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“No,” Una told Chris as they sat at his desk in the ready room.
They’d been trawling through the ship’s database for over an hour trying to solve their current issue. Team Bonding Exercises, Starfleet felt every few months a Captain and his senior command with a select number of junior crew should get together and learn to bond. As if spending every waking hour of every day on the same ship for months on end and surviving harrowing yet fun adventures didn’t foster strong enough bonds.
“Why not? Paintball was fun,” Chris argued, he had fond memories of the crew laughing and enjoying themselves. They were outdoors and enjoying fresh air which was a bonus in his books.
“You don’t remember what happened to Sam?” Una asked him, Chris’ brows furrowed as he thought back, “La’an shooting him in the groin?” she prompted.
“I thought it was in the ass?” Chris asked.
“It was both, she claimed it was an accident because her gun had a hair trigger, which is a lie,” Una drawled, Chris snorted a laugh. Una shot him a droll look but even she had a faint smile on her lips.
“Well, Spock was right when he said Sam should’ve worn protective gear provided,” Chris argued as he could still hear Spock’s dry tone and see La’an’s apathetic expression as the memory did return to him with great clarity.
“We need an activity where Sam won’t spend the next day in the infirmary,” Una informed him, she scrolled through the pre-approved list of activities and not feeling inspired at all.
“Fine, no Paintball, what about Horseback riding?” Chris asked, Una shook her head. He frowned as he was trying to pick something that was one of his strong suits.
“No, no horses or horse related activities,” Una told him. She did not want to listen to Spock discussing the ethical nature of riding animals for amusement or the hours of Chris going on and on about his love for the animals.
“I thought pantomime horse was a lot of fun,” Chris argued.
They both chuckled as they remembered the bickering and fun that was had by everyone when they got into it. The cantering of several pantomime horses down the ship’s corridors. Spock less than appreciative expression as he was told due to his height, he’d be the horse’s ass.
Christine and Erica had loved it, the two were the only ones to really get into it. So much so, Chris gifted them a Pantomime Horse for Christmas. It was the one and only time no one was injured during a team bonding exercise.
“It was, and is,” Una agreed, “But we can’t be known for it, it can’t be our thing,” Una told him, she knew if they continued to do it, rumours would spread and no one would take the Enterprise or its crew seriously ever again. They had a reputation to uphold.
“Ok, what about baking?” Chris suggested, the kitchen was his area of expertise. He knew it was the wrong answer as Una glared at him.
“If you want a kitchen remodel, just tell me. We don't need another kitchen explosion,” Una told him, she still remembered the horror show of when Christine started a kitchen fire that led to three crewmen with third degree burns and Erica eyebrow-less for a month.
“No, the kitchen is perfect and you’re right, cooking as a group is a bad idea,” Chris quickly conceded.
“What about an escape room?” Una suggested.
“Haven’t we been universally banned from all escape rooms after the last time? Not to mention it killed the ship's morale for a month,” Chris told her.
“Ah yes, I must have mentally blocked that out of my memory,” Una said, she remembered how Uhura and Spock had argued for 4 hours over the correct pronunciation of some Vulcan proverb. While those two argued, La’an and Ortegas had treated the exercise like their personal mission to destroy the room. They didn’t try to find the answer but deconstruct a wall and tunnel their way out.
“What about Yoga? It’s relaxing, it’s calming and limited to an hour, we can have lunch afterwards…it meets many of the requirements, no one has died from yoga and we aren’t banned from any yoga houses,” Chris said. Though he felt the word 'yet' lingering unsaid in the air between them. Una shook her head.
“We tried it already, Lt Kirk tore his Achilles tendon and the paperwork on it was a nightmare, remember?” Una asked.
“Sam was there?” Chris asked, he would’ve remembered that as he’d never heard of anyone severely injuring themselves during yoga.
“The other one,” Una answered.
“James? Why was he there? Why don’t I remember this?” Chris asked incredulously.
“You got pulled into a last minute meeting with Admiral April. And Lt Kirk was shadowing me for the week,” Una said, answering all of his questions. She dismissed another six options from their list as they involved fast moving projectiles and Una didn't need someone losing an eye.
“He seems to be shadowing you a lot,” Chris remarked as he didn’t realise they had to include people who weren’t even a member of the Enterprise. Though with the frequency the young man showed up, he might as well be a member of the crew.
“His CO feels like he has a lot to learn,” Una sighed.
“Ok, no yoga then, what about three days of camping?” Chris asked excitedly.
“No,” Una immediately shut him down.
“We haven’t done it before,” Chris argued.
“Yeah, and you know what will happen? Spock will probably befriend a bear, Sam will end up covered in poison ivy or fall down a ravine and Christine will get severely sunburnt. Erica and Uhura will bail in one day and hitchhike back to civilization and La’an will be bored, which is just dangerous in its own way,” Una told him, she heaved a sigh as she felt a headache coming on.
“That is oddly specific, though you didn’t mention M’Benga’s fate,” Chris mused.
“He’ll love it because he will just fish for three days,” Una said, she left out the part where she’d be miserable trying to coral everyone for those three days and most likely eaten alive by mosquitoes. She was not going camping, let alone try to organise the ship’s roster for them all to be off duty for 3 days.
"Ok, I found one that could work, it's a sport," Chris suggested, changing tactics as he was not going to sway Una into doing any of his hobbies. At least not today, but one day he’d get his way.
"Which one?" Una asked cautiously.
"Lawn bowls?" Chris offered.
"Lawn bowls?" Una drawled in disbelief as he was picking what was considered a senior citizen sport.
"It's the least violent Earth team sport I can think of that everyone can excel at and has slow moving projectiles. So, we should have minimal injuries and tick all the requisite boxes for team bonding," Chris explained. Una opened her mouth to come up with an argument against it but was stunned as nothing came to mind. It wasn’t the worst idea, but neither was it the most exciting idea either. But at the moment, the ideas were slim on the ground.
"Fine, I'll look into it," Una sighed, she begrudgingly added it to the list. Chris smiled as they had at least one idea.