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Song Lan came back home to find Xue Yang covered in flour. There was something burning in the oven and Xiao Xingchen was blissfully meditating in the living room.
“You’re home early,” Xue Yang grumbled. He walked over to greet Song Lan with a kiss, but paused when the flour tracked across the floor too. Song Lan stepped around the mess instead to kiss him hello.
“New hobby?”
Xue Yang shrugged. “Jin Guangyao made me do it.”
Xiao Xingchen padded in too to give him a kiss. Song Lan frowned at both of them. “Did you eat dinner yet though?” He was the only one who could really cook in this household, but there were leftovers in the fridge they should’ve heated up already.
“Not yet,” Xiao Xingchen responded cheerfully.
Song Lan sighed and turned toward their bedroom. “I’ll get changed. Can you heat up the food Xingchen? And A-Yang, clean up please, we shouldn’t get flour all over the kitchen table.”
Xue Yang tugged on Song Lan’s shirt before he could leave and pulled off the aluminum covering of a pan cooling on the counter. There was a thick crust of something black. “Want to try a piece of the brownie? It’s vegan.”
Song Lan considered it for a moment. He didn’t like sweets much. There was so much sugar that they often coated his teeth in a jarring texture. He shook his head no.
Xue Yang turned back around to the counter, away from Song Lan. Song Lan couldn’t see his face. Xiao Xingchen flitted in to cut a piece for himself, and Song Lan went to shower, not thinking anything of it.
In the next few weeks, Xue Yang’s baking adventures became more and more elaborate. He tried muffins, banana bread, even macarons at one point. Most of the results were burnt and sometimes strangely colored.
There was one notable moment that a burning concoction had set off the fire alarm when Song Lan was home. He’d had to hide in the small sensory space Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang had surprised him with when they first moved into the apartment. He breathed slowly in the dark, trying to recenter himself. After about twenty minutes, he returned to the living room.
Xue Yang scowled, arms crossed defensively across his chest. Over time, Song Lan had learned that this was Xue Yang feeling ashamed and guilty. He laid in Xue Yang’s lap until they both felt calmer, while Xiao Xingchen serenely massaged Song Lan’s feet. After that, Xue Yang was always extra careful to keep the window open and fan the fumes if anything burned.
Xiao Xingchen enjoyed the sweets immensely. He was the test taster for every one of Xue Yang’s creations, and heaped praises upon Xue Yang every time. “Oh, it’s so crunchy! I love the flavor the extra seasoning adds too.” The seasoning in question was apparently chili pepper in strawberry jelly. Xiao Xingchen then added a heaping of oyster sauce on top and hummed in delight.
Xue Yang’s look of horror at Xiao Xingchen’s monstrous combo couldn’t hide the way he beamed at the compliment. He piled more of the jelly in another bowl.
“Zizhen, want some?” He held it out to Song Lan.
Song Lan looked at dessert. It probably wouldn’t be very sweet, especially with the chili pepper. But he knew from experience that jelly had such a strange consistency it tended to make him want to throw up. It’d probably have a worse effect if the jelly was crunchy—he didn’t think jelly was usually crunchy? He didn’t want to throw up something Xue Yang made. That would hurt his feelings for sure. And besides, why waste it on him when Xiao Xingchen so clearly liked it?
So he said no again, and this time he saw Xue Yang’s face change. Song Lan hesitated. What did that expression mean?
But then Xue Yang passed the bowl to Xiao Xingchen. “Xingchen you’re the best, you know just what to say to make me blush.” He continued flirting with Xiao Xingchen, making him laugh freely.
Song Lan let the confusing moment pass, thinking he’d been mistaken.
After another few weeks, Xue Yang’s baking had improved enough that more than half of the results were not burnt. Song Lan enjoyed the scents that wafted from the kitchen through the rest of the house. He was less sensitive to smell than he was to other senses, so he was glad he could at least take part in Xue Yang’s new hobby in this way. But strangely enough, the better Xue Yang got at baking, the worse his mood seemed to get. He enjoyed sharing the results with his boyfriends, and Xiao Xingchen always knew how to get a toothy grin from Xue Yang. But Song Lan’s compliments somehow made Xue Yang angry. “It smells good,” or “Your persistence is admirable” brought him frowns.
