Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been almost half a century, but the sensation of a Jester Sending was still etched into his brain

It was quite unlike any casting he had experienced before or since. In almost every other instance, receiving a Sending was like encountering a river: a steady flow that, while unexpected, made its presence known in the gentle sounds it made just before the water ran over you. Meanwhile, a Sending from Jester was not unlike having your head dragged under an ice cold waterfall. Or else, being punched very hard in the face

Which was why, upon initially hearing her voice in his head, it didn't register that it was impossible. He only felt the familiar amused resignation

Hey, Essek! ESSEK! Can you hear me? You must reply, it's super duper important. I don't know if I can Send to anyone other than-

"Jester, of course I can hear you, why are you worried-"
He cut himself off. He sat up straight, fear cutting through him like ice. What in all the hells was this?
"Who is this speaking? How are you imitating her voice?"
For it couldn't be her, even if the sensation had been replicated perfectly. Jester Lavorre had been dead for 44 years

The voice in his head again
Oh, you can hear me! That's so great! It's Jester, Essek. Do you not remember my voice? I guess it has been a while since-

"You really think I'd forget a friend's voice so easily?" Whoever was doing this had probably only known him as Shadowhand, then "What is this, a threat? 'I've been following you long enough to record your friends’?"

What do you mean, Essek? It's me. Jester

Essek laughed bitterly "If you really were Jester, you would've used all the words available to you just now"

He readied a spell, getting up from his desk. It was likely that whoever was doing this was situated nearby, using these recordings as a distraction while they moved close enough to strike

I don't need to use all my words, I don't have a spell limit anymore, said the voice taking the shape of a departed friend

"Is that so?" he said, no longer really listening. It was a distraction, it had to be. He could pay it no heed

Slowly, he left his house, and checked the wards protecting it. It was a slow process, for he had to keep one eye on his surroundings rather than his work. To his surprise, the voice grew silent. At least, it did for half an hour

What are you doing? He jumped You need to go back inside soon, or your pie is going to burn in the oven

He whipped around "How can you see what I was doing inside my home?"

Against his better judgement, he went back inside. Indeed, the pastry he had been baking had finished cooking. It was ironic: the recipe was one he had received from the real Jester Lavorre, while she lived. Rather against his will at the time, he recalled with a smile

But the smile faded quickly as he realised the implication of that last Sending. Whoever this was, they had been watching long enough to see what he had been baking, and could see inside his oven despite - and a quick check of his own confirmed it - the oven not being visible through any of his windows. They are in the house with me, he realised with a shiver. Present, invisible, having somehow gotten through his wards without setting them off. Sucking in a large breath, he started the ritual for Detect Magic. He doubted whoever this was would sit still long enough for him to complete it, but it was the only thing he could think to do beyond attacking blindly

Trying not to let the fear show, he hid back behind his old shield - his courtesies
"To whom do I have the pleasure of hosting?" he asked the empty air "Speak truly. Stop toying, hiding behind a dead woman. The cowardice is unbecoming"

It really is me, Essek. The voice sounded sad. I just wanted to say hello
There was a pause. Then:
Caleb says hello, too

He felt a stab through his heart
"Don't" he ground out, an old cold grief washing over him "Don't bring his name into this. That is cruel. It is just cruel"
His legs felt weak, so he braced an arm into the nearest wall. He rested his head against his hand, the other one going unbidden to the ring tied around his neck

To his own surprise, he managed to complete Detect Magic in time. And… nothing. Utterly nothing out of the ordinary. Almost as if whoever was speaking wasn't physically here at all. He squeezed his eyes shut

Predictably, she spoke again
Please, Essek. You have to believe me

"I can't, Jester. I can't" a lump was starting to form in his throat "It is impossible for the Sending spell to work through planes"
Once upon a time, he had believed in the impossible. The two of them could have bent the world into any shape they wished. But now…

Well no, 'cause Joy- oh, yes! I forgot to say, you need to talk to Joy!

"Joy?" he blinked "Why? You want me to tell her that her mother says hello?"

No no no, I've already been- she's the one who made the spell! She can show you- I can tell her you're coming!

