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Three weeks.
It had been three weeks since the invasion had happened, since the four turtles had saved the city for the third time and came back broken. Both mentally and physically. Raph had vision problems for two of those three weeks, his eye healing from the infection forced upon him after his Krangification. Mikey had suffered from using his mystic hands, scars littering his arms all the way to his shoulders, hands shaking from the overuse of his ninpō. Leo had broken bones from his 1vs1 against the Krang leader, but thanks to their enhanced healing factor, those had healed and Leo was already back on his feet and annoying his brothers. Donnie had struggled with everything that even looked slimy, phantom touches over his body from his time in the Technodrome that had lingered for the first week.
But they were all better. They'd all healed physically, sparring and going on patrols just as they had before everything had gone to hell. The new member of their family was proof it had happened, the time traveler visiting just as often as April between his explorations of a planet that wasn't destroyed.
Except, that was only physically. Mentally was another topic altogether.
Each and every member of the family still had bad days, where the memories of their newfound trauma became too much, overwhelming them in a way the days after the demon called the Shredder never had.
Today was no different. Today was a bad day for one of the turtles, as much as he loathed to admit it. He kept it silent, forcing himself to act normal until he could lock himself away until everything was semi-okay again.
Breakfast was hard. Mikey had cooked their favorite pancakes, each plate made to their own specifications and set in their spots. Leo and Mikey were joking about something he couldn't focus on. Raph was inputting every now and then, making a comment the other two laughed at. He could barely register when someone asked him a question, loaded fork pausing mid-way to his beak as his glanced up with tired and questioning eyes.
"I apologize, please repeat the question?"
And didn't that get him worried looks.
Mikey, seemingly the one who had originally asked, frowned. "I asked if you were okay. You're really quiet, more than normal."
Shit, he'd already been found. Barely into the day and his cover had been blown. "I'm perfectly alright, Michael. Just… thinking over calculations for a recent invention. A new system to be later installed into the Tank, hopefully something that will increase the amount of energy saved between the battery and each different system-"
"Okay, we didn't ask for a science lesson." Leo groaned, shoving a forkful of his own breakfast into his beak. "It's too early to hear your ramblings, no offense. Maybe later."
And Donnie didn't have the energy to feel upset that no-one wanted to hear the details of a fake invention. Half of his focus was on the tingling under his skin, the foreign energy zipping through his veins, the binary code running through his mind that made no sense.
He simply sighed, waving a hand distractedly before taking a mouthful of plain pancakes. At least it had worked. His brothers weren't worried about him anymore, continuing their conversation between each other.
Breakfast was over an hour later, plates being cleaned and put away, brothers splitting off to do their own things.
Donnie refused to acknowledge the fact he near-sprinted to his lab, stabbing at his gauntlet with shaking fingers until the door slid shut and the locks clicked into place. He slumped against the wall, battleshell scraping against the metal horribly. The sound reverberated in his head, drowning out the whirring and buzzing of his computer and AC.
Red and blue eyes unfocused, hands flapped frantically at his sides, and time passed without being noticed. It could have been seconds, it could have been minutes, it could have been hours. But with no way of knowing, no clock ticking each second, his computer on sleep mode and his gauntlet's screen black, Donnie was only startled when someone knocked on the door he was slouched against. The vibrations rippled through his entire body, drawing Donnie away from his blank mind and back into the real world.
"Donnie! Lunch!"
Lunch? Donnie frowned, beak working silently. Hadn't they just had breakfast? Surely he hadn't sat there the entire morning, doing absolutely nothing productive instead of working on something?
"Donnie?"
Ah, yes. Lunch.
But Donnie couldn't bring himself to stand up, to move. His beak snapped shut, words dying on the tip of his tongue, and his head fell back to hit the metal with a dull 'thunk'.
"Are you okay?"
No, God no. Nothing was okay, he wasn't okay. He'd wasted the entire morning, missed out on hours of precious time, and now he couldn't even move.
"Is your door locked? Can you unlock it?"
Oh. Right. He'd locked it upon entering after breakfast. Numbly, Donnie tapped at his gauntlet until the screen lit up, and brought up the door controls. Three options came up. Lock down, unlock, weapons. His finger hovered over the unlock option, but his eyes locked onto the weapons option. It was uncomfortably tempting, and part of his mind felt horrified at the prospect.
Those weapons were for emergency reasons, for if their home came under attack, everyone could hide in his lab and the weapons would keep their attackers away.
