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The first thing that Jeonghan notices is the noise.
He had been warned that it would be quite rambunctious, fourteen boys all crowded in a room with green walls, but it’s still a surprise when he’s ushered in and is met with screaming and laughing and whining all at once.
He tries not to look as intimidated as he feels, especially when he’s being introduced and all eyes are on him.
It’s a bit of a blur from there, trying to remember all the names and faces, trying to regulate his breathing so he doesn’t look as panicked as he feels.
One of the other trainees—Soonyoung, Jeonghan vaguely remembers—is assigned to give him a quick tour of everything. The basement is first, then the practice room, and then finally where the boys eat and sleep and pretty much live during all their free time.
When Soonyoung points out that they all share the bathroom and shower, as in multiple boys will shower at a time, Jeonghan decides that he can wait on washing up until the crack of dawn and pray that it’s unoccupied.
Not that he has a problem with showering with boys. It’s quite the opposite, actually.
This isn’t the place to talk about his sexuality, though, he’s more than aware. So, he politely nods and smiles and thanks Soonyoung before he turns in for the night, the first of the boys to do so, and prays that it doesn’t leave a bad impression.
He barely remembers the day let alone the names of everyone he met today, staring at the ceiling with the tiniest bit of doubt starting to plague his mind. He’s starting to wonder if this was even a good idea to begin with, making a mental note to try harder tomorrow as he drifts off into a fitful sleep.
✧
Joshua Hong (Jisoo, that’s what he introduced himself as after Jeonghan had stared at him blankly, but Jeonghan notices quickly that his response to Jisoo is delayed and that he responds easier to when Hansol calls him Joshua, so that’s what he’ll stick to) is the first person to actually approach Jeonghan.
He’s pretty in a soft sort of way, eyes doe-like and lips plush and naturally tilted up at the corners, but he has this look in his eyes that lets Jeonghan know that he’s desperate for some sort of lifeline to make the days easier, so Jeonghan tosses him a rope and hopes that if they drown, they go down together.
It’s a bit much for knowing the kid (they’re the same age, Jeonghan has been constantly reminding himself that) for only half a day, but they fit together seamlessly, so Jeonghan takes his chances with this newfound friend.
As he starts finding his place little by little, Kim Mingyu slots himself into Jeonghan’s life as well, offering to make him breakfast on his third day there and even tagging along with Jeonghan and Joshua when they go and get lunch after a muscle burning practice. It makes Jeonghan feel included, so he doesn’t mind it one bit, not even when Mingyu brings some of the other boys along.
Lee Chan is one of the youngest, short with a youthful gleam in his eye that makes Jeonghan envious. He’s driven, determined, Jeonghan has noticed from the few glances he’s has stolen during their practices. He’ll be one of the boys to go far in the music industry, Jeonghan is sure of it.
Chwe Hansol is young, too, and charismatic in a way that only comes with naivety. He speaks English just like Joshua and likes to rap and listen to music every waking moment of his life.
Being the oldest one out of five boys sitting at this worn down ramyun restaurant is a little intimidating, especially when he has yet to prove himself, so, he lets the conversation drift away from him, happy to listen without any input.
These boys are kind, though, and seem to actually be interested in Jeonghan for whatever reason.
“Why did you apply?” Mingyu asks, a slight lisp evident.
“I was, um… scouted,” Jeonghan says, a bit embarrassed to be here based on nothing but his face. These guys are talented and Jeonghan is just… pretty. He wonders how far that can even get him.
“Oh! Me too!” Mingyu says, delighted. If he had a tail, Jeonghan is positive it would be wagging right now.
He’s seen Mingyu dance, heard him sing a little bit and it makes Jeonghan feel a little better knowing that maybe there is hope for himself.
“Wait,” Chan says, broth spilling over his bowl as he shifts in his seat, his snapback tilted up boyishly as he looks at Jeonghan with curiosity. “What’s your birth year, hyung?”
“Nineteen ninety-five,” Jeonghan answers easily, but Chan’s shoulders fall heavily.
“Lucky,” he tsks, pouting at his food and earning a snort and a lighthearted shove from Hansol.
“Ah, just like Seungcheol hyung,” Hansol says with a nod. “That’s, what, three hyungs born in the same year?”
Joshua nods. “I’m sure Seungcheol is glad to have some guys around that are his age.”
Seungcheol.
Jeonghan remembers the name vaguely, can barely put a face to the name. He tries to shuffle through the mental notes he’s been taking throughout the week but falls short, feeling like an asshole. He really has to start trying harder.
Hansol must pick up on his distress, immediately cutting in before the others can barrel over the conversation and change the subject. “It’s okay if you don’t know him well yet. He’s been busy, but I’m sure he’ll take some time to get to know you.”
“Lucky,” Chan mumbles again, barely audible and Jeonghan tries not to be as confused as he feels.
✧
A week and a half after arriving to Seoul, Jeonghan finally meets Seungcheol. It's quite anticlimactic, Jeonghan recognizes him—he had approached Jeonghan on his first day, introduced himself and said that if he needed any help, Jeonghan could ask him. Then, he rattled off the directions to his room (second door on the left, or something like that) and Jeonghan had been swooped away by Soonyoung for what could now be considered a half-assed tour.
So, when Jeonghan sees him “for the first time”, it’s actually the second time they’ve met, but this time it’s just the two of them.
Jeonghan barrels into the bathroom, having drank two bottles of water in an attempt to ease the burning in his lungs from Soonyoung’s hellish dance lessons and is now facing the very unfortunate consequences.
Seungcheol startles as the door swings open, hands wet and frozen on his t-shirt that is damp. “There’s no paper towels,” Seungcheol explains, or warns. “The hand dryer doesn’t work either.”
