Archive of Our Own ^beta

Buck hauls the last of his boxes into the Diaz house on a Thursday afternoon. Maddie has Sage and Chris is… somewhere. The kid sometimes disappears into his room or the kitchen or the backyard without saying anything. Eddie says it's a symptom of being a teenager, though Buck never had to tell anyone where he went when he was that age since his parents didn't care.

Anyway.

Eddie stands in the middle of the living room with his hands on his hips. "We're definitely going to need to get rid of some stuff."

Buck cocks his head. "Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing in the kitchen? Choosing what we keep and donate?"

Eddie shrugs and sidles closer, always a little nervous when he starts something physical between them even when Buck says it's okay. It took Eddie a while to even get the memo that Buck likes physical touch. Buck had to literally grab Eddie's hand and drop it on his own head several times before Eddie started playing with his hair.

Right now, Eddie moves closer and Buck grabs him by the waist. "I figure," Eddie says, "you'll be the one in the kitchen most of the time so you should be the one to choose what we keep."

"Or you want me to do all the work."

Eddie grins and gives him a chaste kiss. "You caught me."

"See, I know you," Buck laughs.

"Yeah, you do." Eddie backs away but keeps one hand on Buck's forearm. "But seriously, I don't know what we should keep in there. I can handle the linens."

Buck kisses Eddie on the forehead (the guy's the perfect height for it) and then manages to tear himself away. "Okay, but don't get rid of that blue blanket. You know the one."

Eddie waves a hand. "Yeah, yeah, I know. And you can double check my work later."

"I trust you."

With that, Buck heads to the kitchen with the sounds of Eddie opening a box behind him. He has to duck slightly under the curtain to the dining room; they really need to figure out the sleeping situation. Maybe they'll do what Chim and Maddie did and set Sage up in the bedroom and themselves in the dining room. Sage needs good sleep. She's a growing girl. 

Of course, then they wouldn't be able to do anything remotely intimate since Chris would have to walk past their bed to get to the kitchen. The only other option is to find a bigger house, and Buck isn't sure if they're ready for that yet.

He starts on the boxes in the kitchen. Most of the pans from his place are in better condition because they're newer and he takes better care of them, so he makes sure all the lids match up and sets some if Eddie's aside for donation. He goes through cutlery, kitchenware, storage containers, and dishes. He has to rearrange a few cabinets to fit all of Sage's bottles and bowls, though he tries to move as little as possible. He'd rather not shake things up too much.

Obviously they're going to donate as much as they can. There are people in need who could use the things they're getting rid of, and donating instead of throwing things away will help minimize waste. Reduce, reuse, recycle, as they say. Buck wants to teach Chris and Sage how to be environmentally responsible, though Eddie has already done an amazing job with Chris and Sage hasn't developed complexity of thought to understand sustainability. But it never hurts to start early, he figures.

He's only gotten through about half of the kitchen when Chris wanders in and greets him dully.

"Hey," he says with a tentative smile. Despite how welcoming Chris has always been and how much he knows the kid loves him, he's still nervous about how he'll feel about him officially moving in. "Hungry?"

Chris shrugs and heads for the pantry.

"O-okay. Need a bowl?"

Chris shrugs again and takes the bowl Buck holds out to him. He sets it on the table and pours out an ungodly amount of chips until they nearly topple out. Buck wonders how he plans to carry those into his room.

"Everything okay, bud?" Buck asks, uncomfortable with Chris's silence and icy demeanor. 

"Fine," Chris replies. He takes the bowl but leaves the open bag of chips. He leaves a trail of crumbs behind him as he walks out of the room.

Buck remains still for a long moment, mind whirring. There's no shortage of reasons Chris might be upset, and Buck shudders to think that he might be part of it. Still, he takes a moment to put the bag of chips back in the pantry and resumes his dish sorting. 

When he sees Eddie a while later on his way to the bathroom, he reaches out a hand. "Do you have any idea why Chris is annoyed?" Buck asks.

"He lost his game," Eddie replies. 

Buck breathes a sigh in relief. "Oh. Good."

Eddie gives him a strange look and shakes his head a little. "How's the kitchen going?"

"Fine. We might end up with more stuff than you had before. I mean, you don't even have a baking sifter."

"Why the hell would I need that?"

"You have to sift the dry ingredients when you bake," Buck explains. "It prevents lumps in the dough."

"You're a lump," Eddie retorts. 

"That doesn't even make sense."

"This." Eddie pokes Buck's right pec. "That's a lump."

Buck bursts out laughing, because this guy is completely ridiculous and Buck freaking loves it. Eddie has this way of joking with a straight face that never fails to lift his spirits. 

"But I guess if the sifter makes you happy."

"Oh, you'll be happier with well-sifted cookies, too."

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Anyway," he says, drawing out the word, "I realized that we need to choose which bed to keep first before I pick the sheets."

Buck's face scrunched up for a moment. "What? Why?"

"We have different size beds."

"Oh!"

Eddie sits on the couch and folds his hands. "You have a king, which would be more comfortable for us to sleep in, but the bedroom isn't really big enough for all of our furniture if we keep that."

"But," Buck says, taking a seat next to Eddie. He shoves a box to the side with a clatter of decor and mirrors Eddie. "We might have to sleep in the dining room and set up Sage in the bedroom. She'll sleep better in there."

"Right. And the dining room is bigger than the bedroom."

"So we keep my king bed but put it out here."

Eddie purses his lips. "Okay, but then where does the table go?"

"Stored in the garage until we find a bigger place."

"Sounds like a plan."

Buck's eyebrows shoot up. "That easy?" he asks in surprise. 

Eddie tilts his head. "Did you expect a fight?"

