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New co-workers. That's what Kermit had called her and the other muppets into the meeting room about? Why did she need to be told about this in-person? Wouldn't an email suffice? A glance around the room could confirm that only a handful of her fellow muppets would check something like an email, though. She knew that Pepe only checked his non-work email while at work, as it was where he had his Tinder (and Grindr, but she wasn't supposed to know about that) notifications too, and he occasionally would write love letters to himself.
She also knew that Rizzo checked his, even if it was only to send recipes to the entire office, begging someone to bake the cookies or cake or whatever else he was craving that week. Only once did she cave into the pleading messages, and it was only to rub in his little ratty face that she baked the white chocolate macadamia cookies he had bothered everyone to make, but she ate them all on the car ride to work. His whining the entire day made it entirely worth the trouble of the several hours she spent staring into the oven.
Gonzo used to check his emails, but after he scammed Miss Piggy with a fake perfume spray being sold by a Nigerian prince, he was banned from all computers in the office. She wasn't sure if the band even believed in computers or knew what they were, and even if they did, they were usually too groovy to notice any type of message that wasn't waved in front of their face.
Bunsen and Beaker probably checked their emails, but Yolanda wasn't too sure if they consisted of work-related matters. The two of them were probably too busy sending sciencey-shit that she couldn't wrap her head around to each other to pay attention to an email from their boss. Most of the other muppets were in that same boat; so maybe a meeting was required.
Still, she would have preferred her boss to just have Howard or Walter or whatever the new guy's name was escort around any new co-workers. What did a new co-worker matter to her, other than another Starbucks order she would have to memorize?
"Sorry we're late!" A high-pitched voice rang out and silenced everyone as if they were phones in a movie theater, and a blonde pig with bright green eyes wobbled gleefully into the room. Her face seemed familiar, but Yolanda couldn't quite place from where. Hadn't she been ina few magazines? Not that Yolanda found herself staring at girls in magazines too often, but the pig had the kind of face that belonged in them.
"Oh, good! I was starting to worry you got stuck in traffic." Kermit announced, waving the blonde girl and another pig into the room. The other pig was far from Yolanda's type, with his chin so defined and his jaw so sharp it could poke her eyes out. She preferred the much softer appearance of the girl, or maybe it was just how tight her dress-suit was that commanded all of her attention. "Last time that happened it was because Constantine slashed Scooter's tires and he spilled coffee all over himself. He called me crying and it took three hours for us to find him."
"I was there, too! I tried to chase after Constantine." Walter interjected, and Scooter nodded.
"He tackled him, but Constantine got away because he bit Walter."
"I think I still have the stitches!" Rolling up his sleeve, Walter showed off the threads on his arm to everyone around him. "I didn't even know frogs had teeth! I'm not sure they were his, though. He steals a lot of stuff, after all."
"Those are in the shape of Sam's dentures." Zoot mumbled, and the mentioned eagle scoffed loudly.
"For the last time, stop telling everyone that I have dentures! I am an American EAGLE! I do not have teeth! And even if I wanted them, my insurance would not cover dentures!"
"Oh man, that's because insurance is a scam. I only trust Animal. Last time I burnt my house down, Animal built it again." Floyd commented, and Johnny Fiama groaned.
"For the last time, my Ma's shed is not your house, and Animal didn't even build it! I had to call contractors, and Animal chased most of 'em off!"
"He's a good guard drummer." Floyd ignored the other comments from the other muppet, instead turning to Animal and ruffling the hair on his head.
"Everyone, please! Let me welcome the new members of our office family!" Kermit hollered, and the rest of the muppets stopped their arguments, glancing to the front of the room where the frog and two pigs stood. "Now, I'm sure many of you recognize them, but it's been a while, so let me re-introduce them." Gonzo raised his hand and with a deflated sigh, Kermit turned his attention to him. "Yes, Gonzo?"
"Can you stop calling us a family if you won't accept our mothers' day cards?"
