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Rebecca sits at her desk on a telephone call. Starting the women’s league has been exhausting and exciting; the perfect distraction until it isn’t. Glancing out of the window onto the pitch, images of the past flash through her mind. She clearly pictures “Hi Boss!” written out on the field; the bodies of the players shaping the curves of each letter. Ted curled up into a ball dotting the ‘i’. She has no tears left, but an overwhelming sadness comes over her. If she had only known her time would be so limited she would have done or said something sooner to make Ted stay. She was willing to give it all up and move to Kansas with him so that he could be near his boy. She would have done anything in her power to make it work. If only she’d tried sooner, made more of an effort, or told Ted exactly how she felt in the airport terminal. If only she had just gotten on the plane… if only.
AFC Richmond is running smoothly with new adventures on the horizon, but there is a void; a slight melancholy that floats its way down the halls underneath all the love and laughs of the employees, players, and coaches. The absence of Ted is palpable everywhere she goes. A loving spirit is there in the camaraderie and genuine care everyone has for one another at AFC Richmond, but Ted not being there adds a blue tinge to the edges of the frame, at least for Rebecca. Realizing she has let her mind wander she asks the person on the line if they can continue their call later. She gently places the phone on the receiver as Keeley skips into her office.
“Hi Rebecca, this delivery came for you.” Keeley says apprehensively after seeing Rebecca’s face.
It’s a soft white parcel with her name written on top in squeaky black permanent marker. Keeley smiles knowingly as Rebecca unties the ribbon around the box. She lifts the lid and removes the soft cream tissue paper. In the package lies the pink biscuit box that is directly attached to so many memories and unsaid feelings. Rebecca immediately tears up as she delicately takes out the biscuit box and stares at it for a few moments. She takes in a deep breath as she glances up at Keeley, longing and sadness are plastered across Rebecca’s face before she smiles in an attempt to hide her real feelings.
“Ted sent me the biscuit recipe and gave me what was left of his pink boxes. He told me if I ever felt like you needed comforting, then I should make the recipe for you.” Keeley softly smiles at Rebecca.
“Right. Well, thank Ted for me, please.” Rebecca says as her voice breaks.
“Rebecca, I think it’s time you called him and you can thank him yourself.” Keeley says gently.
“I cannot talk about this right now. I need to focus on the women’s team. I need to keep busy.” Rebecca picks up her purse, hugs Keeley, and races out of the office before more tears spring up into her eyes.
*****
Ted sits at his breakfast nook and receives a message from Keeley “Rebecca loved the biscuits and says thank you! She’s been very busy with the Richmond women’s team!”
Ted reads the message and sighs, setting down his phone. He’s still unable to tell Rebecca just how much leaving her and everyone at Richmond hurt him and still hurts him. At the time it was an impossible decision that he made without fully thinking it through. His mother visiting him muddied up his thoughts and at the time, all he knew was that he needed to feel more fulfilled as a father. Now he realizes that his need to feel more fulfilled was triggered by his need to satisfy his mother, not because he actually felt like a failure as a father.
He didn't have the capacity at the time to take Rebecca’s suggestions into serious consideration, but now realizes he could have made things work differently. He wishes he would have at least entertained some of her ideas. He especially wishes he would have asked Rebecca to use her ticket. “Please stay.” She said… He should have at least asked, “Please come?” He knew she would, and maybe that’s why he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t ask her to move her entire life for him, as much as he knew she would have without a second thought.
He looks at the time and realizes he’s late picking up Henry from Michelle’s for his soccer match. As Ted grabs his keys and opens his front door, he glances at a white coat rack tucked right beside his front door. He bought it on a whim one night when he was feeling home-sick for Rebecca. He whispers “high five, tree” as he taps the branch and closes his apartment door.
*****
Rebecca glances down at her watch and back up at the sign swinging at the door of The Crown and Anchor. As she left AFC Richmond she didn’t really know where she was going until she ended up on the Richmond Green. She crosses the street, staring down the alley towards the apartment where Ted used to live. She sighs as she pulls open the door to the pub. It’s a quiet day, business is slow and Rebecca slides up to the bar ordering a vodka tonic from Mae.
Silverware lightly clangs together as a couple dines in the corner. Rebecca peeks at them longingly. The girl laughs at something her partner says as they clink their glasses together in a toast.
“Rebecca, you look absolutely devastated, love. What could have possibly happened?” Mae asks as she slides up to Rebecca and squeezes her shoulder.