Essek swallowed. If this were a veiled threat to Joy Lavorre, it was a strange way to threaten. And also, why threaten one arcanist, and one Nicodranian performer, and not mention anyone else? There was no real connection between the two of them, beyond the personal. The schools of magic they employed were entirely different - to hurt one would not stifle the studies of the other. But if this wasn't a threat, if this wasn't a trick of some sort…

Of course, there was every possibility that he had just gone mad. Honestly, with every passing second he thought it more likely

He stopped bracing himself against the wall
"Okay. Okay" he breathed in deep "If this really isn't recordings of Jester, if this is really you, now… send to Joy, ask her if I can visit her this evening"

Silence. For several long, long moments. Then - he couldn't help but gasp - Joy's voice in his head
Oh, Uncle Essek, hi! Of course you can visit- Though, I'll be performing tonight, so it might be a few hours before I can explain

He didn't know which he had been dreading more: this indeed all being some trick, and the imminent attack; or the hope that was now starting to bloom, very slowly, in his chest
"That's quite alright, I can wait as long as you need" he replied "And besides, I always enjoy hearing you play, dalhar"

Of course, there was every chance that this mystery assailant was imitating Joy's voíce as well. This could still be one big ruse. There had been no movement around him that he noticed, but that didn't mean much right now. He had to remain vigilant. For all he knew, Joy could be fast asleep right now, or writing in her journal, or teaching simple chords to one of her little students; blissfully unaware that any of this was happening

But, well. It didn't hurt to check, did it?

***

The Lavish Chateau may not have changed its name since Essek first visited, but it had changed practically everything else. From the colour of the walls outside to the whole floor plan inside. When Marion Lavorre worked here, it was as a courtesan; now her granddaughter worked here as a pianist, and the building itself was more concert hall than inn

There was a man outside the door that Essek had seen here before - a rather tall, lanky half elf with a messy mop of black hair and a perpetual nervous energy to him. The last time he had seen him he had worked backstage, but now he appeared to be the equivalent of a bouncer
"Ah, hello. Dah'fyr, wasn't it?" he said, going up to him "Congratulations on the promotion"
"Oh! Um, yes, and, ah, thank you" he smiled sheepishly "I've only been out here checking names for a week. Ms Lavorre thought it might help me with my confi- you know, talking to people"
"Well, you certainly seem to be doing well so far" the last time they had spoken, Dah'fyr had managed about two sentences before bolting
"Th- Thank you. Well, um-" he drew himself up to his full height "Hello, sir. Welcome to the Lavish Chateau. May I have your name, please?"
Essek chuckled "Essek Widogast" he said, playing along
"Cool. I mean, uh…" he retreated into his clipboard

He watched his eyes scan the names for a while. Eventually, his eyebrows knitted together
"Your name isn't here" he said quietly "I- I know Ms Lavorre said you could come in any time, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to-"
"You might want to check the second page"
Dah'fyr paused. Frowning, he flicked the first page over the top of the clipboard. His face lit up
"Oh, there you are! Thanks, Ess-" he cleared his throat "I mean, Mr Widogast, sir. You are- You can go in"
"Why, thank you" he grinned "Has the performance started?"
"Ah, yes, about five minutes ago. We were sold out, so you might struggle to find a seat…"
"That's quite alright, I don't mind floating at the back"
Dah'fyr gave a weak smile, like he was trying to tell if Essek was joking or not. Essek chose not to explain

As Essek went inside, the music fell over him like a warm blanket. The room was arranged like an amphitheatre, with chairs surrounding a central raised stage in a rough half circle. Dah'fyr had been right - practically every chair was filled, and each member of the audience was equally enthralled by the performance. And right there, in the centre of the stage- Ah, yes. There she was

Now heading into her second century of life, Joy Lavorre was ageing just as gracefully as her forebears had. Her long hair, once a dark teal, had now gone to grey, tied in a long braid and displayed artfully over her shoulder. Her skin was a deep turquoise, her horns black and long, curling around and up over her head. While her mouth was closed, screwed up in concentration, there were still two obvious bumps in her jaw where he knew tusks lay beneath - not large enough to peek out over her lip, but noticeable when she smiled. And she smiled often