If he could, Kermit would roll his eyes. Still, a see of agreeance rushed towards him, as several other muppets approved of Gonzo's request.
"Alright, that's enough! This is Spamella Anderson," Kermit gestured to the blonde woman and then to the man beside her, "and this is David Hoggselhoff. Please, make them feel welcome?" And with that, the frog hurried out of the room and dismissed everyone, and Yolanda felt a sigh of relief escape her.
"Welcome, welcome. I'm goin' back to my morning nap in my cubby." Yolanda lamented, letting out a yawn and leaving the room, trying not to grimace as she saw a huge line appear in front of Spamella and a tiny line in front of David. She couldn't help but pity Spamella a little for all the clearly unwanted attention she was receiving, but her nap felt much more important at the moment.
Her nap was interrupted by a hushed conversation in the hallway by her cubicle, and Yolanda groaned. Hopping off her desk-bed, she made her way to the doorway and stood beside it, eavesdropping on the conversation.
"I'm sorry Davey, but I don't like guys. I've told you this before!" Spamella's voice complained, and Yolanda's ears perked up.
"C'mon, I know I broke your heart before, but gimme another chance." David replied, and Yolanda felt her grimace grow.
"No! I only like girls. G-E-R-L-L-S! Not guys."
Snickering, Yolanda covered her mouth and listened for a response.
"I know that isn't true, Spammie. One more chance, that's all I need to prove that you like guys."
Groaning, Yolanda made herself known and rounded the corner. Staring up at David, she shoved her hands on her hips. "Didncha hear her? Leave her alone, she isn't interested."
"You don't know her like I do. Mind your own business." David murmured, and Yolanda glanced around for an idea and spotted him by the water cooler.
"You're right, you're right. Say, you've met Walter, right?" Yolanda smirked and rushed over to the younger muppet, tugging at his pants leg. "Heya Walter, be a doll and introduce yourself to David! He says he needs a tour that only a true Muppets fan could give him."
"Really? Well, then you're asking the right Muppet!" Walter cheered, throwing his cup of water down and racing off, looping his arm with David's. "Trust me, Mr. Hoggselhoff, you and I are gonna be besties by the end of the day!"
Before he could say anything to free himself from the situation, Walter started to drag the male pig with his uncharacteristic body strength, starting to yammer on about every little detail on the walls, even if they were just posters from thrift stores that Kermit had slapped on to decorate the office.
Amused, Yolanda watched the scene and turned her head as Spamella knelt down. "Thank ya! He's been houndin' me since we broke up. I thought he was just tryin' to be friendly again, but he's definitely going too far. He's bought me chocolates and sent 'em to my apartment, and he still didn't get the hint when I sent 'em back. The box was empty, but I thought he would get the point!"
"Yeah, guys can be like that. Too much trouble if ya ask me." Yolanda mumbled.
"Right? Even when they're nice, it feels like guys always keep starin' at me, or flirting with me, or asking me questions they shouldn't ask. Do they do that to you, too?"
Chuckling, Yolanda shook her head. "No, not really. Rizzo used to ask me out, but he's stopped bothering me. Most of the folks in the office are gay, actually. You don't have to worry about too many of the Muppet guys here."
"That's a relief! I can't always tell if they're bein' friendly or creepy to me. Maybe I can hang around you, and you can tell me?"
Raising a brow, Yolanda glimpsed around. "Well, where's your cubicle?"
"Oh, my cuticles? Those are on my fingers, right?" When Yolanda only stared, she continued. "Ohhhh, do you mean the little desk Kermit assigned to me? It's just down the hall, but when I asked him to help me store all my Britney Spears CDs in the computer, he told me not to worry about it, and to just focus on my sketches."
"Ahhhh, yeah that makes sense. He tells that to a lotta Muppets here. Means you'll spend most of your time in the writing conference room or the break room. I spend most of my time in my office, since I help Kermit with all his paperwork. He tries to do it himself, but he gets so stressed dealing with everything else. And the paycheck is good, so I don't mind."
