Does that mean Catlad's name was available? Was this a new problem? He had to put thouse thoughts aside, after all, Stray had made some observations that had to be clarified. “Stray, I'm not the new Robin.” Catlad didn't look convinced and okay, he had no credibility while wearing Robin's colors on an abandoned rooftop at night in Gotham. “No, seriously! It's temporary, just until Robin and Batman work things out.” And wasn't it embarrassing to admit that you were useless to a crush? “Batman needs Robin.”
Stray stopped.
He stopped to circulate him.
Standing face to face, Tim finally managed to notice that they didn't have that big of a height difference- “I kind of feel like an idiot now. God, you have serious self-esteem issues, don't you?” Tim opened his mouth, but Stray raised his hand interrupting him… Was it becoming a pattern? It was, wasn't it? “Batman doesn't need Robin and Robin doesn't need Batman, but they're a team. Boy Wonder won't be back, he's grown up and it was getting weird seeing him walking around in scaly green panties, at least you have pants.” He stopped to laugh and wipe away an imaginary tear. “By all means, you get points with me for that. And yeah, you're kind of shit with the grapple and sure Big Bird won't be back to teach you shit for a while, but until then-” He leaned in, making their faces stay inches away. “I'll teach you how to fly. Robins were made to for it, not to fall with style. Let's make a Robin out of you!”
When Stray hits his shoulder with more force than a friendly punch, but without apparent malice, part of him clearly understands why Dick fell so hard for Stray so quickly, after all, the blatant references were something Dick would love; Another part of him realizes that he will probably always have a special affection for Catlad because of that night and will be ridiculed for the rest of his life for it… Worth it, though.
It was love at first sight.
Or at the first punch?
Dick doesn't know the technicalities, they don't really matter, after all he knows is the exact night he fell in love with Catlad, as he marked it on his calendar with a big red heart at the end of the patrol while holding a bag of cold peas on his cheek.
So yes guilty and proudly charged.
His defense? Jason was a gift of everything he wanted wrapped up in the adorable form of a pretty boy with red hair and bright blue eyes. He could do flips and somersaults while he had a right hook to envy, that left Dick breathless.
So, the night Catlad debuted, Robin was caught off guard. Catwoman hung Batman upside down as she fled with a necklace worth a small country and Catlad punched him so hard that made him see stars, something he didn't see often as they lived in Gotham.
The thieves escaped while Batman cosplayed as a maggot and Robin as a starfish and- Wow, just wow.
“Robin!” Batman shouted and that was synonymous of: “Untie me, the blood is coming to my head from above and not from below and I don't like it!” which was a fair analogy when Catwoman was involved.
Although-
Sigh.
“I will marry him.”
“… What?” And B's insecure tone would have been funny another time, but honestly, Dick was too busy recreating the whole punch scene and sighing dreamily.
Laughing like a little girl in love, he sat down and felt his cheeks hurt from smiling. “One day I'm going to marry Catlad, Batman! He’s the love of my life!”
Yes, he would definitely revisit that memory and laugh heartily at B's face of pure disgust when he said such a thing. Maybe at his wedding, yes, that would be great! He has a feeling Catlad would love it too.
And many, many years later, it was Bruce, on their wedding day, who told the story of Dick and Jason meet-cute, meaninglessly trying to embarrass his son. Jason seemed to find the whole story hilarious and Dick always took pride in making Jason laugh, even if it was at his expense.
Good for them.