Jeonghan blinks. “Oh, okay—”
Seungcheol looks him up and down, big dark eyes slowly trailing from Jeonghan’s legs up back to his eyes. “Jeonghan, right?” Jeonghan nods, bladder hurting at this point. “What are you up to, Jeonghan?”
“Going to the bathroom…?” Jeonghan says slowly. What else would he be doing in the restroom?
Seungcheol blinks and then shakes his head with a bashful smile and chuckle. “Yeah, of course. Sorry, I—”
“It’s okay,” Jeonghan says, shooting him a quick smile before bolting towards a urinal in desperation.
After a few seconds, the door opens and shuts and Jeonghan looks up and is alone. He shrugs—they’ll see each other again, probably.
✧
Eventually, he does see Seungcheol again.
And again. And again.
Now that Jeonghan knows him, can name him easily in a line up of boys, he seems to be everywhere Jeonghan is—in the kitchen eating ramyun made by Mingyu, getting a snack at the vending machines after practically being berated by Soonyoung, tagging along to the convenience store at three in the morning.
Even with his newfound presence, they rarely speak, only a few words being exchanged before they’re being pulled into different conversations or the silence outweighs the conversation. It’s fine, they have all the time to get to know one another, so Jeonghan doesn’t mind it all too much, knowing that some people tend to click faster than others.
Luckily, Jeonghan has been fortunate enough to make some actual friends, spending his nights in one of the other’s rooms with some of the other boys more often than not.
Boo Seungkwan is young and hilarious and ridiculously talented.
Lee Jihoon is quick witted, sort of scary, and equally as talented (Jeonghan is starting to sense a theme here), but sometimes he drops off snacks on Jeonghan’s bed when he notices him being a little more quiet than normal, and for that he’s sort of Jeonghan’s favorite.
Tonight is no different than his previous ones and he finds himself in a dorm room with six of the other boys, sharing snacks and talking about their week. Jeonghan is in and out of the conversation from the floor, offering chuckles or nods when it’s called for, but staying out of it for the most part, happy to listen and observe.
A chorus of giggles gets his attention quickly, though. The blush on Mingyu’s cheeks makes it even more interesting.
“That pretty much makes you married,” Seungkwan gasps through a laugh from beside him, ignoring the hysterical slaps Hansol is pelting him with. “Yah, Mingyu. Or, is it Choi Mingyu— ”
“Stoooop!” Mingyu giggles, high and downright school girl-ish, his cheeks even more pink than they had been a few moments ago. At first, Jeonghan thinks it has to do with the fact that he’s practically sitting in Jihoon’s lap, the entirety of his back plastered against Jihoon’s chest as he squirms against the mattress, but he’s quickly proven wrong. “I think he was just being nice—yah! Stop laughing!”
“He gave you half his sandwich,” Chan teases, “he must love you!”
“It was the way he gave it to me!” Mingyu whines, hushed by Jihoon’s hands on his sides. “You had to be there—”
A knock sounds on the door and they all fall silent as it creaks open and then Seungcheol is popping his head in, a confused noise leaving his mouth as he takes in all of the people crammed into the small room.
“Oh? What’s this?” He asks, lips in a pout as he blinks and Mingyu and Chan make a high pitched noise at the same time. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah!” Seungkwan says quickly. “Come sit, hyung. We were just messing around.”
Seungcheol takes a seat in the small empty space next to Jeonghan, their knees touching as he shifts into a better position. Jeonghan chews on his nails, glancing around and finding most of the others awkwardly just… staring. But not at him, no. All their gazes seem to lead to Seungcheol.
It’s interesting and also sort of uncomfortable, so, Jeonghan gets up abruptly, knocking his and Seungcheol’s knees together as he straightens up. “I’m gonna get ready for bed,” he says as a halfhearted excuse, stepping over Seungkwan and Hansol.
He’ll figure out whatever all this is sooner or later, but right now, there are more important things to dwell on like getting more than four hours of sleep.
✧
It’s a livestream day.
Jeonghan is sitting on the floor with his legs crossed in front of him and hands planted behind him, tilting his head up and then down as he watches Joshua throw a bouncy ball up into the air and only catching it sometimes. Yet, it always seems to find its way back.
The rest of the trainees are fucking around, something to be expected during days like this. Soonyoung is loud, voice booming against the green walls as Seokmin joins his rambunctiousness.
Jihoon is in a folding chair playing his guitar and Mingyu is beside him in his own chair, his head on Jihoon’s shoulder as he annoys him. (Although, it seems like Jihoon couldn’t be more content.)
Hansol and Seungkwan are in one of the car corners of the room, heads tilted together as they share a pair of earphones, their fingers loosely intertwined together.
Throughout all of this, Jeonghan is mostly focused on Seungcheol. He’s listening to music, pacing back and forth in front one of the mirrors and mouthing the words, a dance move bursting from him every now and then before he tones it down; lost in his own world. He’s undeniably handsome—his dark, full hair, his dark eyes, and his full lips.
As friendly and outgoing as he is, he’s still a bit of an enigma—at least he is to Jeonghan.
“—you’re not listening to me, are you?”
Jeonghan snaps his head toward Joshua, a smug smile playing on his lips as Jeonghan blinks. “I’m sorry—I think I zoned out.”
“Oh, I know,” Joshua says, smile yet to waver. “You’re not the only one with that problem, don’t worry.”
Jeonghan blinks again because… what? When Joshua offers no explanation, Jeonghan straightens out his spine and turns his body to look at his friend properly. “What are you talking about?”
“You know…” Joshua says with a nonchalant shrug, the bouncy ball leaving his palm once again and bouncing off into the distance. “I won’t judge you if you have a crush on Seungcheol—I mean, it’d be weird if you didn’t.”