"Does he tell a lotta Muppets that they're pretty? Because you're pretty." Spamella beamed down at the rat, then lifted her finger out to shake. "I still don't really know most of the Muppets here. I heard that you all go to Rowlf's after work, so do you mind if I invite myself?"
Startled, Yolanda reached forward and shook the offered finger. "I don't mind. I'll see you there."
"Good! Thank you!" With that, the pig teetered off, and Yolanda took a moment to realize she hadn't bothered to pull an address from those pretty pink lips. She would have to figure it out later. For now, she had to get back to her dreaded paperwork.
By the time that Yolanda arrived at Rowlf's with Rizzo, Gonzo, Pepe, and Camilla, the conversation between them over who was going to buy the drinks had started to die down, with Gonzo being the one to end up being chosen. Spamella spotted the entourage from across the bar and hurried over to them, stopping and lifting Yolanda up. Carefully, she placed the rat on her shoulder and the others looked up at her curiously.
"Hey, what gives? Why didya pick up her and not me?" Gonzo scolded, and Spamella gave a giggle in response.
"Well, Yolanda is pretty much my date! And you aren't. Plus, you're a little too big to fit on my shoulder."
"Damn, congrats Yolanda!" Pepe commented, and Rizzo nodded in agreement. Narrowing her eyes, Yolanda glanced between them.
"What's bothering you two? Usually you would be all over a gal like Spamella."
Both tensed up and exchanged a glance. "She's uh... just not my type." Rizzo muttered.
"I prefer brunettes, okay." Pepe added on, and Gonzo gave a small whistle.
"We know, Pepe." Before explaining what he meant, Gonzo hurried over to the bar and ordered a round of drinks. Meanwhile, Spamella carried Yolanda over to a seat near Gonzo, setting her carefully down on the table.
"I'd ask you what you do, but I work with you, so... do you like working with the other Muppets?"
Shrugging, Yolanda waved over a drink from the bartending dog. "Eh, sometimes it's entertaining. Other times it's annoying. I wouldn't trade it for nothin' else, though."
"What about modeling?"
"Huh? Modeling?" Yolanda pulled at the straw in her drink, sipping gingerly at it. "I dunno. I never got offered a modeling job."
"I think you'd do great at it. You're better at tellin' off creepy guys than I am, and you definitely have the looks for it."
Swallowing hard, Yolanda was sure that her heart was beating so hard that she was going to bounce across the counter top. "You really think so?"
"Of course I do! You could easily be one of the Mice Girls!"
"Alright, now that's enough. I dunno why you're teasin' me so much. I know I'm not a model like you and I don't have people droolin' over me left and right but you don't need to make fun of me like that." Yolanda muttered coldly, flinching into herself and staring at her drink.
"You don't believe me?" Spamella hummed out innocently, and Yolanda shook her head.
"I know a trick when I see one. And you are tricking me."
"I promise I'm not..." Spamella whined out, before leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on the rat's cheek. "Do you believe me now? I think you're pretty, but I'm sorry if I said too much."
"No, no, it's uhm," Yolanda squeaked out, her head spinning despite the lack of alcohol in it, "I believe you now."
"Are ya sure you don't need more convincing?" Spamella whispered, twisting her arms behind her and fluttering her eyelashes.
Before Yolanda could answer, Gonzo slid in beside her. "Say, ladies, wanna see my new routine?"
"Oooh, yes please!" Spamella cheered, watching as Gonzo pulled a flute and a vase from behind the bar. He started to badly play the instrument, and out of the vase emerged a worm on a string, dancing side to side.
Stopping his song, Gonzo gestured proudly to the worm. "See? It's a worm on a string instead of a snake! Anytime I tried it with a snake, it ended badly. I figured a worm on a string wouldn't bite."
As if commanding the worm, Gonzo held his arm out and was swiftly bitten on the arm by the fluffy noodle. Screaming, Gonzo flicked it off, and then gazed in horror at the small amount of stuffing oozing out of his arm.