"W-well, I don't know." He scratches the back of his neck, eyes trained on the coffee table. When he moved into Abby's condo, he didn't have anything of his own. Then he moved into his loft and Ali chose pretty much everything. Taylor insisted they keep mostly her furniture too, so… yeah. He did. "Guess I'm used to giving up my stuff with partners."

"Then they weren't very good partners, were they?"

His head whips up so fast he gets a crick in his neck. "No, they were great! At the time. But, you know, I-"

"Hey," Eddie interrupts, settling a soothing hand on Buck's arm. "I didn't mean anything by that. But in this partnership, we're going to make decisions together, okay? Fifty-fifty."

Buck feels the corner of his lip quirk up. "Except for the kitchen," he jokes. "Your dishes are way lower quality than mine."

Eddie scoffs. "I'll have to make up ground in the decorations. What the hell possessed you to go modernist?"

"I spent most of my time here or at work, anyway." Minus when Taylor lived with him. She took a lot with her when she left, though, which didn't help with the decor situation, and he'd never really chosen decorations on his own before, so he just… left it.

"You're going to help out when we get a new place," Eddie says. 

"Fifty-fifty," Buck agrees.

—

They have a few hours left before Buck picks up Sage, so they make the most of it. They move everything from the dining room to the living room, including Sage's crib (she has two cribs, actually: one from Natalia and Jee's old one from when she was a baby). They throw together Buck's bed frame and drop the mattress onto it. They shove Eddie's bed in the garage for now, along with the table, move Eddie's and Buck's dressers into the dining room, and get the bare bones of Sage's room set up. At least they have two sets of blackout curtains.

Chris watches curiously from the couch as they carry the last furniture and place it. "What are you doing?"

Buck pats his dresser. "We're moving stuff."

"Is Sage going to live in your bedroom?"

"It's hers now," Buck says.

"You need a room, too. What if I'm thirsty?"

Eddie sits on the couch beside Chris. "We'll look for a bigger place soon, if that's okay."

Chris looks between them a few times. "You should take my room," he says. "You both need to sleep well."

Eddie chuckles and ruffles Chris's hair. "We'll be fine," he says, kissing the top of Chris's head. "You don't have to worry about us."

—

Buck practically runs up to Maddie's door and rings the doorbell. He's not in a rush, per se, but he'll be damned if he has to stay away from his baby girl for one more minute. He's about to pull out the spare key Maddie gave him when the door swings open.

Maddie gasps dramatically and bounces Sage on her hip. "Look who it is! Who is it?"

Sage, who hasn't yet mastered the skill of speech, makes a sort of squeak and practically dives forward. Buck reaches out and scoops her up. "Hi, Sage! How's my baby?" He lifts her above his head.

Sage blows a raspberry, spit dripping onto Buck's face.

"She did good today," Maddie says. "She was trying to poop today but she couldn't get much out."

Buck follows Maddie into the house, Sage now on his hip. He presses his hand to her belly. "Aw, does your tummy hurt?"

Sage says a few syllables that don't mean anything as she hugs his arm.

"We're going to get her a stool softener," he tells Maddie in his normal, talking-to-adults voice. He adds this to the list of conversations he never expected to have with his sister. "She's been kind of constipated for a few days."

"Have you tried apple or prune juice?"

"Yeah."

"Massaging her belly?" Maddie says. "That might work."

"I'll try that tonight," Buck replies. "Thanks. Where's Jee?"

"Out with Chimney." Maddie cleans up a few toys from the floor and tucks them into Sage's diaper bag. She takes one, a stuffed horse Buck bought on a whim, and hands it to Sage. Sage loves the thing. She barely lets it out of her sight. One time she cried so hard for it during bath time that Buck had to speed through it. He uses coconut oil to detangle her hair and had to take extra care not to let the oil get onto the horse, she was hugging it so tight.

Sage snatches the horse from Maddie's hand and shoves its head in her mouth, then lays against Buck's chest. His heart might burst out if his daughter wasn't holding it in.

"How'd the move go?" Maddie asks. "Sorry I couldn't help."

"You helped by watching Sage. It would be a lot of stress for her."

"And for you." Maddie zips up the bag. "You and Eddie are going to have to get rid of some stuff."

Buck shrugs. He feels Sage relax, fully trusting him to keep her from falling. He rubs her back. "We're getting through it. My bed, my table, his couch."

"Yours is newer," Maddie reminds him, as if he doesn't remember the entire IKEA trip with Natalia a few years back. "And it has a pull-out bed."

"Eddie's is deeper and more comfortable," Buck says. "Besides, we don't have enough space for anyone to stay over, really."

"And Natalia helped you pick it," Maddie says, almost whispering when she says Natalia's name, eyes flicking to Sage.

"You don't have to whisper," he says. "It's not like I'm keeping her a secret."

Maddie sighs and smiles. "Of course not. Sorry. But I'm still not clear on where everyone's going to sleep. The dining room won't work for Sage for long."

"Took a page from your book."

Maddie nods in understanding. "It won't work for you for long, either."

"We're used to sleeping in the bunks at the station. People walk by all the time," he promises. "But we can't celebrate moving in properly in the dining room."

"Ew!" Maddie throws a ball pit ball at Buck's chest and Sage giggles. "Don't make me think about that!"

"Sorry, sorry," he says, then kisses Maddie's cheek. "Gotta go."

Maddie shakes her head. "Bye, Evan. Bye, Sage."

Sage reaches out a hand and waves goodbye, the horse never leaving her mouth.

Buck heads to his Jeep and straps her into her seat. "What do you say we meet Eddie and Chris for dinner?" 

He's also learned that having a baby means sometimes talking to yourself. 

"We're going to get dinner and then we'll go home and see your new room." He climbs in, pulls away from the curb, and heads toward the restaurant. "I bet they missed you almost as much as I did."

Sage turns her horse over in her hands, saying "Ba-ba-ba" repeatedly. 