After a few more days of this strange tension, Song Lan had to call for a family meeting. Early on in their relationship, he would’ve let this drag on forever, trying to pretend there wasn’t a problem. He hated knowing there was some unspoken conflict happening that he didn’t even understand. He didn’t want to admit it was bothering him. But their history together had taught him it was worth it in the long-term.
They sat on the couch with their rain stick, a small tube full of rice that made a sound like rain. It functioned as their talking stick—whoever was holding it was the only one who could talk. Xiao Xingchen was the one who’d suggested it. Xue Yang said it was stupid but admitted it was effective. Song Lan privately also thought it was stupid therapy thing but loved the rain-like sound.
“I feel like you’re mad at me and I don’t know why,” Song Lan started straight away. Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen watched him, waiting for him to say more. He shrugged. He didn’t know how to articulate his emotions any more than that. He hesitated, flipped the rain stick back and forth. The sound soothed him. “It makes me feel dumb that I don’t know why.” He passed the talking stick to Xiao Xingchen without another word.
“I’m sorry Zizhen. I knew Xue Yang was unhappy, and we talked about it a little. I was waiting for him to ask you about it.” Xiao Xingchen looked like he wanted to lean against Zizhen in apology, but they had a rule to not use physical affection when they were trying to get their words out like this. “We should probably talk about that some more later, what to do in situations like that…” He passed the talking stick to Xue Yang.
Xue Yang grimaced and didn’t make eye contact with either of them. “Dammit. Dammit, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I guess I did in the end anyway. I was just… why don’t you want to eat the stuff I bake?” He sounded angry. “Like, I’ve been getting better at it. It doesn’t have much sugar, it’s vegan, most of it isn’t burnt. So why haven’t you been eating it?” He said it like it annoyed him to even have to speak. “Ugh, this is so stupid.”
Song Lan gaped at him. In retrospect it was so obvious now. Xue Yang was happy when Xiao Xingchen ate the baked goods. So even if Song Lan verbally praised Xue Yang, that wasn’t what he was looking for. What would really make him happy would be if Song Lan ate the sweets he made for his boyfriends.
Song Lan took the stick. “I just, you kept asking me if I wanted to? And I didn’t, so I said no.” Xue Yang’s face fell, and he interjected before there could be even more of a misunderstanding. “It’s just because of the sensory aspects. Desserts tend to make me feel uncomfortable. I do genuinely think it’s great that you have a new hobby and I really do love the scents. I like that it makes you happy and that it makes Xingchen happy too.”
Xue Yang groaned and slumped against the couch. “We’re done with the talking stick?” Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan nodded. “Fuck, I should’ve thought of that. It’s obvious in hindsight, like isn’t that the whole point of you cooking most of our meals? I mean, in addition to your cooking just being delicious. I guess I just, I couldn’t stop thinking you were annoyed at me or something. I got in my head like usual. Don’t fucking say “I told you so” Xingchen, but…yeah, I should’ve just asked.”
“I couldn’t read your expression a few times and thought about asking, but I was nervous too,” Song Lan responds. “I understand.”
Xiao Xingchen nodded in agreement. “Mhm mhm. That’s our motto. Should’ve just asked, should’ve just asked~ It’s okay, we’ll get there. Now let’s cuddle since the hard part is done!”
“I wanted to do something nice for you both,” Xue Yang grumbles in their arms, blushing a little. “Jin Guangyao said Lan Xichen bakes for him all the time.”
“Ohhhh,” Xiao Xingchen says. “That’s what you meant by Jin Guangyao 'made' you.”
“It is nice, though,” Song Lan says. “I like it a lot. I don’t often get to have such nice scents around me. I even started thinking it might be nice to bring some of the baked goods with me even if I don’t eat them. Is that weird?”
Xiao Xingchen clapped his hands together. “Oh! What if you bring it to work and share it?”
Xue Yang grimaced. “I said I wanted to do something for you, not your asshole coworkers.”
Song Lan shook his head and smiled. “It is for me, though. You know I have trouble interacting with my coworkers. Maybe this way they'll like me more even without all the social niceties. And I get to have your gifts with me without them going to waste.”
He could tell Xue Yang was pleased even though he tried to hide it. Xue Yang buried his face against Song Lan’s shoulder.
"Fine, if you put it that way. I guuuuuess I can bake some more.”
Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen grinned at their sweet-toothed and secretly sweet-hearted boyfriend. "We can't wait."