"Oh no! Now I'm gonna be a wereworm!" Right away, he started to dash around the room, making biting motions at different patrons, scaring a few out of the establishment. Rowlf hurried after him with a broom, swatting at the blue muppet as Spamella giggled mercilessly.
"He's so silly!" The pig oinked, watching as Rowlf gave up and returned to the bar. Sliding over, she beamed at the dog. "Can ya gimme a margarita?"
"A marga-hooty?" Rowlf questioned, tilting his head.
"Somethin' fruity!" Spamella replied.
"Ohhhh, well that's just about everyone here. Can't serve you my customers, though, you'll have to choose a drink."
"Whatever they're having!" Spamella pointed over to where Pepe and Rizzo were perched on the bar, kissing passionately.
"Ohhh, they have some watered-down pineapple juice. Gonzo told me not to give 'em any alcohol tonight, because last time they ate a whole tub of butter and got sick."
"Mmm just gimme a beer and add some pineapple juice to it, then. I feel like getting a little tipsy."
"That I can do." Rowlf turned around and opened a can of beer before adding it to a glass with ice and dribbled some pineapple juice into it. Sliding it across the counter to the pig, Rowlf grabbed at an empty bottle and started to chase Gonzo yet again.
"Sooo, will you dance with me?" Spamella asked Yolanda, cradling her hooves together.
"Ahhh I'm not really a dancer. It's not safe for me on the dance floor."
"Then I'll dance right here, and you dance on the counter top! I've done that myself a few times."
Shrugging, Yolanda stood up and started to do just that, only stopping when Gonzo screamed from across the bar. Glancing over, she saw only the bottom half of the muppet, as the top half was engulfed in Big Mean Carl's mouth.
"Not again!" Yolanda groaned, hurrying over to the scene, and with the help of several other muppets, she was able to pry Gonzo out of his mouth. Huffing, she stared up at the large muppet for an explanation.
"Hey! For once I can say he bit me first!"
Rolling her eyes metaphorically, Yolanda looked over Gonzo's different exposed seems and winced. A visit to the hospital was definitely required.
Calling over Rizzo and Pepe, the group of six crowded their way into Yolanda's car and drove to the nearest clinic. After half an hour, Gonzo was stitched up like new, and the doctor was able to convince him that his were-wormism was cured. Now, all Yolanda had to do was drop off the poorly-closeted lovebirds, Gonzo, Camilla, and Spamella. Stopping at the pig's home first, Yolanda made her way out of the car and walked the model to her front door.
"Ohhh, I forgot something." Spamella whimpered and Yolanda only sighed.
"What is it? I can have Rowlf drop it off at the office tomorrow."
"Oh, nothing like that." Spamella lifted the rat up and kissed her cheer fiercely, before setting her back on the ground. "That's all. Nighty night!" And with that, the door was shut and Yolanda hovered back over to the car and into the driver's seat. As soon as the car door closed, hoots and hollers emerged from the back seat.
"Woah, Yolanda got some action!" Rizzo congratulated, and Pepe whistled.
"It's really a surprise. I knew you were bi but I thought you'd be bi-yourself for a while, okay."
Smugly, Yolanda peeked into the middle mirror. "And I thought you two were gonna try and hit on girls all night, but you didn't, did you?"
The prawn and the other rat went quiet and Gonzo let out a whine. "I can't find Stanleyyyyy."
Camilla chirped something at him and he groaned again. "We've been over this, Camilla! Stanley is my worm on a string, and we're just friends! I swear!"
Ignoring the hushed argument between the established couple and the awkward hand holding of the unestablished couple, Yolanda focused her attention on the road and was relieved when she arrived at their home. As soon as they were inside and she was driving off, Yolanda let out a sigh she didn't realize she was holding.
