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Dew could feel Phantom’s eyes burning into him, tendrils of fire seeping into his already flame licked skin. There was a question on the tip of the quintessence ghoul’s tongue, a question heard so many times by Dewdrop but that he still hesitated to answer. Memories of a past drowned by a violent storm, ripped away from the ghoul and left to be forgotten.
“You weren’t always a fire ghoul, were you?” Phantom’s voice was barely above a whisper as his eyes traced along Dew’s neck, down his torso and to his ribs, following the ridges of the barely visible scars over where gills used to be. They were in a dressing room, the name of the venue long forgotten but the sweat of the tour still staining their skin. The show had finished a while ago, but the ghouls all still lingered around, time wasting away until they could take a cab back to their hotel.
Dew made eye contact with Phantom’s reflection in the mirror, not turning around to face the ghoul. He was stood in front of a vanity, shirt long abandoned though he reached for fresh clothes - or as fresh as a ghoul could get on the road. “No, I haven’t.”
“Why?”
Dew turned to look over his shoulder at the ghoul stood behind him, a look of confusion spread across the fire ghoul’s face. “What do you mean ‘why?’”
“Why did you transition? From water to fire?” Phantom asked, taking a step towards Dewdrop. “Well, I’m assuming it’s from water, by the scars on-”
Dew turned around fully, cutting off Phantom’s words, his face now contorting into something of anxiety. “Don’t.” There was a certain dullness to his eyes as he looked up at Phantom. Like he was hollow, hellfire drowned by a sea of haunting memories, pulling Dew under as he struggled to breach the surface.
Phantom took in a breath as he looked away from Dew’s face and down at his feet, “I didn’t mean to try and pry, talk about something you’re uncomfortable with.” His voice was small, but the words genuine as he spoke.
“It’s not-” Dew let out a frustrated sigh as he searched for the words. The fire ghoul touched the pads of his fingers to the raised bumps on his neck, lightly touching the scars that marred either side, the flesh still sensitive as he ran his finger along them. “I was a water ghoul, I loved being one more than anything. I had my old pack, with Aether and Mountain, Ifrit and Zephyr too, but they got kicked off the project after they replaced Terzo, and they couldn’t afford to rip up a new fire ghoul from hell.”
“So they changed you?” Dew nodded, leaning against the vanity, arms folded over his chest.
“Imperator didn’t really give me a choice, told me I was changing elements or I was back in the pit. I didn’t want to lose Ifrit, so I agreed and did it. That’s the general gist of it. I knew they switched an old water over to quint, so I figured what could go wrong with them making me into fire?”
There was a beat of silence between the ghouls before Phantom spoke up again, “Ifrit meant a lot more to you, didn’t he?” Dew nodded once more, the sadness in his eyes only growing.
“We were mated. He held welcomed me when I was brought topside, showed me the way, and were inseparable ever since. After they changed me, that bond got severed in the process. It’s like it just snapped.” Dew’s words were quiet as he spoke, a softness never usually seen in the fire ghoul. “They relocated him and Zeph, and then got Copia to summon all the new ghouls. I was so mad at all of them for so long for just existing, trying to replace what we all had before, and I was dealing with a whole new vessel. They were all so patient with me, but I didn’t give them anything back for so long. Sure I had Aether there, but trying to learn a whole new element of magic is a bitch and would accidentally lash out at him over nothing.”
“I didn’t realise, I’m sorry,” Phantom tried to apologise, but Dew just shook his head at him in response.
“You don’t gotta apologise, you were just curious. You see a guy with gill scars and just wanna know what’s up.” Dew tried to say with humour, but the bubble caught in the back of his throat betrayed him as his words wobbled. Dew turned back to the vanity, drumming his fingers on the varnished wood, squeezing his eyes closed tight as he tried to shove down the rising feeling in his throat. “It’s hard for me, it wasn’t a clean transition, shit still haunts me till this day.”
“You’re still here though, you’ve made it so far since then,” Phantom responded, his voice quiet but still loud enough for Dew to hear it, a half smile ghosting over his face. “I’m sorry that I had to replace Aether-”
Dew cut Phantom’s words off again, “you didn’t replace him, you never will replace him. He made his own choice to stay behind, they brought you up to fill that empty space. You’re your own being, you’re not here to pretend to be someone else.” There was a hint of guilt in his words as he spoke. “I was just shitty at the start because I didn’t know how to act. I’m not like Cumulus or Swiss who can just warm up to someone, I’m just-” He struggled again to find the words, as if they were just out of reach. “I don’t find it easy to trust people, I’d rather they just think I’m bitter or mean so they don’t get close. So I don’t get attached just for them to leave. I’ve lost too much already - Aether, Ifrit, Zephyr, Terzo, my fucking water magic. It’s just easier to not love anything at all.”
“Dew, I would fucking find a way to kill God if that’s what I had to do to stay with you. I would claw my way out of hell back topside to find you, I would do anything.” Phantom’s words were stern- determined as he spoke them, but the look on Dew’s face didn’t shift. He looked melancholy, resentful in a way. Not at Phantom, but at himself.
“But what if I’m the next one they fling back to the pit? They’ve got the resources now to summon us at leisure, what if they just decide one day that I’m not good enough and ship me off somewhere? You can’t just leave everyone else to follow me, it’s unfair on them.” Dew’s voice cracked, a knife to Phantom’s heart as he heard the break. “Our fate isn’t in our own hands, there’s some kind of fucked up bigger plan, and they’re just stringing us along until we become useless. The moment you step out of line or begin questioning things you’re not supposed to question, you get carted off to some other Ministry branch if you’re lucky.”
“Dew-” The fire ghoul spun around and latched onto Phantom before the ghoul registered the movement, Dew’s arms firmly wrapped around Phantom’s middle as he sobbed into his chest. Tears soaked into Phantom’s top but couldn’t care less as his own arms wrapped around Dew, clinging onto him tightly as he trembled, supporting the fire ghoul’s weight as he almost collapsed in his arms, like a wave of repressed emotions and utter exhaustion had crashed over him, driving him to his inevitable breaking point. “I’m sorry for pushing you this far,” Phantom murmured as he squeezed Dew a little tighter in his arms.
“Stop apologising,” Dew answered back with faux venom, words muffled by the fabric of Phantom’s uniform. Phantom laughed softly, the vibrations rippling through his chest as Dew pressed a little closer before letting go, wiping his eyes and exhaling shakily. “I’m sorry for just dumping all of that on you.” Phantom shrugged as Dew finally grabbed his shirt and tugged it on, not the cleanest shirt he had but it was the best he could do.
“You sounded like you needed to let all that shit go, though,” Phantom said, his words soft. “You’ve had a lot of shit to stress about and you put it all on yourself when you shouldn’t have had to. You didn’t deserve to. I doubt using the tour was a healthy way to repress it, either.”
Dew sniffled as he looked up at Phantom, such adoration shining through the quintessence ghoul’s eyes. “Maybe I’ll tell you more about being a water ghoul and the old pack another day,” Dew half smiled, cheeks still dampened from his tears. “Bus buddies?” Dew held out his pinky for Phantom to link.
“Bus buddies,” Phantom grinned back.