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It was a terrible idea, a truly awful idea, a horrible idea: but, that didn't seem to stop her.
She was hiding, blonde hair dusting her slim shoulders in loose curls that she burned her fingers trying to create not twenty minutes before. Wearing the same old yellow and white dress she wore a year before, the one she firmly believed she hated in the months that have past as she hid behind the curtains with her fingers clutching the red material that while looked around it, as if her very life depended on holding onto that damn curtain; all while trying to talk herself into what she knew was probably the worst idea she has ever had.
The pews were filled. Men in there best, woman in the their nicest dress and children with clean faces, little boys not covered in dirt or mud and little girls tights without a single rip or hole. Smiling faces filled the church, red and white roses gathered in bunches, ribbons hanging and best man standing there smiling wide with his curly brown hair. Everything felt so happy, it was so alive, this was going to be the very best day of two peoples lives: and the very thought made Taylor swear she was going to be sick. As she looked around the curtains that hid her (they were in her face more than her own hair at this point) everyone was so happy, everything was perfect and at that sight, she felt like she was about to pass out.
Then, there was a ripple across the crowd as the groom came into view. The sight of him made her heart hammer in her chest, so hard she swore it was trying to break out of her ribcage. His hair was stupidly long, brushed back into some kind of style, his suit was simple to the point he looked like just another prom date, he was smiling so happily it was awful. Really, he looked so perfect it made her feel so, insignificant, like she and her dumb yellow dress could just fade away into the red curtains and disappear before she got the chance to put her very stupid plan into action. She was so caught off by him and his ridiculous face to the point that she didn't notice the argument until the voices that created it came uncomfortably close.
“I've lost them. I have lost my own kids. For God's sake, why can't they just sit still for five seconds?”
Taylor would have questioned why the woman seemed so calm about losing her kids, had it not been for the fact she practically squeaked in fear and dropped the curtain back in front of her view, and whole body for that matter as she leaned back against the too cold wall, wondering if she could possibly disappear yet. She pushed her hands back through her too short hair that fell into her eyes, refusing the urge to just rip it out in a mixture of fear and sudden anger at the whole situation when she heard footsteps coming closer and the too familiar voice of his mother just on the other side of the curtain. She couldn't do this, she had known it all along but only now it seemed to hit her as she pushed herself away from the wall, hell bent on getting out before she could try to ruin the best day of someone else's life.
And, maybe she would have left. Maybe she would have got out the door and ran for her car, probably just to sit in it and cry while the ceremony went on inside. Maybe she would have finally stopped crying long enough to drive away as fast as she could, foot on the pedal until she reached her apartment. Maybe she would have went in like everything was fine, said hello to her neighbours and whomever else she would pass. Maybe she would have went on with her perfectly normal life, cuddling with her cat and thinking about getting another three: but one old lady just couldn't quite get up the stairs.
“I'm so sorry dear, I must be keeping you back.” The woman had sighed, only to end up in a fit of coughing as she clutched onto the rail with talon like nails covered in pink polish that really looked rather odd with her little blue dress, thing. Taylor just stood at the top of the stairs as she waited for the old woman to pass who was taking up far too much space with her stout body and hobbling, and she could only stand there and wait, totally helpless.
“Oh no, really it's fine.” The blonde girl had rushed to say with a smile as polite as she could muster since she was only so far from pushing the woman to the side and making a run for it. “Do you want any help?” She knew she would die from kindness one day, she would die jumping in front of a car for a cat since she can't even let a woman walk up the stairs without feeling bad. It was a personality trait she would very much like to trade at times like these. Then again, there aren't exactly ever may times just like this one, are there.
“Oh that would be lovely! Thank you, sweetheart.”
And that is how the maybe future of Taylor Swift, locked up in her apartment with terribly sad movies and two more horribly cute kittens was tossed out the window: as she helped and old lady into the church not even a minute before she had been trying to run out of.