Jeonghan gapes, bewildered. “What— what? A crush on Seungcheol? Where’d you even get that from—”
“Everyone sort of has a thing for him,” Joshua explains easily, the bouncy ball rolling straight to him once again. “It’s sort of, like, expected at this point. So, when’d you find out? It took me a while but eventually I accepted it—he’s a little too charming. It’s almost like he knows what he’s doing.”
“I don’t have a crush on him,” Jeonghan says quickly, sure to enunciate every word so Joshua understands him perfectly. “Sorry, but— everyone likes him? How? Why?”
And maybe it is a bit rude, but Jeonghan can’t help his curiosity. After all, Seungcheol, albeit his handsome looks, seems like he’s just another… boy. Another boy drying his hands on his t-shirt because there’s no more paper towels in the bathroom, another boy keen on joining any sort of fun as it’s going on even if he’s not originally a part of it. There’s nothing that Jeonghan can think of that warrants him to be the heartthrob of Pledis trainees.
“You… you’re serious?” Joshua asks, eyes wide like he’s scandalized.
Jeonghan nods slowly. “Yes.”
“Oh,” Joshua blinks, looking away and toward the abandoned ball in front of him. “Huh. Weird. I guess someone’s gotta be immune to his charm.”
“What charm?” Jeonghan asks, exasperated at this point. He wishes things weren’t so hard to figure out around here.
“You’ll know it when you see it,” Joshua says and leaves it at that.
One day, Jeonghan will go to sleep not being confused.
✧
Bad days are more common here than Jeonghan would like them to be. Today, though, a new category manifests itself very quickly.
It’s a shit day.
Absolutely terrible in every way—evaluations are never fun and Jeonghan’s nerves get the best of him and he fucks up not once and not twice, but multiple times in the song he’s ordered to sing. His voice cracks in parts that should be second nature to him and it’s shaky in all the other parts and by the time he’s done and met with less than impressed stares, his face is as red as a beet and he’s dismissed, left to scurry off with his tail between his legs and his heart hammering in his chest.
He somehow manages to avoid everyone, beelining for one of the secluded rooms where Jihoon will practice on the piano or Joshua will play guitar to ease his nerves.
He’s sitting on the floor trying to ground himself, his throat aching as he swallows back his tears, his hair is falling into his face from behind his ears (the company had asked him to start growing it out—he’s still deciding if he likes the idea or not) and his eyes are squeezed shut to keep the floodgates at bay. He and Joshua have talked about leaving together, both going at once to not feel so alone.
The handle turns in the midst of the contemplation and Jeonghan snaps his head up, internally cursing—he must have forgotten to lock the door.
Before he can scramble up and gather himself, someone is pushing the door open.
The last person Jeonghan expects to see is Seungcheol.
He must look as stunned as he feels because Seungcheol slows his movements, is careful with shutting the door and puts a hand out like that will keep Jeonghan from bolting. “Is it okay if I lock it?” Jeonghan swallows and nods stiffly. “How are you doing?”
A bitter laugh crackles out of Jeonghan’s chest, loud in the silence and the tears begin to gather at his lash line quickly. “I’m—I’m fine. I’m just—” The tears start racing down his cheeks, his palms coming up to press against his eyes in hopes to hide them, but it’s no use. Eventually, he gathers the strength to suck in a deep breath and collects himself, looking at Seungcheol and pressing his lips together in a straight smile as he sniffles. “It’s just—my evaluation didn’t go as expected. That’s all.”
Seungcheol nods, thick eyebrows furrowed in silent concern. He tilts his chin at the empty space next to Jeonghan. “Can I…?”
Jeonghan glances at the floor beside him and lets out an unbelieving laugh that sounds more like a huff of air. He wipes his nose on his wrist and shrugs. “Yeah, sure.”
Seungcheol sits cross legged, their shoulders only a hair’s width away from each other and a silence begins to settle; it’s a nice silence, though. One that’s comforting and easy, like Jeonghan isn’t expected to break it. After a few minutes his breath evens out and his eyes aren’t so wet anymore. He feels a bit silly being found out like this, but the exhaustion flooding his body is enough to save the embarrassment.
Before he can make up an excuse to get out of here and try taking a nap, Seungcheol is talking. “I know it’s hard—having expectations only for them to slowly be broken. It’s even harder when you know you’re trying your hardest and it’s still not good enough, but—but please know that you’re not alone. I know it sounds cliche and it’s probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but I mean it. If you feel like you have no one to talk to, I want you to know that you can talk to me. I’m not here to judge you or lecture you—I’m here to make sure that you’re okay, even if you feel like you’re not.”
Jeonghan is staring at him, partially baffled and partially grateful. If it was anyone else, Jeonghan would have told them to please stop talking and to let him mope around a little longer until he gets over it. But something about the way Seungcheol is speaking is so honest, so sincere, that Jeonghan can’t help but believe him.
“Thanks,” he says, turning his head to properly look at Seungcheol and smile. “That means a lot.”
Seungcheol smiles back and—oh, he has a dimple on his cheek—his eyes trail over Jeonghan’s face. “You’re too pretty to be crying by yourself, okay?” Then, he reaches a hand out, his fingers brushing the hair in Jeonghan’s face and tucking it behind his ear. “I’m sure you want some time to yourself, so I’ll go. Just remember what I said, yeah?”
Jeonghan is dumbfounded, the warmth of Seungcheol’s skin still lingering on his face even as Seungcheol gets up. “I—okay,” he stutters. “Yeah, thanks.”
Pretty. He’s pretty sure Seungcheol just called him pretty.
Seungcheol leaves him with one last dimpled smile and Jeonghan is left wondering what just happened.