"That's a horse, silly goose," Buck says. "It says, 'neigh."'

Sage falls silent for a long moment. Buck twists in his seat since they're at a red light and looks at her through the mirror he'd set up facing her carseat. She stares at the horse, considering, and then starts saying "ba" again.

She'll figure out animal sounds eventually. She's only eleven months, after all.

He's done a crazy amount of research since Sage showed up, which surprised exactly no one. He'd done plenty when Maddie was pregnant, but he missed out on a lot of her infancy when Chim took her to look for Maddie. This age is new territory for him. He has a whole timeline of age-appropriate milestones to look for, skin and hair care, activities to plan, and uncountable other things. He's stayed up on his phone to the point that Eddie has started to keep Buck's phone on his side of the bed so Buck won't wake him with the light. 

Buck turns on a carefully curated playlist of baby music and finds himself singing along to Five Little Speckled Frogs until he pulls into a space on the side of the road. He spots Eddie's truck parked in front of the restaurant and takes his time unloading Sage. 

Eddie and Chris already have a table near the door and a high chair pulled up to the edge. Buck buckles Sage in. 

"I ordered you a coffee," Eddie says, pulling Buck's chair out for him.

"Thanks." He settles down and opens a menu, Eddie's hand squeezing his opposite shoulder. "How's the house looking?"

"Chris helped baby proof the place," Eddie says. Buck had been meaning to get around to it since Sage started (very slowly) crawling around. "There are a bunch of boxes still, but I have our bed set up."

"Thanks for doing that," Buck says.

"I know we'll probably want to crash early tonight."

Buck cracks his neck. "Yeah, I'm wiped."

"Don't you have work tomorrow?" Chris asks.

"Yep."

"Okay. Can I get a soda?"

They order their food and the waitress offers to bring Sage a paper and some crayons, but Buck politely declines. She's perfectly entertained holding a spoon.

Halfway through dinner, Buck offers Sage a piece of avocado from his plate with his fingers, and she leans forward and bites his finger. Hard. He can't help but yank his hand back with a loud, "Ow!" His abrupt movement causes Sage to jolt forward, and the table falls silent for a brief moment where she stares at him and he stares back.

Then Sage starts to cry.

It's loud. Very loud. She practically screams and flails in her chair, and Buck rushes to stand and unclip her. "Hey, it's okay. Are you okay?" She hadn't moved too quickly so she likely wasn't hurt, but it's the first time she's bitten anyone and his reaction probably scared her.

"Buck-" Eddie begins.

"Let's go outside, huh?" he mutters as he holds Sage close. She tries to push him away, which is also a first, and it makes him feel like absolute crap.

"Buck," Eddie says again.

"We're good," he replies. "Aren't we?" he asks Sage.

She keeps crying as he beelines from the restaurant with eyes following him. He smiles tightly at a woman who practically glares at him, hears her say something to her friend about how the mother should be taking care of this. 

Sage doesn't need Natalia. She has Buck.

He heads to the car where he left Sage's horse and grabs it from the car seat, careful not to let blood drip from the open wound on his finger, and hands it to her. She latches onto it and stops wailing quite so loudly.

Eddie appears from the restaurant and strides toward them, and as soon as she spots him, Sage wiggles in Buck's grasp and reaches out, face twisting. Buck feels his heart break but hands Sage off. 

Eddie bounces Sage as he takes Buck in. "You're bleeding."

"I'm fine," Buck says, reaching into the diaper bag again for a tissue that he wraps around his finger. 

"Okay, breathe," Eddie instructs. He takes a deep breath and Buck mimics him. Sage does, too, after a second. "You want to come back in?"

Buck closes his eyes briefly. On top of the guilt at scaring Sage, he has this irrational mortification at the possibility of being judged by the other patrons. There's no way he could walk back in without feeling that embarrassment. "I think… I think I'm going to go home," he mutters. 

Eddie nods like this is an acceptable answer and not Buck being a coward. "Alright, I'll pay and bring leftovers. You and Sage go. We'll meet you there."

Eddie buckles Sage in, but she at least lets Buck pick her up when they get home. He gives her a bath and puts her down, but she doesn't cuddle and cling the way she usually does.

By the time Eddie gets home Buch has already curled up in bed. He hears two sets of footsteps sneak behind him to the kitchen, and he falls asleep to the sound of soft voices in the other room.

—

Sage is back to her normal cuddly self by morning, though Buck only has a few hours to enjoy it before he and Eddie have to head into work. He kisses her on the cheek before he leaves and she kisses his back, and then he tears himself away.

Last night was rough. He slept fitfully, filled with the irrational fear that he'd ruined things with his daughter. Eddie woke up at one point and tried to reassure him that he'd had a perfectly normal reaction to getting bitten and that Sage probably wouldn't even remember it in the morning. Seems like he was right.

Still, Buck spends most of the drive to the station with the previous night whirling through his head, trying to come up with ways to prevent it from happening again. Unfortunately nothing comes to mind, because Sage is a teething baby, Buck's fingers were near her mouth, and a normal reaction to getting hurt is to recoil.

Chim and Bobby are sympathetic when he tells them the story (he can't exactly hide the way his finger is wrapped in a bandage) and Hen has the audacity to laugh.

"I hate to say it, but it's not the last time something like this will happen," Hen says, patting Buck's arm.

Chim lands heavily on the couch to Buck's left. "Yeah, one time I stepped on Jee's fingers and she hated me for a week."

"But they always come around," Hen says. "Don't beat yourself up about it."

"Maybe get her a teething toy," Bobby cuts in.

Buck groans. "She has one, okay? It was literally on the table in front of her."

Chim holds up a finger. "But your hand was closer."

"I know." He leans forward to grab his mug of coffee from the table and feels the couch shift as Eddie perches on the arm. "She's a baby. I get it." 