Her hands danced over the pianoforte, fingers producing a melody that he knew was of her own design. Before he had met the Lavorres, he had never considered music as anything more than a frivolous hobby, or else simply a method of casting. But no - it was a magic in of itself, even if there wasn't a specific spell woven throughout the notes. Joy seemed just as entranced by the music as her audience, navy eyes intense as she wrung magic through her instrument

Essek didn't bother looking for a seat. He didn't need one. Casting his floating cantrip, he found a dark corner to watch her play. He couldn't help the fierce pride he felt in the moment. He had known her since she had been born, had listened to her first shaky attempts at learning to play the pianoforte (honestly it had been quite painful to listen to back then, but he didn't tell her that at the time). And now here she was. Just as successful as she deserved

At a guess, he would say the concert lasted two hours. But it was hard to make note of the passage of time, when as lost in the music as he was. Upon the conclusion of her piece, Joy stepped back from her pianoforte, took a deep bow, and was met with raucous applause. Essek joined in. He stood back as the crowd filed outside, before heading down to find her

As their eyes met, Joy's face lit up. What a novel sensation that still was
“Uncle Essie!” she bounded over, nearly bowling him over in a hug
It was charming really, how quickly her air of professionalism faded after a performance
“Ah, hello, little one” he chuckled “It is good to see you”
“Oh it's so good to see you too!” she stepped back, grinning “You should come visit more often”
“Well-”
“Oh, yes, yes, I know, you're busy being a super explorer wizard man” she said “But still…”
Essek smiled “I believe the local stray cat population would be upset if I left them alone any longer than I already do”
Joy laughed “Well, I know better than to upset those cats”

“Ah, Joy” he lowered his voice “Is there a place we could speak more… privately?”
“Oh, yes. About my mama?”
Essek blinked. A part of him still expected the voices he heard that afternoon to be entirely false. It was disconcerting to have that assumption torn away so casually
“Well… yes”
“Of course! We can go to my dressing room”

She grabbed his wrist, and Essek found himself being half led, half dragged down a corridor and into a small, well lit room, sparsely decorated with a desk, a large mirror, and several armchairs. She pushed him down into one of the armchairs, while she sat in front of the mirror and started removing her makeup

“So, Jester has been talking to you too?”
“Oh, yes, mama has been talking to me for the last few days” she grinned
“Okay” he drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair “Joy, I don't mean to be blunt, but… you are sure it is your mother speaking?”
He knew Joy wasn't naive, but, well. Someone speaking with the voice of a dead loved one would be hard for anyone to resist
To his relief, Joy didn't look insulted “Oh, yes, I asked her a bunch of questions only my mother would know the answer to” she giggled “I doubt someone spying on us would think to count how many dicks had been drawn into Uncle Caleb's spellbook over the years”
Essek coughed politely “Ah, yes. That does seem unlikely” he folded his arms in his lap “So, what, she just started talking to you out of the blue?”
“Oh, no, it was only after I finished the spell- did mama mention it to you?”
“She said something about a spell, yes. But she didn't give much detail”
“Oh, here, I can show you”

She reached over her desk, and pulled out a sparkly blue journal
“It was rather an accident, really” she admitted, looking for a page “I was messing with the Sending spell. What I was trying to do was expand the allowed number of words. Or else, remove the limit entirely. It just seems so limiting, you know?”
“Hmm” he said noncommittally, trying not to imagine a nightmare scenario where Jester's Sendings were as long as she liked “I assume you achieved something else?”
“Well, yes. My idea involved breaking the spell into its component parts, and building it back up with certain sections reworked. I couldn't find the section that dictated the number of words, but I did find the section that gave rules for transfer upon the spell’s completion. And, well, removing that gave…”
She passed over the journal, open on the right page. Joy had always been good at writing spells as wizards did, even if her method of spellcasting didn't require it. She said it made it easier to explain to others, and indeed it did. His hands brushed over the page as he took in the runes, the notes she'd made in the margins. And…
“This… this would work” he breathed, not quite believing what he was seeing “This would work through planes. You've done it. This is… incredible work, Joy” he held the journal back to her “Your Uncle Caleb would be proud”
She beamed “Thanks” she took back the journal