✧
Jeonghan tries not to think about it even though it quickly becomes the only thing he thinks about.
Not in a romantic way, no. Of course not. More in a way that leaves him stunted every time he replays the memory in his head. Why did Seungcheol say that? Why did Seungcheol do that? What compelled him to give Jeonghan some of the best words of encouragement and then immediately blindside him with what could be considered a heart stopping gesture?
It’s all too much, but maybe he’s reading too much into it. After all, Joshua even said that Seungcheol’s charm was compelling—maybe this was the charm he was talking about. He probably acts like this with all the other trainees who aren’t immune to such gestures. Jeonghan, though, he's had boyfriends, has had people wrapped around his finger ever since he realized that he could. He’s not as inexperienced as some of the teens here, especially the younger ones, so it only makes sense that he wouldn’t fall prey to Choi Seungcheol’s dimpled smile and heartthrob actions.
So, he listens in amusement in the cramped dorm room as Seokmin recalls his most recent encounter with Seungcheol.
“—and he just—he grabbed my cheek and just—he kissed me!”
“He kissed you?” Chan practically squeals, only held back from jumping on Seokmin by Wonwoo’s grip on the back of his shirt.
“On the cheek!” Seokmin clarifies, earning a chorus of boos that makes him red. “No—it was romantic! I swear my heart fluttered and it's never done that with another boy before!”
“That’s four people that he’s caused to question their sexuality,” Seungkwan counts and Jeonghan lets out a sound somewhere between a gasp and grunt.
“Yah, what’s the deal with this guy?” He asks, nearly hysterical. “There’s no way you guys are serious—”
Seungkwan begins to count on his fingers, “Seokmin, Mingyu, Chan, Junhui—”
“Junhui?” Jeonghan sputters, slightly disappointed. He thought Junhui wouldn’t disappoint him.
“No,” Junhui says quickly, not looking up from his phone. “I knew before hyung.”
“Oh,” Seungkwan tsks. “Then just three—”
“That’s still absurd,” Jeonghan argues. Surely everyone must be playing a prank on him. “I mean, really? What’s so special about him anyway?”
The responses come staggered, but all the same: “His charm.”
A knock sounds from the door and they naturally fall into silence as it creaks open. This time, Jeonghan isn’t surprised to see that it’s Seungcheol, the devil himself.
“Hey,” he says, voice low and gentle. “I know you’re all having fun but some of the other guys were complaining about the noise, I don’t want you getting in trouble.”
“Sorry, hyung,” Chan says quickly. “We’ll go to bed right now!”
Seungcheol smiles and winks. “Thank you, sleep well, guys.”
The door closes and all of them look at Chan as he cowers.
“Yah, ‘ we’ll go to bed now’, really?” Seungkwan teases, throwing a pillow at him.
“He was looking right at me!” Chan insists, dodging the other pillow Seungkwan chucks at him. “Really, he was!”
“No, he was looking at me—”
“Hey, I think we can all be realistic and agree that he was actually looking at me—”
Jeonghan manages to sneak out of the room in the midst of the squabbling, navigating through the dark hallway and making a detour into the kitchen for a glass of water.
The light is already on, Seungcheol leaning against the counter as he scrolls through his phone, yet to notice that he’s not alone. Not only that, but he’s standing right in front of where the cups are stored. For a moment, Jeonghan considers going back to his room, but his mouth is dry and he’s sure that if he doesn’t drink water now then he’ll wake up in a few hours and be forced to quench his thirst, so, he clears his throat awkwardly and watches as Seungcheol startles.
“Oh, hi Jeonghan,” Seungcheol says, pocketing his phone and standing straight. He’s still wearing a backwards snapback, dark hair tucked into the hat, as well as basketball shorts and a black t-shirt. “Did you need something?”
“I just wanted some water,” Jeonghan explains weakly.
Seungcheol nods. “Okay.”
Jeonghan blinks, waiting for Seungcheol to step away from the counter only for him to stay planted in the exact same spot. “Do… do you mind?”
“No, not at all! Go ahead, you don’t need to ask.”
“I know, it’s just that,” Jeonghan points behind Seungcheol. “You’re sort of in the way.”
Seungcheol’s cheeks burn a bright pink as he launches himself off of the counter. “Oh, shit—I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize—”
“It’s fine,” Jeonghan says, already holding a cup and running it under the tap water. He drinks the entirety of it in four gulps and wipes his damp mouth with the back of his hand. “Night,” he mumbles, brushing past Seungcheol, heading a faint, goodnight, Jeonghan in the distance.
✧
It’s a typical late night practice focused on vocals and dance. Everyone is tired but still mustering up the strength to roughhouse and joke around. Jeonghan watches from where he’s sitting on the floor, his back and head against the wall as he fights sleep, the only thing keeping him awake being his growling stomach.
“Hyung!” Seungkwan calls from across the room. “We’re gonna go get some food, are you coming?”
Jeonghan shakes his head, offering an apologetic smile. Not only is he exhausted physically, he’s exhausted mentally. He knows if he goes out, he won’t be much fun. “I think I’m gonna sleep early tonight.”
“Aw, are you sure?” Seungkwan pouts, Hansol coming to gather him and practically hanging off his back.
“I’m sure, go have fun.”
He watches them filter out, leaving him alone. With nothing else to do, Jeonghan gets up, his limb aching as he shuffles towards the dorms.
The streetlights are yellow and dim, barely offering any guidance home. From a distance, he can hear his name being called, and when he looks, Seungcheol is running in his direction, finally catching up only when Jeonghan stops walking.
“What happened?” Jeonghan asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern.
“Oh, nothing,” Seungcheol says, his hand on Jeonghan’s lower back urging him to continue walking. “I thought I’d join you. We should eat before you sleep.”