Eddie runs a hand through his hair. "How about we play a video game or something to get your mind off of it?"

Buck sighs. "Yeah, okay."

Ravi joins them after a while for an aggressive game of Mario Kart. Buck and Eddie gang up on him and Chim and Hen let it happen, all while Bobby watches in amusement from the table. They've all been a little irritated with Ravi for a few weeks, ever since he made a big deal about Buck moving in with the Diazes. Ravi kept saying that it might be too soon in their relationship, and Buck just found out he had a daughter so a shake-up like living together might put too much strain on them. And he made some valid points, okay, and if it was any other couple Buck might have agreed.

Then Hen came over with a whole slew of examples of how strong a partnership they have, and Bobby commented that Buck practically lived in Eddie's house half the time anyway. Even Chim said there was no way Buck could do anything that might mess up his relationship that he hadn't done before (Bobby made him take care of the contagious vomiter with food poisoning at the next call for that comment). The point being that those on the team who knew Buck and Eddie were confident that they were in it for the long haul and were waiting for their okay to back off the passive-aggressive bullying. 

Until then, it feels kind of nice to pick on Ravi. In a messed-up sort of vindictive way that Buck should probably unpack with Dr. Copeland. He has the team on his side.

They respond to a medical call about halfway through the shift. The sun has begun to set and only Buck and Eddie accompany Hen and Chim in case there's any heavy lifting. Dispatch made it sound pretty grim: a young woman called and claimed she'd fallen down the stairs and hurt herself badly. She said she couldn't get up, maybe broke a few ribs. 

Buck isn't a stranger to these types of calls. He's had the displeasure of responding to several women with a similar story even though it's pretty clear what really happened. Sometimes the asshole boyfriend or husband is still there, standing in the corner pretending like he's concerned for the victim's well-being. The team can never do anything beyond patch the woman up and try to secretly urge her to get out and press charges.

So Buck and Eddie like to come along for extra muscle so the guy doesn't try anything. 

The first thing Buck thinks when they arrive on scene is, "Good thing we came along." The guy- boyfriend or husband or whatever- is waving around a bat like it's his favorite thing in the world. The woman has managed to drag herself over to the front door to let them in.

"Send LAPD," Hen mutters into her radio. She's obviously trying to keep calm, even as the man screams at Chim to back off. They're stuck on the edge of the patio.

"Ma'am," Chim says over the man's shouting. "Can you move any closer?"

"Don't you dare!" the man screams. 

"Please," the woman cries. "My son's in there. Please!"

Buck locks eyes with Eddie. They don't need to say anything, to so much as blink, to know they're about to walk toward a man with a baseball bat to rescue a child. "Where is he?" Eddie asks.

"Upstairs," the woman says.

They move in unison. Buck steps around the woman while Hen and Chim grab her and lift her away from the house as quickly as they can.

"Get out of my house!" the man screams. He whips the bat within a foot of Buck's chest.

"Sir, calm-" Buck begins.

"Don't tell me to calm down! You're trespassing!"

The man moves forward, and Buck would have gotten hit with the next swing if Eddie didn't yank him back by his radio strap. The man overbalances and topples to the ground, and Buck sees Eddie land on top of him in an instant. Buck takes the opportunity to head for the stairs on the right, taking in the house as he goes.

Mold underneath strips of peeling wallpaper. Cracks in the ceiling. Posts missing from the balustrade. The carpet on the stairs is stained and faded from years of traffic. Honestly, this entire house should be condemned.

He nearly makes it to the top of the stairs. He's two steps away.

The wood gives way and the carpet catches his weight for all of two seconds. He hears Eddie shout for him as the carpet tears audibly. His hip and groin make contact and splinters of wood scrape at him, and then he's free-falling.

He hits what must be another set of stairs, noticeably softer, and they give way, too. He lands on his back on concrete and his scream of pain echoes. 

Then, a deafening crack. He tries to bring his arm up in time to protect his face from what must be the entire house collapsing on top of him.

—

Buck has been…

Been struck by lightning.

Kidnapped at gunpoint.

Crushed under a truck.

Buried under a house. Now.

And it's the worst of them all, because he can't breathe and wood slices into his body and steel beams crush him and he feels every inch of it. 

There's something on his face, dust in his mouth. He tries to inhale but it fills his throat. Violent coughs wrack his body, sharp pain shooting through his chest.

He can't breathe. He can't see. His ears ring.

His neck is twisted to the side. He feels the strain. The smell of rot and mildew crowds his nose. Something warm tracks down his face.

He hears shouting above him, loud and raucous. The words jumble together, but he hears a name. Buck. 

That's him. He's… That's him.

He tries to move. Legs. Arms. One hand moves. He lifts it, debris skittering down his skin. He fumbles around his chest for his radio. Clicks it. He can't talk, but he can press a button. 

"Buck?" crackles through the radio. "Can you hear me?"

Click.

"Hang on. We see you."

They told him to hang on, so what other choice does he have?

He hangs on forever. During that eternity he manages to stick his tongue out and dislodge some dust, and he takes in a shallow breath. His spit runs down his cheek. Tears, too, roll.

"Buck, are you with us?" Bobby asks. He must have come to help.

Click.

"We're coming down."

In the space of one breath to the next, there are a series of crunches. A hand grabs his. "We're here, Buck," Eddie says. "Hang on."

They uncover his face first, brush some of the debris away. Then his chest. His legs. He hears, "One, two, three," and then the world spins and whatever numbness had settled over him gets ripped away. He's pretty sure he screams.

Strap him down. Pull him up. He sways.

The ambulance. There's a needle in his hand, a mask on his face. He sees Eddie hovering over him through blurry vision. "Almost there."