“So, then what?” he asked “You Sent to your mother? How did she learn the altered spell?”
“Well, she, ah” she put the journal back on her desk “No. She was watching as I worked out the spell. She was learning it as I was. She Sent to me”
“She… they can see us, then? Where they are?”
A warm sensation flowed inside him
“Yes. Well, sort of” she but her lip “Mama says, it's a little like scrying? If she focuses on someone who's on the material plane, she can see them, and what they're doing. But their surroundings… it gets blurry pretty quickly. So mama could see the spell when I was writing it down in my journal, but not when I left the book here to go to another room”
“Ok, alright…” he nodded, taking it all in. It was a lot to digest, all at once
“So that's why Uncle Caleb hasn't been talking to you yet”
He froze “Huh?”
“Oh, I thought that's what you were thinking about. I'd probably be worried about it, if I were in your position”
“It… had crossed my mind, yes” he admitted
“Well, that's the thing - he wasn't watching me when I was writing the spell down” she said “Mama says they can only really focus on one person at a time. And, well, he was obviously watching you”
“Watching… me?” he voice was faint
“Well, of course” Joy grinned, “Mama says he spends loads of his time watching over you. She says he likes to know you're doing ok. Like mama and dad like to know I'm ok!”
He felt a lump form in his throat “...Oh”

Joy tilted her head, watching him. He managed to swallow down his emotions, and composed himself
“I… Thank you, Joy. It was kind of you to tell me all this”
“Not at all! Listen, do you have your spellbook on you?”
“Always. Why?”
“Well, I need to help set up for my next show, but you can stay here as long as you need” she stood up “I thought, maybe you could copy down the spell into your book? That way, if you keep the book open near you, Uncle Caleb would be able to see, and he might learn? It might take longer, given it's a different type of spell to what he's used to, but he was super smart so I'd imagine he'd get it! Mama said she was teaching dad the spell and he was close to-”
She paused. Then, after a moment, she smiled
“Ah, there you go. He's got it now”
“Your father is speaking to you now too?”
“Uh huh” she cleared her throat “Hey, dad! I'm here with Uncle Essek, say hi to him too!”
“Ah, there's no need, he shouldn't waste-”

Hello, Essek. Glad to talk to you again. Ah- Caleb says ‘tell him to please copy down the spell’, that make any sense to you?

Essek jumped “Ah, hello Fjord. It's good to hear from- tell him I'm doing it right now” he turned to Joy “Thank you, so much. If there's anything I can do in return-?”
Joy grinned “No need. I'll leave you to it”
She left the room

And so, he was left by himself. Except, if everything he'd been told today was true, that wasn't quite so. He sat down at Joy's desk, and found her journal where she had left it. He couldn't help but check his reflection in the mirror. He wasn't surprised to see the red rings around his eyes, even if he'd just about managed to keep the tears at bay so far

He found the spell again, and began copying it down. It truly was a remarkable bit of spellcraft. It was almost a shame that Joy chose to become a musician instead of an arcanist. Above his head, he heard her start her next performance of the night. He closed his eyes, and just listened for a moment. Okay, maybe musician had been the right calling for her

He finished copying the spell, and closed her journal. Technically speaking, there was nothing practical keeping him here. He could teleport back home right now. But no. He couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Joy. So he probably had at least an hour left here

As he leaned over to put the book back on her desk his ring, tied around his neck with a loop of sting, fell out from under his shirt where he always kept it. The light in the room bounced off the polished gold, catching his eye. For a long while, all he could do was watch it swing gently, to and fro. He found himself struggling to breathe

Caleb liked to watch over him. Caleb wanted to know he was ok. It was strange, really, how much that affected him. He knew Caleb had cared for him, when they were together. But to know that he still cared, over a century later, enough to watch him of his own volition, when he could be looking over anything at all… it was almost overwhelming

He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out his old locket. Silver, covered in runes. If he recalled correctly, it was a fifth anniversary gift. He opened it up, revealing the little painting inside. It was one he had commissioned only a few weeks after getting the locket. After all, what else was he ever going to keep so close to his heart? He ran a thumb over the canvas. It wasn't a perfect likeness of his husband, but for over a hundred years it was all he had

