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Buffy was struggling with her emotions. A little bit. Just a little. After seeing what happened with Eyghon, learning just what Ethan meant when he called Giles Ripper, seeing how guilty Giles felt about Miss Calendar’s possession, and remembering the fear she felt when Eyghon jumped into Angel, it was all crashing down on her. She’d spent the months after being called learning just how complicated life could be, and she felt like it wasn’t slowing down at all; it was just becoming more and more tangled.
“I’ve had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years…just waiting for a good fight.”
“Winner and still champion.”
The man she loved wasn’t just a man, and she often forgot that. Angel was a vampire, and he chose to be good every single day. Even with a soul, he didn’t have to deny the demon, but he did everything that he could to keep it under control. Yes, she wanted to know everything about his past. The good and the bad. She continued to pester him about it, and he continued to indulge her questions. At least, he mostly indulged her questions. Sometimes, she had to push, because the answers weren’t pretty. He carried the weight of his demon on his shoulders, and it wasn't easy for him to open up about it. She knew she needed to be more patient with him. She needed to actually talk to him. She needed to show him that, despite the things she had a tendency to say when frustrated, she did trust him and love him and wanted him by her side. He wasn’t her Prince Charming, and this wasn’t a happily ever after, but he wasn’t the evil dragon keeping some fair maiden locked up in a tower. He was her partner .
A tap on her window broke her out of her thoughts, and she looked up to see exactly who she’d been thinking of.
“Hey!” she whispered, opening the window as silently as she could.
God, sometimes, she actually felt like a normal teen every time he’d come in through the window. The kind that was allowed to obsess over boys, sneak them in behind her mom’s back, trade kisses and whispers while her mom slept obliviously.
But she wasn’t an average teen, and Angel definitely wasn’t the type of boy most girls her age snuck around with.
“Hey,” he whispered back, smiling softly. “Is your mom home?”
“Yeah, she went to bed a while ago.”
“Has she seen the tattoo yet?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Not yet,” she replied. “Not looking forward to that.”
He stood by the window. Buffy noticed that he was stiff. Back straight, arms at his side, but not relaxed. She frowned and pushed herself into his arms. While she loved being in his arms and feeling his cool skin against her warmth and the way that he was always so solid and sure, this hug wasn’t for her. It was for him. She needed to break into that shield he had up so that she could figure out what was wrong. She was emotional tonight, but he had his own thoughts that were keeping him too tight. She could feel it. He accepted her hug, though, and he pulled her closer.
“Are you okay?” he murmured, staring down at her softly.
She tilted her head and wrinkled her nose, and she didn’t like that he asked first. She was supposed to be asking him what was wrong. She looked away, guilty that he made the first move. His eyes were also so, well, soulful and made it hard to look at him when she was already so emotional. She could see the love in his eyes every time he looked her way, and it scared her. She knew she wasn’t going to have a long life as the Slayer. She’d already died once, after all. But she found herself worrying about the way that Angel threw himself into further danger on her behalf. He could handle himself, and she knew that, but he took big risks just for her.
Like with Eyghon.
“Eyghon could have killed you,” she whispered.
“Nah, I knew I was stronger than him,” Angel replied.
She looked up at him, and his eyes were soft. She put a hand on his cheek, and he covered it with his.
“Buffy, talk to me.”
“I trust you, Angel. I know that this is messy and complicated, but I don’t want anything else. I just want you, and that means all of you. The good, the bad, the things you can’t and won’t talk about. You’ll tell me when you can. You don’t have to worry about scaring me off. Because you make me feel safe , and you are always here, and we’ll make this work.”
She took a breath and turned on her puppy eyes, seeing her opening to get him to talk this time. “Now what are you thinking about?”
He let out a breath through his nose, as if he was trying not to laugh. She smiled, suddenly confident that she was reading him correctly.
“I'm worried that I’ve been a distraction. I was sent here to help you, Buffy, and I don’t think I was ever supposed to get this close.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m not sorry that I did. But sometimes I wonder why I’m allowed to experience something so full of joy. I’m a monster, but you make me feel like a man.”
“You are not a monster. You told me that. The demon takes your body, not your soul, remember?” She squeezed his hand back, trying to make him internalize her words.
“I still can’t take you out like a real boyfriend,” he replied.
“Maybe not during the day, but I have classes then! We could do a nighttime movie!” She beamed at him.
He smiled back and pressed a soft kiss against her lips. She melted into him, trying to pull him closer. He chuckled before kissing her again, and he bumped his nose against hers.
“What kind of movie?” he asked.
“I’ve been wanting to see if these supernatural horror movies are still scary to me. There’s some zombie movie out that Xander keeps raving about. We could go see it. Just you and me.” She put her chin on his chest and looked up at him.
“It’s a date,” he agreed. “As long as your mom doesn’t find out about your tattoo and ground you.”
She scoffed. “You seriously underestimate my sneaky abilities.”
He kissed her again. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers running through his hair. This was how she wanted her nights to end every night.
~*~
“Okay, Mister, what has you so frustrated?” Buffy teased as they walked out of the movie theater.
“The zombies were completely inaccurate!” He wrung his hands in the air. “Does anyone do their research when making monster movies anymore?”
Buffy laughed. Considering that movies were a much more modern method of storytelling, she had not been expecting Angel to get so worked up over one.
“I really didn’t notice,” she mused.
He raised an eyebrow. “The timing of your kisses would say otherwise.”
“I was just bored,” she admitted. “The plot was bad.”
“So supernatural horror really can’t phase you anymore.” He chuckled.
“Nope. Guess it can’t live up to the real thing!”
She frowned as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she noticed how Angel’s posture shifted, too. A couple of vampires reached out from the alley by their route home, and Buffy and Angel shifted without words so that he could take the brunt of their force, and he used the momentum to spin one into Buffy’s path. It disoriented the one vampire enough that she never stood a chance; she was clearly a fledgling and was an easy dusting. The other vampire had managed to jump on Angel’s back, but Angel flipped him off, and Buffy tossed him the stake. The second vampire was dust before he had time to realize what had happened.
“Thanks,” Angel said, handing her the stake back.
“Nice moves,” she replied, tucking it up her sleeve.
She was wearing the jacket he’d given her last year, as the large sleeves made the perfect hiding spot for stakes.
“Do a loop before I walk you home?” he asked, offering her his arm.
She took it, and she rolled up on tip-toes to kiss him. “Like you read my mind.”
She wasn’t a normal girl. She never would be. Normal was overrated, though. This was enough. The two of them were enough.