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Felix had made a mistake. A terrible mistake.
And like everything else annoying in his life, it was all because of that damned boar.
When Annette had broken tradition and proposed to Felix with the bear she hunted, he’d been impressed by her skill and boldness, her willingness to flout stupidly outdated customs and act how she saw fit. And when Sylvain had pointed out that this meant Felix ought to complete the second half of the tradition to honour her brave actions, he’d found himself actually agreeing with his childhood friend for once. He could just ignore it – they’d already messed up the original tradition after all – but Felix found himself wanting to do something for Annette. To prove that he cared about this whole marriage thing as much she did, embarrassing as it might be. It was what she deserved.
Unfortunately, as Felix quickly realized, the second half of the courtship tradition was much, much harder than hunting down an animal.
Preparing a meal from the bear meat? Sewing a cloak from its furs? Felix supposed he could accomplish both those tasks passably enough. But passable wasn’t good enough for Annette. Only the best would suffice. And regrettably, that would mean asking for help.
When Dimitri offered his aid, Felix turned him down immediately. The boar, sewing? That was a disaster waiting to happen. But when Dimitri claimed that he knew someone perfect for the job, Felix accepted after a loud show of reluctance. He assumed Dimitri was talking about Dedue “Perfect Boyfriend” Molinaro, who would indeed be the ideal guide in this situation.
Felix should have known better. When had Dimitri ever in his life made a rational decision?
Sawing away at the bear’s pelt, Felix tried his best not to fume. He wasn’t sure why he even bothered to hide his irritation though – Dimitri and Byleth only had eyes for each other as they sat on the bear’s other side, after all.
Truthfully, Felix had nothing against Byleth. He even liked her, not that he would ever admit that out loud. She was practical and efficient, brutally straightforward, and more skilled with the blade than anyone he’d ever met. And best of all, she was an expert at wrangling the boar. Much as he enjoyed sparring with her, Felix didn’t really get why her dead-fish stare was so effective on Dimitri, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain about his former friend finally taking care of himself.
No, it wasn’t Byleth herself that irritated him. What annoyed him was that Felix just knew it was somehow going to be his duty to explain to all the Faerghan lords why their king had decided to marry some feral mercenary he found in the woods instead of one of their precious daughters. Felix was going to be the one stuck negotiating and threatening and somehow averting yet another civil war, while the boar was off slobbering over his “beloved” – gross – like an oversized lapdog.
Felix paused in his work, looking across the bear to where the couple sat. He had to admit that Byleth knew what she was doing – her skill with blades clearly extended to skinning a catch, and she was currently moving with practiced ease. She spoke in a low voice as she worked, occasionally stopping to point something out or change the angle of her hands. The boar nodded along so eagerly to her lesson that Felix rolled his eyes. Gods, he was embarrassing.
Except…Felix’s eyes narrowed as he realized just how intently Dimitri was staring at her hands. Against his will, memories of the boar’s excruciatingly detailed descriptions of Byleth’s “small, warm hands” resurfaced, refusing to be repressed any longer. Felix forced down the bile in his throat and settled for a full-body shudder instead. There were simply some interests that no one should have to know about their childhood friend and king.
“You are as exceptional as always, my beloved,” Dimitri announced. Felix scowled. My beloved – ugh. They hadn’t even been dating for a full month yet! “Is there anything you cannot do?”
Byleth pursed her lips. “I can’t dance,” she replied, deadly serious.
For some reason, the boar found her statement to be the most charming thing anyone had ever said. With a boisterous laugh, he swept up one of her hands – ugh – and brought it to his lips, unconcerned by the blood covering it. A boar indeed.
“Well, then. I suppose I must teach you,” Dimitri murmured in a low voice that most definitely should not have been used in front of a third person. “Perhaps…tonight, if you are free? We can meet in my tent…”
Great. Great. Just what he needed – the boar doing his best to knock up Byleth before they were even married. Felix’s eye twitched. Maybe he could get his father to deal with this. Wait, no. Jeralt. Telling him might result in Dimitri’s death, but at the moment such a prospect didn’t seem so bad. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about a little boarling running around.
After Byleth accepted the boar’s offer of a “dance lesson”, the pair mercifully fell into silence. Felix was able to make progress on his work, feeling an unusually bubbly satisfaction. Annette had proposed. She’d accepted his ring. And soon, he’d be able to present her with a cloak and meal, and she’d look adorable in the oversized cape, her cheeks stuffed full of food while she smiled happily and praised his hard work…
Dimitri sighed, loud and dramatic and enough to make Felix want to hiss. The dopey way the boar was looking at him only irritated him more. “Felix…you were smiling. Thinking of Annette, perhaps?” That amused grin should be a stab-able offence, but Dimitri continued before he got the chance. “I must admit, I am a little jealous. For her to hunt a bear…it is difficult to imagine a more romantic proposal!”