He thinks of holding Eddie's blood in his body with a single square of gauze. He looked down at Eddie like this. Eddie doesn't remember. He wonders if he'll remember. 

Fifty-fifty.

—

"How are you feeling?" the nurse asks.

As if she has to ask. Buck's answer is always the same: "I'm fine."

Eddie sits in a chair to his left with his eyes downcast, as always. He stays silent through the nurse's check-in. "Can I ask you how you really are?" he says once the room is empty.

"I want to go- go home," Buck replies.

"I know." Eddie reaches out and threads their fingers together carefully, gently. "But you're in pain."

Buck hums and shifts his legs. Neither of them are broken, so at least he can take solace knowing he'll be able to walk out of here on his own. "How are you?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does," Buck insists. "I move in and the next day I end up l-eaving you with two kids to- to take care of alone."

"Chris is pretty easy these days," Eddie says. 

"Still. I feel l-like I… abandoned you and the kids."

"You got hurt. You didn't leave."

Buck closes his eyes against the fluorescent lights. Eddie turned them down earlier but they still make Buck's head hurt. "And Sage?"

"She's confused," Eddie admits hesitantly. "I think she's trying to ask about you."

"Wait, how?"

"She keeps babbling at me and then pointing at the door." 

Buck can imagine it. He's seen her do the same when Eddie or Chris are gone for a while. She has specific sounds for each of them. The idea that she's been asking for him while he's stuck in the ICU makes him feel even more crappy. 

They won't let him leave. Honestly, he's been worse before, and he lives with a medic now. He'd be fine at home, but he has a few broken ribs and the rotten insulation had entered his lungs, so they insist on keeping him for observation and treatment. He's had a headache for days, due to both a mild concussion and an allergic reaction to breathing in mold for the ten minutes it took the team to get down to him and dig him out. He can see why everyone is so concerned but he just wants to go home.

"I miss her," he mutters.

Eddie takes a long time to reply. Buck can practically see the wheels spinning in his brain. "I could sneak her in," he says eventually. "We might get caught because she's so loud, but I've done it before." 

He'd kill for a Sage cuddle, but even if they don't get caught and Eddie doesn't get banned from the hospital entirely, Buck has seen the bruising on his chest and knows his face probably looks worse. "I don't- don't want to scare her."

"You wouldn't."

"You can't even look at me without flinching."

As if to argue, Eddie lifts his head and looks Buck up and down, but his face tightens and his eyes get wet. "She'd be fine."

Buck blinks rapidly. There's a cannula tickling his nostrils. "Look, every kid deserves to- to think of their parents as superheroes for a while. I don't want to burst her bubble yet."

"That's not going to change."

"Rather not risk it."

Eddie nods. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure Chris never thought of me as a superhero."

"Are you kidding me?" Buck asks incredulously. "The first time I… stayed with him when you took an extra shift." He clears his throat. "He kept saying how strong and- and brave you are. How proud he was of you. He wanted to be like you."

Eddie sniffles, lifts Buck's hand to his forehead, and holds it there. 

Buck has long since become used to comforting others even though he's the one in pain. Even when he intentionally hurt himself as a kid he downplayed it for Maddie. "I'll be home soon."

Eddie leans forward and presses a gentle palm to the undamaged side of his face. "I know you will."

They lapse into silence, though Buck slips his hand momentarily from Eddie's to turn on the TV to a rerun of some medical drama for the background noise. Eddie decides to watch his phone instead, and Buck sort of spaces out in the general direction of the screen.

Eventually, though, Buck turns it back off and shakes Eddie's hand to get his attention. "Eddie, can I… Can I say something?"

Eddie regards him carefully. "Anything."

"Promise you won't get mad."

"Is it something bad?"

"No," Buck says quickly. "Or, I don't think so."

"Promise."

Buck swallows thickly and licks his dry lips. He's not sure if the clench in his gut is a symptom of anxiety or hospital food. "I was thinking. I want… Cause we're guardians for each other’s kids if we don't make it. And I want… I want to adopt Chris. And you adopt Sage." He pauses and peeks at Eddie out of the corner of his eye, but Eddie simply stares at him, so he continues. "We live together now, and you say we're a family. So it's… I want us to really be a family."

Eddie's mouth opens and closes a few times. "We are in every way that counts."

"But not legally. And if you're gone and then something hap- happens to me, Chris doesn't have a say."

The silence turns thick, tense. Sadness wafts off of Eddie, pungent like ash. "You're only saying this because you got hurt."

"No! I mean, yeah. That's why I'm saying it but not… That's not why I think it." He's been meaning to broach the subject for a while, especially since they agreed to move in together. Eddie's mouth turns a specific way, and Buck already knows his answer. "You're saying no."

"I'm saying… Ask me again when you're out of the hospital."

"Why does that make any difference?"

"I need to be sure it's what you really want, not some trauma response."

"And when I ask you again? What'll your answer be?"

"Pretty sure you already know."

—

Buck doesn't want a "welcome home" party as much as he used to. Don't get him wrong, he longs to have all his friends and family together again, but he'd be okay without everyone making a big deal about it. 

Their insistence on throwing parties for him is kind of his fault. Once they got over the lawsuit, he told them that it stung to come back to silence his first shift. Everyone else got balloons and cakes, and he got a single cupcake from a single coworker. Ever since then, they throw him a big party every chance they get. And he appreciates it. Truly. He absolutely loves them for it.

Right now, though? As Eddie pulls into the driveway and Buck sees four cars in the street? He wishes for a relaxed evening with his partner and kids.

Especially since Sage is new to welcome home parties. She's only been to a few dinners at the Grant-Nash house, too. She's not used to so many adults in one room together, and Buck isn't even sure she'll recognize him, what with his face looking like roadkill. He's looked in a mirror and seen the scratches, bruising, and burst blood vessels in his eye. He's not ready for the 118 and family to see his inevitable breakdown when Sage won't come near him.