“So what side are you from? I'm from the grooms myself, didn't tell him I was coming though now did I and all since he's nothing but a little shit who doesn't return my calls. Not that I'm holding a grudge or anything but really, what man would do that to his poor old granny I have no idea. I did not raise him like that, I can promise you. Joanne should have taught that boy manners years ago.”
If Taylor had wanted to get a word in, she was pretty sure she wouldn't have been able to as the old woman kept on rambling, talking about her dear grandson and how she hasn't seen him in so long, about how he should have cut his hair and if he hasn't she'll be seeing to it that he does. But it saved her from having to admit that actually, she wasn't from either side of the family, not to mention that she was really not invited. Both of which were subjects that did not really need to be brought into light anytime soon.
Truth be told, Taylor planned on just leaving whenever she helped the woman to her seat, her head down the whole time they walked to stare at her little brown heeled shoes. She truly did think she would manage being able to excuse herself and finally making it out the front door, but that was before hot pink talons wrapped themselves around her wrist and she was pulled down to sit on the dark wood pew beside the old woman who just wouldn't let her get a word in no matter how she tried.
“I'm sorry but I-.”
“I can't believe he's getting married! I didn't even hear about it until three weeks before, my own grandchild didn't even think to tell me before then.” The old woman said with a dignified huff as she raised a hand to her permed hair, fixing fly aways that weren't even there.
“That's because it only happened three weeks ago.” Taylor said quietly with the latter under her breath while the woman went on, remembering the text she got from Harry at three am that made her want to throw up but all she could do was cry. “At least you got invited.”
“Really needs a hair cut- pardon me love, what was that?” The woman managed to stop herself, causing Taylor a tad shock that she actually could be silent as she shrugged her shoulders quickly, blonde curls hopping up at the womans inquisitive brown eyes.
“Three weeks ago, that's when they got engaged. They picked a date and all apparently, at least that's what I heard.” she said with a smile as if she really cared, and truth be told she did, but she didn't care to be happy about the whole thing.
The woman looked as if she was going to say something, and Taylor was ready to excuse herself before she could. But, then the crowd was silenced because the organ began to play something that was probably meant to be beautiful, but to Taylor, God it sounded like a death march. As the people rose around them, she had to fight the sudden paralysis that over took her body as the fear gripped her heart like a closed fist. Had it not been for the talon grip on her wrist, she probably would have just sat there until the day she died.
Her hands were shaking, her stomach was in knots and her head felt so light she was worried it would float: and the first bridesmaid hadn't even made it down the isle yet. Taylor was almost at the end of the isle, but she could have seen everything clearly even if she wasn't, but she was and it made her feel like she was about to faint. The first bridesmaid walked down the isle, red dress sweeping the ground and gathering up the white petals that covered the carpet below her feet. Taylor felt like she had to hide her face, she knew if any of them realised who she was then she was screwed because she was not on the guest list and everyone knew that much, but she couldn't. She couldn't look away because the next thing she knew the maid of honour was about to walk past and white shoes just came around the corner. She couldn't look down, she couldn't look away, because she was entranced.
It was like time stood still in the worst of ways. She swore the music stopped, and she swore that it took years before she came around that door; but she did, and it was perfect. She was perfect.
It was like there was a spotlight focused solely on her, and her alone. The family and friends that cluttered the pews gasped, some sighed and other said how beautiful she was. But Taylor didn't say a word, she couldn't, she could only watch. Her dress was pure white, like the last layer of snow when the sun shines down on it before it could be disturbed by busy life. It ebbed and flowed around her body, like pools at her feet as she moved as if she was walking on air. Her father held onto her arm tight, and if Taylor looked at him even slightly, she'd see the tears in his eyes. But she was in awe. Her brown hair was curled, pulled up though strands still fell down and framed her face, grazing sweetly along her cheeks though not edging close enough to her smile which was so soft it was barely there. Her eyes shone with some kind of light, brown eyes looking far wider and focused dead ahead at the man that stood at the end of the carpet, waiting for her to come near.