It was strange. He had just been starting to move on. He kept him always in his heart, of course, if not always on his mind anymore. He had thought he had gotten used to living without him. But now the possibility was there…
“Caleb?” he whispered “Are you really there?”
No response. Of course there wasn't. Caleb never knew the Sending spell in life, it would take him longer than half an hour to learn it now

Hell, there was every chance he was just talking to empty air. Jester had told Joy that Caleb watched over him sometimes, not always. And of course - he was hardly the only thing Caleb cared about. He wasn't arrogant enough to think that, even for a second. And Joy was performing upstairs. Caleb was probably watching her, if he was watching the material plane at all

But on the small, small chance that he was here, listening…
“Caleb, I need you to know…” he squeezed his eyes shut briefly “My life is so much richer, for having met you. I know you were worried, as you got older, that my knowing you would only cause me pain, in the long run. But that wasn't true, not at all. Yes, I lost you and yes, that hurt. It hurt so, so much. But now I…”
He opened his eyes
“My memories of you bring me so much joy, Caleb. I don't have your keen mind, but I don't need it here. I am never going to forget the time we spent together, ussta ssussun. I might wish that we had more of it, but that doesn't make me regret the time we were granted. You made me so happy, my love. Happier than I knew it was possible for a person to be. And the miraculous thing is, I think I made you happy too. And isn't that wonderful?”
He sighed
“Light, I love you. I love you so much. I was so worried the love would fade when you passed, but it never has. And it never will. I don't know if you're listening to me right now, Caleb. But if you're not, I will repeat it all when I'm sure you are. For you need to know: I. Love. You.”

No response. But that's okay, he wasn't expecting one. He didn't really need one. He knew he was loved in return. And what a marvel that was

The show lasted another hour. He heard the applause of the audience, then soon Joy was back in her dressing room
“I assume you finished copying it?”
“Ah, yes. Thank you, again”
“Again, it was no bother”
She held out her arms for a hug. He complied without protest
“It's always good to see you, Uncle Essie”
“It was good to see you too, little one”
Joy chuckled, pulling back. She yawned
“I'm- hmm, I'm sorry I can't stay up longer, but I really need to go to bed. Maybe… maybe you could come back over the weekend, if you don't have anything else planned? There's a new cafe that's opened that I've been wanting to check out, but I don't wanna go alone”
Technically speaking, he was meant to be meeting the Tal’dorei Council over the weekend. But he could reschedule that, now that something more important has come up
“Of course, that sounds like fun”
“Really? Oh, that's so great!’ she clapped her hands together “Maybe we can- actually, we can plan later in the week. I'm too sleepy right now”
Essek chuckled “Go to bed, Joy. You can Send to me when you wake up, I'll have finished trancing by then”
“Okie dokie. Goodnight!”
“‘Night”
Joy left the room

Essek took a long breath. He enjoyed seeing his nieces and nephews, but it was always quite a draining experience. Luckily he had more than enough spells left for a Teleport. Within one breath and the next, he was back in his home, collapsed on the couch. He was just considering what book he should read to wind down, when:

She's so brilliant at the piano, isn't she? I mean, she's brilliant at everything all the time, shesocool, but just now…

Essek smiled “Hello again, Jester. Yes, she's a wonderful performer”

Oh, so you dooooo think it's really me now, huh? That's niiiice

He chuckled “Yes. Joy made a compelling argument”
He was almost tempted to ask exactly how many dicks she'd snuck into his spellbook over the years but… no, he didn't really want to know

For a long moment, there was silence
“Jester? Are you still there?”

Yup! Joy’s gone to bed, so I can't talk to her without waking her up. So I'm talking to you now!

“That's considerate of you” with anyone else, he would be surprised. But, well, Joy was her daughter

He clenched and unclenched his fists several times before talking again
“Jester, is…” he swallowed “Is Caleb really there with you?”

Oh, yes, he's here! He- He says ‘Oh, Essek, I miss you so much, and I think you're so sexy, you have a cute butt-’

Essek laughed, both at what she said and at her terrible attempt at a Zemnian accent “I very much doubt he said any of that, but thank you anyway”

I dunno, he looks pretty flustered sometimes when you bend over to pick things up… (Essek couldn't help the blush starting on his face) I think he likes your- sorry, what was that? I-

She sounded like she was talking to someone else. Essek waited, wondering if that was the last he'd hear from her today. Then:

Caleb says ‘Say thank you to Essek for what he said in the dressing room’, but I don't- He said lots of things, Caleb, which-?
There was a brief pause
Okay, Caleb says you'll know what specifically he's talking about. He's being annoying and cryptic. Do you know what he means?