But now, it seemed to be almost calling him. Encouraging him to press it. The tingling under his skin buried deeper, deeper into his body until it touched his bones.
And suddenly, it didn't feel like tingling anymore. It felt like something shifting, wriggling and diving through him like a worm underground. No. Not a worm.
A tentacle.
Multiple tentacles.
His vision vanished before he registered it, his breath hitching painfully. The binary running through his head suddenly made sense. The energy zipping through his veins felt even more foreign, as if it wasn't belonging to him at all.
The door behind him slid open, and he fell backwards. His artificial shell changed against the floor, and he wasn't at the lair anymore. He wasn't in his lab, he was back in the control panel, two minds merging until they were one, two consciousness' weaving together.
He could hear the fighting of his twin and older brother floors above him, the gagging of his baby brother not too far away. The yells of an angry Commander, the struggling of a captured pilot.
Plans and schematics flashed in front of his eyes, of world conquering and ships not unlike the one he was a part of. Memories of planet's not unlike earth falling victim to the Krang played in the background, forcing nausea to build in his non-existent stomach.
"How dare you desecrate Krang's ship!"
Something weighted fell over his body. Nothing like the ship's control panel. It was soft, warm, familiar. Something gripped his wrists, gentle but firm, pinning them to the ground. Another something gripped his ankles, doing the same thing as his wrists.
The schematics and plans and memories and sounds faded into nothing, leaving darkness and ringing. Someone spoke, yelled words he couldn't decipher.
His body shifted and twisted and turned against the hold, trying desperately to free itself, yet Donnie couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't still himself, couldn't open his beak and say something, couldn't rid of the darkness smothering his vision.
"You're okay! You're okay! You're home, you're safe!"
Donnie's eyes snapped open.
The purple ceiling of his lab was the first thing he saw, modified lights burning his retinas. A blue smear in his peripheral caught his attention, stood out against everything else, and someone hissed.
"Heeeey Dee! Feel free to stop thrashing anytime now!"
He fucking wanted to.
But he had no control over his actions, an unseen force treating his body like a puppet with invisible strings. He could feel his heart beating painfully against his plastron, his head pounding against his skull, his blood rushing through his veins impossibly fast.
But the squirming under his skin was still present, shifting against the periosteum protecting his bones. It was unrelenting, almost tickling his skeleton as it tried to make a connection with his system.
"Hey, hermano, what's the Fibonacci sequence? Can you tell us?"
The Fibonacci sequence? Of course he knew it. But what did that have anything to do with the agonizing chaos that was his situation?
The numbers ran through his mind like second nature, and his beak opened without his permission. "One."
"Uh huh, what's the other numbers?"
This was a test. It had to be. There was no other reason he had been asked to recite his favorite sequence. Pizza Supreme, it was one of his battle cries! "One, two, three, five, eight, thirteen, twenty-one."
But… reciting the numbers helped. Somehow. He felt more in tune with his own body, felt the soft but firm grips on his wrists and ankles properly, heard the sounds of his lab again, though faintly.
"Any more you can remember in that head of yours?" Leo asked, his voice somewhere in front of Donnie. "What's after that?"
"Thirty-four." He felt the effort of speaking that time. Felt the words form in his chest and climb up until they left his beak, bouncing between air particles so everyone could hear. It took all his strength to still his body, but he managed it, muscles relaxing and leaving him laying limply on the ground. "What…?"
"That's what we'd love to know!" Mikey.
Everything rammed into Donnie at once. The entire morning, the horrible feeling clinging to him since he first woke up.
The tentacles burrowing into his body.
Mikey leaned into Donnie's field of vision, expression twisted in concern and worry. "Was it from the…?"
Donnie nodded slowly, numbly, tugging against the grips until they released his limbs. He didn't get up though, content to stay laying until he felt marginally okay again. He didn't trust anything right now. "I can feel my bones, and it's fucking nauseating."
Both brothers shifted immediately, Leo wrapping an arm over his shoulders and sitting him up, Mikey clinging to his arm almost protectively. "Welcome to the club." Leo joked weakly, smile vanishing and a frown replacing it. "Seriously though, you good? Not gonna freak on us again? Cause that was terrifying, not gonna lie."
Guilt flooded Donnie at his brother's words, and the softshell grimaced. "Apologies. I… am unsure what happened-"
"Bullshit." Mikey glared daggers at Donnie, eyes burning bright. "You know exactly what happened. I KNEW you weren't okay at breakfast, and you LIED to us!"