Jeonghan chews on his lip, eyes narrowed at Seungcheol. What’s his game here? But the growling in his stomach only intensifies and he can’t pretend like eating isn’t a good idea right now. “Yeah, we should.”
Seungcheol makes them ramyun, only because Jeonghan insists on it since he was the one that came up with the idea in the first place. In turn, Jeonghan turns on a movie and only watches the first ten minutes before Seungcheol joins him on the ratty sofa.
Through the hunger, Jeonghan slurps the noodles down in a way that is almost animalistic and way too sloppy to be acceptable but he doesn’t really care, especially when Seungcheol hasn’t said anything about it.
But he hears a chuckle somewhere between his fourth and fifth bite and he glances over to see Seungcheol staring at him with an amused glint in his eyes.
“What?” He asks bluntly through a mouthful.
“Nothing,” Seungcheol answers through a giggle.
“Yah, just tell me—”
“ Nothing,” Seungcheol insists again. “You just… you have a little something…”
He’s wiping Jeonghan’s chin a second later with his thumb, and then his lips right after. Jeonghan can feel his eyes grow wider and wider with the gentle touch as he stares at Seungcheol, stunned, while Seungcheol is focused on getting all the food off Jeonghan’s face.
When he’s done he smiles, genuine and with that same dimple denting his cheek, and quietly says, “There. Pretty.”
He turns back to the movie nonchalantly like he wasn’t in Jeonghan’s personal space five seconds ago. Jeonghan wants to laugh— cackle— like a fucking maniac because this… this fucker.
This must be the charm everyone is talking about.
✧
The next time he finds himself in a dorm room with the others, he can’t help but share his findings with them. After all, it sort of feels like they’re all victims to Choi Seungcheol’s good looks and charisma.
“So,” he says loudly, everyone’s attention on him scattered around the room, some on the floor and some on the beds. “I sort of might understand… the whole… charm thing.”
“Ah!” Mingyu practically screams, sitting up so his knees are pressing into the small mattress, causing him to hit his head on the bunk bed but ignoring it as he barrels on. “We told you! It’s crazy, right?”
“Wait—wait!” Jeonghan calls through the laughing and chaos. “I don’t have a crush on him, alright? All I’m saying is that I sort of get why you’re all, like, halfway in love with him. It’s—it’s like when he looks at you when you’re talking—”
“Oh my God,” Seungkwan agrees, “yeah! Exactly that!”
“And the way he smiles like he’s making sure you can see that he has a dimple,” Jeonghan continues, laughing as another chorus of agreements sound. “And when he wipes food off your lip or brushes your hair out of your face or when he calls you pretty—he knows what he’s going!”
The agreements stop quickly and a sudden hush falls over the room as they all blink at him, Joshua sitting up straight from where he was laying on the floor and Mingyu letting out a noise that sounds similar to a blubber.
Jeonghan immediately senses that this is not as relatable as he was expecting it to be, and nervously laughs. “W-what? What’s wrong?”
“Does he do that to you?” Joshua asks first.
“Maybe.” Jeonghan hesitates, and then asks, “Why?”
“Like… he touched your face?” Jihoon clarifies, obviously not convinced. “And called you pretty?”
“Why is that a big deal?” Jeonghan snaps defensively. “He literally kissed Seokmin!”
“Yeah on the cheek,” Seungkwan says, ignoring Seokmin’s pained protest. “but that was a joke, yours wasn’t a joke, was it?”
“I don’t think he was serious—” Jeonghan stammers only for Joshua to come to his defense.
“Maybe he knows that you don’t like him so he’s pulling out all his stunts,” he says and the rest of them hum, nodding in ageeement.
“Yeah,” Jeonghan says, unsure why it makes him feel worse than he did before. “That’s probably it.”
✧
The thing is, Jeonghan doesn’t know if he like Joshua’s theory all that much. The thought of all of these moments with Seungcheol being a result of him outwardly trying to gain a reaction for Jeonghan… It’s not a good feeling. It makes him feel insignificant, like he doesn’t matter to Seungcheol, who he at least sees as a friend above anything else. He isn’t sure when it was that he started caring about if he mattered to Seungcheol at all, but all he knows now is that he wants to matter for more than just… this.
He must be too quiet in the midst of the shenanigans taking place, all these hasty thoughts ricocheting in his head, because he doesn’t notice Seungcheol sitting next to him until he’s coming to suddenly, his face in Seungcheol’s hands, Seungcheol singing along to a song blasting on his earphones without a care in the world. He pulls their faces together, and it’s only for a second, his hands dropping as he goes back to his little performance.
The wind is knocked out of Jeonghan’s lungs, a disbelieving laugh leaving his mouth as he looks down and tries to regain himself.
It takes a while for the fluttering feeling to leave his stomach.
✧
After a lot of internal deliberation, Jeonghan decides to bite back—something none of the other trainees have done yet. He wants to show Seungcheol why flirting with everyone can backfire, how it can backfire.
Like… like gay chicken, in a way.
He’s sure Seungcheol isn’t thinking of the consequences or anyone reciprocating his flirting, so it’ll be fun to tease him a little and gain the upper hand for once.
Jeonghan finds the opportunity quickly.
He’s brushing his teeth one night, ready to head in the shower right after, when a knock sounds on the bathroom door. He rolls his eyes and spits the foam into the sink—the last thing he wants to do is rush his nightly routine—and opens the door to apologize for taking long and Seungcheol is on the other end with a blue towel over his shoulder and a change of clothes hanging over his arm.
“Oh sorry,” Seungcheol says quickly. “I can wait—”
Jeonghan barely hears him, all he can think about is how perfect this is. “Were you gonna shower?”