“Oh, just a tiring day at the office, Mae. Nothing a drink can’t fix.” Rebecca tries to smile reassuringly.
“Hmmm.” Mae squints her eyes at Rebecca. “My dear, there’s no need to try to hide it. We all miss him.” She sets down Rebecca’s drink and winks at her. “But anyone would be a fool not to see that you miss him a little bit differently than the rest of us.” A crash happens in the back kitchen as Mae scuttles off leaving Rebecca floored.
She thought she was hiding her true feelings very well. She’d only ever make comments about missing Ted as a coach, not as a friend…not as the potential for more. She’s been in love with Ted for so long that maybe those feelings began to leak into her affection for him as a friend, making them apparent to everyone around. She really didn’t think it was very noticeable, but if Mae can see it, maybe she’s only been fooling herself. Now she’s worried every person at Richmond knows she’s in love with Ted and she feels exposed. Ted taught her to acknowledge her feelings, but his departure has left her wanting to hide these specific ones. A small part of her feels like she wasn’t enough for him, but a larger part of her knows that at the time he felt he owed Henry more. Regardless, it hurts too much to be unsure of when she will ever see him again; the man who completely changed her life.
Her phone lights up and she sees Keeley’s silly kissy face plastered across the screen. Rebecca breaks into a smile, but ignores the call as she sits with her feelings. Glancing around the room she draws lines in the condensation on her glass with her thumb. She remembers Ted playing darts against Rupert just to defend her. She remembers the way she saw a flicker of anger cross his face when Rupert belittled her in front of everyone in the pub. How can someone who fought so hard to make her and everyone around him feel loved just leave so abruptly?
*****
The whistle sounds, game over. Henry’s team lost, but Ted’s head wasn’t completely in the game. He walks out onto the field and gives all of the kids a high-five.
“Good game, guys! Today the snack is……cupcakes! Go ahe—” Ted chuckles as the entire team races off cutting Ted off mid sentence. A collective roar erupts across the field.
“Yay! I’m so sick of orange slices!” one kid yells as he smashes a light blue cupcake in his face.
Ted smiles as they all devour the cupcakes. He begins gathering his things when Henry runs over, face covered in bright red icing.
“Dad! Timmy asked me if I could go over to play Minecraft with him. Would it be okay if I stay there until after dinner?”
“Of course, bud. It’s okay with me if it’s okay with your mom.” Ted says as he ruffles Henry’s hair.
“Ask if what is okay with me?” Michelle asks as she approaches.
“Mom, Timmy wants me to come over and play Minecraft! He created this whole town FULL of cows. I have to see it. Dad said it’s okay with him if it’s okay with you.” Henry excitedly looks back and forth from Ted to Michelle, sugar rush in full force.
“It’s okay with me, dude. Go gather your things. I’ll be there to pick you up after dinner.” Michelle smiles as Henry runs off.
“You know he totally stopped listening as soon as you said ‘It’s okay’” Ted chuckles looking after Henry.
Michelle smiles and looks back to Ted.
“So, I was wondering if you’d want to go grab some food?” Michelle asks.
“Yeah? Yeah. I think I’d like that.” Ted says as he finally looks at her.
They decide to meet at a little hole in the wall for an appetizer. As they sit down at the table Michelle orders a coke and Ted opts for flat ice water. They look over the menu even though they have both been here dozens of times.
Michelle finally lays her menu on the table, “I think I’ll surprise us both and opt for the chili fries. As I do everytime.” She smiles.
Ted chuckles, “You are nothing if not consistent, good choice. I think I’ll go for the wings.”
They both look around the room, a heavy silence filling the space between them.
“Ted, I’ve been needing to talk to you about something.” Michelle glances up at him.
“Oh, yeah? The last time we were in a similar situation was all the way across the pond.” Ted smiles softly.
Michelle smiles sadly, “Ted, I can tell that you’re sad. It’s not lost on me just how much of a personal sacrifice it was to move back here away from Richmond.”
“No, it wasn—” Ted begins as Michelle cuts him off.
“It’s okay to admit it, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad father. You came back for Henry because you love him more than anything. You are a wonderful father and it's okay to admit to yourself that with that decision, you lost something very important in Richmond.” Michelle takes a sip of her drink. “I can see it on your face all of the time. You miss her.”
Ted abruptly looks up at Michelle, sadness covering his face.