He makes no move to open the car door. 

"I can tell them to all go home," Eddie says. 

Buck shakes his head. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Alright. You let me know, though."

He nods and tries to pull the door handle, but his arm, hand, and fingers are all broken on his right side so he can't do so comfortably. He huffs in frustration. "Eds, can you help?" 

Eddie hops out of the car and circles around quickly. He opens the door and holds out a hand but Buck manages to twist and climb down on his own. He's never been more happy to have functional legs.

Eddie unlocks the door, and with one last glance that Buck answers with a nod, opens it.

Chris is on him in a minute, giving him a gentle but all-encompassing hug. Buck rubs his back. "Hey, buddy."

"Hi, Buck," Chris mumbles. "I'm glad you're okay."

Chris pulls away slowly and Buck looks up. Bobby and Athena are perched on the couch with a drink each, Chim across from in a chair dragged in from the kitchen. Maddie has a knife in hand, approaching the cake that rests on the coffee table, Karen close behind her. Sage is on Hen's hip, staring wide-eyed directly at Buck. She has this adorable little bear onesie that makes Buck want to cuddle her.

"Who's that?" Hen asks with whispered excitement. She bounces Sage a few times. "Is that Daddy?"

Sage frowns. She doesn't move a muscle.

"Hey, baby girl," Buck says. He holds out his broken right arm, because the ribs on his left side are still healing and Sage has a tendency to smack her face into his chest.

She pulls back a bit at the sound of his voice, and time seems to stop for a split second before she practically screams and wiggles violently in Hen's arms. Hen steps forward and tries to hand Sage off gently, but Sage is having none of it. She grabs onto Buck's shirt and tugs roughly and the fabric bites into his skin, but he scoops her up anyway. True to form, she practically headbutts his chest and babbles at him. She stops babbling and looks up at him expectantly.

"Yeah, I'm back," he says. "Did you miss me?"

She says a few nonsensical syllables and lays her head back down.

"I missed you, too."

A few more noises that culminate in the word, "Dada."

He takes a shaky breath. "Did you just say Dada?"

"Dada," she says again as she fully relaxes against him.

A long moment passes. Every eye in the room rests on Buck and Sage. "Please tell me someone was filming that," Hen whispers.

"I got it," Chim whispers back.

Good. Even though he looks every bit as beaten up as he feels, he'll be rewatching this video every chance he gets. The moment has already seared itself into his brain. 

Buck gets settled on the couch with Sage on one side and Chris on the other. He lets Maddie and Bobby dote on him, bring him food and water. 

After an hour or so, though, Buck shoots Eddie a look that has Eddie politely kicking everyone out. It takes them a while to leave as they file past him and promise to help out if he needs it. 

Then it's the four of them huddled on the couch. Sage sits on Buck's lap with her horse in her mouth, picking up and setting down each of Buck's fingers where they lay across her belly. She's glued herself to him since he walked in, as has Chris. 

Chris leans into him a little. In a soft voice, into the still air, Chris mutters, "I don't like when you and Dad get hurt."

Buck makes eye contact with Eddie. Sage twists on his lap and looks up at both of them. Buck turns back to Chris. "I'm sorry, buddy."

"Dad told me what happened. It wasn't your fault."

"Still," Buck says. "I'm sorry you had to go through it again."

"It's okay. You've always come back."

Sage tips her head back to look up at Buck upside-down, the top of her head pressed to his stomach while Eddie leans forward. "Chris, you know that might not always be the case."

Chris frowns, focused on the movie they'd set playing in the background. "But you both always try."

The words feel like the house collapsing on him again. When Eddie left the 118 a few years back, Buck didn't understand. Eddie was meant to be active duty, to be out on the streets saving people, not behind a desk tweeting about emergencies. 

Buck gets it now. He's meant to be put there, too. It's where he finds meaning. But if staying inside, staying safe, keeps this look off of Chris's face and ensures that Buck will come home every day to his kids, he'd do it. He'd quit in a heartbeat if Chris so much as asked.

But Chris told Eddie to come back to the 118. Chris knows them, and he'd never ask them to step away. He wants them to be happy and fulfilled as much as they want the same for him. 

He lifts his arm- the one not currently held in Sage's little baby death grip- and gingerly wraps it around Chris's shoulders. "Always," he promises.

—

Buck lets Sage sleep in the bed with him for the first time in months. They'd stopped bed sharing after she'd gotten settled in her new home and he'd grown more or less used to having a months-old baby, but today is a special circumstance. He's back from a hospital stay she can't begin to understand and she'd said her first word earlier, so Buck convinces Eddie it's alright. 

They remove all the blankets from the bed and settle in with Sage between them. Their bed is plenty big enough.

Sage, of course, falls asleep first, laying on her back with her head turned toward Buck. 

Buck is sitting up against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of him. Eddie's on the other edge of the bed facing toward the window but Buck can tell he's not asleep yet. "Eddie?" 

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

Eddie hauls himself up as smoothly as he can, and Buck feels a little guilty for not letting him sleep. "What's up?" he asks, wiping at his eyes.

"Promise you won't get mad." Buck's gut churns. He's not sure if it's anxiety or the pain meds that make him want to puke.

Eddie reaches over and runs his fingers through Buck's hair. "I promise," he says with a soft smile. 

Buck nods slowly. He debated with himself for a while today whether he should wait to ask. Eddie might say no, or he might tell Buck to wait until he's healed or back at work or something. 

Or he might disagree entirely, say that the arrangement they have now works well enough. Why try to fix something that isn't broken? Why make things more complicated? 

Maybe that's just Buck's anxiety talking. 