Something fluttered inside his chest. He had been listening
“Yes, I do. Tell him there's no need to thank me, that I believed every word, and that I'm going to keep repeating it until he believes it too”

Okay, I don't need to tell him cause he's here… wait, did you say something to him while Joy was performing? Was it cute? I-
A brief pause
Essek, Caleb's started crying cause of what you said and I think it was really sweet cause he looks all mushy eyes and you really-
Another pause
You really need to tell me what it was cause I- nooo, don't ‘It’s private, Blueberry’ me, Caleb. Essssek, tell me what you said, pleeeease?

Essek smiled “I'm afraid I must side with my husband here, Jester. It was rather private. And no, it wasn't lewd at all” he added, predicting what she was about to say next “That's not why we're not telling you”

Are you sure?
He could practically hear her wriggling he eyebrows suggestively

“Yes, Jester, I am quite sure” he said “Now, if you will excuse me, I was planning on reading, and then going to bed. May I please be granted quiet?”

Oh, alright then. Goodnight! Sleep well!

“You too. Goodnight, Jester”

I don't sleep anymore, but thanks!

He chuckled, and headed to bed

It was interesting, getting changed for bed, now that he knew someone could be watching. It was strange, how little the idea bothered him
“Are you ogling me up there, Caleb?” he smirked “You always liked to, when you thought I hadn't noticed. You can now, if you want - I always enjoyed being ogled at by you”
It was a pleasant sensation, being desired by someone you desired in turn. It was a feeling he had quite forgotten, but it was returning in full force now, silky smooth and molten hot deep in his belly. He'd wager good money that Caleb wasn't watching. He knew him well enough to know he wouldn't infringe on his privacy. But still, the possibility that he could be watching was a thrilling one…

He paused, before pulling his spellbook back out of his wristpocket. Opening it to the page he had copied the spell into, he laid it down on his bedside table. He wasn't sure how far Caleb could see beyond him. Joy had only said that Jester couldn't see her spellbook when she left the room, but that didn't necessarily mean that he had the whole room to play with. Hopefully, if he left it by the bed, Caleb would be able to see it while he tranced

He lay down in bed, trying to clear his head. It was hard. Funny - the Mighty Nein were still making his head spin, even beyond the grave. He curled in on himself, and sighed. In the dark, as sleep crept in on the edges of his mind, it was harder to keep the grief at bay
“Goodnight, Caleb” he said, very quietly “I love you. I miss you”
It was nice to imagine, wherever he was, Caleb saying it back

***

He had expected to wait weeks, months, years, before his beloved got the hang of the spell. Learning from Jester, it would be an entirely different form of the arcane, after all. He would be having to learn essentially from scratch

But he had forgotten, somehow, how extraordinary Caleb Widogast’s mind truly was

He woke up slowly, his mind full of cotton wool. He had planned on trancing last night, but it didn't surprise him that he had fallen asleep instead. Enough had happened yesterday to warrant it. That is, assuming the day before wasn't actually some long, bizarre, wonderful dream

He looked around the empty room through eyes still half-shut, and frowned. It was strange - he didn't have the sensation of being watched, but at the same time, he didn't feel alone. It wasn't the cats - if they were nearby, they would've made their presence known. His head was heavy in the way it often was upon waking up, but there was something else there too, external, pressing up against the edges of his mind

Something gentle. Something familiar

His breathing hitched. Slowly coming back to himself, he pushed himself up into something close to a sitting position
“H- Hello?” his voice, cracked with sleep, scratched at his throat “Is… Is someone there?”
He couldn't say his name, not yet. He couldn't give himself false hope

He felt something, again. Pushing against him like a strong gust of wind, only more insistent, more personal. Like an echo, reversed to come before the action
“Hello?”

And then, some soft, vulnerable part of him deep inside broke free as he heard, for the first time in over a hundred years:

Essek?