“I agree,” Byleth said with a single decisive nod. “It is a good tradition. Practical.” She turned to stare directly into the boar’s eyes. “I would like to participate one day.”
“…Really?” Dimitri flushed bright red, the hopeful look in his eyes downright sickening. He fluttered his eyelashes at Byleth a few times, somehow managing to give the impression of looking up at her despite the ridiculous height difference. “I…I would like that too.”
“Good.” Byleth paused, her lips pursed thoughtfully. “…Is there anything more dangerous than a bear to hunt?”
“Oh. Well, it depends on who you ask,” Dimitri replied. “However, the snow wolves that live in northern Faerghus are generally considered to be the most impressive, as a hunter must also factor in the danger of being attacked by the rest of the pack.”
“I see.” An intense light burned in Byleth’s eyes as she stared at Dimitri. “I will hunt one for you when we go north. And then we will marry.”
Well. At least she was confident. Felix rolled his eyes as the boar’s blush somehow deepened, but deep down he was kind of impressed. He almost looked forward to seeing the nobility try to intimidate or manipulate Byleth – it would certainly be more entertaining than the usual battle of wits nobles liked to engage in.
“Not sure why you’re so desperate to marry a boar,” Felix snarked. Dimitri looked dangerously close to kissing Byleth, and he was not putting up with that right in front of his bear. Thankfully, his comment had the intended effect of reminding the boar that he was in fact in public. “He breaks everything he touches and thinks it’s normal to eat the random plants he finds. You’d be better off running away before it’s too late.”
Dimitri laughed, but Byleth’s expression became unnervingly blank. She stared at Felix without blinking for a long moment.
“I’m hungry,” Byleth stated. She didn’t break eye contact.
Dimitri jumped up at once, as desperate to please as always. “My apologies, beloved! I should have remembered to bring along some snacks for you. Please forgive my inconsiderate behaviour – I shall go fetch you the finest sweets at once!”
The boar moved faster than Felix would have thought possible. Before he knew what was happening, it was just him and Byleth. Normally, this situation wouldn’t have bothered him – it was preferable, really, to watching her and Dimitri interact. But now…
“Don’t be mean to Dimitri anymore,” Byleth said calmly. She sounded impassive, but something in her voice made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. “He’s very sensitive.”
Felix snorted, ignoring his unease. “Sensitive? Please. He’s a boar through and through, and I’m certainly not going to coddle – ”
A dagger slammed into the ground next to his hand, close enough that he could feel the metal pressed against his skin. Felix jumped backward and grabbed the hilt of his sword, only pausing when he realized Byleth was making no further move to attack. She stared directly into his eyes as she yanked the dagger free. It was impossible not to shudder. Her gaze was icy cold. Dangerous. The eyes of the Ashen Demon.
Felix had always believed the nickname to be in reference to her fighting skill. Pinned beneath her emotionless gaze, he realized his mistake.
“It wasn’t a suggestion.”
There was no room for argument in Byleth’s voice, and she seemed to view the matter as settled. Without another word, she returned to her work.
Desperately trying to pretend like he wasn’t intimidated, Felix started hacking away at the bear again. “Well. Clearly you two are perfect for each other,” he muttered, not quite able to make eye contact.
“We are,” Byleth replied with a nod, sounding as though she was stating a simple fact of life.
Neither spoke again until Dimitri returned, a basket stuffed with a ridiculous amount of sweets held proudly in his arms. Felix greeted him with stiff politeness, pointedly ignoring the approving look Byleth shot him. He was just being nice. It had been known to happen before. It had nothing to do with her threats.
When Dimitri and Byleth began feeding each other a few minutes later – giggling, making disgusting amounts of eye contact, and pressing their fingers against each other’s lips for far longer than was necessary – it took all of Felix’s self-restraint not to start screaming and commit regicide.
But even ignoring his completely justified wariness of Byleth, Felix wouldn’t have actually interrupted the pair. Disgusting and pathetic as it was, he couldn’t deny that it made him – ugh – happy to see the boar finally relax and have fun. To see him actually enjoy life. To know that he had something to look forward to other than death.
Felix stared resolutely down at the bear as Dimitri started kissing some icing off of Byleth’s lips. And then kept kissing her. Repeatedly. The twitching in his eye resumed.
Angrily cutting away some fur, Felix wondered how Annette would feel about eloping and leaving this stupid kingdom behind.