Michelle reaches across the table and taps Ted’s arm, “Look, I am the one who needed space to figure out my feelings for you. I am the one who decided to get a divorce. You went to Richmond because of that and found something beautiful in the people there. I know that you love Henry, more importantly, Henry knows that you love him, but you can’t keep trying to be such a good father that you lose sight of who YOU are. It is okay for you to acknowledge that you would do whatever you need to do for Henry while also realizing that you have to have a life for yourself, too. You need to go back to Richmond to see everyone, Beard, Roy…Rebecca.”
Ted’s eyes begin to well up as he makes eye contact with Michelle, “Thank you for that. I don’t regret doing what I needed to do for Henry; to be a better father than I had, but I can’t deny that I feel like a piece of me is still missing. I felt that way while I was there away from Henry, and that gnawing feeling is still in the pit of my stomach.”
Michelle smiles, “You can admit to me that you love her. Remember, I know what you look like when you’re in love. I broke your heart when I told you I needed space, and if all that hurt brought you something as wonderful as your family at Richmond; if it brought you a person as wonderful as Rebcca, there’s such beauty in that. You cannot let her go, Ted. You have to tell her how you feel. You can’t be expected to stay away completely just for Henry.” Michelle clears her throat.
“Promise me that you will go back. Promise me that you will tell her everything you meant to before you left. We will work this out together, after all we’ve been through, I owe you that. Henry will be fine and you’re an amazing father. You deserve to be happy, too.” Ted gets up and hugs Michelle, a tear sliding down his face.
“Thank you, Michelle.” he says as he removes himself from the hug.
“I’ll go back to Richmond, I’m dying to,” Ted says as the food arrives, “but I also need to reassure Henry that it’s just for a visit and I will be back.”
Michelle smiles, “You’re a good man, Ted. I know from experience that Rebecca is a lucky woman to be loved by you.” Michelle raises her glass as Ted does the same.
*****
A few days later Rebecca shows up at Keeley's house looking stripped bare. She’s in casual clothes, no make-up, hair pulled back into a soft ponytail. She steps up to the door, the bottoms of her sneakers scrubbing against the concrete. She raises her fist to knock on the door and pauses, taking a deep breath to settle herself. She finally taps on the wood as a pair of birds flutter across the yard, dipping and whirling around one another in a dance. She hears rustling behind the door as Keeley steps up to open it. It takes one look at Rebecca’s face to know something is wrong. She takes Rebecca into a tight hug and that is enough to shatter Rebecca’s resolve. She bursts into tears sobbing into Keeley’s neck.
“Oh, Rebecca.” Keeley whispers as she places a hand on the back of Rebecca’s head. “Let’s get you inside.” Keeley takes Rebecca’s hand and leads her to her kitchen table as she puts the kettle on. Rebecca still has tears streaming down her face.
“I bought a new vibrator today!” Keeley exclaims to give Rebecca a distraction while she gathers the courage to say what she needs. Rebecca chuckles through her tears. “It’s one of those sucky ones. I was in the shops and I heard these uni girls raving about them.” Keeley gets up and goes to a side table, plops a box on the table and says “I bought you one too.” This time Rebecca is in complete chuckles.
“Oh, you.” Rebecca smiles, “I knew you’d make it all right even for a moment.”
The kettle sounds and Keeley gets up. She places two mugs on the counter top and plops in an Earl Grey tea bag into each.
“I know what this is about and I’ve been waiting for you to be ready to talk about it.” Keeley says as she brings their tea cups to the table and dunks her tea bag as it steeps.
Rebecca glances away from Keeley to look outside into the back yard.
“I miss Ted.” Rebecca looks back at Keeley, her eyes glassy.
“I miss Ted with every single part of me and I don’t know how to go about existing without him here in Richmond. I haven’t been able to call him or text him.” Rebecca takes a sip of her tea.
“Before you delivered the biscuits a few days ago, I was convinced he is so content with being back home that he doesn’t need to stay connected. I began to feel like his time here doesn’t matter as much to him as it does to me, and then I couldn’t comprehend how he doesn’t feel the complete loss I feel.” Rebecca sniffles.
Keeley places her hand on Rebecca’s hand.
“Then you delivered the biscuits and I began to hope that maybe I’m wrong, that he does miss this place, these people; that he does miss me.” Rebecca smiles as a tear flows down her face.
Rebecca takes a deep breath before continuing, “He didn’t come back for Beard’s wedding which felt so cold to me, but I'm beginning to realize that this place means so much to him that maybe it would hurt too much to even think about coming back just yet.”
Rebecca finally looks at Keeley and smiles.