Seungcheol waves his hand around, shaking his head. “Yeah but it’s okay I can wait—”
Jeonghan swings the door open further and cocks his head to the side, motioning for Seungcheol to come in. “Let’s go.”
Seungcheol says nothing, stares back at Jeonghan with big eyes, mouth parted as he blinks. “It’s—it’s really fine, Jeonghan. I know you like your privacy—”
“And I know you’ve showered with the other guys before,” Jeonghan says with a smile that he knows is pretty. “I don’t mind sharing right now. I won’t bite, I promise.”
Seungcheol seems to break out of his trance and chuckles softly, obliging and entering. He puts his clothes on the sink and turns on the shower, not looking at Jeonghan and not saying another word.
Jeonghan goes to rinse his toothbrush off to give Seungcheol some privacy, listening to the sound of his clothes hitting the floor and the water spray hitting his body as he steps in the shower.
Jeonghan follows a few seconds later, shedding his clothes and getting beneath the scalding water as Seungcheol is shampooing his hair, the suds sliding down his neck and bare chest.
When Jeonghan opens his eyes, Seungcheol is averting his gaze up to the ceiling, but Jeonghan knows that his attention had been elsewhere seconds before.
He decides to bite.
As casually as he can, he puts a hand on Seungcheol’s bicep to test his reaction first and ensure he’s not crossing any boundaries. He observes as Seungcheol’s wide eyes meet his. “Can you pass me the shampoo?”
It takes a moment, but eventually Seungcheol nods and complies but continues to stay quiet. Jeonghan presses his lips together, suddenly aware of how absurd this idea is. This poor guy probably thinks he’s weird—after all, Seungcheol is a nice person who is nice to everyone.
“Wait,” Seungcheol says as Jeonghan goes to turn around, causing him to freeze, his wet hair at his shoulder as he looks at Seungcheol in question. Then, Seungcheol is stepping forward, his thumb pressing beneath Jeonghan’s eye and gently swiping. “You had an eyelash,” he explains and Jeonghan…
Jeonghan is suddenly very, very aware of how close they are, bare chests nearly touching every time they so much as breathe and the fact that they are very, very naked and Seungcheol looks so, so handsome and soft in the cool and dimmed bathroom light, his dark and long eyelashes clumped together, his lips glistening with water droplets, the way his gaze is flickering between Jeonghan’s eyes and mouth like he’s the only person on this earth and—
Jeonghan’s lungs burn and a fluttering feeling starts to simmer in his stomach and up into his chest, only amplified as Seungcheol smiles at him, private and soft.
The last time Jeonghan felt anywhere close to this was when his ex-boyfriend would kiss him and—
Oh, God.
Oh… Oh no.
Joshua was right.
A sudden knock cracks against the door and Jeonghan nearly jumps out of his skin with a gasp. Seungcheol, on the other hand, isn’t as affected, calmly calling out, “What do you need?”
“Hyung,” Mingyu whines, knuckles pounding against the door. “ Hyung, I need to pee!”
“Wait a second, Mingyu,” Seungcheol calls, using a rag doused in soap to quickly clean himself off. “We’re almost done.”
Jeonghan snaps out of his trance and rushes to finish as well, turning away from Seungcheol and hurriedly washing his body off, still soaking wet as he pulls his clothes on and practically barreling into Mingyu as he rushes out of the bathroom, face burning and heart stuttering.
✧
Maybe it’s not the smartest plan, but it’s the only plan Jeonghan has.
He starts avoiding Seungcheol.
Surprisingly, it’s harder than he expected it to be. Seungcheol is always around, helping out other trainees or joking around with them or offering advice when they need it. He picks up on Jeonghan’s silence immediately, asking him if everything is alright and Jeonghan is stiffly brushing him off and beelining to the opposite side of the room even though he’s never wanted to be closer to Seungcheol.
As much as it pains him, he knows he’s only breaking his own heart. Seungcheol is kind, patient, someone who just wants to help. Everyone was wrong—he’s not charming, he’s not charismatic, he’s just Seungcheol.
For some reason, that makes all of this worse and Jeonghan falls a little more in love by the second and hates every moment of it. He keeps all this admiration and feelings in his chest, stored away to suffocate him until he breaks.
Joshua is the first to ask him what’s going on, and Jeonghan does what he does best and lies.
“You’re acting weird,” Joshua pushes, following Jeonghan into the bathroom and closing the door. Jeonghan ignores him, squeezing the remnants of the toothpaste onto his toothbrush and brushing his teeth until his gums feel raw. Joshua stays, crossing his arms and waiting as Jeonghan rinses his mouth. “Really? You’re not gonna say anything?”
“There’s nothing to say—”
“You may be able to lie to everyone else, but don’t lie to me, Jeonghan,” Joshua says, tone firm, making Jeonghan meet his eyes through the water stained mirror. “I thought we were closer than that.”
And that’s. That’s a low blow, but Joshua has always been able to read Jeonghan’s mind, knows how to play Jeonghan’s games and as fun as that had been before, it’s annoying as hell right now. “Don’t do that—”
“Tell me,” Joshua says, gentle. “I won’t judge.”
Jeonghan groans. “You might—”
“I won’t,” Joshua assures. “And if I do, you can punch me.”
“I don’t wanna do that—”
Joshua rolls his eyes. “Jeonghan—”
“Alright, fine!” Jeonghan snaps, throwing his hands up and his head back in annoyance. “I—you were right, okay? I have a crush on Seungcheol and you were right and I’m annoyed because I really thought I wouldn’t but he—he’s. I don’t even think he’s trying to charm everyone, I think that’s just how he is and— God, this is so stupid—”
“It’s not,” Joshua says with a small laugh. “There’s a reason everyone likes him, you know? He’s a good person. I think everyone just has some fun fawning over him but we know he’s not trying to be as much of a heartthrob as he is.”