"Okay," he mutters. He wants to reach out and rub Sage's back or hold Eddie's hand, but his right arm is wrapped in plaster. He takes a deep breath and clenches his left hand into a fist. "I asked you at the hospital if we could adopt the other's kid."

"Yes, you did," Eddie replies.

This asshole is going to make him spell it out. "This is me asking you again."

Eddie stays silent for a long enough moment that Buck begins to relax into the sensation of fingers in his hair. He starts to sag back against the headboard, eyes slipping closed. He's so relaxed that he almost misses Eddie's reply. "Yes."

He cracks his eyes open again and turns to Eddie. "Wait, really?"

"The answer was always going to be yes," Eddie says. "But can we agree not to ask any huge, life-altering questions while one of us is hospitalized?"

"Sure, I guess," Buck says sarcastically. 

Eddie lets out a tiny laugh and then lets go of Buck. Buck's about to protest, because he put himself out there tonight and he'd really like some physical touch right now.

He's confused as Eddie stands up and circles around the bed, right up until Eddie takes his face gently in his hands, leans down, and presses their lips together. And Buck wishes, he wishes, that they could do more, because it's been weeks since they've had the chance to have sex, but he's injured and Sage is sleeping in their bed and they live in the dining room now. Even more than sex, he wishes Eddie could hold him for a while.

Maybe some wishes come true.

There's enough space on the bed for Eddie to sit down, apparently, and he helps maneuver Buck until he's sitting between Eddie's legs with his back to his chest. Eddie wraps his arms around Buck and hooks his chin on his shoulder. "You had to know I would say yes."

Buck leans back and closes his eyes. He hears Sage snuffle in her sleep. "I mean, I hoped." God, Buck could drift off like this. 

Eddie hums, his chest vibrating. "I can never say no to you," Eddie says.

"Sorry about that."

"I wouldn't want to."

—

Buck wakes up the next morning to a crippling soreness in his entire body. He'd kind of gotten used to it, but at least at the hospital he had the option of morphine. He didn't use it if he didn't have to but the choice was a comfort, at least. 

When he cracks his eyes open he notices Eddie's side of the bed empty, but Sage sits up next to him, staring. "Good morning, Sage," he mutters. 

"Dada," she replies.

His face splits into a grin. "Yeah, that's me."

She flops down beside him, head tucked in the crook of his neck, and starts talking. Obviously he can't understand it, but he replies every time she pauses as if they're having a real conversation.

Eddie enters the room with a mug in one hand and a plate in the other and he sets them on Buck's bedside table. "What are we talking about in here?" he asks.

Sage babbles something and shoves herself up first onto her hands and knees and then onto her butt. 

"Sounds interesting," Eddie says. "Can you tell me more?"

Sage does just that, her little voice filling the space as Eddie helps Buck sit up. She's going to be a talker like him. He can tell. Hopefully she finds someone who listens to her as well as Eddie does to him.

Eddie made him breakfast and tea. He eats and drinks in bed while Sage and Eddie talk and start to play with a few toys Eddie brings in from the living room. Eventually Chris joins them, too, and it's a little weird. This is only the second morning Buck has slept in this dining room, the second morning since he moved in that he's woken up in this house. The four of them have eaten in here countless times, but now it's his bedroom. His bed, his dresser, Eddie's bedside tables, Eddie's house. There's a curtain instead of a door. There's a worn spot on the rug from walking into the kitchen.

So it's weird.

But he can handle weird as long as it involves his family. 

Chris goes to get a bowl of cereal, and Eddie looks up from trying to keep Sage from dropping her spoonful of mashed banana on the bed. She's been learning to feed herself for a month or so, and maybe they should have brought in her chair instead of putting their sheets in harm's way. 

Anyway, Eddie looks at him. "I'm going to call our family lawyer today," he says softly. "I want to see what we have to do to get started on adoption." He pauses, pensive. "If that's still something you want to do."

"Of course it is!" Buck says quickly. He manages to set his mug down on the nightstand. "You want to know why I haven't changed Sage's name yet?" Sage looks up at her name, a dollop of banana dripping from her spoon into Eddie's waiting hand.

Eddie's eyebrow raises. "Because it costs over four hundred dollars and you had a bunch of other stuff to take care of?"

"No, cause I was waiting to ask you to adopt her."

"Oh."

"I'd like to make her name Buckley-Diaz." He clears his throat and scoops up some oatmeal. "If that's okay."

"Can I keep my name?" Chris asks.

Buck turns to him, standing with a bowl in one hand and milk in the other. "Yeah, of course. We're not going to make you do anything."

Chris sits in a chair Eddie carried in from the kitchen and sets his things down next to Buck's plate. "I like my name."

"You don't have to change it," Buck reiterates. Wait, has Eddie talked to Chris already about adoption? What if Chris doesn't want Buck to adopt him? 

"I asked him about the adoption while you were in the hospital," Eddie says as if reading Buck's mind.

"I'm okay with it," Chris says. "I think it'll be nice."

"Okay," Buck says. "But do you want it or are you just okay with it? There's a difference."

"I want it," Chris says. "I like you being my dad."

Buck smiles at him, eyes a little watery, and grits his teeth as Sage abandons her breakfast and climbs up onto his lap with her uncoordinated baby limbs. His legs may be intact but the force of his fall scraped and bruised the skin near his groin, so it hurts for Sage to flop around like this. Still, he'll put up with it for her.

There's not much he can do while injured, so he mulls around on the couch when Eddie leaves for work. Carla still comes to take care of the kids (mostly Sage; Chris is more or less independent now) and to help Buck with his grueling physical therapy. He grumbles his way through it with Sage giggling in amusement at his discomfort and Chris doing his stretches in solidarity.

As much as Buck hates needing help, it's nice to have Carla. It's her job, obviously, so it doesn't feel like he's burdening her too much. She also doesn't coddle or judge him.