The nausea returned, rolling in his stomach and threatening to crawl up his oesophagus. He swallowed it down, forced the acid to stay where it was. "I… The…" He didn't know how to explain. He didn't know how to describe the problem, didn't know how to put everything into words.
But he didn't need to. Leo's expression shifted into something bordering sympathy, and the Slider pulled him closer.
"Bad day, huh?" Leo sighed, resting his head on Donnie's shoulder. "I get you. But you seriously need to just tell us, instead of locking yourself away and suffering… this." He swept a hand over Donnie before dropping it to clasp Donnie's hand on his own. "Even just a 'Bad day' would do, and we'd do what we can. Idiot."
The faintest hints of a smile made itself known, and Donnie slumped tiredly against Leo. "That's my insult."
"Well, consider it stolen. Cause if you keep pulling this, it'll be used a lot more."
The smile faded. "This is the worst it's been." Donnie admitted quietly, voice barely above a whisper. "Usually I just work through it."
The room fell quiet, the admission digging its way into everyone's consciousness. Mikey shifted slightly, and sighed. Sat up straighter, and flicked Donnie in the head. "Tell us next time! You're not special with your suffering, we all know the pain of suffering flashbacks, we'd help you through it!" It was clear to the twins that Dr Delicate Touch had taken the reins, the both of them flinching away despite Donnie being the only one taking his attention.
Donnie swallowed, his gaze falling to his lap. He felt like he was a tot again, avoiding the gaze of whoever was telling him off for making a controlled explosion. The similarity almost made him smile, if it wasn't for the situation.
It took a few seconds for him to find his voice, and when he did, it was just as quiet as before. "I still feel it, sometimes. The merging sequence. The- The tentacles digging into my shell and my arms. I hate how it makes me hyper aware of my own biology, how I feel them scraping against my bones as it made the connection."
"That explains the 'feeling my bones' quote." Leo hummed next to his ear. "What if we had a pile? Would that help?"
Donnie fell quiet, uncharacteristically mulling it over. He'd never thought about trying such a thing, not wanting to bother his brothers, or assuming it'd make things worse. But if Leo was suggesting they try it, the main medic of the family…
"Could we?" Donnie whispered, gaze hopeful as it rose to flicker between Mikey and Leo.
"Sure! I'll tell Raph for when he gets back!" Mikey grinned, bouncing up with renewed energy, Dr Delicate Touch nowhere in sight. Thank Einstein.
That persona was scary.
Nodding hesitantly, Donnie slowly got his shaky legs under him and stood up, leaning against the wall for stability. His battleshell was too heavy, both comforting and unpleasant at the same time. A hand raised to hit the release, but froze mid-way.
Memories of the control panel flashed by in a nano-second, and the hand shook.
"Hey, hey. Don, look at me. It's okay. You're home. You want your hoodie? Nothing's gonna touch your shell. Okay? You're safe."
Donnie nodded numbly, his raised hand clenching before dropping back to his side. A swallow. "Can- Can you take it off for me." He saw Leo nod and move to reach for the release button, holding his breath as it was pressed. The hiss of his shell releasing, and his favorite purple holding was pulled over his head. He raised his arms, pushing them through the correct holes, pulling the hood up to cover his head.
It was… better. The silky fabric felt nice on his leathery shell, the weight was comforting.
"You good?"
Another nod, and Donnie leaned further into Leo. "Mhm." Both Leo and Mikey grinned, and it brought a small smile to Donnie's face. Even if it was hidden in Leo's shoulder.
"Come on, let's head to the lounge. Jupiter Jim marathon?"
That sounded nice. Piled with his brothers, watching their favorite show. An arm gently pulled him away from his lab, and Donnie stumbled slightly at the sudden movement, head spinning. When did he last eat? When was breakfast? What time was it?
"Aaaafter some food. You missed lunch, and I'm pretty sure you didn't drink anything at breakfast."
Well, there was one answer at least.
Mikey bounded forward with a grin, waving the two away as they headed towards the lounge. "I'll make the food! You two get settled and I'll join you!"
A chuckle, and Leo rolled his eyes. "Alright then, you heard the man! Let's go!"
There was no room for Donnie to complain as he was led to the main room in the lair, pushed non-too-gently into the couch, and used as a pillow.
Maybe things would be okay again, one day.
And as Raph rushed in with apologies on his tongue ten minutes later, fussing over the twins before settling on the other side of Donnie, and Mikey came in with bowls of popcorn and a plate of reheated scrambled egg, Donnie could believe it would be okay.