“Rebecca, you’re in love with him. I have known that for a while. Ted decided to leave and I felt it would be best not to say anything after that, but I can’t let you suffer alone any longer. You have to go visit him in Kansas. You’re right, it may hurt him to come back, but you going to Kansas is the right thing. You have to at least speak to him again. I believe he loves you, too, but maybe after making the decision to go back, he doesn’t know how to make it all work, or he is afraid to.” Keeley gets up and hugs Rebecca from behind.
“Babe, you have to go to him.”
Rebecca grasps Keeley’s arm draped across her chest in such desperation as she sobs. There’s a perfectly Ted shaped hole in her life with no way to fill it. She feels incomplete without him. Maybe Keeley is right and the only way she will get closure is to go to Kansas and see him one last time. To lay everything bare and let him show her how to proceed.
*****
The next night after Henry is home and settled from school, Ted heads over to talk to Henry. It’s important to him that he has a conversation with Henry about it. Ted walks into the home he used to share with Michelle and Henry as a family. He no longer feels a heaviness when he’s there. After his time in Richmond and meeting Rebecca, he realizes it all happened as it should except for the fact that he no longer has Rebecca in any form. Michelle slips the door closed behind Ted.
“Henry has had his bath and is in bed reading.” Michelle says, “I’ll be out here when you’re done.”
“No, Michelle, you should be there. It’s important that we’re still united when it comes to things involving him.” Ted says reassuringly.
Ted knocks on Henry’s door, entering after he answers.
“Hey, bud! What ya readin’?” Ted asks as he sits on the edge of Henry’s bed.
“Hey, dad! I was trying to read a book I checked out from the library, but I don’t think I like it.” Henry sets down a copy of The Baby-Sitters Club.
“Oh yeah, let’s see what you got here… The Baby-Sitters Club Kristy’s Great Idea… uh, yeah, I can see how you’d not like that one.” Ted chuckles rubbing his thumb across his mustache. “Hey, buddy, I have something I need to talk to you about.”
Henry looks up at his dad.
“Okay, dad, shoot!” He says, slapping his hands on the comforter in a full grin.
“Did you come to tell me that you’re buying me a pony?” Henry asks, a hopeful look plastered across his face.
“Ha, no kiddo, well we can talk about that later. No, I came by to tell you that I’m going on a short trip for about a week. It’s the first time I’ve gone anywhere since I’ve been back, and I need to know you’re okay with it.” Ted places his hand on top of Henry’s arm.
“Dad, of course I’m okay with it! I mean, I’m in school every day anyway so it’s not like you’d be missing much.” Henry looks up at Michelle, “and I promise to behave for mom.”
Ted glances up at Michelle and chuckles.
“So, where are you going?” Henry asks.
“Uh about that, I’m going back to Richmond to see Uncle Beard and the team.” Ted searches Henry’s face for any sign of bad feelings, instead Henry breaks into a huge grin.
“Oh dad, can I come with you? I love being there with all of the players! Please, dad, PLEASE?” Henry jumps up onto his knees.
“Uh, well, buddy I’m afraid this trip isn’t going to be very fun. I’m just going for boring adult stuff. I don’t even know how much I’ll be able to go around the city.” Ted glances at Michelle for help
“Henry, buddy, I think this is a trip your dad needs to make on his own, but next time maybe we could all go!” Michelle reassures him.
“It’s okay, dad, I know you miss everyone there and that it makes you sad. I know you need to see Rebecca.” Henry says with a reassuring smile.
“Why do you think that buddy?” Ted asks, completely shocked that Henry could be so on the nose.
“Well, when you hear her name, you get a funny look on your face; and I’ve seen you look at old photos when you didn’t think I was looking, and you look at them kinda funny… kinda like the way you used to look at mom.” He says matter of factly.
Ted clears his throat glancing sideways at Michelle and looks back at Henry.
“Well, you’re actually right. I do need to see Rebecca and the whole team. I’ll be leaving tomorrow night, but I’m still picking you up from school for our Monday Milkshakes and fries, okay?” Ted reaches his fist out for a bump.
“Okay, dad! Looking forward to it!” He reaches forward to give his dad a hug instead.
“Good night dad.” Henry squeezes a little harder.
“Goodnight Henry. Hey,” Ted slips his finger under his chin and lifts it up “I love you.”
“I love you too, dad.” Henry lays back pulling the covers up over his shoulders.
Michelle slides out of the way as Ted makes his way out, closing Henry’s door.
