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“Alright, people, listen up!” Tony says from the front of the room. He’s got that particular tone of voice on, Bucky notices - one that only gets broken out in the midst of battle or the midst of some sort of shenanigans he’s cooked up. Like he’s got a plan, and by god they’re all going to follow it. Considering that he’s gathered the team in one of Stark Tower’s well-appointed conference rooms, Bucky’s willing to bet on there being shenanigans in this case. “Gather ‘round, we’ve got very important things to discuss. Crucial announcements. Unprecedented news.”
Bucky had kind of gathered as much; it’s not every day that Tony Stark himself starts herding everyone into one location for reasons unknown. Most of the time, JARVIS takes up the duty of distributing building announcements in a cool voice and text projected on the wall when requested.
“Cool your tits, Tony, we’re coming,” sounds another voice. Darcy Lewis; short, mouthy, prone to saying the kinds of things everyone’s thinking. Not to mention, an absolute knock-out. Bucky will be the first to admit that he’s got a bit of a crush on her, but who wouldn’t with a dame like that? Only a fool, really. Today, she seems to determined to provide a thick layer of attitude from where she’s managed to snag a seat near the back of the room, sliding in next to Jane Foster and the room’s control panel. “God forbid we miss whatever is so important that you have to announce it via… oh my god, is this fucking PowerPoint ? How have you not replaced that with something better already?”
“I’m using it ironically,” Tony sniffs.
“You absolutely are not. You’re just old.”
“Hey, see if I involve you in my brilliant idea when you’re insulting me like that - ”
“Tony,” Steve interrupts with a dose of his infinite patience, the room’s collective savior as Stark and Lewis threaten to spiral into a verbal sparring match. “We’re all here, we’re all seated. What’s this idea?”
Tony sticks his tongue out at Darcy quickly before hitting a button on the small remote he’s holding. AVENGERS TOWER HOLIDAY CHALLENGE EXTRAVAGANZA! the title card declares, Stark Industries’ distinctive font colored a garish red and green for the occasion while animated Christmas lights twinkle around the border. It’s tacky as all hell - but then again, Bucky can’t say he expected much different from Stark.
“I bring to you - a holiday challenge!” the man of the moment declares dramatically to his captive audience. Glancing around the room, it looks like just about everyone is as unimpressed and unenthusiastic as Bucky is. The only exceptions seem to be Thor - whose curious expression might be about the slideshow, not the proposed challenge - and Parker, who just always looks like that. Especially when Stark is involved. Quickly, he flips to the next slide - a picture of mistletoe, outlined in the same light animation. “We all know mistletoe - ”
“Is that the name of this plant?” Thor booms from the back of the room. Alright, he uses his normal voice, but he’s got this way of projecting that always makes Bucky think of words like booms and bellows and proclaims .
“Yeah, it feels kinda discriminatory for you to assume that everyone in the room knows about mistletoe, Stank ,” Darcy pipes back up. “You don’t know all our backgrounds and experiences.”
“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll explain, can we please let that nickname die? So for those who don’t have the background knowledge about mistletoe - yes, it’s this plant, and traditionally it gets hung above doorways and whatnot so that whenever two people are underneath it, they’ve got to kiss. However ,” Tony emphasizes with a finger stabbing upwards into the air, “Ms. Potts has pointed out that it would be less dangerous to have surprise fighting than surprise kissing. Looking at you, Doc.”
Dr. Foster looks entirely unashamed at the callout, just sitting there with her arms crossed. “I will not apologize for reacting to some floozy draping herself all over my boyfriend against his desires.” Next to her, Thor nods solemnly.
(In truth, Pepper’s declaration was probably made more with him in mind, and Bruce, and maybe even Nat. It’s a rare expression of generosity from Stark to put even the lighthearted blame on someone who isn’t Bucky, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.)
“Yes, well, be that as it may, and as hot as I personally find cat fights, I’ve been told that’s not in anyone’s best interest. Especially my own. So -” he flips the slide deck again, this time to obnoxious WordArt - “this year, we’re playing mistle- foe !” he declares.
It’s almost funny to watch Tony deflate, faced with a silent room. On the screen, Mistlefoe! slams onto the white canvas over and over again. Somehow, it feels more depressing with each repetition. “Really? Nothing?” he says.