Not that Eddie or Maddie judge him. They actually enjoy spending time with him, which is crazy. He doesn't even like spending time with himself sometimes. 

He doesn't get much time on his own these days. If he's not with the 118 at work he has Sage or Chris. And he's more than happy to be around all these people he loves and who love him. He prefers it that way. 

So he's more than happy to cuddle up with Sage on the couch most of the day. And when Eddie comes in late that evening and joins them, he's perfectly content to relax there for the rest of the night.

—

They go to see their lawyer a few days later to sign a mountain of forms. Buck has Sage on his lap as usual, and she has a death grip on the strap of his arm sling as she stares at the lawyer. Delia Mendoza, her name is. She gives Buck instructions on how to change Sage's name with the county clerk.

Later on, they head over to Bobby and Athena’s for lunch. Buck's feeling a little sore but infinitely better than he has the past couple of days, so he walks in with a smile and only a bit of irritation that he can't carry Sage. Hen attaches to her immediately and whisks her away, probably toward Karen and their own baby girl. Hopefully they'll become friends like Chris and Denny, who take off to the guest bedroom that used to be Harry's, because there's a game system in there.

"What have you been up to today?" Maddie asks as she hands him a glass of water. She sits next to him and reaches out, and Hen dutifully hands over Sage. 

"Saw our lawyer," Buck says.

Maddie and Hen both look at him in surprise. "Is everything okay?" Maddie asks.

"Updating your will?" Hen asks calmly. They all have one, obviously. They've discussed their wills at length with one another. When Eddie said he'd made Buck Chris's guardian in his will, for example, everyone was supportive, especially after they'd seen him during the tsunami. Chim told them when he put Maddie in his will, too.

Buck waves a hand and flinches when the movement tugs at the sensitive muscles around his ribs. "Nah, I did that a few days after I met Sage."

"Dada?" Sage replies.

"Yes, baby?" Buck says.

Sage says, "Muh-buh-buh-buh."

"That's right," he says. "We got you adopted, didn't we?"

"Dee," she says, and takes a moment to form her hand into a fist, then sticks out her index finger and points at Eddie in the kitchen.

Maddie sucks in a breath. "You had Eddie adopt her?"

Buck nods. "And I adopted Chris. It'll take a while for everything to be squared away. You know, home visits and interviews. Processing time."

"Oh, I know," Hen says ruefully. "The wait is the worst."

"But you already live together," Maddie says. "You're partners, and Shannon and Natalia aren't around."

"They still need to ask questions," Buck replies. "Most of the time the interviews are enough for our situation. Best-case scenario, it's done in thirty days."

Hen raises her glass. "Here's hoping."

Maddie and Buck raise their glasses, and even Sage holds up her sippy cup before sticking it in her mouth and chugging her water for all it's worth.

It takes a month before Buck feels up to returning to work, though his doctor clears him after three weeks. He's sort of afraid to go back, mostly because some weird part deep in his brain needs the adoptions to finalize before doing so. 

He goes back the day after.

All the judge needed to approve the adoptions were a few interviews and proof that he and Eddie actually lived together, and they were set. They throw a little party to celebrate. 

And then they throw another party for Sage's first birthday.

And, look, Buck realizes that she literally won't remember any of this, but it's the principle of it. It's setting everything up in their house that's too small for four, dragging the dining table out of the garage and putting it in the living room next to the couch. It's decorating with animals with smiles and too big eyes. It's showering Sage in gifts she doesn't need and taking pictures when she inevitably sticks each one of them in her mouth. 

Buck sits there on his bed with his phone in hand during the party, everyone he loves out in the living room. He can see Bobby from here. Bobby spots him staring and works his way over. He sits on the corner of the bed and leans on his knees. "What's got you stuck in your head? You should be out celebrating."

"No, I know," Buck replies softly. "I just can't decide whether to- to reach out to Natalia." 

"Would it help to talk it out?"

"Yeah, maybe." He twirls his phone, the screen flashing briefly before darkening again. "She's… She's Sage's mom. It might be nice to send her a picture or something."

"For you or for her?"

Buck shrugs. "Mostly me. But, I don't know. If it was me and I never saw my kid, I'd want an update."

Bobby looks at him closely but fondly. "Natalia isn't you. She gave Sage up."

"I know, but maybe she'd feel better if she knew she was okay."

"I'm pretty sure it would make you feel better, not her. But," he says, holding up a hand as Buck opens his mouth to dispute him, "if it'll make you more comfortable, do it."

Buck chews his lip for a moment. "You think she'll be upset?"

"Maybe. You won't know until you try. Anything you share with her is completely your call."

Buck nods. "Thanks, Bobby."

Bobby squeezes his ankle. "Sage is yours and Eddie's. No one can take that away from you."

When Bobby leaves after making Buck promise to come back out to the party soon, Buck opens his messages with Natalia and licks his lips. One text won't hurt, he figures. He won't make a habit of it.

He selects a picture of Eddie holding Sage, giant smiles on their faces. Sage has a star-shaped blue rattle in one hand and the collar of Eddie's shirt in the other. Buck types out a message: Hey, Natalia. Hope you're not too weirded out by this. I wanted to give you a Sage update. She's turning one today. She's happy with me and Eddie, so don't worry about her at all. Thank you for everything.

He rejoins the party and immediately takes Sage from where she's been passed around for a while, because he can see that all these people are starting to get a lot for her. She has a slight tension to her that he'd like to erase, so he carries her over to a corner and bounces her for a while while talking with Chim. 

She eventually lays against his chest, closes her eyes, and falls asleep. 

Buck has had her for five months. In that time, she's been sick and scared and overwhelmed, but she's also been happy. She's obviously grown a lot and reached a few of those milestones he's read about extensively. She won't remember today, but he can only hope she'll remember feeling loved and cherished through it all.