And she did. She walked right past the blonde who watched her so carefully as her father let go of her arm, kissing his daughters head through his tears. She stepped up to the man who waited for her so patiently, the smile that graced his lips so wide it looked like it hurt as he took her hands in his, and the crowd sat. If it hadn't been for the same talons that pulled her up, Taylor wouldn't have sat back down.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Louis Tomlinson and Eleanor Calder in matrimony commended to be honourable among all,”
Her heart hammered, her head was swimming and everything felt far too real. She couldn't sit still, her foot was tapping, her leg was twitching and her hands folding, and folding on her lap. She wanted to be sick, she felt like she was going to faint, she couldn't breathe. It was happening, this wasn't a dream and this was really happening right before her very eyes.
“-and therefore is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly.”
Taylors nails dug into her palms as she knew what was coming next, sit down and stay down, she told herself, she kept saying it, again and again.
“Into this - these two persons present now come to be joined.”
Sit down, stay down.
“ If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together,”
She was going to sit down, and she was going to stay down.
“- let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”
She couldn't.
There's a silence, and it's her last chance. She rose to her feet, shaking hands while her nails dug into her palms, ignoring the hiss from the elder woman by her side and horrified looks from everyone in the room: because she was only looking a one person as she tore her hand away from the talon like grip and stepped into the isle because it was too late to go back now, because they saw her, and she couldn't stop herself.
“I'm not the kind of girl who would barge in and ruin a beautiful ceremony without a reason: and I have hundreds that mean today, I have a right to.”
Her hands were shaking, her heart was hammering and she felt the eyes on her from behind, she knew the horrified expressions and she didn't even need to look. She wasn't looking at anyone else, she couldn't, and she didn't want to.
“I love you. Since day one, I have loved you. I'm not here to guilt you, I'm not here to ruin your life I can promise you that much. I didn't come here to try and make you change your mind: but it doesn't mean I don't want you to. But, something tells me you don't want this.”
“He's getting married, I think he's over you.” Came a dry tone from the crowd as Taylor cringed at the noise, biting back the fear that gripped her like a vice. But she didn't turn around, she didn't check to see who it was: she had to do this.
“You told once told me you would never get married in a church. You said that, it was too worn out for you. You wanted people to remember the best day of your life, and you wanted it to be the most amazing thing. You told me that you wanted to do something insane. You want to catch everyone off guard and make them remember it like you were going to. You told me you wanted to have one day, one day when no one could forget you.” She didn't notice the tears in her eyes until it was too late as they spilled down her cheeks, her knuckles gone white and her stomach churning with anxiety that made her feel like she was standing on the edge of a sky high building and about to step off of the ledge. Though she kept taking steps closer, though her feet felt like they were made of lead and she felt like she was going to collapse. She took her steps closer to that very ledge.
“And you told me, at four am, how you felt like it had to be me. You said the only person who could ever tie you down would be me. You said it would be me because you told me that even when you're at your worst, I can bring you to your best. And I don't think that changes in six months. Because I don't think life is so cruel as to make me so desperately in love with you while you change yourself because you think you love someone else. So I think you may still love me, even if it's just half as much as I love you. And if you do, please, don't do this. Don't do this, because I can't spend another day without you. Don't say yes: because, I don't think you really want to stand up there in a white dress and marry a man you don't love back.”
There was silence. Total silence, and for a few seconds, she let it be. No one spoke in the crowd, but she knew they probably all looked distressed. Louis face had gone pale, Harry looked like he was going to faint. But Taylor didn't even looked at them, she didn't dare look away from the brown eyes that held her own from the moment she stood up in the sea of people and she couldn't look away. The same eyes that she hadn't been able to get out of her mind since that day in that little cafe.
“Please, Eleanor. Don't say yes.”