“Yeah,” Jeonghan says, thinking about every encounter he’s had with Seungcheol since he arrived.
“Can I tell you something?” Joshua asks suddenly and Jeonghan nods. “I think you’re the only one of us that he’s called pretty.”
Jeonghan scoffs. “Yah, that means nothing, he’s just being nice—”
“He’s being nice to everyone else,” Joshua says, playfully shoving Jeonghan’s shoulder. “But he acts different with you.”
Jeonghan shoves him back, refusing to let his words get into his head, even if he wishes it was true.
✧
Unfortunately for Jeonghan, Seungcheol is stubborn and persistent.
It takes two weeks before Jeonghan is being confronted in one of the secluded rooms and it feels like déjà vu, sitting on the floor as the handle turns only for Seungcheol to be on the other end.
“Is it okay if I lock it?”
Jeonghan nods, his muscles tensing as he stands up, trying to figure out a way to escape this situation. Maybe he can kick a hole through the wall—it might cause some issues in the future but that’s better than whatever is about to happen right now. When he gets a proper look at Seungcheol, though, he takes it all back.
He’s worried. It’s obvious in the way his eyebrows are creased, lip caught between his teeth as he wrings his hands together nervously. He takes a deep breath and before Jeonghan can ask if he’s okay, he asks, “Jeonghan—I… Did I do something wrong?”
It’s the last thing he’s expecting Seungcheol to say and it throws him off completely. “What—why?”
“You’re avoiding me,” Seungcheol says. It’s not a question, he knows what Jeonghan is doing and it’s even more embarrassing than Jeonghan had expected it to be. “I just want to know what I did so I can try to fix it.”
“You didn’t do anything,” Jeonghan says quickly—he doesn’t want Seungcheol to blame himself. That isn’t fair to either of them. “It’s me, I promise. I’m just—I’m working through some things.”
Seungcheol’s shoulders sag in relief and he rubs a hand over his face, knocking the brim of his hat up slightly. He turns it so that it’s backwards and shakes his head. “If you need to talk, I’m here, Jeonghan, I told you. But please, don’t—don’t just shut me out.”
“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan says, feeling like shit. “I won’t do it again, I promise.”
“Can you tell me what’s bothering you at least?” Seungcheol asks, taking a step closer to Jeonghan, dark eyes wide and somehow shining even though this room isn’t brightly lit. “Maybe I can help—”
Jeonghan shakes his head, mortified. “No, that’s okay—”
“Jeonghan—”
“Please trust me when I say that I’ll be fine—”
“I just want to help—”
Jeonghan groans loud and sudden, throwing his head back toward the ceiling and snapping. “It’s—you know that everyone here has a crush on you, right?”
Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, mouth parting with a bewildered, “Huh—?”
“Everyone has a big, stupid, dumb crush on you because you’re nice and you’re hot and you’re so fucking charming and you—you do this thing where you talk to people and you look at them like they’ve hung up all the stars in the sky for you and I didn’t understand it at first but now I do and yeah! I have a big, stupid, dumb crush on you too now and it’s annoying!” Jeonghan laughs, loud and hysterical, clapping his hands together once. “Are you happy? Did you get what you wanted?”
“Jeonghan—”
“ And ,” Jeonghan barrels on, “now I have to deal with—with all these feelings because you don’t know how to act like a normal boy without being some sort of Prince Charming—”
“ Jeonghan—”
“—because of course I would start liking you—”
Seungcheol kisses him.
No, it’s not just a kiss—it’s a kiss. A kiss unlike any other kiss that Jeonghan has ever experienced in his entire life.
Seungcheol’s hands are on either side of Jeonghan’s face, his mouth opening Jeonghan’s to practically eat him, but it has Jeonghan feeling light on his feet, a white warmth spreading from his chest all the way throughout his body. He melts into it without much thought other than pure bliss, hands on Seungcheol’s wrists to keep him there, mouth slack against Seungcheol’s as he lets himself be devoured within an inch of his life.
He’s not sure how long they’re making out and even more unsure if he wants this to ever stop, but eventually Seungcheol pulls back, presses one more kiss to Jeonghan’s red and swollen lips and tilts their foreheads together with a small laugh.
“You—” Jeonghan stammers out, trying to catch his breath and sort of going cross eyed trying to get a proper look at Seungcheol. “Why did you—?”
“If you gave me a chance, I would have told you that I’m crazy about you,” Seungcheol explains, voice rough and quiet, a fond sort of gaze that Jeonghan has seen before in his dark and big eyes. “And no, I didn’t know that everyone has a crush on me, I—I didn’t notice. Not with you around.”
“You kissed me,” Jeonghan realizes, blinking back his dazed thoughts. “You kissed me on the lips and—oh, fuck. They’re gonna be so pissed.”
Seungcheol laughs and kisses him again and Jeonghan finds himself not caring about anything or anyone else.
✧
The rest of the day is a blur, Jeonghan floating on a Seungcheol shaped cloud for the rest of the day. It’s surreal, knowing that not only Seungcheol feels the same way, but that he can kiss him whenever he feels like it. It’ll be hard to regulate himself, but he’ll do his absolute best.
That night, they get ready for bed together, shy glances and nervous giggles settling between them as they shower and dry themselves off. They’re pulling their clothes on when Seungcheol clears his throat, his eyes nervously looking around as he asks, “Hey, did you… Would you want to sleep in my room tonight?”
Jeonghan can’t help but nod, a smile bleeding onto his face. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
So, Seungcheol leads them to the room, holding Jeonghan’s hand in his own as they go down the dark hallway. They barely fit in the small bed, their bodies pressed together and legs intertwined, but Seungcheol kisses Jeonghan’s cheek and then his lips and the space doesn’t seem so important right now.