“Kids can sometimes surprise you, huh? They tend to see things a little more clearly than adults do.” Michelle says as she wraps her cardigan around her.
“He sure is something.” Ted says smiling as they walk through the living room.
“I’ll see you tomorrow when I drop Henry off.” Ted begins to open the front door to leave, “And Michelle?”
“Yeah, Ted?”
“Thank you, again.” Ted smiles before closing the door behind him.
*****
Crisp, white wine splashes into a glass from the bottle Rebecca is holding. Her bags are packed, and she leaves the next day for Kansas. She glances over to the little green army man waiting patiently to be placed into her travel bag. Underneath it lies the first plane ticket she bought to Kansas, unused. She hadn’t dared throw it away, the implications of it meaning too much to her. If only Ted had told her to join him, she would have gone without a second thought. She hadn’t packed a bag that day simply because Ted inviting her to follow him to Kansas is all she’d ever need. She would scale mountains barefoot if it meant she could spend one more second in Ted’s company, but he hadn’t made even the slightest hint at her tagging along.
She’s afraid actually going this time is a mistake, that she will show up and he will be with another woman, or back with Michelle and the thought hurts too much to bear. She is afraid of what news lies for her in Kansas, but also knows if she doesn’t go and find out, she will never be able to move on from the possibility of a perfect life with her Ted.
Rebecca gulps down her wine tucking the army man and the old ticket in her travel bag. Tomorrow holds the answers to all of her questions.
*****
Ted drops Henry off back at home and promises that his first stop as soon as he’s back from England will be to see him. Michelle gives him two thumbs up from the porch, Ted chuckles and gives a little wave. He hasn't completely thought this through, he just knows he needs to see Rebecca. His bags are packed, and he makes his way back to his apartment just in time for his scheduled Uber ride.
*****
The plane jolts as the wheels make contact with the pavement, they’re racing down the tarmac as fast as her racing heart. The plane slows, but her heart is still going 900 km/h high in the sky. She’s been grasping onto the paper where Ted’s address is written so hard that the wrinkles have nearly obscured the writing.
She steps out of the gate making her way to baggage claim. Never has she felt so nervous, the entire next course of her life is on the line. She passes Kansan travelers all smiling at her, some say hello. She could get used to this; she thinks. A place where everyone is as kind as Ted? Seems like the healing experience she needs. As she arrives at the baggage claim, the luggage is already making its way around the conveyor belt system when she spots her bag. A kind young gentleman helps with her bag and she thanks him. She makes her way outside completely turned around. She didn’t really plan on anything past arriving in Kansas. She just assumed that taxis would be a regular thing in an airport and apparently, she was wrong as there weren’t many travelers today.
She’s looking up at the beautiful sky bright with stars as she accidentally bumps into someone on the sidewalk.
“Excuse me, I apologi—.” Rebecca cut off the last word abruptly when she sees the person in front of her.
*****
Ted’s Uber arrives at the terminal, he steps to the trunk to retrieve his bag before shaking his Uber driver’s hand. He stands on the edge of the pavement and gives the driver a 5-star rating when he looks up from his phone at the exact same time someone bumps into him.
“Excuse me, I apologi—.” Says a familiar voice, it takes a moment for his brain to register the accent. He first notices the soft blonde hair, hair he has imagined running his hands through a million times; hair he has felt brush his face in an airport similar to this one. He finally looks into her eyes, stunned to see the most beautiful woman he ever laid eyes on finally in his presence again.
*****
The moment Rebecca registers that the person she just bumped into is Ted it feels as though lightning struck her head and ran to the bottoms of her feet. She is speechless and staring at the face she cares most about in this entire world. What feels like a million years passes and all she can says is,
“Ted.”
“Hi Rebecca.” Ted says, too shocked to say much more. Slowly they make their way into each other’s arms. No words come to her mind to say at this moment, she’s waited so long to see him again and now she’s speechless.
This is my chance, thinks Rebecca as she grabs either side of his face and finally kisses him. She kisses him so deeply and with such longing that Ted can feel all of the words Rebecca can’t seem to say. Ted wraps his arms around her waist, deepening the kiss, it’s so much better than he ever imagined and this time he refuses to let her go.
Rebecca breaks from the kiss, placing her palms on either side of his face, her thumbs caressing his cheeks.
“When we said goodbye in the airport, we both said, ‘Thank you,’ but what I really wanted to say is… I love you, Ted.” a tear falls from her eye.
“I love you, Boss.” Ted says as he brings her in for one more of many kisses to come.