She really was lucky, wasn't she? Never did she expect for a girl as beautiful and successful as Spamella to show any interest in her. Still, it was hard to believe that it wasn't some cruel prank, but she knew it wasn't. While she hadn't known Spamella very long, Yolanda was convinced that she could not lie to someone's face well, and Yolanda was thankful for that.
As the next few weeks passed, though, Yolanda began to wonder if it was all a dream. Spamella became busy with her photo shoots and rehearsals and Yolanda became busy with the mountains of paper work that Kermit set on her desk each morning. It wasn't until one morning that Spamella started to approach her again, this time with a shy pout on her face.
"Heya, Yolanda. Can we talk?"
Right away, the rat tried not to appear too eager. "Yeah, of course. What's up? Wait, don't tell me. Is David bothering you again?"
Shaking her head, Spamella swallowed loudly and pointed to the hallway. "It's uhm.. it's at my office."
Curiously, Yolanda followed after the pig, unsure of what to expect. Sitting on the superstar's desk was a large bouquet of cattails and forsythia flowers and a plate covered in chocolate-covered strawberries.
Gasping, Yolanda immediately assumed the worst. So, David had been harassing her again? As if summoned, the male pig strode around the corner, with Walter trailing after him and ranting. "You! Stop bothering Spamella! You're really delivering flowers to her now? That is so so corny and cheesy, and I'm tired of you acting like this around her!"
"Ohhh, they're not from him, silly. They're from me!"
Turning rapidly to look at Spamella, Yolanda tilted her head. "Huh? Whaddya mean?"
"They're for you!"
"AWHHHHH!" Walter called out, and Yolanda let out a squeak. Swiftly, she started to shove David and Walter away, with David complaining loudly.
"Please, just take the puppy-dog boy away! He's driving me nuts!"
Walter only laughed. "Awh, you're such a kidder! Now, let me finish telling you about the Muppets Monster Adventure lore, it's important!"
"Soooo, I got you these flowers because I wanna ask you to be my plus one at my friend's wedding. She keeps buggin' me about finding a date, and there's no one I'd rather ask."
"Really? Like you wanna take me on a real date? Even though you could have any superstar model wrapped around your little hoof, you wanna ask me?"
"Of course, Yolanda! I like you!" Spamella cheered, lifting the rat up and setting her on the desk. To her, the flowers were more like entire bushes and trees with how large they were, and it was hard for her to recognize that something so beautiful was for her, and from someone so beautiful. It really was too good to be true.
"I like ya too, Spamella. Can I call you Spam?"
"Mhm!" Spamella leaned forward and lifted one finger of her hoof and tickled it under Yolanda's chin. "I've already started looking at dresses. The color for ladies is lime green. Maybe we could get matching outfits for it?"
"Sounds like a plan. I think green looks perfect on ya."
"Annnnd I think my lips would look perfect on yours."
"Smooth."
"Thanks! I heard Rizzo saying it to Pepe the other day." Spamella giggled and leaned forward, kissing the rat gently.
Rizzo approached the pig and the other rat as they giggled in the halls, making their way to the Pigs of Baywatch Renewal set. "Hey, there ya two are! Heard about the wedding last week. How'd it go?"
"Should ask you and Pepe the same thing." Yolanda teased, before wiping at her mouth.
"Guessin' by the kissie marks that it went better than good." Rizzo teased in response, trying to ignore the comment Yolanda shot him with.
"Yeah, you could say that." Yolanda gave a short kiss on Spamella's cheek as they reached the studio. Setting down her girlfriend, Spamella hurried inside and Yolanda turned to face the familiar rat. "C'mon, stop staring at me like that."
"You're totally in love with her. Lucky rat."
Smirking, Yolanda elbowed the other rat in the arm. "Yeah? Bet that's what you were thinking when Pepe pinned you down last n--"
"Shut. Up." Rizzo seethed through his teeth, watching as Yolanda sped off, cackling at her own comment.
Even though she was usually more confident in how she acted, right now she felt as if she were floating on air anytime Spamella was around, and she was starting to understand why couples acted the way they did.