“I mean, it’s hard to get excited about something we don’t really… get the idea of,” Banner supplies with a characteristic tact.
“I’m getting to it. Jeez, I thought you’d at least manage to feign some kind of enthusiasm,” Tony grumbles, flipping the slide yet again to a dense page of text. “Okay, since obviously we’re not giving up mistletoe, new rules are these - you get stuck under mistletoe with someone, whoever notices first gets to set a challenge. Physical challenges are encouraged, but not required. Whoever loses the challenge or leaves a four foot radius of the mistletoe in the course of a challenge is assessed a point, whoever’s got the least points at noon on Christmas Day wins. JARVIS will keep score. Capisce?”
“I’m down,” Barton says, lending voice to the general sound of agreement across the room.
“Great, because you Scrooges were going to have to mount some pretty serious arguments to get out of this. It’s not that it’s compulsory, it’s just… not particularly optional. Any questions?”
“Yeah, I’ve got one,” Darcy chimes back in. “Did you come up with this on your own?”
“Doubting my brilliance, Lewis? I’ll have you know, I’m the Stark in Stark Industries , and when my brilliant CEO comes to me and says there is no way we can do mistletoe this year, I set out to find a frankly superior alternative.”
“No, no, I’m not doubting that Pepper told you that we couldn’t do mistletoe. Totally buy that. I’m just saying that I think I saw this on Tumblr.”
Bucky, for one, has the sense to leave the conference room before this devolves into a full-on verbal brawl.
———
Bucky will admit - he’d understood the challenge in the abstract, and even managed to beat Steve in arm wrestling after they’d both wound up under a sprig of greenery outside the gym locker rooms, but he hadn’t really grasped the potential for insanity Stark had cooked up until he’d walked into the kitchen and found Barton groaning. Twitching, really, and propped against a wall.
“What’s up with him?” he asks Steve.
“Lewis,” Steve explains grimly. Like that explains everything.
(It doesn’t, not then. Not until later.)
Initially, Bucky had assumed this was just the latest result of Barton’s usual bullshit, but he starts second guessing when he gets a look at the woman in question. Darcy looks smug , dangerously so, a smirk dancing across her pretty plush mouth and making her eyes twinkle. Frankly, she looks like she’s up to something, which is only underscored by -
“Is that a taser?” he asks.
“Yes,” Clint moans. “And she used it on me. She can’t even legally have that!”
“Oh boo hoo,” she snarks back. “Like you don’t have secret weapons. It’s a rough, rough world out there, Barton, and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.”
“But did you really have to use it on me? Over the friggin’ mistletoe ?”
“Like I said,” she tells him, her smirk somehow becoming even more pronounced. “A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.”
Bucky’s gotta be honest here: if he had a crush before, he’s a little bit in love by the time Darcy waltzes back out of the room.
God, what a dame. Suddenly, Bucky can’t wait to see how this stupid contest plays out.
———
(Maybe it’s stupid; maybe it’s absolutely ridiculous. But as pretty as Darcy is, with her dark hair and big eyes and pin-up figure, Bucky had already been more taken with her quick wit and stubborn optimism and absolute refusal to be intimidated by superheroes and gods and riches galore. Seeing the way she’s willing to stand up for herself if need be, her resourcefulness in the face of this ridiculous challenge - well, it certainly doesn’t lessen his crush.)
———
That’s the beginning of the mistletoe saga, but it’s by no means the end. Tales of faceoffs - of all kinds - fly around the Tower, and Bucky finds himself in his own sparring matches a handful of times. Natasha’s about the only one who manages to avoid the mistletoe for the most part, except for the time she’d managed to trap him in a headlock.
And then, of course, there’s Darcy - who seems to get trapped beneath the mistletoe more than anyone else, but also manages to win each and every one of those challenges. After her initial defeat of Clint, Bucky asks JARVIS to send him any future recordings when Darcy winds up under another sprig.
They do not remotely disappoint.
———
Sam ends up facing off against Darcy on his way back home from the gym one morning. Darcy keeps it simple - pinches his nipples through his shirt, the skin-tight type he and Steve love for reasons unknown, and twists.
Bucky watches the video seven times and laughs remembering the way Wilson had yelped all afternoon.
Amateur.
———
Peter Parker barely lasts thirty seconds against Darcy. All she has to do is pop the top button of her blouse while staring him straight in the eye, and he flees the room. Turns bright red. Barely manages not to trip over his own two feet.