Before Jeonghan can properly relax, he takes a breath and gathers the courage to ask the only thing that has been plaguing his mind. “This might not be a good time,” he starts, Seungcheol’s knuckles dragging over his sides where his shirt rides up, “but what… what are we?”
Seungcheol pauses, hands stilling against Jeonghan’s bare skin. It’s obvious that he’s taking the time to carefully gather his words, and for that Jeonghan is grateful. He’d prefer a well thought out answer rather than something he’d want to hear. “Starting a relationship is a big responsibility, especially in this industry, Jeonghan. Do you think we’re ready?”
And Jeonghan… Jeonghan isn’t so sure. Everything is unpredictable and nothing is promised and that’s terrifying. He doesn’t think he’s ready to lose Seungcheol, especially if things don’t end well. “I don’t know,” he answers honestly.
Seungcheol smiles, eyes twinkling even in the darkness and he nods. “Okay, that’s okay. Whatever you’re comfortable with is good with me, okay?” When Jeonghan nods, he continues. “How about this: we stay as we are, yeah? No labels, no anything, and we just see where this goes. And when we debut—”
“If we debut.”
“No. When we debut,” Seungcheol corrects, like he knows how the future will play out. “I know we will. When we debut, if we still want this, then we’ll be all in. I’ll be your boyfriend and you’ll be mine, but for now we play it safe.”
A part of Jeonghan is disappointed even though he knows Seungcheol is right. After all, he’s the one that is unsure, not Seungcheol. “So we won’t be together?”
“We won’t have the pressure of a relationship,” Seungcheol explains patiently. “I’d be happy to only kiss you for the rest of my life if you ever decide that you don’t want anything more—”
“But I do—”
“You do right now,” Seungcheol says softly, but kindly. “Let’s not jump into anything serious if we’re both not one hundred percent sure, okay? Let’s grow together.”
As much as Jeonghan wants to take bad what he said about being unsure, he knows Seungcheol is right. So, he nods and kisses Seungcheol until they’re breathless.
This is more than he could ever ask for, anyway.
✧
In the morning, Jeonghan wakes up to Chan noisily opening the door and calling, “Hyung? Seungcheol hyung?”
Seungcheol barely stirs, but Jeonghan cranes his neck up to look, blinking sleepily as his head pokes out from the sheets. He watches as Chan’s face morphs from confused to shocked to disappointed in a matter of seconds.
“Aw,” Chan whines, shoulders slumped as he walks out the door and mumbles, “ lucky.”
Jeonghan snorts and lays back on Seungcheol’s chest, making a mental note to buy Chan some snacks later as an apology.
Lucky. He feels pretty lucky.
✧
10 Years Later
Between conflicting schedules and practically no free time off, it’s a miracle they’re able to cram a group vacation into all the chaos. It’s filmed, of course, they’re always making content one way or another, but at the very least they’re encouraged to relax.
Tonight, the staff informs them that the cameras will turn off for ten hours, giving them one night of absolute solitude and they rejoice in the miracle, already making plans consisting of drinking and fucking around until they’re laughing so hard their stomachs hurt.
A group of the members—Seungcheol, Junhui, Jihoon, Wonwoo, Soonyoung, and Hansol—all break off to go to the store to buy more drinks and some meat to grill and the rest of them stay back, getting tipsy in the main room as they reminisce back on their pre debut days.
“Before you got there, hyung,” Seungkwan says, waving at Minghao to get his attention, “it was so—so crazy.”
“I know, I watched the livestreams,” Minghao laughs, pouring Seungkwan another shot.
“No, he’s right,” Seokmin interjects, nodding enthusiastically, cheeks already flushed from the alcohol, making Jeonghan giggle. “It was all the behind the scenes stuff like—”
“Seungcheol hyung,” Chan laughs manically, falling onto the floor as Minghao stares at him in confusion. “Everyone had a crush on Seungcheol hyung—”
Minghao instinctively looks at Jeonghan, scandalized, and Jeonghan shrugs. It’s the truth, there’s nothing he can do about it. “What— really?” Minghao gasps. “Why him?”
“That’s what I said,” Jeonghan laughs, pulling himself off the sofa to grab a bottle of water—Seungkwan is going to need it in a moment, he can tell.
“You had to be there,” Mingyu explains. “He was charming!”
“And yet,” Minghao starts, “the one to—”
Soonyoung’s voice booms from the entrance as the others arrive, flooding into the main room holdings bags of drinks and meat. Jeonghan finds Seungcheol’s gaze instinctively, a smile forming on his face like muscle memory. Seungcheol deposits the bags on the counter, socked feet sliding against the floor as he makes his way to Jeonghan, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him into a tight hug, his feet lifting off the floor for a fleeting moment before he’s being placed down and kissed within an inch of his life.
“Ew, hyung!” Chan wretches from a distance. “Really?”
“Yah,” Seungcheol scolds, still holding Jeonghan with one arm and pointing an accusing finger at Chan with the other hand. “I haven’t been able to kiss my boyfriend in five days. Respect your hyungs or you won’t drink tonight.”
Chan mumbles a curse under his breath that sends the rest of the members into fits of laughter and Jeonghan focuses his attention back on Seungcheol.
“Chivalrous,” he teases, tucking his hands in Seungcheol’s hoodie to touch his warm and bare skin.
“I’ve gotta keep you around somehow,” Seungcheol jokes, kissing his forehead.
Jeonghan slots himself further into Seungcheol, hit with the memory of a confession in a small, green room. He hides his smile in Seungcheol’s neck and stays there until they’re being pulled apart and forced out of their bubble.
Even after all these years, he still feels lucky.