Brilliant.
———
Everyone is relieved when Bruce challenges Darcy to a thumb-wrestling battle. It doesn’t stop her from winning - but it does prevent a Hulk incident.
———
“Look, we can either have a staring contest, or we can see whether you can take a gut punch. It’s your choice, Tony.”
Bucky can’t see what happens from around the corner, but Tony’s loud groan less than thirty seconds later paints a pretty clear picture. Then again - no one really expected Stark to have the attention span for a staring contest.
———
Bucky finds Steve just beyond the elevator bay, doubled over and wheezing in a way he hasn’t since he took the supersoldier serum. Maybe it makes Bucky a terrible person, but seeing Steve like this just makes him grin, because after two weeks of this Bucky knows damn well what’s happened here.
“Darcy?” he asks, not even bothering to keep the smile out of his voice.
“Got me right in the balls,” Steve confirms.
Exactly the move he’d go for, in her shoes. “What a firecracker,” he says appreciatively, even as he moves to help Steve straighten up and make it down the hall to their apartment.
“You can’t even pretend to be on my side here? Feel sorry for me? Nothing?”
“Hey, I’m sorry about your equipment. I really am,” Bucky throws back. “But I met Carter, so you don’t have any room to judge my taste in women. She shot at you , for chrissakes.”
“Fair enough,” Steve concedes.
———
It’s easy enough to lay a trap for Darcy, if you can even call it that; all Bucky has to do is wait under the mistletoe cluster in her favorite coffee nook outside the labs.
“You know, you’re allowed to leave,” she says when she finally stumbles across where he’s propping up the wall. “I’ve studied Tony’s stupid rules extensively, and you’re not trapped if no one else is there. I mean, now you are, now that I’m here, but. You know. Could have avoided this.”
“I know.” Now to be bold. “Maybe I was waiting here on purpose.”
“Oh yeah?” Darcy smiles. “Alrighty then, lay it on me. What’s the challenge gonna be? Fight to the death? Cribbage? Arm wrestling? Honestly you should probably pick that one, what with those guns you’re packing.”
“That a compliment, doll?”
“It’s not not a compliment.”
“I hope you mean it, because I had something a little more traditional in mind.”
That makes a slow, devious grin stretch across her face. “Like what?”
With a deep breath, Bucky gathers his courage. “I thought maybe - a kiss?”
Darcy pinks in a blush, but the smile’s still there. It feels like a good sign. “Have you been waiting here, just hoping to kiss me?”
“Seemed like a pretty good plan to me.”
“Could have just asked.”
“Yeah, maybe I could have. This seemed more festive though.” The banter is great, but he’s getting nervous. “You’re welcome to say no, if you like. Cribbage works too.”
“I never said that.”
“Oh.” Butterflies burst to life in his stomach, his anticipation building to a boiling point. “Ok, then -”
And before Bucky can even suggest anything, talk them into or out of the whole matter, Darcy pulls him down by his shirt to kiss him. Her lips are just as soft against his as Bucky had imagined, and it’s so easy just to sink into her, snaking an arm around her back and a hand into her hair. Their lips move against each other easily, lightly at first and then deeper, and it’s perfect , and -
Just as Bucky’s really starting to believe this is real, Darcy abruptly pushes at his chest. In his surprise, he stumbles back several steps -
And out of the contest radius.
“Sorry, Barnes,” she grins, “but I’ve got a record to uphold.”
“Fair enough,” he laughs. He really shouldn’t have expected anything else - not after he’s witnessed her many creative victories. “But maybe tonight, I can take you out to dinner?”
“It’s a date.” And with that, Darcy presses up on her toes to drop another light kiss on his lips before sauntering off. Just as she’s about to duck back into her and Jane’s lab, Darcy turns around one more time. “Hey, if you have any ideas of how to make sure Natasha gets some points…”
Bucky grins back at her, feeling light in a way he hasn’t in too long. “I’ve got some ideas. Anything for the lady.”
It turns out he might have to thank Stark for all this after all - but despite the ridiculousness of the situation, Bucky can’t bring himself to care. He’s got a date to plan, after all.
(Bucky makes a mental note to tuck a sprig of mistletoe in his pocket tonight. You never know when it might come in handy.)